Austin Austin Posted August 15, 2022 Posted August 15, 2022 So I went to visit my family who live in another country. I have many friends there so I went to a bar where I saw this beautiful bartender who I thought was attractive. We didn’t speak but I saw her look at me while she was talking to my friend (who she knew). After they finished talking I asked him who she was and he said she has a boyfriend. A few weeks later, the last weekend before I traveled back home, I went to the bar again and there she was. I went to the bar to order some drinks for my friends and there was instant connection between us. I can’t describe it but it was awesome. About an hour later she had a small break and went out for a cigarette so I followed her and spoke a bit to her. After about a minute she asked me for my Facebook and I gave it to her. The next day she texted me if I was up for a drink after work. I met up with her, we went to another bar and spent the whole night there. She didn’t mention any boyfriend or anything. I followed her home, took an Uber and that was it. The next day she texted me “coffee tomorrow?” and I agreed. We went to get some coffee, talked and again it was a pretty solid date. I told myself I wasn’t going to make any moves in case she does have a boyfriend (even though she didn’t mention him at all) so when we parted ways, I just gave her a hug. The next day, three days before I was going back home, I texted her if she wanted to hang out and she agreed right away. Then shortly before the date she told me her friend would be joining us a bit later. Her friend joined. I was a bit mad she was interrupting us but it turned out to be okay. I still don’t know why she couldn’t have declined meeting up her friend knowing I was leaving in two days but yeah. In the middle of the night I get a gif from her saying goodnight. The next day we didn’t see each other but we texted all day. She sent me a cute photo of a dog with the caption “Have a nice trip. Be safe" and underneath that a smaller caption saying "and remember you have someone to come back to”. The next day while I was traveling back home we text and she says something along the lines of “it’s a shame you aren’t here :(“ with a sad smiley. The next day I texted her that I arrived safely and she asked for some photos of my dog (an ongoing topic between us because she loves dogs and so do I) and I sent her and she… hasn’t responded since. It’s been a couple of days, she’s been online but has completely failed to respond. So I don’t know. From experience I’m suspecting this has something to do with her allegedly having a boyfriend. What do you guys think?
Ami1uwant Posted August 15, 2022 Posted August 15, 2022 Just text her a basic message. If she knew you were just in town she might not want to do any LDR and wait till you are back in town
Author Austin Austin Posted August 15, 2022 Author Posted August 15, 2022 4 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: Just text her a basic message. If she knew you were just in town she might not want to do any LDR and wait till you are back in town My problem is that I don't know if there was any interest to begin with. Maybe she just wanted a male friend. I didn't make any moves because of my friend telling me she has a boyfriend. I don't want to push her away further with a text.
Ami1uwant Posted August 15, 2022 Posted August 15, 2022 4 minutes ago, Austin Austin said: My problem is that I don't know if there was any interest to begin with. Maybe she just wanted a male friend. I didn't make any moves because of my friend telling me she has a boyfriend. I don't want to push her away further with a text. She had some interest. It might be muted knowing you are not local.
Wiseman2 Posted August 15, 2022 Posted August 15, 2022 40 minutes ago, Austin Austin said: I didn't make any moves because of my friend telling me she has a boyfriend. Sounds like a nice holiday fling, but not something that is going to go anywhere. Stay in touch on social media as friends.
Rider on the Storm Posted August 15, 2022 Posted August 15, 2022 (edited) I think attempting a relationship with someone while living in another country separate from them would be extremely difficult and the odds would be against you. With that said, having just went through a scenario recently with some similarities, if your intent is to try and carry on some form of long distance relationship with her, I wouldn't shy away from just asking her if she is involved. You have absolutely nothing to lose. While my scenario didn't involve going for drinks and texting, there were numerous conversations about a variety of things, however; the boyfriend never came up until I just recently sort of asked a question that forced the answer. We talked about her parents, her job, her background, her dog, her girl's trip, but for whatever reason, a mention of the boyfriend never surfaced until a month or so after these conversations. I still see her frequently, and I really do believe that she is a very nice person. I'm just curious why it didn't come up sooner. You said that a friend told you that she has a boyfriend. Is there reason to think that this may not be true? Edited August 15, 2022 by Rider on the Storm
basil67 Posted August 15, 2022 Posted August 15, 2022 "Holiday fling" is also what I thought. Store it away as a lovely memory
chillii Posted August 16, 2022 Posted August 16, 2022 ln all that time why didn't you just ask her if she's seeing anyone? At any rate, it all just sounds all friendy friendy , she's just made another new friend at the bar but likes the attention to , probs knows your into her, lapping soma that up too.
