split66 Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I'm 31 my (girlfriend) is 23, 24 tomorrow, we have been seeing eachother since valentines day 2000 nearly 6 years. I have an anger problem, i've had it for years it comes out as road rage, agitation with shop assistants / waiters , it exudes from me all the time, i have tried to deal with it and so has she, on Sunday, i blew up at a waiter in a restuarent that was also one of her old college friends and her sister tried to stop me but i shouted at her and then left becaue i was so angry. She came and gort afew things and said she was going to sleep on it (sunday night) I went to speak to my sister an b-in law about it and they went through everyhting with me, ive been drinking 10 bottles of lager a niht for nearly 2 years since my best friend died in a car wreck, 2 weeks after that happened she moved in with me, mainly to try and help me, i slipped into a real downer and vitually ignored her for the last month vbeacuse i have been playing internet poker every night whilst drinking and smoking pot. its no wonder she has left me really is it, i am absolutely devastated because now i realise that ui have acted like i dont car and she sai on monday when she came round that it was over, i had already spokenn to a counsellor to get help and am going to see them tomorrow and friday, i accept i have a problem, the first thing anyone does in this situation is stop everything they do to d3emonstarte they can change so last yesterday i didnt drink or smoke any whakkey bacci for the fisrt time i can remeber in a long time, its very bad is'nt it i've asked her to reconsider because im accepting of my problems and i know its not fair to treat her they way i have, i feel devaststed, and have sent each memebr of her family a letter to apologise for my behaviour on sunday(including her) and asking them to fiorgive me. i know i have done the wrong thing in treating her the way i have, she says apart from my anger she loves my soul, i want her back i will change me properly to get better for my life, but i want her to be with me so i can repay all her blind faith in me and prove i can get over my problems and be the person i know i am inside. What can i do to deal with this now? i know i should give her time to think and realise she misses me and still loves me but i feel she will hide her emotions and just try to ignore it, even if she does feel that way. i woke up this morning and for the 2nd day she isnt here, i cant face work, i try to eat but my stomach feels so empty and i know its all my fauilt, i have only stopped crying beacuse my body has no way of producing any more tears. i know she is maasivly upset as well so she must still love me just not be 'in' love with me. can anyone help me?
pippen_2k Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Seems to me your heading in the right direction, but this is gonna take time. I give you props for finally accepting you have a problem and going about seeing a councellor. Also good move layin off the alcohol and pot.. You need a clear head. But in regards to your Girlfriend its way too early to be telling her you are changing/changed for the better.. These are only words to her and the only way she will believe you is by your actions, and that is changing the way you act and learning to deal with your temper. This wont happen in a week or two.. this could take months.. So your best off giving her some space and concentrating on yourself for a while, and dealing with your own issues... Easier said than done but its for the best. There is no short term remedy to stop the heart break and the loss of appetite your experiencing etc, but just try and stay active no matter what your doing whether it be exercising or work and try and get something positive happening in your life. When she sees these changes herself things might turn out ok. Good Luck.
Author split66 Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 Em has been in work today and spoken to some frineds, she has been texting me since she finished quite afew times i'm trying not to think she has forgiven me but it is so hard, im just replying the way i always do with a few ags and not mentioning it, all of her family got my letters today and they are happy that i have handed my arse on a plate to them (rightly so i should aswell i know). my mate came round this morning and that helped, i want so much to get her back am i doing the right thing in just texting her normal chat rather than going into it or ?
morrigan Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Keep up the counseling. It's not going to be easy or short term. You're staying in a cycle that's going to happen again and again until you see what you're doing is hurtful to yourself and others and you take the initiative to stop it. I know it's hard to lose a friend, but would your friend want you to mess up your life like this? You have to stop the rage and the drug use for your own health--not so that your girlfriend will stay with you or that your family will forgive you. I agree with pippen_2k, your family and girlfriend are going to have to see your behavior in the long term before they really trust that you are changed.
Author split66 Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 You have to stop the rage and the drug use for your own health--not so that your girlfriend will stay with you or that your family will forgive you. I agree with pippen_2k, your family and girlfriend are going to have to see your behavior in the long term before they really trust that you are changed. I totally agree with you, its got to be for me not for em, my family or anyone else, they are the people who will benefit once i have my own piece of mind rather than my mind in pieces which is the way it has been, i want it so much so i can just relax about things and not worry abut my playstation being upside down, <i noticed that today> and for moment felt the anger until i realised its only a fooking plastation, im sure it doesnt mind One of the things i have doen before is make empty promises, i have the gift of the gab, i have in the past won an argument about the colour of the sky (purple) just because people didnt really want to argue the point anymore, how ridiculous is that (what a tit eh). no more promises just this is waht i am doing next and this is what i have done so far, talk is cheap. I almost had an epiphany this afternoon where i have realised how wrong i have been when i was out walking my sisters dog for a couple of hours before that, i had my two best mates come round and i told them all of it, from the dont bite your nails, right through to the go and get me some beer i cant becuase i have been drinking, what as a**h*** i have been. So i was walking the dog and i just saw myself in the cold light of day for the first time in a long time, it scared me to see how nasty i have been. if i was em i would have (emotionally) slapped me a lot sooner, by moving out it has helped me see all my probs in the cold light of day and it is so so nasty I'm off for my first (counselling) session tommorrow, wish me luck its a long road i feel but even a round the world walk needs a first step. Thankfully both kris and jay have said they will not let me stop until they know i have sorted it, they are very good friends indeed and i need them to help me stick on the patch as i know it wont be easy. If (a big IF aswell) i do win em back it will only be so we can both be happy together and not so i can lose her again there is only one way i could ever know that to be true and thats by sorting my head and my attitude out properly, before i can ask her to commit to me, if she will that is i feel better just knowing i have outed my probs to every one, the hardest thing i have ever done, and prob the best for myself in long long time These forums really do elp, wehter if its just to put my thought down so i can read them back or if like the responses to jsut tell me what i need to hear. thanks, Thanks
Recommended Posts