ra_85 Posted August 10, 2022 Posted August 10, 2022 I have been seeing this guy for three months and he recently mentioned that there were a couple of girls he was talking to before meeting me and that they kinda drifted apart or ghosted eachother. And that he noticed then in his contact list so he sent them the "it was nice to meet you, best of luck in your future endeavors" and deleted the contact. A part of me thinks it's sweet but another part of me wonders if it was needed after 3 months. Is this a cause for concern? It's been going well with us and he says he is happy. Am I overthinking?
Happy Lemming Posted August 10, 2022 Posted August 10, 2022 My first thought was he was still dating the other women while he's been dating you. He has come to the conclusion that he would like to date you and only you, so he is saying goodbye to the other women. It doesn't seem logical to wish someone "best of luck" if you haven't seen them in 3 months. I can see him having some stale contacts in his phone and needing to delete them, but there was no need to send a message (if it had truly been 3 months since he has seen these women). 2
Author ra_85 Posted August 10, 2022 Author Posted August 10, 2022 3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: My first thought was he was still dating the other women while he's been dating you. He has come to the conclusion that he would like to date you and only you, so he is saying goodbye to the other women. It doesn't seem logical to wish someone "best of luck" if you haven't seen them in 3 months. I can see him having some stale contacts in his phone and needing to delete them, but there was no need to send a message (if it had truly been 3 months since he has seen these women). We had previously talked about where we were heading and he had mentioned that he wasn't talking to anyone else.
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2022 Posted August 10, 2022 I find it weird that he felt the need to tell you this. Maybe it's his way to confirm he's exclusively dating you. Had you talk about exclusivity before this? 1
Author ra_85 Posted August 10, 2022 Author Posted August 10, 2022 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I find it weird that he felt the need to tell you this. Maybe it's his way to confirm he's exclusively dating you. Had you talk about exclusivity before this? We had briefly talked about it before.....he had mentioned that he is not seeing anyone else but doens't want to rush into lables. I agreed and told him i am not in a place to want to rush anything either but that i do want to ensure we are both on the same page about stuff to avoid any misunderstandings.
Happy Lemming Posted August 10, 2022 Posted August 10, 2022 4 minutes ago, ra_85 said: We had previously talked about where we were heading and he had mentioned that he wasn't talking to anyone else. And all men always tell the truth... I've multi-dated and if/when I decided to focus on one particular woman, I would say goodbye to the others (immediately)... not 3 months later. 2
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2022 Posted August 10, 2022 Are you keeping in touch with old contacts? It could be his way of telling you it's time to get rid of those. 2
Author ra_85 Posted August 10, 2022 Author Posted August 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: And all men always tell the truth... I've multi-dated and if/when I decided to focus on one particular woman, I would say goodbye to the others (immediately)... not 3 months later. Granted we haven't had the "exclusivity" talk explicitly...more of a passing conversation at around the two month mark he had mentioned that he is not seeing anyone else but doens't want to rush into lables. I agreed and told him i am not in a place to want to rush anything either but that i do want to ensure we are both on the same page about stuff to avoid any misunderstandings. But i guess you are right thats a possibility. Should i be concerned of this behaviour or just have a conversation around exclusivity now and trust that he is not going to step out? I hate the modern dating world lol
Author ra_85 Posted August 10, 2022 Author Posted August 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Are you keeping in touch with old contacts? It could be his way of telling you it's time to get rid of those. So i take this as a good sign? No, i dont' keep in touch with any old contacts. I did have a guy that i went on two dates well before i met this guy ghost me, and come back two weeks later to tell me he felt bad for ghosting me and that he just wanted to let know he that he had been dating someone else simoultaniously and wanted to pursue something with them. But never heard of it three months later.... This guy did end with "i just wanted to let you know, as you have probably leant i like to be extra..." and jokingly added "thanks for making me drift apart with all these girls"...when i asked when they drifted apart he said around the time we met.
Happy Lemming Posted August 10, 2022 Posted August 10, 2022 I'd be concerned that after 3 months he is hesitant to use the label of "girlfriend". Are the two of you having sex?? If so, yes you should have the "exclusivity" talk and yes you should be allowed to use terms like "Boyfriend" and "girlfriend" (in my opinion). 3
Author ra_85 Posted August 10, 2022 Author Posted August 10, 2022 6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I'd be concerned that after 3 months he is hesitant to use the label of "girlfriend". Are the two of you having sex?? If so, yes you should have the "exclusivity" talk and yes you should be allowed to use terms like "Boyfriend" and "girlfriend" (in my opinion). We have had sex yes... His other actions don't scream concern. He is very responsive, we spend most saturdays together make plans for the future...he introduced me albiet casually to his mom and friends... But yes, i guess its time to have the talk. THank you for your input!
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2022 Posted August 10, 2022 11 hours ago, ra_85 said: I have been seeing this guy for three months. he sent them the "it was nice to meet you, best of luck in your future endeavors" and deleted the contact. part of me wonders if it was needed after 3 months. Did you notice these chats? It sounds like you two are exclusive now so he simply closed this out .
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2022 Posted August 10, 2022 11 hours ago, ra_85 said: he had mentioned that he is not seeing anyone else but doens't want to rush into lables. What was his logic behind that? gf/bf is not anything that will bind him legally or force him to have family dinners every Sunday. 1
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2022 Posted August 10, 2022 If you really want an answer, ask him why he felt a need to bring it up.
alphamale Posted August 14, 2022 Posted August 14, 2022 On 8/9/2022 at 9:39 PM, ra_85 said: I have been seeing this guy for three months and he recently mentioned that there were a couple of girls he was talking to before meeting me and that they kinda drifted apart or ghosted eachother. And that he noticed then in his contact list so he sent them the "it was nice to meet you, best of luck in your future endeavors" and deleted the contact. A part of me thinks it's sweet but another part of me wonders if it was needed after 3 months. Is this a cause for concern? It's been going well with us and he says he is happy. Am I overthinking? You’re overthinking ra_85
glows Posted August 14, 2022 Posted August 14, 2022 (edited) On 8/9/2022 at 6:39 PM, ra_85 said: I have been seeing this guy for three months and he recently mentioned that there were a couple of girls he was talking to before meeting me and that they kinda drifted apart or ghosted eachother. And that he noticed then in his contact list so he sent them the "it was nice to meet you, best of luck in your future endeavors" and deleted the contact. A part of me thinks it's sweet but another part of me wonders if it was needed after 3 months. Is this a cause for concern? It's been going well with us and he says he is happy. Am I overthinking? On 8/9/2022 at 7:08 PM, ra_85 said: So i take this as a good sign? No, i dont' keep in touch with any old contacts. I did have a guy that i went on two dates well before i met this guy ghost me, and come back two weeks later to tell me he felt bad for ghosting me and that he just wanted to let know he that he had been dating someone else simoultaniously and wanted to pursue something with them. But never heard of it three months later.... This guy did end with "i just wanted to let you know, as you have probably leant i like to be extra..." and jokingly added "thanks for making me drift apart with all these girls"...when i asked when they drifted apart he said around the time we met. Only time will tell at this point. He seems to be referencing a lot of “girls” and makes jokes that you don’t appear to find funny or amusing. After three months and being sexually intimate there should be some agreement or understanding of what this is. If you don’t feel comfortable with the situation stop having sex with someone who is vague or doesn’t meet your expectations. You seem more or less fine with the way he is but he’s awkward and seems unusually skittish (re issues with labels). Edited August 14, 2022 by glows 1
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