Haven't dated in 2+ years

[alphamale]

So, my last date was like 27 months ago. I have dated a fair amount and have quite a bit of experience w/women. It’s just no fun anymore. The desire to get into another relationship just seems gut wrenching. I also find my desire for sex almost gone (I’m 57 BTW). I’ve done the deed with enough attractive females and I have some fond memories. 

is it age? Or something else? Am I really gay? [ ] 
 

 

Edited August 16, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[glows]

I used to think similar after my divorce as well but realized it’s the quality of partner that matters, the person you’re with. Once you’ve developed that emotional intimacy (deeper love and trust or bond) sexual activity also spikes. 

You seem to have some misgivings about your previous marriage or are in contact with some individuals telling you things about your ex wife so unless that door or chapter closes and you give yourself that closure and allowance to move on, it’s difficult to ever move on. It’s a gift you actually give to yourself and resolution you’re making to move forward.

Edited August 14, 2022 by glows

[Weezy1973]

Relationships and sex are the main reason people date, so if neither of those things appeal to you, makes sense not to date. 
 

Do you have a good social circle?and hang out with friends? 

[Gaeta]

4 hours ago, alphamale said:

 I also find my desire for sex almost gone (I’m 57 BTW). I’ve done the deed with enough attractive females and I have some fond memories. 

That's how I felt after my breakup from my ex-bf. The following summer I came across a man that hit me like a hurricane! (Yes I`m borrowing it from the song ) and then I realized my mojo was just dormant and with the right person it would spike again. 

[FMW]

Some people continue wanting and having sex well into their 70s, or even 80s (reportedly).  Even more date and continue being interested in doing so.   So no, it's not age, at least not in general.  It may be an age related thing for you specifically, but 57 (my age!) is young for sexual desire to go away completely in my experience.  Depression and/or prescription drug side-effects are major causes of a lack of desire.  Have you ruled those out?  

The thought of relationships (with or without sex) can be gut-wrenching for anyone at any age, depending on their past experiences or current circumstances.  Relationships require investment of time , emotion and effort and still often fail.  It's understandable for someone to lose interest in even looking for awhile.  

From your past posts (nice to see them again!), you don't seem to be someone who requires companionship just for the sake of not being alone. You're not likely to seek an emotional interest if you aren't naturally meeting new women on a regular and ongoing basis that could spark an interest in getting to know them better.  If your interest in relationships previously were usually sparked by sexual interest or involvements, the current desire issue (if it's caused by something else) keeps that from happening.  

With all that being said, not having sex or not having a romantic relationship are valid choices.  If you're truly not feeling a desire for either then I don't think it's something you should worry about unless YOU feel (not based on what other people do or think) it diminishes your enjoyment of life.  What you do or don't do is your own business.  

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, alphamale said:

is it age? Or something else? Am I really gay? WTF?

Ahhh, alpha. Posts from you have been missed.

My guess is that you've just got a little bit of anxiety about dating again.

[Happy Lemming]

As you age, your testosterone naturally goes down and with that decrease is your desire to have sex.  So you start to ask yourself if the "juice is worth the squeeze"??

I have a male neighbor down the street -- a little older than you, who is DONE with woman.  "V" casually mentioned introducing him to one of her girlfriends.  He was very polite, but quickly shot down the idea.  He is divorced and has no desire to ever date again.  He has friends, hobbies, volunteers (locally) and is enjoying his life (sans women).

It is nice to have a companion to travel/adventure with, but there are a few places on my 'bucket list' that "V" has no desire to see.  So, I will go alone, take pictures and enjoy myself -- and complete that item on my list.

While you are in good health, think about what you want to do -- now?? Do you want to retire early??  Do you want to travel??  Do you want to take up a new hobby or sport??

 

[alphamale]

12 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Ahhh, alpha. Posts from you have been missed.

My guess is that you've just got a little bit of anxiety about dating again.

