wtm78 Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 I am not doing great. But I will keep my head up high. You and I are just not great together. I hope you will find your own happiness.
Madd_hatter Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 I miss your smile, I miss your eyes, I miss your scent, I miss your voice, I miss your laugh, and most of all, I miss you. The feeling doesn’t really go away. It’s always there. I can block it out sometimes, but it’s always there. You’re always on my mind. Do you know that I replay any word you’ve ever said to me in my head over and over. I remember almost every conversation or interaction we’ve ever had. Do you know that they mean the world to me? I replay them so I could remember. I never want to forget. I wish I could see you. Talk to you. Laugh with you. Just sit with you. Feel you next to me. It’s not fair. I don’t know what the problem was. Was I not attractive enough? I only ever wanted to be what you wanted me to be. I could never do it though. I tried so hard. I prayed about it even. You just never saw me that way. I’ll never forgive myself for that. For not being enough for you. I should’ve tried harder. Or maybe I tried too hard. Whyyyyy? Why didn’t you want me? I’m so hurt. I can’t recover. I can’t move on. I don’t want anyone else. I’ll love you forever. My heart hurts so bad.
Aleohere Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Happy Birthday, BS. I really hate the way you ended things so I guess I'll wish you happy birthday from afar. I haven't talked to you since you broke up with me over two months ago. I miss you like crazy and still love you very much. I know you were betrayed and very guarded. You're a broken man and I wish you would have let me in. I tried my best but I couldn't make you happy. I know it's going to take a very special lady for you to surrender to love again. I hope you find her. I wish you the best and maybe our paths will cross again someday. Until then, you'll always been in my heart. Love and miss you a ton. C
scooby-philly Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 I have been really tempted to contact your parents and tell them about us. To make you feel the way you made me feel. But what good will it do? It won't bring you back. And I don't want you back. Not after 4 times of you either abandoning me or threatening too - when I took you back, still loved you, was still vulnerable, and you left in the end anyway. Maybe I let you walk all over me. Maybe it's really just your age and immaturity, lack of experience, and your family that you can't escape yet. Whatever the reason you broke my heart. But I guess in the end I learned how to truly love someone and how to let someone (at least when you were healthy and willing) to love me.
balletomane Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 I keep getting urges to check up on my ex via social media. I've removed him as a friend, but I know that much of what he posts is public. I want to know if he's with someone else. I suspect he is. I wish I didn't care. I care about myself enough not to give into the urge. It's been nearly two months of total no contact. I'll keep going.
Madd_hatter Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 Just when I think I’ve made progress, I get sucked right back in. I can’t stop thinking about you no matter how hard I try. I would give almost anything to be with you today. I miss you so much. I don’t know what do you Jason. I feel like I’ll never get over you. I don’t think I can. A year and a half, that’s how long it’s been. I haven’t recovered at all. Nothing helps. I just want this to be over but it never ends. I love you so much more than you’ll ever know. I want to scream. It’s so overwhelming. Ohhhhh god Jason.. I need you
smellysocksuni Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Do you even notice me? Do you feel anything when you see me? Why can't you just want me, or just message me? I'm tired of pretending you don't exist when in reality, you're the only person I see in the room.
Chrisice Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 I know neither of us wanted it to end. I only regret my inaction that allowed us to be separated. Happy Birthday, my sweet love.