glows Posted August 16, 2022 Posted August 16, 2022 On 8/15/2022 at 12:42 PM, Austin Austin said: So I went to visit my family who live in another country. I have many friends there so I went to a bar where I saw this beautiful bartender who I thought was attractive. We didn’t speak but I saw her look at me while she was talking to my friend (who she knew). After they finished talking I asked him who she was and he said she has a boyfriend. A few weeks later, the last weekend before I traveled back home, I went to the bar again and there she was. I went to the bar to order some drinks for my friends and there was instant connection between us. I can’t describe it but it was awesome. About an hour later she had a small break and went out for a cigarette so I followed her and spoke a bit to her. After about a minute she asked me for my Facebook and I gave it to her. The next day she texted me if I was up for a drink after work. I met up with her, we went to another bar and spent the whole night there. She didn’t mention any boyfriend or anything. I followed her home, took an Uber and that was it. The next day she texted me “coffee tomorrow?” and I agreed. We went to get some coffee, talked and again it was a pretty solid date. I told myself I wasn’t going to make any moves in case she does have a boyfriend (even though she didn’t mention him at all) so when we parted ways, I just gave her a hug. The next day, three days before I was going back home, I texted her if she wanted to hang out and she agreed right away. Then shortly before the date she told me her friend would be joining us a bit later. Her friend joined. I was a bit mad she was interrupting us but it turned out to be okay. I still don’t know why she couldn’t have declined meeting up her friend knowing I was leaving in two days but yeah. In the middle of the night I get a gif from her saying goodnight. The next day we didn’t see each other but we texted all day. She sent me a cute photo of a dog with the caption “Have a nice trip. Be safe" and underneath that a smaller caption saying "and remember you have someone to come back to”. The next day while I was traveling back home we text and she says something along the lines of “it’s a shame you aren’t here :(“ with a sad smiley. The next day I texted her that I arrived safely and she asked for some photos of my dog (an ongoing topic between us because she loves dogs and so do I) and I sent her and she… hasn’t responded since. It’s been a couple of days, she’s been online but has completely failed to respond. So I don’t know. From experience I’m suspecting this has something to do with her allegedly having a boyfriend. What do you guys think? Sorry-nothing about this says romantic. She spent all night with you at a bar and then went for coffee as friends might do to pass the time or meet up the next day (it was not a date) and then the following day "hung out" with a third wheeling friend. You were nice company but squarely in the friendzone with a few flirts here and there. I'm guessing she doesn't respond to you because she realizes you have a crush or like her and she doesn't feel the same way. She was just flirting with you at the time. It didn't necessarily mean anything.
Author Austin Austin Posted September 15, 2022 Author Posted September 15, 2022 (edited) So met this girl abroad, we live in two different countries. Went out for three dates when I was visiting, now I'm back home but we've been texting every day since (over three weeks now) and even talked over the phone. She was the one who initiated the whole thing, from the first text to the first date. However... A week ago she called me in the middle of the night after a party. I didn't pick up but the next day she texted "I'm sorry I called you. I'm so stupid" to which I replied. We spoke over the phone the following day and she told me the reason she called me at night was because the party was awful and she was mad she didn't leave the party earlier. Kind of cute she'd choose to call me to vent about that and not her friends but okay. Then a few days ago, she says she wants to call me and tell me about a fun incident she had at work. I said go ahead. Then a few hours later she texts me saying that she won't call after all because she has to pack for a trip the following day she's taking with her BFF. I responded "ok, so let me know when you have time to talk over the phone. Have a safe trip" with a kissing emoji at the end. The day after she initiates and sends me photos from the trip and tells me a bit about it to which I reply and then she replies "I'll text you back later". No response at all. I take it as she's busy or something but find it odd that she sends me pics on snapchat although they are general snapchats sent to all her friends. The following day she doesn't text back for the whole day and then late in the evening she texts: "sorry, didn't have time to respond today, I'll get back to you". And then today again no response except late in the evening when she texts AGAIN "sorry for lack of response. I'll get back to you". And I'm like... "what the .....?" The question I asked her that she's yet to respond to was a simple one to keep the convo she started going so I don't know what she's up to. Is she testing me? Does she want me to get mad? Is she really THAT busy? Someone please help. Edited September 15, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
Gaeta Posted September 15, 2022 Posted September 15, 2022 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Austin Austin said: The question I asked her that she's yet to respond to was a simple one to keep the convo she started going so I don't know what she's up to. Is she testing me? Does she want me to get mad? Is she really THAT busy? [ ] She responds 'I'll get back to you' so you don't think she's ignoring you. She's away with a friend, she's having fun, probably going out late partying. You should not have contacted her at all during that time. If she text you then great! lucky you she had time to drop you a line but you're not a couple, you went on dates but you're not 'dating' why do you expect her to report to you during her vacation? What do you expect out of this? Do you want to date someone living abroad? Are you ready to relocate? Edited September 15, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator group berating - gender
Author Austin Austin Posted September 15, 2022 Author Posted September 15, 2022 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Gaeta said: [ ] She responds 'I'll get back to you' so you don't think she's ignoring you. She's away with a friend, she's having fun, probably going out late partying. You should not have contacted her at all during that time. If she text you then great! lucky you she had time to drop you a line but you're not a couple, you went on dates but you're not 'dating' why do you expect her to report to you during her vacation? She was the one who texted me while away with her friend, not me. In fact, I wouldn't have texted her at all until she came back home. So why do you think she's texting me and then doing all that afterwards? Edited September 15, 2022 by Austin Austin
basil67 Posted September 15, 2022 Posted September 15, 2022 It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. Given the distance between you, why are you bothering to stay in contact at all? If you're going to have a love interest, why not look for someone who's near you who you can spend real time with?
