Anyone tried a dating coach?

[Gaeta]

I was wondering if a dating coach would be helpful. I've looked for one locally, I found a lady with a lot of good reviews. She's $150 an hour and we have to book her minimum 2 hours at a time. That's a lot of money & it's the price of a licensed therapist. If I have money to spend maybe I should spend it with a professional. 

What you think?

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

She's $150 an hour and we have to book her minimum 2 hours at a time. That's a lot of money & it's the price of a licensed therapist.

Go with the therapist. Some people like this repackage common sense as some secret elixir for success, then charge people these ridiculous rates. It's simple. Only date interested men. For example, the guy who ghosted for 3 weeks should be gone and blocked..

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

I was wondering if a dating coach would be helpful. I've looked for one locally, I found a lady with a lot of good reviews. She's $150 an hour and we have to book her minimum 2 hours at a time. That's a lot of money & it's the price of a licensed therapist. If I have money to spend maybe I should spend it with a professional. 

What you think?

 

Is that Canadian  ..I can give up my equivalent 2 cents

I don’t think the dating coach is the issue.  I think it’s something in how youare picking people.

 

what’s important to you?

understand…many times those who ghost..they are focusing on someone else thrn come back to you.

 

 

 

 

Edited August 11, 2022 by Ami1uwant

[Alpacalia]

Agree.

If you frequently choose partners who treat you poorly (or they choose you), then it might be time to reevaluate your dating patterns. Learn what drives these patterns so you can start shifting them in a positive direction.

I feel the way we show up in relationships will affect the feedback we receive from potential or current partners. If we're getting a lot of the same, unpleasant feedback, that could be a sign that our own style of relating needs to change too. 

Think honestly about how you feel about the recent guy and situation and how you feel about him for a moment. 

Is he really worth your time? (Spoiler alert, 95% of the time he is not worth it!).

[Gaeta]

 

22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Go with the therapist. Some people like this repackage common sense as some secret elixir for success, then charge people these ridiculous rates. It's simple. Only date interested men. For example, the guy who ghosted for 3 weeks should be gone and blocked..

But I am only dating interested men.....up to when they are not interested anymore. I'm not chasing them. Obviously last guy was lying to me when 3 weeks ago he told me I was important to him. It's like I cannot tell when I'm lied to. 

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

If you frequently choose partners who treat you poorly

But he did not treat me poorly up to now....When I pick these men they are perfect gentlemen! 

I would not be with someone who treats me poorly.

I am not questioning if I should drop him or not, he's blocked!

 

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

She's $150 an hour and we have to book her minimum 2 hours at a time. That's a lot of money...

 

You don't need a dating coach and $300 is A LOT of money.  And what is this coach going say, that hasn't already been said or discussed.  Each guy is different, what makes one guy feel happy and want to date you; doesn't necessarily do it for the next guy. 

I really don't think there is anything wrong with you or your picker.  In my opinion, it is "on-line" dating that is your nemesis, but you have already explained to me the difficulties you faced attempting to meet men in "real life" scenarios, so I won't go there.

I would also like to point out that as men age, our testosterone level drops and we are not as hyper focused to have sex as we were when we were 20 something.  There isn't as much drive to put in the effort to have sex, as when we were younger.

If I were a betting man, I'd say this is why your most recent "boyfriend" didn't call/text/message you for 3 weeks, because he didn't care if he saw you again or not.  Sure it was fun, but he satisfied his itch and he is good for a while.

 

[Happy Lemming]

@Gaeta  I'd also like to add... I am sorry you were treated this way.

For all intent and purposes this was a relationship.  If he wanted to "break up" with you prior to his son coming to visit, he should have done that.  And if he wanted to continue the relationship, he should have made the attempt to keep the lines of communication open.  Going "radio silent" for 3 weeks is just cruel.

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

I was wondering if a dating coach would be helpful. I've looked for one locally, I found a lady with a lot of good reviews. She's $150 an hour and we have to book her minimum 2 hours at a time. That's a lot of money & it's the price of a licensed therapist. If I have money to spend maybe I should spend it with a professional. 

What you think?

 

What specific service(s) does she provide?  For example, is she going to teach you how to be more dateable or is she going to find suitable men for you?

