stillafool Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 13 minutes ago, ohjess said: I will be undoubtedly offended and will rid him off if he continues. He is just doing what you've allowed him to do. Be angry at yourself for doing those things and don't allow it again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted August 21, 2022 Author Share Posted August 21, 2022 Just now, stillafool said: He is just doing what you've allowed him to do. Be angry at yourself for doing those things and don't allow it again. I do feel angry, the fact that he didn’t bother to like the message I sent in response to him wanting me to pick him up when he almost always replies. I am quite certain I will ghost at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 5 minutes ago, ohjess said: I do feel angry, the fact that he didn’t bother to like the message I sent in response to him wanting me to pick him up when he almost always replies. I am quite certain I will ghost at this point. So you spent $200 on this guy, gave him a ride late at night and now are going to ghost him because he didn't reply "like" to a message? Okay, but there are cheaper ways to get rid of a guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted August 21, 2022 Author Share Posted August 21, 2022 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: So you spent $200 on this guy, gave him a ride late at night and now are going to ghost him because he didn't reply "like" to a message? Okay, but there are cheaper ways to get rid of a guy. I didn’t give him a ride home, no. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 9 minutes ago, ohjess said: I didn’t give him a ride home, no. Sorry I misread that and am glad you thought about how disrespectful it was for him to expect you to pick him up from a party. Did he invite you to go to the party with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted August 21, 2022 Author Share Posted August 21, 2022 (edited) 12 minutes ago, stillafool said: Sorry I misread that and am glad you thought about how disrespectful it was for him to expect you to pick him up from a party. Did he invite you to go to the party with him? Not a problem! Yes he did, he re messaged on the day and I just said we should do something one on one. Was probably mildly hurt? Not sure. Then said we could maybe catch up this coming week. Edited August 21, 2022 by ohjess Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 (edited) He's not giving me the impression of looking for anything bad. I see a woman without boundaries. @ohjess do not confront him on anything, what is done is done and you are at the source of those issues. All you can do now is adjust your actions to reflect your boundaries. He invites you over night simply say you'll be happy to accept when you know each other more. If he sext you tell him earlier you gave him a wrong impression you'd like to tone it down, find an excuse to skip the friend party it's too soon. Tell him just that...it's too soon to meet his friends, you'll be glad to go in a couple of months. Edited August 21, 2022 by Gaeta 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 1 minute ago, ohjess said: Was probably mildly hurt? Not sure. Or, he wanted you to pick him up and spend time together after the party. Still it was too late and he was probably drunk at the point. Not a fun time for you but a possible hook up for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IrinaM Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 On 8/17/2022 at 11:54 PM, ohjess said: even sent me a photo of some toys he would like us to get ewwww. This guy is a creep. Please don't be offended OP, but I didn't read anything after that. Disgusting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 21, 2022 Share Posted August 21, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, ohjess said: I do feel angry, the fact that he didn’t bother to like the message I sent in response to him wanting me to pick him up when he almost always replies. I am quite certain I will ghost at this point. That's good. Your instincts are operating that he's a heel. You recognize you overinvested and that's a good thing as well, even if you're angry at yourself. Next time. Meet promptly. No weeks and weeks of messages, etc. Have dates. Do not engage in activities that are not dates such as chauffeuring someone or sexting. Meet for a coffee/drink the fist time, then go on dates. Offer to pay your half if you wish but graciously accept if a man wishes to pay. You can always plan and pay for subsequent dates. Edited August 21, 2022 by Wiseman2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 Did you ever initiate a conversation about sex toys with him before he sent you the photo? If you didn't - yeah, dude's a creep. If you did... it wasn't the best timing on his part, but it's understandable for him to think he's just continuing the conversation. FWIW, I love sex toys, my husband and I talked about them a lot when we first met, and it was the first gift that he gave me. We've been together for 15 years, so it's hardly a "just sex" thing. The key question is whether he's talking about sex toys because he thinks it's an interest of YOURS, or if he's just doing it out of the blue. Link to post Share on other sites