MeadowFlower Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 It would be too hard to win your heart. I'm not up to your goodness. (not about the ex)
Madd_hatter Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 I guess I really do have to let you go now. I’ll keep you in my heart forever. You were perfect for me, you just didn’t know it. You couldn’t see it. We were meant to be together. I hate that we never had the chance. I can’t be mad at you. I know you were wrong in what you did, but I don’t care. I’m not mad. I would give anything to go back to that night. I will never stop wanting you or missing you. I hate that you’re gone. I can’t believe you won’t be here anymore. This small town will feel so lonely without you. This is crazy. I’m crying for a guy who I was never even with really. Pathetic, I know. But I guess that’s what I am. Pathetic. I’m badly damaged. Beyond repair, I think. The problem is, there’s only one you, and no one else can come close. I honestly have loved you from childhood. I was convinced we would end up together and it breaks my heart that we won’t. I love you. I will always love you. You took my whole heart with you when you left. I am empty now. Goodbye my love. My soulmate. My Jason... to me we will always be Jason and Maddison <3
KissingFire Posted November 23, 2019 Posted November 23, 2019 (edited) It's been over a year since you split with me, and despite how awful those first few weeks of utter confusion I had without you (my therapist mentioned that I didn't know how to live without you and was addicted to the chaos), you leaving me for her was the greatest gift you could ever give me. I have grown and become stronger, I have helped out with domestic abuse charities, I am fitter and healthier, I am more outgoing and I am flourishing. The love of my BF only adds to everything. He is wonderful and kind, works hard and is just overall incredible and he is man I want to father my children. I hear you went into the store we used to work in and starting shouting and yelling abuse to one of the workers. I went in to buy a scratchcard today and heard all about it. One woman even asked if I was still with him and I just laughed and said "God, no." And she smiled and told me I deserved better. I told her I had better, I have a man who is everything I've ever dreamed of and she was happy for me. I told my BF and we had a good laugh at your expense. He kissed the back of my hand and he told me he loved me and that we don't have to shop at that store anymore. I couldn't love him any more if I tried for being so considerate, but I am not afraid of you anymore and I will not stop shopping somewhere that is convenient to me for fears I might run into you. You don't own me. You do not control me anymore. I am stronger, more confident and prouder than ever. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I left. The last I heard from you is that you moved in with your new girlfriend, but that was ages ago. I wonder if you've started hitting her yet, or if she still believes you're a decent guy? I feel sorry for her. I don't know who she is as you've been removed off all social media and blocked on everything, but I still pity her. If I knew you at all, you've probably manipulated her into letting you stay there rent-free. You probably don't help out with any chores. The house is probably a dump/drug-den. She probably cooks your favorite meals every night to avoid you getting angry and starting fights. You have all that, and you're still coming to the shop 40 minutes from where you live and abusing the staff *we* used to work with? What is wrong with you? Leopards never change their spots, eh? Edited November 23, 2019 by KissingFire 2
TeddyBundy1993 Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 I healed you I gave you my heart. I saved money for our futures you told me I m the best man you can have. Your ex boyfriend committed suicide and I was there for you when you needed me but now you left me for a 16 year old man than you are. Wished I could have saved myself from you. You left me when I was in bleak position of my life and now you want me to be your friend?? After you rip my heart out toss it pff you'll never meet a man like me who could support you like I did. Wish I could deal with this hope of you returning but I know you wont. You'll date other men as you said pffff I wish to die so that I can't feel the pain anymore
2BGoodAgain Posted December 20, 2019 Posted December 20, 2019 Looking back... i started to connect the dots... the little tidbits of conversation that seem random at the time, but makes more sense now.. you aren't a bad person; you're just a person lost and having no peace in your heart to satisfaction with your life... i know you love your children, but you are inadvertently hurting them long term.. but that's none of my affair now... you tried for many years to bring me into your life.. even though our affair was just that... you tried to give legitimacy to our relationship by calling me your ex, that your daughter was more like my step daughter.. and i honestly thought of her as such.. such fantasies we had in our heads about what our lives would have been or how it'd turn out different, if we only had... or i only had... or you only had... in the end, you moved on... it isn't so much that you had moved on that bothers me so much... it's how quickly and how suddenly i went from "i will always love you, you know...." to "you're very close to crossing boundaries".... we had no boundaries, we threw ourselves at each other with wild abandon and it cost our daily... instead of spending time in our own lives, we gave it to each other and I thought this made us special... I didn't realize just how toxic it was... we "broke up" so many times, for many different reasons... but i realize almost every time, I'm the one who re-initiated our affairs.. I realize you were so into me, that you had to remove me entirely from your life to survive... but i kept intruding in on it and b/c you were addicted to me or how i