Author Austin Austin Posted September 15, 2022 Author Posted September 15, 2022 1 minute ago, basil67 said: It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. What seemed like a good idea?
basil67 Posted September 15, 2022 Posted September 15, 2022 Texting you. But then she got distracted with life 2
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2022 Posted September 16, 2022 1 hour ago, Austin Austin said: So why do you think she's texting me and then doing all that afterwards? She had an opportunity to text, things got quieter and she text. Now she's busy. You cannot hold against someone being busy while on vacation. Her mind is not on dating, or on men she went in dates with. She will talk to you when she gets back.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2022 Posted September 16, 2022 It sounds like she's having a great time on holiday and she's not prioritzing communication with a guy she doesn't know that well. But given how far away you are, is it feasible to keep in touch? It may be best to file this away as a fun vacation fling and leave it there. Not all connections and worth keeping alive when they're just not that viable in the long run.
Wiseman2 Posted September 16, 2022 Posted September 16, 2022 8 hours ago, Austin Austin said: find it odd that she sends me pics on snapchat although they are general snapchats sent to all her friends. Try not to turn a holiday fling into a relationship or dating situation with terminology about "who initiated", etc. You can help yourself by deleting and blocking her. She treats you like a fan or an afterthought.
fred123 Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 did you ever ask what shes looking for? if not this is a waste of time. plus she doesnt seem that into you mate
Author Austin Austin Posted October 4, 2022 Author Posted October 4, 2022 Hi guys, Long story short. Dated girl for about one week before I traveled back home. It's been about 5 weeks. We've been in constant contact since. Practically every day. She initiated the first two dates, and generally most of our interaction. I'm not lying when I say that the first few weeks it was about 60%-40% of her initiating and texting. Then she went kinda silent. She kept texting me "I'll get back to you" over a few days, so I figured her interest was real low. Then I showed a bit more interest just to make it clear that I'm also liking what we have and she was back. That same night she was out with her girlfriend and called me at night while drunk. Then some two weeks later she went cold again. I had by then noticed that when she shows too much interest (calls me when drunk, texts a lot and generally sends lots of pictures) that she goes distant. So like I did the last time I texted her something cute wishing her a good day and that I think she's a great person. She was back again. Then she was at a party and it looked like she was sending me a bunch of pics on Snapchat of different guys she was hanging out with, especially one of her guy friends and it looked like she was trying to make me jealous. I didn't react, just texted the party looked fun. Then she went cold again. But then a day or so later I had lots of stuff going on and didn't reply to one of her texts and... she bombarded me with "hey, why haven't you been online so long?", "are you okay?" "just checking in on you". I responded and... she was back. That was a few days ago. And here's the most important part. Saturday night she sent me two pics of her at her place with sushi and drinks but... there were two glasses. But she made sure that I didn't see who was on either of those photos. I figured it was her girlfriend but that she again was trying to make me jealous therefore not showing who it was. The day after I distanced myself a bit because I was a bit confused so she texted me asking what was up. We texted a bit and then she told me something along the lines of "I've got so much to tell you when we talk over the phone" to which I replied "okay, so when do you have time for a chat?" and... she responded me almost 24 hours later with that typical response I've heard when girls flake or downright reject a guy: "You know what, I've got so much going on right now and I'm busy so I'll let you know". I of course replied calmly and told her to get back to me when she has the time. And that's the reason why I'm writing this asking you guys for help. What does this mean? Is she playing hard to get or has she lost interest? PS. Stop with the "long distance why bother" messages. I like her a lot and I'm going back for Christmas which she knows about so with all due respect spare me the talk.
basil67 Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 Did she ever agree to continue the holiday romance by turning it into a LDR?
Author Austin Austin Posted October 5, 2022 Author Posted October 5, 2022 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: Did she ever agree to continue the holiday romance by turning it into a LDR? No but she continued to contact me. And I responded to that.
basil67 Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 Then you're chasing something which was likely never an option. A holiday fling and sporadic contact afterwards does not show intentions of a relationship.
Mike B. Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 You have to realize that unless you have your own private jet or a similar setup, the idea of true romance in this exchange is probably not the most realistic situation out there. What are you expecting from this? A relationship from abroad? Relationships can be tough just living blocks away. With that said, there is nothing I read here that gave me the impression that you have escalated things at all with her over the past several weeks. It sound just like some lighthearted texting and photos exchange that has not much of anything that sounds romantic or exciting. In other words, your vibe with her or conversation seems similar to your last. I doubt if her switch is eventually going to "turn on" talking about dogs and parties all the time. Try upping the conversation a bit more and see how she responds. Advance... Again, I know you don't want to hear it but I really would look at this as just a fun vacation type of thing. Don't try to shut this idea out. Consider it.
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