R22X Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 Hey Jess, I am a 31 year old women. I met a guy over a year ago from a dating site - we went on a 1st day which was lovely. The second date he paid £90 for some beautiful flowers for me. The 3rd date he came to mine for red wine and ended up staying the night (as you can imagine what happened) I never heard from him again following on from this! He did contact me recently to try and arrange to meet up and apologies for his previous actions - as you can imagine I threw the trash in the bin and learnt from my mistakes. MEN will do anything in their power to work in to get what they want. It's how they work and it's science. DO NOT do it if you like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted September 1, 2022 Author Share Posted September 1, 2022 Lately, he won't message for days or a week, and then when I do respond, which may be a bit later, he hardly gives me time to respond and then will message again. So he messaged again tonight asking if I want to do something with him soon. I respond and ask about a day and then he pulls back. This is not making my interest skyrocket any further, rather, I am getting increasingly frustrated. I've sort of told him previously of my concerns that I'm not sure if I'm fully into it and he said he understood (that was a week ago). Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted September 1, 2022 Author Share Posted September 1, 2022 On 8/23/2022 at 6:43 PM, R22X said: Hey Jess, I am a 31 year old women. I met a guy over a year ago from a dating site - we went on a 1st day which was lovely. The second date he paid £90 for some beautiful flowers for me. The 3rd date he came to mine for red wine and ended up staying the night (as you can imagine what happened) I never heard from him again following on from this! He did contact me recently to try and arrange to meet up and apologies for his previous actions - as you can imagine I threw the trash in the bin and learnt from my mistakes. MEN will do anything in their power to work in to get what they want. It's how they work and it's science. DO NOT do it if you like him. Not the case here. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 You kooled things down, so he's kooled off. Any action out of him will be when you will finally invite him over for the night, not some dinner date. I think this is already in ruins. Just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 On 9/1/2022 at 4:21 PM, ohjess said: I respond and ask about a day and then he pulls back. This is not making my interest skyrocket any further Then it's time to put this one to bed and move on. He sounds like he's lost interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted September 5, 2022 Author Share Posted September 5, 2022 And I told him that he was overstepping the mark by expecting me to come and pick him up. Anyway, he responds by saying he 'should' be free on Monday, again, had done this previously with the use of 'should'. Bit strange. I intentionally didn't open the message as I found it frustrating. As I hadn't opened the message earlier on Friday, he randomly sends me a photo of some gym girl that sort of looks similar to me and asks if it's me , and says that my muscles are 'coming' along. And then randomly again a plan of us doing a gym session. I can't keep up with this. It also signals to me that the other plans he just spoke of had no meaning unless I'm just some weirdo and that he just wants attention/affirmation. We were supposed to catch up today (monday) where I am, but he didn't follow up again. For the best. Putting this to rest now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted September 5, 2022 Author Share Posted September 5, 2022 He just messaged me asking if I still want to go to the movies tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 45 minutes ago, ohjess said: We were supposed to catch up today (monday) where I am, but he didn't follow up again. For the best. Putting this to rest now. Ok, so are you going to stick to this now that he has asked you if you still want to meet? I sense that you don't really know what you want with this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, ohjess said: he randomly sends me a photo of some gym girl and asks if it's me , and says that my muscles are 'coming' along. Was he looking random gym girls? Or did he take a photo of a random gym girl without permission? And why would he think the gym girl is you? And why compliment your muscles when he's not looking at a photo of you? Everything you write about him makes him seem less attractive Edited September 5, 2022 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted September 5, 2022 Author Share Posted September 5, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: Was he looking random gym girls? Or did he take a photo of a random gym girl without permission? And why would he think the gym girl is you? And why compliment your muscles when he's not looking at a photo of you? Everything you write about him makes him seem less attractive It was of a semi famous girl that he found on the internet. Edited September 5, 2022 by ohjess Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted September 5, 2022 Author Share Posted September 5, 2022 24 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Ok, so are you going to stick to this now that he has asked you if you still want to meet? I sense that you don't really know what you want with this guy. I just replied saying his reply a few days was ambiguous. That I'm happy to do what he's suggested but his responses make it hard, but the slight change of direction to something else. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 Given that you are already having so many reservations about this guy, why bother seeing him again at all? You decided to put this to rest, you said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted September 5, 2022 Author Share Posted September 5, 2022 I am so close to asking him to pay me back for that gift too. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 1 minute ago, ohjess said: I am so close to asking him to pay me back for that gift too. Why? You gave it to him as a gift. That's on you. Don't give gifts again too early next time. Get to know a man first. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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