made you feel... every time i found you, you fell back into the same pattern... somehow, along the way, i fell hard for you... and you, started to fall out... It doesn't matter that you went from spending days with me at the end... that you were as much into me as you weren't.. it bothers me that in a span of 2 weeks, you went from that to another guy.. in a span of a few weeks, you from your first "date" to looking up words of love/etc... it only tells me that you had sex with him and all the other things that he must be.. was right with you... oddly, i realize it isn't even you having sex with him that bothers me.. it's just how quickly you fall in love with the next guy... it cheapens what we had and it cheapens what we went thru... and it cheapens me. I can't really say this with much heart, as I've hurt my partner with my actions and feelings for you... all that i can accuse you of, i've done worse to my partner and I'm only now beginning to see the pain I've caused her. But you know what's amazing? her love for me. It boggles my mind and i tear up.. b/c no matter how exciting or intense the high was being with you, sleeping with you, talking with you, connecting with you... hers is so much more... deep. I realize deeper than even i know what love is, b/c after you, i have no idea what love is. I thought what i had with you was love, but in reality, it wasn't. Love is kind. Love is gentle. Love is not self seeking. .... just a few words, but you weren't that. You were judgemental, vindictive, you said things in your anger, that I find appalling and your lack of empathy... staggering... but i also remember when you were kind to me, and gentle to me and thought of me first... but i realize those were years ago... i don't know if you changed b/c of my involvement in your life.. my rejection of you... i wonder about that... but I know after years, i'm a diff person b/c of you... and after the last time we spoke and your actions/indifference to me... it changed me completely... But pain can be used for good, if you decide to walk the better path... change can be good, if you decide to be the better person... I don't hate you for how your feelings changed, I had many laughs and many good times with you, as much as the bad... but you are now my past and I need to let you go... it's easy to let you go in my mind, though at some unguarded moments, I'm sure you'll pop in my head.. but the most important part is letting you go in my heart. my mind knows our relationship was toxic. my attraction to you wasn't love. even the 12 years we got to know each other, it was a fantasy. my mind knows this, but my heart is the issue... i realize for years, you've been letting me go... but i just started to... and you've moved on... i know you've got your issues and jumping from guy to guy...as i've seen you do this past year... that isn't my concern any more.. even my anger .. i've gotta let that go.. so i can live my own life. I need to take the crazy pain in my heart and use it to grow... i know there's one way to contact you, but i've chosen this instead... one little victory.... it sucks noodles that i can't get closure from you.. but i don't think it'll help... you don't go back to the addiction for closure... you shut it down and walk away... I realize... randomly, from time to time you'll pop up in my head... but i hope i can remove you from my heart... so one day, i'll remember you as a memory rather than an addiction that I can't help but be drawn to... I'm not sure what to do with your mother's ring, you gave me on our last trip, as a way to always remember your ring size... another action that confused me greatly... i think during the trip, you slipped and started to fall my way again... got confused by our chemistry and innate ability to connect... it's okay; i'm beginning to understand where you were coming from all these years. But what to do with that ring? I was thinking of dropping it off on your mother's gravestone on the anniversary of her passing... that way i'd know you or your step dad would find it.. and it'll be returned back to you. But that seems rather overdramatic, don't you think? Perhaps i'll hold on to it, and give it to your daughter at a later time.. or perhaps i'll just return it via mail, but i don't know how that'll go with your family... a random ring, popping up? perhaps i'll just hold onto it as a hard lesson learned.... that all fantasies come to a end... and reality is suppose to be painful and hard and overcoming it is the only real way to overcome it. If you haven't forgotten about it... perhaps you'll get the courage to ask for it back. hm, I'm not sure i want that event to happen. Perhaps i should send it back to you.... Right now, all that I know is... my feelings were real and i think yours were too. We were just mistaken about what it really was... and in the end, every fantasy ends. I hope you find your peace in whomever you find; i hope you grow and realize the circles you're making and cut out of that fantasy. For it can no longer be my concern how your life turns out. I have my own life to live, a love i hope to find again in my heart, and hopefully, if i'm very very lucky and with right choices... find out again what love truly means... b/c what you taught me.. was what love wasn't. But even that, I thank you for. Good bye.
thecrucible Posted December 27, 2019 Posted December 27, 2019 I'm still working through the post break-up guilt because I still love (though not 'in love') with my ex. It's all me wondering whether I did the right thing but I cut it off because I thought it would do me better in the long term though it's really hard. I can't bring myself to reply to any letters or even throw things out which were gifts from him. I just stuff them in a box under the bed where I don't have to deal with them. I feel like he was so close to being the love of my life if only he had more thought for me and my feelings. I wish he could understand how that made me feel but I wouldn't know if he has as I don't read the letters he sends.
