This makes me sad

[brokengirl85]

Hello,

I love him. We were fwb 10 years ago. He met someone and moved to another state 3 years ago. He has been reaching out to me sporadically, flirting, just checking how I’m doing. 
During a text conversation, I asked if we was single. He said things were not going well with his partner.

I told him that I wish things were different.

He responded: “If things end up different I’m not missing you out next time”.

I'm broken and sad and I don’t even know what to respond to that.

id appreciate your comments. Thanks in advance. 

 

[Rider on the Storm]

31 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said:

Hello,

I love him. We were fwb 10 years ago. He met someone and moved to another state 3 years ago. He has been reaching out to me sporadically, flirting, just checking how I’m doing. 
During a text conversation, I asked if we was single. He said things were not going well with his partner.

I told him that I wish things were different.

He responded: “If things end up different I’m not missing you out next time”.

I'm broken and sad and I don’t even know what to respond to that.

id appreciate your comments. Thanks in advance. 

 

Why weren't you two more than FWB 10 years ago? 

Edited August 14, 2022 by Rider on the Storm

[Happy Lemming]

30 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said:

I love him. We were fwb 10 years ago.

I'm broken and sad and I don’t even know what to respond to that.

Have you been "broken and sad" for the past 10 years??  Have you been dating during that time?? 

10 years seems like a long time to be alone...

[brokengirl85]

2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Have you been "broken and sad" for the past 10 years??  Have you been dating during that time?? 

10 years seems like a long time to be alone...

I have been studying and working and doing other things. I’ve always remembered him 

[stillafool]

This is why it's best to block them so you aren't feeling this way 3 years later when you just happen to pop into their minds.

[brokengirl85]

7 minutes ago, Rider on the Storm said:

Why weren't you two more than FWB 10 years ago? 

I don’t really know why. Things were complicated back then 

[brokengirl85]

Just now, stillafool said:

This is why it's best to block them so you aren't feeling this way 3 years later when you just happen to pop into their minds.

You don’t think there could be a chance?

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, brokengirl85 said:

You don’t think there could be a chance?

No sweetie.  Him saying things are not working out well with his partner could just be talk to get extra sex.  You should have told him to call you when he's moved out.

[Rider on the Storm]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This is why it's best to block them so you aren't feeling this way 3 years later when you just happen to pop into their minds.

This is my feeling too.

If you two weren't married, or in relationships with other people 10 years ago, and it never evolved into more than just FWB, there is probably a reason.

While I can't say for certain, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason "things aren't going well with his partner" is because he is trying to get with you.

If you decide to proceed, I would suggest doing so with caution.

[brokengirl85]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

No sweetie.  Him saying things are not working out well with his partner could just be talk to get extra sex.  You should have told him to call you when he's moved out.

People sometimes change and regret things they didn’t do…

[stillafool]

Just now, brokengirl85 said:

People sometimes change and regret things they didn’t do…

Did he tell you he regretted not getting with you?

[brokengirl85]

2 minutes ago, Rider on the Storm said:

This is my feeling too.

If you two weren't married, or in relationships with other people 10 years ago, and it never evolved into more than just FWB, there is probably a reason.

While I can't say for certain, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason "things aren't going well with his partner" is because he is trying to get with you.

If you decide to proceed, I would suggest doing so with caution.

why would he continue reaching out to me? He’s living in another state… 

[brokengirl85]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Did he tell you he regretted not getting with you?

He said that “ if things end up different I’m not missing out next time”

I asked “what is you won’t missing up next time”

he answered: “you!!”

[Happy Lemming]

Based on your posts and answers to the questions asked, if sounds like you really want to get back with him. 

[Rider on the Storm]

18 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said:

why would he continue reaching out to me? He’s living in another state… 

One possibility could be so he can hook up with you. And just because he might be willing to do so doesn't necessarily mean that he is going to leave his partner.

I would think that some guys would prefer that their affair partner lives out of state. 

Don't get me wrong. If you're happy and he genuinely wants to be with you too, great. Assuming he is willing to leave his significant other, you've got something to think about. I'm just trying to offer an alternate take where the ending doesn't necessarily involve happily ever after.

