teethbrushes Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Well, for a brief history, my ex and I met a while ago and we were best friends (with a lot of sexual chemistry) for a while. I came to know a lot about him during this intense friendship and i think because of this, I can tell my ex isn't a "bad" person. We also have a lot of mutual friends who think he's a good guy and isn't doing this to intentionally make me mad. But as far as our relationship, it was awesome. He had been involved with other girls before, but never been in love. he told me he loved me first and all of my friends said they talked to him and he just went on and on about how much he loved me and he had this blog I started for him and he rarely wrote in it but to say he loved me, etc. we were long distance, however, and the relationship started to get a bit intense for us. He was unsure of where he would be living in the next year. So after an extended visit of six weeks with him, the last week, he broke it off...and i really didn't see it coming. he said it was getting too serious, he didn't want to carry this on thinking we won't get married because he's going to be 3,000 miles away, he missed me a lot during the year, etc. A lot of things. He was really upset about it and angry for a while and I, needeless to say, was absolutely blind-sighted and CRUSHED. Also after we broke up, I found out I have a pretty serious disease. I told him I needed no contact before we could be friends and we tried unsuccessfully for a few weeks. then I found out he had a new girlfriend. When i questioned him about it, he refused to answer anything, but said he still cared about me so much and never wanted to lose me as a friend. I felt like such a fool so I told him some pretty mean things and to never talk to me again. I apologized profusely a few months later, sans contact, and we seemed to get in contact about once a month after that, exchanging short e-mails. I then get wind that he is moving down to where I live. When I confront him about how it will be, he says it will be fine. I say I'm glad we broke up and I get "Oh." I get told he misses me, can't wait to see me and has been really nervous about how I've been feeling with my health. So the magical day comes when we see each other for the first time in several months. He has broken up with his other girlfriend about 3 months prior to this. Everything is GREAT. We hung out, ate meals together, talked for over an hour once...everything was cool, but still somewhat awkward. So I told him I hoped he wasn't confusing my intentions and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. he had said he never wanted to date me again, so I assured him he didn't need to worry about me thinking that, etc. After that happened, contact stopped cold. he would see me, casually say hi and walk on, but sometimes continually stare at me. I tried to ask him a few computer questions and if he would have answered them before, he won't now. He has since joined some social organizations I am involved in, but refuses to show up if he has prior knowledge that I will more than likely be there. A friend tried to ask him what's up and she said he got very agitated and refused to answer why we weren't friends, said he still thought I was awesome, but that something had happened and it didn't feel like it was appropriate to talk about. Now, when he sees me in a group, he will excuse himself...like he can't get away fast enough. Yet, I still get people I don't even know telling me he talks about me a lot (in a good way), but that he tells them i'm his ex. He just can't stop telling people! I'm not sure what this behavior means and I was told by mutual friends he still likes me a lot as a person...but then people say not to assume it means anything other than that. They think the situation bothers him a lot and he thinks about it a lot, but it doesn't mean he has romantic feelings for me. I don't want him back, but of course it bothers me because I was once desperately in love with him and he's never going to not affect me. My first kiss still affects me in one way or another. So, "Ignore it he's an a**h***" is not good advice for me. Also, I'm finding myself dreading social situations with him because I do not want to be ignored yet simultaneously stared at....
WantingHim Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I believe that although he may not respond to your e-mails he still reads them because it sounds as if he has some type of feelings towards you so maybe you should e-mail him and let him know how his actions are making you feel and how they are affecting you. Maybe he thinks if you two talk you will want more so let him know that's not the case. If that doesn't help then all I can say is you have to go on and try not to let it get to you or it will consume yo:confused: u
Author teethbrushes Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 I've been making it clear since...April, that I don't want more. Saying it again would be stupid at this point. And that's when things got weird too...was when I told him in person after hanging out I didn't want more.
Author teethbrushes Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 he had said he didn't want to date me ever again 3 weeks after we had been dating and he had a new girlfriend during a fight we were having. He hasn't said it recently, so maybe something has changed? I don't know...but I do know I have told him so many times I don't want to be with him and I think we can be friends without dating. So...at this point, that should be so incredibly clear...
whichwayisup Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 He can't handle any sort of contact. Either because he has feelings for you still and knows it won't work out, so what's the point? Or he's really over you and truely just feels like he doesn't want to see you. But, I think he's got the feelings and the only way he knows how to deal with it IS to avoid. So, either get used to it because I don't think he is going to reply or say what you want him to say...Sorry.
Author teethbrushes Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 i don't know how the latter would work since is is friends with all of his exes and can see them without panicking, except me. But then again, I was his only serious girlfriend. But there was a period of time when he was more able to hang out with me, albeit a little uncomfortably. But he was still doing it. Now he stares at me and avoids parties I'll be at...which doesn't scream "I'm moved on and want to keep you in my past." He moved here and joined this organizations...he knew I would be right under his nose. I feel like if someone is truly moved on, they can talk to their ex or be around their ex without getting really antsy...and they won't waste their time to see what their ex is doing if they have to be together.
Author teethbrushes Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 ugh...this is truly terrible...don't know why.
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