My take, from what you have posted on LS, is that finding men to date isn't your issue.  You seem to attract men and they mostly want to keep seeing you after the initial meeting.  So I am unclear what you would be coached on in terms of being a "better" date. 

If her coaching is about how to assess men more accurately, then there might be some value to it, assuming the issue is really at the surface level of your ability to select well, and not something deeper where you unconsciously select men who are not right as a way of avoiding emotional intimacy. If you think it's the latter, than I would agree that a therapist would be a better use of funds.  If it's the former, perhaps a coach can help. 

FWIW I think OLD is brutal in terms of finding good people, and I also think it only gets harder with age.  I firmly believe that meeting people in real life is bound to bring better results but I also realise how hard that is to achieve. 

[Ami1uwant]

19 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

But he did not treat me poorly up to now....When I pick these men they are perfect gentlemen! 

I would not be with someone who treats me poorly.

I am not questioning if I should drop him or not, he's blocked!

 

When do nice guys turn to jerks?  Think about when that happens.. is there something you coukd have asked earlier thst might have given you a hint.

 

it’s quite common when the new car smell ends and you become a couple people might start to revert to their usual self and fart next to you.

Edited August 11, 2022 by Ami1uwant

[Weezy1973]

Agree with the consensus here. You don’t need a dating coach. You’re actually really good at dating. No problems attracting men, going on dates, etc. It’s deeper stuff that seems to be the issue. For all your confidence Gaeta, you strike me as struggling with self worth at times. Instead of a dating coach, perhaps an actual therapist might help.

[Alpacalia]

47 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

But he did not treat me poorly up to now....When I pick these men they are perfect gentlemen! 

I would not be with someone who treats me poorly.

I am not questioning if I should drop him or not, he's blocked!

 

I stand corrected!

My interpretation was based on your previous thread where you stated every man you have dated or been in a relationship with cheated on you or was a jerk. Based on what you said, ghost guy appears to be on that list. In this case, there may have been a lack of interest in you demonstrated by him, which was exhibited jerkily on his part. 

Anyway, glad you've moved on.

In relation to dating coaches, I suppose what you hope to accomplish will determine whether they're worth it? I have never used one, but I have used a life coach. It wasn't for dating purposes, but it did help.

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

My interpretation was based on your previous thread where you stated every man you have dated or been in a relationship with cheated on you or was a jerk. 

Yes but they don't start off as jerks or cheaters. 

[Alpacalia]

Okay.

From the way I see it, It is extremely difficult to comprehend that you have not dated or had a meaningful relationship with a man that you would consider a good man. Like others have said, you have no issue attracting men.

Sometimes we feel like we're dating jerks when, in reality, our love lives unfold in the natural, sometimes difficult way they tend to do. 

34 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yes but they don't start off as jerks or cheaters. 

Sorry to hear that. I do hope the situation gets better for you.

[Calmandfocused]

G you don’t need a dating coach. We are your dating coaches and our services are free .

I think it’s less about you and more about the fact that OLD is  HARD these days. 
 

There is a significant reduction in the amount of people using OLD to find a relationship, and a significant increase in time wasters IMO. 
 

So my advice to you is: either have another break, or keep plugging away whilst continuing to have very high standards.

It’s a numbers game. Eventually you’ll strike lucky but expect it to be very hard work in the process. 

 

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

From the way I see it, It is extremely difficult to comprehend that you have not dated or had a meaningful relationship with a man that you would consider a good man.

I considered my ex as the love of my life and it was the happiest time of my life too, he still did what he did. All men are good, until they're not anymore. 

[clia]

2 hours ago, introverted1 said:

FWIW I think OLD is brutal in terms of finding good people, and I also think it only gets harder with age.  I firmly believe that meeting people in real life is bound to bring better results but I also realise how hard that is to achieve. 

I also think it really depends on what kind of services you think she can provide you.  You have no problems getting dates and are an experienced dater -- you just are not meeting quality men.  I agree with introverted1, quoted above.  I think you would be better served to try to meet men in person, rather than on Facebook or whatever online service you are currently using, and to focus your time and $300 on that rather than on a "dating coach."  

[smackie9]

You don't need a dating coach, you have plenty of experience and have np getting dates. How about this, whatever you are doing, do the opposite. 

