ohso Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 (edited) My bf is very social and has many friends groups. Once my bf and I got in an argument and were basically broken up for a few weeks. We got over it. But during that time my bf was invited to a party at his friends house, but I wasn't. Actually my bf invited me because he thought I was invited too, but later had to say to me that I can't go because his friends decided so. That was long time ago and I know I may be immature about it, but I can't get over it. His friends later on started inviting me to their parties with my bf, but I never said yes, because I'm still hurt from how they treated me before. My bf told me they didn't want drama back then. But we don't do drama. And I was also hurt because my bf chose to go to their party still without me, when I wasn't invited. In a way he chose them over me. He didn't stood up for me. I don't want to get in between my bf and them, and I never mentioned this to him later. But from then on, I avoid his friends. I occasionaly meet them accidently somewhere and say hi to them, but I feel so awkward and embarresed and rejected still. His friends never apologized to me. And I don't need that. I just wish they didn't command my bf whom he can or can not go the their party with. Haven't they realized they're messing up my relationship with that, or they did it on purpose? In any case, they conditioned him and influenced him, which says to me they dont' like me. I don't know why and I don't care. But that's why I don't like my bf is hanging out with them, but I don't want to say it because I don't want the drama. Do you think I should get over it and start hanging out with them? Or should I just forget about them? My bf feels sad I never go with them. But I still can't shake the feeling something's off with them and that they don't like me, but they have to include me into parties because my bf would be torn between them and me then. They really like him, but I feel they control him. I also worry are they trying to hook up my bf with someone else while I'm not there. I don't know. What do you think? Edited August 5, 2022 by ohso
stillafool Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 (edited) 39 minutes ago, ohso said: I don't know. What do you think? I think your bf should stop telling them about issues he has with you. When you guys were broken up those 2 weeks your bf used them as support and made you out to be the bad person. Now that you've made up they still think badly of you. Much like a when a family hears about how badly a bf treats his gf and then they make up, but the family still thinks badly about him because he hurt someone they love. I'm sure with time they will get over it. In the meantime it isn't fair to prevent your bf from seeing them so I just wouldn't go with him to visit them if you're uncomfortable. Or, you could go and make nice, suck it up and they will get over it. This is why it's best to keep relationship problems between just the 2 of you and you should tell him that but when in a breakup some people need support. Also if he's your bf you should trust him not to get involved with other girls when you aren't around. Otherwise you don't need him. Edited August 5, 2022 by stillafool 1
Maldives Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 All I can say is what a pickle. My gf did that with me and I had to choose. In the end I chose her but I could never rebuild that friendship I lost. I would say it's not really your bf's fault he's trying to appease his friends and you. I understand you're hurt I would be as well. Maybe just shift your focus and thinking and hang out only with your bf and then let him just hang with his mates and have mates time. Tbh men can feel a lil akward when the gf comes along because men then feel they have to be on there best behaviour. 1
glows Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 52 minutes ago, ohso said: My bf is very social and has many friends groups. Once my bf and I got in an argument and were basically broken up for a few weeks. We got over it. But during that time my bf was invited to a party at his friends house, but I wasn't. Actually my bf invited me because he thought I was invited too, but later had to say to me that I can't go because his friends decided so. That was long time ago and I know I may be immature about it, but I can't get over it. His friends later on started inviting me to their parties with my bf, but I never said yes, because I'm still hurt from how they treated me before. My bf told me they didn't want drama back then. But we don't do drama. And I was also hurt because my bf chose to go to their party still without me, when I wasn't invited. In a way he chose them over me. He didn't stood up for me. I don't want to get in between my bf and them, and I never mentioned this to him later. But from then on, I avoid his friends. I occasionaly meet them accidently somewhere and say hi to them, but I feel so awkward and embarresed and rejected still. His friends never apologized to me. And I don't need that. I just wish they didn't command my bf whom he can or can not go the their party with. Haven't they realized they're messing up my relationship with that, or they did it on purpose? In any case, they conditioned him and influenced him, which says to me they dont' like me. I don't know why and I don't care. But that's why I don't like my bf is hanging out with them, but I don't want to say it because I don't want the drama. Do you think I should get over it and start hanging out with them? Or should I just forget about them? My bf feels sad I never go with them. But I still can't shake the feeling something's off with them and that they don't like me, but they have to include me into parties because my bf would be torn between them and me then. They really like him, but I feel they control him. I also worry are they trying to hook up my bf with someone else while I'm not there. I don't know. What do you think? It doesn’t sound like you trust your boyfriend in general. What was the argument about that broke you both up? This part stood out to me as well: ”My bf told me they didn't want drama back then. But we don't do drama. And I was also hurt because my bf chose to go to their party still without me, when I wasn't invited. In a way he chose them over me. He didn't stood up for me.” I can’t help but wonder why a person would want to go to their then ex boyfriend’s friends’ get together while broken up in the first place. Does this not seem inappropriate? You’d mentioned you were broken up during the time. Later you mentioned being afraid that they might hook him up with someone else suggesting you don’t trust your boyfriend. They’re his friends and it’s going to be a constant source of grief and an uphill battle should you continue to date your boyfriend. They’ve extended other invites to you yet you’ve declined. Those were opportunities to clear the air so why hold on to that grievance unless you don’t sense much of a future with your boyfriend. I think this is more about your relationship than it is about his friends.. that you don’t trust your bf but are getting upset that he has poor company for friends. It’s not really about his friends, is it? 3