Edited August 14, 2022 by Rider on the Storm

[brokengirl85]

1 minute ago, Rider on the Storm said:

One possibility could be so he can hook up with you. And just because he is might be willing to do so doesn't necessarily mean that he is going to leave his wife.

I would think that some guys would prefer that their affair partner lives out of state. 

Don't get me wrong. If you're happy and he genuinely wants to be with you too, great. Assuming he is willing to leave his significant other, you've got something to think about. I'm just trying to offer an alternate take where the ending doesn't necessarily involve happily ever after.

He’s not married, btw. It’s a girlfriend who lives with him but apparently she doesn’t love him anymore.

He has not said anything about coming to visit me, though he hinted it one time a couple months ago. He said “you’ll never know”

what makes me sad it’s not knowing what he wants. 

[brokengirl85]

14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Based on your posts and answers to the questions asked, if sounds like you really want to get back with him. 

I do. I’d like to ask him to meet, I’m scared he’d say no. I’m scared he’s only saying things so I keep the interest, but he has no intention of changing anything 

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said:

He’s not married, btw. It’s a girlfriend who lives with him but apparently she doesn’t love him anymore.

So he's staying with a girlfriend who doesn't love him even though he wants to be with you.  Doesn't make sense, does it.   And if it doesn't make sense, then it's probably not true.

Have you ever considered telling him that he's hurting you and to only contact you if/when he's single?   If you want to make things happen, sometimes you need to give them a push.  

Edited August 14, 2022 by basil67

[brokengirl85]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

So he's staying with a girlfriend who doesn't love him even though he wants to be with you.  Doesn't make sense, does it.   And if it doesn't make sense, then it's probably not true.

He’s living in another state. With her. 
why do you think this does not make any sense?

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, brokengirl85 said:

He’s living in another state. With her. 
why do you think this does not make any sense?

If she didn't love him, she'd move on and he'd be free.   Converserly, if he wanted to leave, he could easily do so with the knowledge that she will not be heartbroken to see the back of him.  If the issue is that they share a lease, he could be telling you "The lease ends in X and then I'll be free to get away".   But he's not doing that either.

The guy is feeding you a bunch of BS. I recommend you start thinking with your head and not your heart.

Edited August 14, 2022 by basil67

[brokengirl85]

Just now, basil67 said:

If she didn't love him, she'd move on and he'd be free.   Converserly, if he wanted to leave, he could easily do so with the knowledge that she will not be heartbroken to see the back of him.  If the issue is that they share a lease, he could be telling you "The lease ends in X and then I'll be free to get away".   But he's not doing that either.

The guy is feeding you a bunch of BS

Well, you cannot predict what others should do in certain situations. Life is more complicated than that. There’s some grey between the black/white. 

[Gaeta]

When he randomly contacts you he's just looking for attention. Checking if he's still capable of getting a woman. He's not telling you anything because he doesn't want anything. If he wanted to reconnect with you he'd be clear about it. 

[basil67]

1 minute ago, brokengirl85 said:

Well, you cannot predict what others should do in certain situations. Life is more complicated than that. There’s some grey between the black/white. 

What's the grey which is keeping him there?

[brokengirl85]

Just now, Gaeta said:

When he randomly contacts you he's just looking for attention. Checking if he's still capable of getting a woman. He's not telling you anything because he doesn't want anything. If he wanted to reconnect with you he'd be clear about it. 

Hey Gaeta,

based on what you just said, what do you think it’d be the best thing to do?

in the past, he mentioned that he regretted a relationship he chose not to pursue, but ge only realized years later. It’s my perception he may have given a second thought to our relationship and he may be regretting it as well. I’d like to know your thoughts…

[Gaeta]

@brokengirl85: l would not play friends with him, it's putting yourself in a weak position. I'd tell him If one day he's serious about reconnecting he knows where to find you. Until then life has to go on for you. 

The most important thing is life really has to go on for you. This man is not going to make you or break you.