ohjess Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 Had been talking to him for a few weeks/a month before meeting. We went out for dinner together a few days ago and all went well. Kissed at the end. Texted me when we got home. Said he's glad he's met a woman who likes similar things. Said he found me even more attractive in person. Wanted to see me a few days later to do something together, I agreed but then I had too much going on with work so he suggested we maybe save it for the weekend. He also asked if I would be free this weekend as his friends have an event on. I don't see anything inherently wrong with this, however, previously dated someone and I met his friends quite early on, it didn't last and he was also seeing other people unknown to me. Before we met, he would talk about what we should be doing for our second date, like going to the beach etc. I'm not sure if this is an issue but we hadn't even met, who is to say we would get along? Wondering if he's doing this to get in the sack quickly as I didn't sleep with him on the first date/as we did have some sexual messages exchanged prior. Things over text got a bit heated when we got home too and even sent me a photo of some toys he would like us to get. In one of the other message, that was slightly sexual he said he wants his 'partner' to be satisfied. He did mention jokingly before our date that dinner should be quick and straight to dessert, however, the night before I did sort of get a bit sexual. Did text me after saying it was good to get to know me. Advice? Is this concerning or?
chillii Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 Waste of time, but your both at fault , won't go anywhere anyway though except to the br.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 1 hour ago, ohjess said: Is this concerning or? Well, you said in your thread title that you feel things are moving too fast. So that is what matters - how you feel. Which aspect are you uncomfortable with, specifically?
alphamale Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 3 hours ago, ohjess said: Advice? Is this concerning or? It’s extremely concerning! This guy want to use you sexually for a while then most likely will dump you unceremoniously . Steer clear 1
Author ohjess Posted August 18, 2022 Author Posted August 18, 2022 1 minute ago, alphamale said: It’s extremely concerning! This guy want to use you sexually for a while then most likely will dump you unceremoniously . Steer clear Would you not see him again?
Author ohjess Posted August 18, 2022 Author Posted August 18, 2022 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Well, you said in your thread title that you feel things are moving too fast. So that is what matters - how you feel. Which aspect are you uncomfortable with, specifically? Hard to say what specifically, but perhaps the photos of toys and the seeming rushing of things early on.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 Just now, ohjess said: Hard to say what specifically, but perhaps the photos of toys and the seeming rushing of things early on. For me personally, that would also be too much. You have met once. You barely know each other. That would set off alarm bells that he's too sex-focused for my taste. Next.
alphamale Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 44 minutes ago, ohjess said: Would you not see him again? I wouldn’t but that’s just me
Wiseman2 Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 5 hours ago, ohjess said: even sent me a photo of some toys he would like us to get. he wants his 'partner' to be satisfied. Why were you chatting this long before meeting? It's pretty clear he wants to hookup. While this is a bit more creative than pics of his parts, it's obvious what he wants.
introverted1 Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 8 hours ago, ohjess said: we did have some sexual messages exchanged prior. It seems you have both signaled an interest in escalating sex quickly. If this isn't what you want, it's fine to stop seeing him. For the future, don't initiate or participate in sex talk before you've met someone if you are going to be unhappy when they think you've given the green light to share pics of sex toys. 2
stillafool Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 I would advise you if you don't want things to move fast shut down the sex talk and don't participate. Once it's out of the bag men won't go in reverse. 4
Author ohjess Posted August 21, 2022 Author Posted August 21, 2022 As I was supposed to attend last night for his friend's birthday, I just suggested we do something one on one soon. He said I was still welcome to come and I just said that I would be having a family thing in the end. We were messaging throughout the day and he asked me for a website of something I bought something from but you have to download an app to use it. I just said I could buy it for him (it was about the price of the dinner he paid for on our first date), he said he would owe me back but I said not to worry, it was a few hundred bucks. I joked that we forgot to buy something else and he said we could get it on the way home tonight (last night) after I picked him up from his friend's birthday. When I made it pretty clear that I couldn't do that as I was at home with my family. I didn't say this but then thought of it after, seems a bit demanding. I just sort of said I'd like to and would do it another time. He opened the message but didn't respond. I'm just not sure I like where this is heading but could be overthinking but is causing me some mild anxiety.
glows Posted August 21, 2022 Posted August 21, 2022 32 minutes ago, ohjess said: he said we could get it on the way home tonight (last night) after I picked him up from his friend's birthday. When I made it pretty clear that I couldn't do that as I was at home with my family. I’m assuming he means you staying over at his house after picking him up drunk and incapacitated or unable to drive presumably from a party you didn’t attend. Not the classiest of the bunch, I’d say. From what I’m understanding you might have enjoyed the texting but you aren’t open to hookups. If you’re looking for a relationship this person isn’t the one. 3
Wiseman2 Posted August 21, 2022 Posted August 21, 2022 3 hours ago, ohjess said: I just said I could buy it for him, it was a few hundred bucks. I picked him up from his friend's birthday. this is heading but could be overthinking but is causing me some mild anxiety. Be careful not to buy this guy gifts for "a few hundred bucks". Also be careful not to be his chauffeur when he's out partying with friends. Why not arrange a second date if you would like to see him again? If he wants to date you fine. If he just wants rides home, expensive gifts and sends you pics of sex toys, then that's not really dating is it? 2
Author ohjess Posted August 21, 2022 Author Posted August 21, 2022 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Be careful not to buy this guy gifts for "a few hundred bucks". Also be careful not to be his chauffeur when he's out partying with friends. Why not arrange a second date if you would like to see him again? If he wants to date you fine. If he just wants rides home, expensive gifts and sends you pics of sex toys, then that's not really dating is it? Thanks wiseman. Do you think I should let it slide or try and get him to pay me back? Definitely don’t/won’t be his personal chauffeur either, as I’m unsure if I’m even interested in this person as I’ve only seen him once and this reoccurring strange message, slightly.