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 (edited) I would be asking your boyfriend what he said about you to them during your break-up. He might have painted you in an unflattering light, which is on him. I would start there. Find out what they heard from him that led them to not want you at that party. Alternatively, I would try to understand if it was actually your boyfriend who changed his mind about having you there, and not his friends. He might have used them as the excuse if he decided he didn't want you to come, for whatever reason. Edited August 5, 2022 by ExpatInItaly 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 2 hours ago, ohso said: were basically broken up for a few weeks. We got over it. But during that time my bf was invited to a party at his friends house, but I wasn't. His friends never apologized to me. Unfortunately this is an issue between you an your BF and has nothing to do with his friends. He didn't want you to go because you were broken up at the time. his friends don't owe you anything. 2
basil67 Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 (edited) His friends are not turning your boyfriend against you. They simply didn't want you at their party when you were broken up. Now that you're back together, they are OK with it. This is not a hill to die on. Edited August 5, 2022 by basil67 1 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 11 hours ago, ohso said: My bf is very social and has many friends groups. Once my bf and I got in an argument and were basically broken up for a few weeks. We got over it. But during that time my bf was invited to a party at his friends house, but I wasn't. Actually my bf invited me because he thought I was invited too, but later had to say to me that I can't go because his friends decided so. That was long time ago and I know I may be immature about it, but I can't get over it. His friends later on started inviting me to their parties with my bf, but I never said yes, because I'm still hurt from how they treated me before. My bf told me they didn't want drama back then. But we don't do drama. And I was also hurt because my bf chose to go to their party still without me, when I wasn't invited. In a way he chose them over me. He didn't stood up for me. I don't want to get in between my bf and them, and I never mentioned this to him later. But from then on, I avoid his friends. I occasionaly meet them accidently somewhere and say hi to them, but I feel so awkward and embarresed and rejected still. His friends never apologized to me. And I don't need that. I just wish they didn't command my bf whom he can or can not go the their party with. Haven't they realized they're messing up my relationship with that, or they did it on purpose? In any case, they conditioned him and influenced him, which says to me they dont' like me. I don't know why and I don't care. But that's why I don't like my bf is hanging out with them, but I don't want to say it because I don't want the drama. Do you think I should get over it and start hanging out with them? Or should I just forget about them? My bf feels sad I never go with them. But I still can't shake the feeling something's off with them and that they don't like me, but they have to include me into parties because my bf would be torn between them and me then. They really like him, but I feel they control him. I also worry are they trying to hook up my bf with someone else while I'm not there. I don't know. What do you think? I have a group of guy friends I get together with in my hometown. some of our things it’s a guys only thing like we may get together and socialize playing friendly poker at one guys house. The guys might have been having a chalet party or they got together to support one of the guys who had a big breakup. but other times we will get together and everybody bring their wives. this summer we did a outdoor picnic/ party thing at one of the guys houses. Wives came and some brought their kids. We decided to do an outdoor themed game night where peop,e brought various toss games like corn hole and frisbee and others. Most of the guys have kids at high school/ college age. you shouldn’t be offended by him un inviting you.
ShyViolet Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 It sounds like you are making way more out of this than it is. His friends didn't invite you to their party during that period of time that you and your bf were broken up. Why would they invite you to their party if you and him are broken up, when they are HIS friends?? That would be just weird. Then once you got back together with your bf, they invited you again. You were the one who declined to accept the invitations, and are making very big assumptions that they don't like you. I am not sure what these assumptions are based on. Are they based on nothing more than the fact that they didn't invite you to ONE party while you and him were broken up? 3
basil67 Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 I'd just like to point out that refusing their invitations now = DRAMA. If they are currently "undermining the relationship" by pointing out that you hold unreasonable grudges, that's on you. 3
Lotsgoingon Posted August 5, 2022 Posted August 5, 2022 I'm confused. At the time of the party, were you guys together or not together? 1
smackie9 Posted August 6, 2022 Posted August 6, 2022 Uh no they do have every right to say no to whomever they don’t want at their party because it’s their party. That’s why invitations were invented. You should be questioning your bf’s integrity. Who knows what terrible things he told his friends about you when you broke up but it was enough for them to not want you around. It’s typical of people to go after/blame the outsiders when it’s actually the person standing in front of you. It’s your bf who should be apologizing and making amends with you. He’s the one that caused this. He needs to own it. Open your eyes girl. 1
poppyfields Posted August 6, 2022 Posted August 6, 2022 15 hours ago, basil67 said: I'd just like to point out that refusing their invitations now = DRAMA. Beat me to it, I was just about to post the same thing! Since you did first basil, I'll just agree with you. 1
lonelyplanetmoon Posted August 8, 2022 Posted August 8, 2022 Yep agree with Basil. Get over it. You are indeed being petty. you either accept him for who he is or you don’t and move onto someone else. You cannot change him.
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