Tangerina Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Background.... together for 3 years, he left me 5 months ago... I was devistated to the point of severe depression for 1 month, realized it was over for real and picked myself up and started living again... met a nice boy who treats me so much better and has less problems and now I have fallen madly in love with him and I have fallen out of love with my ex... He changed his mind and wanted me back after 1.5 months apart and I said no (this was the third time he had broken up with me, and I had always taken him back before), and now he is very hurt and confused... I've made my peace with the situation... yah, there are some things that I still feel mad or upset about, but mostly don't have any strong feelings about him... I don't want to get back together... but it is important to me to be friends, if that is possible, but I don't want to push it or anything, but last time we talked he called me and it started out friendly but kind of turned into a you said-I said-you did-I did sort of argument and then his phone ran out of power.... so today I sent him a totally platonic e-mail.... hi, how are you doing, maybe we could play Scrabble, etc.... kind of like extending the olive branch.... this is his reply... (after some small talk) Havent been sleeping enough, but have been having a good enough time not to notice. Got rear-ended. No, I have not picked up my stuff from your house yet. Yes, I would like to. No, I no longer have an excuse for not paying you. Yes, I would like your mailing adress so I can mail you a letter. Maybe, in a thousand years I can stand seeing you for long enough to play a game of scrabble (this email started out well, but all of a sudden here comes that spoon-soul twisty-stab-y feeling again...). I'd like to see you when I come pick up my stuff, but I'm not sure a game of scrabble would really be a good idea for me right now. When I think of you hot emotions fill my stomach and heart and throat. Anger and jealousy and sadness and resentment and sorrow that is not for you but for me. I think that I would just end up being mean to you and trying to hurt you. I'm glad you have found some sort of peace with me over this. In my heart you still stand on the hill, between the sun and myself. The sun is setting, but still, when I look in your direction, I am blinded; I see only a vague outline of who you are, hear only a dim murmur of what you speak, as searing light fills my soul overfull, to the point where there can be nothing there but the desire to turn away. One day the sun will set. Today it still blinds my heart, stinging my guts so that I have only malice for any thing that turns my face toward that upon which it so burns to look. One day I want to meet again the figure on the hill. Although the sun is low, I do not think today is that day. I hope you are well. I don't know what to say, I don't want to keep rehashing the bad feelings, but I want him to know how I feel and that I have moved on and want to be friends... I feel really confused because on the one hand he is mad at me for "shutting him out" of my life and so I am trying to be open to him (on a strictly platonic level), but on the other hand I don't know if it is really a good idea to be the one to make contact since he is the one that is still messed up... Anyways, this is what I am thinking of replying, tell me what you think: I am sorry that you are still in so much pain, it hurts me to hear that. Yes I have made peace with the situation and moved on, but I know some of what you feel because the journey was far from easy, probably one of the most painful things I have felt in this life so far, though it was a different journey for me than it is for you. I am sorry that you are hurting because of what has passed between us. I am just trying to live my life the best that I can and find what happiness there is to be had. I don’t even know if I am ready to sit down and play Scrabble with you yet either, but I do know that I want to leave the door to friendship open for when we are both ready to walk through it, if that ever happens. I don’t want us to, as you said, drift away into the void… sometimes that is just what happens between people, fair enough, I don’t want to force anything, but I hope that someday there can be good will between us…. Anyways, please help me and tell me what you think. Am I doing the right thing being straight with him, or should I just drop it?
curly Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 The guy is obviously hurting over the break up. You extended an olive branch and he has declined. He realizes that being near you is just too painful for him. You may have given him some closure without realizing it. You told him that you are at peace with the break up and are moving on without him. I think he's very clear in that he can't be friends with you right now. I don't think he allowed a door to be open either. You can respond with an understanding note, your's is not too bad, but then leave it alone. You are pushing him to be friends with you. Why? Is it that important to be friends? You got over him. Allowing him back in will only mess with your head and perhaps mess up your new relationship. I don't think you need to respond but if you must, keep it very simple and light. Don't keep him hanging on to any hope.
slubberdegullion Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Don't contact him. There's no upside to doing so. It will only keep you looking in the rear-view mirror. Move on.
Author Tangerina Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 Thanks guys, that helps a lot.... cuz what I really don't want to do is mess with his emotions at all... curly, it is important to me to be friends, but not at the expense of his emotions, my new relationship, the emotional stability that I have gained, etc... and I don't want to push it if he is not ready! I thought he was somewhat interested in having contact since he called me to chat before and the reason that I e-mailed him was to show that if that is what he wants then I am open to it as well... I guess that isn't what he wants... I think I will just aknowledge what he has said without going too deep into what I feel, get the money that he owes me, and then let him be the one to contact me from now on...
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