Could be

[glows]

12 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

As you age, your testosterone naturally goes down and with that decrease is your desire to have sex.  So you start to ask yourself if the "juice is worth the squeeze"??

 

I can’t speak for all women but that’s certainly been the case for me in regards to hormones or changing needs/desires. What might have been easily attractive or intoxicating in the past is barely/mildly interesting now and the same types of individuals I once found amusing or entertaining (that might have led to romance) I wouldn’t give the time of day now - absolutely no attraction whatsoever.

Edited August 14, 2022 by glows

[Lotsgoingon]

Nothing wrong with not dating. I have time like that to really just build up my life outside of dating. 

You'll get interested again. 

[Tullyseptember]

Is there a reason you brought up gay as a potential reason?  I'm just curious if you were having any sexual revelations that you had not explored before!

Either way I think as we age our desire decreases or at least I can that for myself because of a string of bad choices!

[Lotsgoingon]

What might be shocking you Alpha is that past a certain age, you lose that desperation. I think it's because by the time you're in your late 50s, the naive glow of romance--the fantasy that it will make life perfect and easy and comforting and all of that--no longer works in our brains. You realize that romance, when good, can add to life, but it doesn't solve the fundamental problems of being human--doesn't solve the mortality problem, doesn't solve health problems. It really can't solve the loneliness problem. Plenty of married people are lonely and isolated. 

Romance can still be great, but your hard-acquired wisdom now wants you to proceed with open eyes and with realism. But everyone I know who has dated later in life---dated someone they really liked---finds romance super sweet, even without all the fantasies of youth. Maybe because it's not based on the fantasies of youth

 

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, alphamale said:

Could be

Think of the two year period like a mini-vacation.

Let your inner voice guide you, and you'll be back on that horse when the time is right.

Edited August 14, 2022 by Alpacalia

[alphamale]

2 hours ago, Tullyseptember said:

Is there a reason you brought up gay as a potential reason?  I'm just curious if you were having any sexual revelations that you had not explored before!

Either way I think as we age our desire decreases or at least I can that for myself because of a string of bad choices!

I was joking

[Foxhall]

There is life in the old dog yet I imagine,

massages maybe could be worth a go.

[Maldives]

14 hours ago, alphamale said:

So, my last date was like 27 months ago. I have dated a fair amount and have quite a bit of experience w/women. It’s just no fun anymore. The desire to get into another relationship just seems gut wrenching. I also find my desire for sex almost gone (I’m 57 BTW). I’ve done the deed with enough attractive females and I have some fond memories. 

is it age? Or something else? Am I really gay? WTF?
 

 

Try 6 haha. I'm 51. Well 6 years is not entirely accurate. I've dated but I'm talking about the actual going out with someone has been about 6 years, steady that is. I think for me I'm kinda set In my ways and have become a bit of a creature of habit, always was one but more so now and I think if you're gonna be in a relationship you really need to compromise. I still crave a relationship but have become lacklustre in looking for one and I've also lost belief in them. I want them to last forever but they never do. 

Edited August 14, 2022 by Goodguy05

[alphamale]

1 hour ago, Goodguy05 said:

Try 6 haha. I'm 51. Well 6 years is not entirely accurate. I've dated but I'm talking about the actual going out with someone has been about 6 years, steady that is. I think for me I'm kinda set In my ways and have become a bit of a creature of habit, always was one but more so now and I think if you're gonna be in a relationship you really need to compromise. I still crave a relationship but have become lacklustre in looking for one and I've also lost belief in them. I want them to last forever but they never do. 

I understand totally 

[Interstellar]

“I also find my desire for sex almost gone (I’m 57 BTW)“

Have you had your testosterone levels checked as well? i’ll consider it too, it declines with age, not enough sleep and/or lack of exercise.

Edited August 15, 2022 by Interstellar

[alphamale]

1 hour ago, Interstellar said:

“I also find my desire for sex almost gone (I’m 57 BTW)“

Have you had your testosterone levels checked as well? i’ll consider it too, it declines with age, not enough sleep and/or lack of exercise.