Wiseman2 Posted August 21, 2022 Posted August 21, 2022 35 minutes ago, ohjess said: Thanks wiseman. Do you think I should let it slide or try and get him to pay me back? Yes. Ask him to reimburse you. He's not interested. Otherwise he would treat you with respect rather than sending pics of vibrators as a form of communication. 1
Author ohjess Posted August 21, 2022 Author Posted August 21, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Yes. Ask him to reimburse you. He's not interested. Otherwise he would treat you with respect rather than sending pics of vibrators as a form of communication. I feel a bit of a cheap doing that since our first date, was well over $100? That he paid for. Edited August 21, 2022 by ohjess
Foxhall Posted August 21, 2022 Posted August 21, 2022 dont feel guilty for setting the terms- you are perfectly entitled to set the sexual terms for the relationship, you could declare there will be no sex for at least three months and that you are happy to meet for a few dates in this time to see if its worth going further, Even if you want the sex sooner yourself, I think its important for you to let him know who is the boss, the money thing also, yes I would request a refund, its also based on setting the terms, you cannot let him think you are a pushover and easy to manipulate.
Author ohjess Posted August 21, 2022 Author Posted August 21, 2022 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Foxhall said: dont feel guilty for setting the terms- you are perfectly entitled to set the sexual terms for the relationship, you could declare there will be no sex for at least three months and that you are happy to meet for a few dates in this time to see if its worth going further, Even if you want the sex sooner yourself, I think its important for you to let him know who is the boss, the money thing also, yes I would request a refund, its also based on setting the terms, you cannot let him think you are a pushover and easy to manipulate. Thank you. I just don’t know how I would approach asking him for the money? Trying to balance between not wanting to tarnish things (even if the probability of it going nowhere) of asking/just accepting it’s a few hundred dollars? He did say he would buy something for me for the gym. Not sure if he will. Honestly - the money factor isn't such of an issue but I do regret doing it for the exact reasons you mentioned and then him asking me to pick him up. Feel my boundaries have been crossed, but I may be wrong for thinking this way. Edited August 21, 2022 by ohjess
Gaeta Posted August 21, 2022 Posted August 21, 2022 I'm not ready to throw rocks at this guy. The talking for weeks before meeting created a false sense of intimicy, you both fell in that trap. He turned it sexual and you reciprocated so that gave him the green light it was ok and welcomed from you. Now what you need to do is tell him * I may have given you the wrong impression with my flirting, I'd like we get to know each other for a while before we get there*. If he doesn't get it then you dump him. As for the app, what is done is done. No point going back on that. This guy sounds in a hurry to be in a relationship (sleep over, driving him back, meeting his friends) and he's about to skip a very important part of dating 'courship'. Again, I think it's caused by talking too long before meeting. 2
Foxhall Posted August 21, 2022 Posted August 21, 2022 No its important to establish boundaries- while I know it hard to do that now- other people will respect you more and you will meet nicer people in due course by establishing these boundaries, the money itself is not an issue ( well though some people may raise eyebrows at lending a few hundred dollars this early in a relationship) but the principle here is important, ultimately its not a good idea to buy friends- it lends itself to attracting ungenuine friends, or in your situation here getting involved with a guy who will feel he has an outlet for borrowing money when he feels like it You dont need to get angry or anything just yet, whenever you organise your next date- you quietly but firmly throw in " by the way you owe me whatever it is" Id just work on altering your mindset slightly- this guy if he wants you- well he should be jumping through hoops to impress you, you do not need to be pleasing him and so on, You have plenty of other options and this guy has to up his game considerably if you are to go with him. 1
Gaeta Posted August 21, 2022 Posted August 21, 2022 He did not borrow money from her. She offered to buy him the app. He said he'd repay her and she declined. 1
stillafool Posted August 21, 2022 Posted August 21, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, ohjess said: Thanks wiseman. Do you think I should let it slide or try and get him to pay me back? Definitely don’t/won’t be his personal chauffeur either, as I’m unsure if I’m even interested in this person as I’ve only seen him once and this reoccurring strange message, slightly. I agree with Wiseman to not get in the habit of paying for men and being their taxi service. He is capable of downloading an app to buy what he needs. Let a man be a man and don't do the work for them. You setting yourself up to be a Sugar Momma. Edited August 21, 2022 by stillafool 1
Author ohjess Posted August 21, 2022 Author Posted August 21, 2022 (edited) 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: I agree with Wiseman to not get in the habit of paying for men and being their taxi service. He is capable of downloading an app to buy what he needs. Let a man be a man and don't do the work for them. You setting yourself up to be a Sugar Momma. This is what I thought today as well, the sugar momma thing. Do you agree not to say anything about him owing me back? Also, if I were to see him, would you express that these things are not allowed moving forward? Or simply just don’t engage regarding this sort of stuff? I will be undoubtedly offended and will rid him off if he continues. Edited August 21, 2022 by ohjess
stillafool Posted August 21, 2022 Posted August 21, 2022 8 minutes ago, ohjess said: This is what I thought today as well, the sugar momma thing. Do you agree not to say anything about him owing me back? Also, if I were to see him, would you express that these things are not allowed moving forward? Or simply just don’t engage regarding this sort of stuff? I will be undoubtedly offended and will rid him off if he continues. Didn't you tell him he didn't have to pay you back and he was going to repay you by getting you something for the gym? You can't take back your gift at this point, just let it go; but do not buy him anything else or give him rides. 3
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