[glows]

5 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I was wondering if a dating coach would be helpful. I've looked for one locally, I found a lady with a lot of good reviews. She's $150 an hour and we have to book her minimum 2 hours at a time. That's a lot of money & it's the price of a licensed therapist. If I have money to spend maybe I should spend it with a professional. 

What you think?

 

$300 isn’t much and there’s no harm trying. I think it’d be a waste though if you’d rather be spending time doing something else than listen to someone else regurgitate what you already likely know. I read in a post or two that you’ve been on plenty of dates. Maybe there’s some burn out there. Be a bit more selective and screen more before accepting dates or going past the first or second date.

[Gaeta]

17 minutes ago, glows said:

Maybe there’s some burn out there. Be a bit more selective and screen more before accepting dates or going past the first or second date.

I have not been on dating sites for months. 

Give me example of screening more? I pick men that are articulate, stable, show interest, give me attention, are polite and considerate. What else is there to check?

[Happy Lemming]

Is it OK to ask where you met "Mr. Radio Silent for 3 weeks"??

[glows]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

I have not been on dating sites for months. 

Give me example of screening more? I pick men that are articulate, stable, show interest, give me attention, are polite and considerate. What else is there to check?

Maybe they are not articulate enough, stable enough or compatible with you. You’ll have to try harder and change what you’re doing. Either way, good luck. I’m sure loved ones will know you better and can give more relevant advice than a forum or dating coach.

[Weezy1973]

20 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I pick men that are articulate, stable, show interest, give me attention, are polite and considerate.

These are all great qualities to screen for. Problem is, none of those qualities seem to be what actually attracts you. You’re attracted to, for lack of a better term, typical “attractive” qualities in men. Your ex, while not necessarily a looker, was quite charming. I believe you said at one point something like “he could talk the panties  off anyone”. Your ex husband was quite ambitious and successful. When you were dating you were like “a kid in a candy store” with all the hot men, and there was a particular “Adonis” that captured your attention.

And so when you’re dating a guy that doesn’t have those qualities you’re lukewarm at best. So they lose interest. 

Edited August 11, 2022 by Weezy1973

[poppyfields]

43 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Give me example of screening more? I pick men that are articulate, stable, show interest, give me attention, are polite and considerate. What else is there to check?

Gaeta, this is kinda my specialty because as you know I ended up having long term relationships and now marriage, with two men I met OLDing and it did not require me to meet very many men, I screened very very carefully and what I looked for, more than anything else, was that we had developed a mutual "connection" BEFORE even meeting.

Not a deep long lasting connection, that takes time after meeting in person, but there was a certain "vibe," a mental chemistry with my husband while getting to know each other on line; I actually fantasized about him sexually before ever even meeting him! 

We didn't have sex for a few dates, my point is the chemistry was there BEFORE the meet.

If that connection wasn't there after a few chats, say for a week or two tops, then I didn't meet them.  THAT was my screening process.

You will not meet as many men obviously, I had met only a few before meeting my husband. 

With my last boyfriend I met OLDing, he was only the second man I met!  In person.

Didn't need the validation, didn't need the attention, didn't need the compliments. 

I sought a mutual connection (which despite what some people believe you CAN feel on line).

And when we met in person, that same chemistry was there (but heightened) because it was genuine NOT based on how complimentary he was or how much attention he gave me or how polite he was or even based on his pics.

Fortunately his presence on line matched his presence in person which, don't ask me how, I KNEW it would because of well I screen for mutual chemistry.

Not sure if you're willing to do that, many people believe it's a numbers game, meet as many men as you can, but that never worked for me, it was a total waste of time.

That is when I began screening better.

Quality (of the connection) over quantity, I truly believe in that.

EDIT:  I think I mentioned this before in other threads but I chatted with at least 50 men before choosing to meet my now-husband in person.  All were very kind, attentive, complimentary, polite and successful however I didn't feel a damn thing while chatting with them, so I chose to NOT meet them.

 

 

Edited August 11, 2022 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, glows said:

 I’m sure loved ones will know you better and can give more relevant advice than a forum or dating coach.

No, never. My siblings have been in long term relationships for ever 15+ 25+ years. They never experienced online dating. They have no clue what it's like to be single and looking in our mid 50s.