Finlandia Posted December 27, 2019 Posted December 27, 2019 Dear ex, IT HAS BEEN TWO. f***ING. YEARS. Can you PLEASE leave me alone?! No I will not give you a Christmas text and you certainly don't deserve any attention from me whatsoever. I've moved on and from the looks of things, YOU should be moving on. But have you?? I decided to cut contact with you completely after you so stupidly left me over such nonsensical reasons only to crawl back four days later to say you wanted to fix things. You then bitched at me when I did not do anything to fix the relationship after telling YOU that if you wanted another chance then YOU can pull your finger out of your butt and do something. What did you do instead? Jumped on Tinder to look for another bird while once again leaving me as nothing more than an option. That was all I ever was to you - an option. Never a priority. I tried to keep a friendship. I really did. But I couldn't do it. Your desperation was clear as day. You clearly regretted your treatment towards me and for being a s*** boyfriend but it was too late. Damage had been done and I still have to deal with the emotional scars you have left me. We truly were toxic for one another. Because of that, I cannot even bare the thought of keeping you around even as a *cough* "friend" while you sit across the table from me feeling sorry for yourself while pining over the very thing you so stupidly threw away while blowing up at me over ridiculous things. Oh and with that said - it looks like you have a new girl. How interesting. But I thought you said you were not seeing anyone.....? So are you going to start doing to her what you did to me? Treat her as an option? Keep her a secret from me and act like she is nothing? Hmm. I seriously hope I am wrong but I cannot shake off that fear that someone else is going to get hurt by you and your selfish actions once again. But this is not about her. This is about me. So STOP talking to me, STOP trying to reach out to me, and most importantly, LEAVE ME ALONE. No love, Me. And p.s: I do indeed have a new man in my life and within three months he has treated me with far more respect than you ever did in three years. (sorry people, getting a text from my ex on Christmas day triggered this ramble and since I have no desire to speak to my ex at all, I decided to vent here. Anyway, moving on.)
Steve40th396 Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 My wife and of 15 years are going to attempt a NC due to our pending Separation.. We want to see what is going to happen in the next 12 months. Is NC going to do any thing? Or will it make the heart realize what you have etc? Its a scarry thought of NC after 15 years, but if its the medicine we need.
andytuotuo Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Heard it’s snowing in Nanjing. Take care and stay warm
Reels Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 (edited) On 3/31/2019 at 6:24 PM, Reels said: I talked her online, last time on November 2018 and she was admittedly combative towards me. It really seemed like she hates that I talk to her and even hates simple questions even those like "how are you". I never cheated or said anything wrong to her. She just felt I am depending on her for my happiness. I was just thinking of messaging her today but I won't because my presence surely offends her. Even today, I was thinking of talking to her but again I have dropped the plan to talk to her. I have realized a lot of things but I still can't deny that finding true love will be very hard. Edited January 19, 2020 by Reels
Steve40th396 Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 On 1/8/2020 at 8:08 PM, Steve40th396 said: My wife and of 15 years are going to attempt a NC due to our pending Separation.. We want to see what is going to happen in the next 12 months. Is NC going to do any thing? Or will it make the heart realize what you have etc? Its a scarry thought of NC after 15 years, but if its the medicine we need. She does Not want a no contact. I told her what a no contact does as far as getting divorced, more than likely. She said she doesnt know what she wants as she is an emotional wreck right now. She wants to heal, many things are now on the plate in front of her, that werent for 3 years.. You cant read the mind of your partners, until they tell you their brutally honest thoughts, you never will know. 1
andytuotuo Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 I am sorry you feel that way, I really just meant to be friendly. i respect your decision and wish you all the happiness. hope one day our path will cross again.
andytuotuo Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) Happy Chinese New Year you, hope things are well and you are having a good time with B***e. You guys haven’t seen each other in a while Edited January 23, 2020 by andytuotuo
andytuotuo Posted January 25, 2020 Posted January 25, 2020 Hi you. I know you didn’t want to be friends. Just wanna say happy new year. Hope you are having fun with B****e and stay safe.
Maturest Posted January 26, 2020 Posted January 26, 2020 Hi everyone, I started NC about a week ago have been going through a divorce for about 1month. My husband of 45 years cheated on me and wanted divorce. I hate I still catch myself wanting to email him, he changed phones because the account was under my name. I could see all calls. At this point I just want to get the divorce over and get on with my life. NC is expensive when going through divorce but I’m sure it will be worth it. Any comments would be appreciated if anyone has gone through this 1
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