Why are people good in giving insights but they themselves don't follow?

[Alpacalia]

This always made me curious.

When it comes to giving advice, people are good at it, but when it comes to following it themselves, sometimes they are not so good.

I've sometimes been guilty of it myself in the past.

It's like when someone tells you, "you need to do x, y, and z" but they don't actually do it themselves. 

Any thoughts?

Edited August 15, 2022 by Alpacalia

[basil67]

So true!   When we give advice to someone else, it's straight from the brain.  It's dispassionate.   But when we are in the situation ourselves, the brain, heart, emotions, personal need, sex get tangled up in the decision making process.  

[Alpacalia]

Right.

It is hard to take such advice seriously if someone is unable to follow it themselves. It's like someone telling you to go to the gym and workout, but they don't do it themselves.

[basil67]

That they are unable to follow their own advice doesn't mean the advice is bad.  I remember one poster from a while ago who was a total screwup when it came to their own dating and understanding how their actions would affect others, but their advice to others was sound and very much worth taking seriously.  

Edited August 16, 2022 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

It's like when someone tells you, "you need to do x, y, and z" but they don't actually do it themselves. 

Advice is relative. For example if a doctor tells you to take 2 aspirin, it's because you have the headache, not them . You seem to be implying that someone you know is a hypocrite?  If that's the case, don't ask for their advice.

[Alpacalia]

I don't. 

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If that's the case, don't ask for their advice.

 

[Weezy1973]

It’s hard for people to follow their own advice because changing our behaviors is hard. I always think of it like we’re addicted to the way we live our lives, both good and bad. Meaning breaking our addictions is going to either cause “pain” in the short term, or will end “pleasure”. So much of improving our lives is essentially short term pain for long term gain. Exercising even if you don’t feel like it because in the long run it will benefit you, for example.

But it’s really hard to break our addictions. It’s really easy to give advice. 

[Alpacalia]

42 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

It’s hard for people to follow their own advice because changing our behaviors is hard. I always think of it like we’re addicted to the way we live our lives, both good and bad. Meaning breaking our addictions is going to either cause “pain” in the short term, or will end “pleasure”. So much of improving our lives is essentially short term pain for long term gain. Exercising even if you don’t feel like it because in the long run it will benefit you, for example.

But it’s really hard to break our addictions. It’s really easy to give advice. 

Yes! That's really interesting. Thanks for sharing.

Makes complete sense.

Edited August 16, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I don't. 

So you don't like unsolicited advice? Nobody does.  What's behind this complaint?

[Alpacalia]

9 hours ago, alwayscurious said:

It seems to me that the OP was asking a general question (maybe I wrong) as to why people behave that way (give advice but don't use this same advice in their lives).  It is never easy for most to acknowledge their own "issues" and far easier to focus on the "issues" that others have.  In other words, you see FLAWS (or what you deem to be flaws) in others but you do not recognize the same FLAWS in yourself.  

I agree with this.

Or that perhaps people give advice they'd like to follow themselves. It may have an influence on the way a person feels about their own power if it influences their mindset.

I would also say that the person who gives the advice is also going to have an element of altruism behind him or her, depending on who gives the advice and what his or her motives are.

Anyway, it was just a thought that came to mind.

[Beachead]

I assume this happens because the advice-giver's life isn't at stake because it's not their problem.  Because of that, they're not emotionally compromised by it.  They're not privy to the challenges, fears or emotions that come with the problem.   They experience no actual financial/social/emotional consequence from a decision.  Their advice comes from a limited perspective at a distance.

When a problem is ours.  Different story right?  All these things become factors because our life is at stake.  

Edited September 3, 2022 by Beachead

[basil67]

On 8/24/2022 at 10:47 AM, Alpacalia said:

Or that perhaps people give advice they'd like to follow themselves. 

I do this.  And when I write it, I often take pause and hope that I could follow my own advice if I was emotionally involved.

Edit to add: When writing responses, I might try and add the caveat of "this is easier said than done" when giving advice which involves difficult decisions.  It's been a great question @Alpacalia

Edited September 3, 2022 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

While I would not hold people to such perfectionist standards, I suppose I wouldn't go to an obese chain smoking doctor, an attorney who's on parole or a CPA who's broke.

I don't think everyone has to live through something to understand it. For example plenty of compassionate, Intelligent people can offer comfort or wise words such as a pastor or therapist without personally having whatever specific same dilemma.

So in summary no, I don't think people are hypocrites in general. I've heard the term practice what you preach, but that is for hypocrites not anyone who gives solicited or unsolicited advice. What comes to mind there is " you get what you pay for".

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

So in summary no, I don't think people are hypocrites in general.

I was thinking more along the lines of know-it-alls.

[Beachead]

On 8/23/2022 at 8:47 PM, Alpacalia said:

I agree with this.

Or that perhaps people give advice they'd like to follow themselves.

I agree with this as well.   

Personally, I tend to respond better to those who show humility and vulnerability in their advice.  When I feel understood, I am more inclined to listen and consider what is said to me.

Edited September 4, 2022 by Beachead

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Beachead said:

Personally, I tend to respond better to those who show humility and vulnerability in their advice.  When I feel understood, I am more inclined to listen and consider what is said to me.

Indeed.  And even when we don't actually understand their way of thinking, using phrases like "I feel you might be....." instead of the assumptive "you are" is so much more humble.

 

[SingFish]

On 8/16/2022 at 9:37 AM, Alpacalia said:

When it comes to giving advice, people are good at it, but when it comes to following it themselves, sometimes they are not so good.

I think we have 'blind spots' about things. My friend said to me 'there are too many cars now' when she and her husband, both retired, have 3 between them.

Falling in love seems to affect objective thinking at least at first. 

There's also a kind of 'toxic positivity' where there's a sort of refusal to acknowledge other people's reality. Or someone playing 'devil's advocate'. The 'know it all' you mention too, who just wants to one-up themself. 

[ ] 

Edited September 5, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[Wiseman2]

[ ] 

.Perhaps it's cultural, but I prefer people who say what they mean and mean what they say without all the candy coating. It's so much less confusing. Personally it's refreshing and enlightening to not have to sift through a lot of ambiguous verbiage.

Edited September 5, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[Alpacalia]

13 hours ago, Beachead said:

I agree with this as well.   

Personally, I tend to respond better to those who show humility and vulnerability in their advice.  When I feel understood, I am more inclined to listen and consider what is said to me.

I agree.

I dislike arrogance.