Yes I have had my testosterone checked last year, it was normal 

[notbroken]

Relationships require work.  Lots of work.  You are nearing the time (or past it) where you don't want to work any more - professionally and maybe even personally.   A 'vacation' of 27 months may have been a good thing.   Maybe even longer would.  You absolutely do NOT have to date/chase women/etc.   I often find that when I stop looking for things that they find me on their own.   Stay open to the idea of someone.   Be picky.   Only go after someone that adds to your life as it is.    It will happen - or it won't .  If it doesn't it sounds like you are good anyway.   That takes the pressure off and makes it alot more fun.   I'm 59 and recently retired professionally.  I definitely get where you are coming from. 

 

 

 

[mark clemson]

Speaking generally, people can have phases of relative hyper- and hypo-sexuality during their lives, so possibly this is a temporary downturn in "interest" that will turn around at some point.

Couple other things to consider (don't feel that it's necessary to answer if you don't feel like it, they're just for your consideration):

- how's your health overall - good nutrition and exercise or adding some "covid-pounds"? Could be a factor.

- could alcoholism have had an impact?

- have you developed very strong other interests that might be taking away "mindshare" from your interest in sex?

[Blind-Sided]

I kind of get where you are at with this.   When we are young... dating, and what will follow sort of has a normal path.  You find a partner, get married, your lives are truly together, and you build a life together.    But after a divorce........ the depth of love isn't the same simply because you don't have that "Life" together.   Also, since you are older, and have a separate life from any partner... how are you supposed to integrate all of that? It's easy to build a life when you both have nothing.

OK... I know that felt a little scattered... but I understand.  I really enjoyed A LOT of crazy sex with my young GF.... but the thought of trying to date again almost feels painful.  OK, maybe not painful, but more work than it's worth just because of the thoughts above. 

I hope you find a path... and if you do... share it with us. 

[alphamale]

2 hours ago, mark clemson said:

- how's your health overall - good nutrition and exercise or adding some "covid-pounds"? Could be a factor.

- could alcoholism have had an impact?

- have you developed very strong other interests that might be taking away "mindshare" from your interest in sex?

1) Good health

2) alcohol probably has an impact 

3) not really

[alphamale]

12 hours ago, notbroken said:

Relationships require work.  Lots of work.  You are nearing the time (or past it) where you don't want to work any more - professionally and maybe even personally.   A 'vacation' of 27 months may have been a good thing.   Maybe even longer would.  You absolutely do NOT have to date/chase women/etc.   I often find that when I stop looking for things that they find me on their own.   Stay open to the idea of someone.   Be picky.   Only go after someone that adds to your life as it is.    It will happen - or it won't .  If it doesn't it sounds like you are good anyway.   That takes the pressure off and makes it alot more fun.   I'm 59 and recently retired professionally.  I definitely get where you are coming from. 

 

 

 

Very good advice not broken. Very insightful 

[chillii]

2 hours ago, alphamale said:

Very good advice not broken. Very insightful 

Afraid not , it's just common sense. l stress this stuff to anyone round here whatever the age but for some bizarre reason they just don't seem to get it just keep on pushing- but with that just end up chasing their tails anyway, of course, and burning out in their 30s.

There's most likely nothing wrong with you , l'm your age. When l was single of course l couldn't be bothered with rubbish any more, couldn't back before l was married even in my 20s but at this stage, forget it. Quality wins over quantify every time. As far as the urge , desire, same again but even moreso now. Don't worry about it if that special right woman came along, you might be amazed at the effects it has but it;'s no surprise, quality, emotion, feelings, you just need the real and meaningful.  l feel like my 20s again with my lady even after 5yrs, couldn't care less before we met though, knew it was nothing, same old l just need quality, real, and we are, and you probably just do too.

Most around here just don't seem to get it whatever the age l suppose it's the mentality dk but if l was you l'd just enjoy life until and the rest will fall into shape and return under the right circumstances.

Edited August 16, 2022 by chillii