Author Alpacalia Posted August 2, 2022 Author Posted August 2, 2022 25 minutes ago, poppyfields said: @Alpacaliado you have a fear of commitment? I ask because (1) you said you're older but yet admittedly still fickle, (2) based on the many threads you've created, you seem to have many men interested in and smitten with you but yet you are still single and prefer non-commital/casual relationships, (3) and even this guy, who at first I thought you were uncertain about (his feelings), now it appears (your own words) you find him too needy and hasty (translation: thirsty, desperate) and you are turning what should be a somewhat insignificant event into something major and dramatic - analyzing, dissecting, slicing and dicing until there is nothing left. This is what people with commitment fears do. I used to do same thing myself when I struggled with commitment fears, so I know how it goes. My sense now is you are considering dumping him for this, he's just too thirsty and needy for your taste. You are turned off by it. I am not judging you at all, as I said, I struggled with same fears. If I am wrong I apologize, but if I'm not, if there is even a shred of truth to what I wrote, own it and stop blaming him for being "immature, impulsive, needy and hasty." He got a tiny tattoo with your initial after a party, big whoop. Why not have a good laugh with him about it!? Why does it have to mean something? What are you so afraid of? If you've lost interest, if you find him immature, impulsive, needy, hasty, thirsty, desperate, then just dump him. It's really that simple. Thanks Poppy. These are significant points to consider. Having reflected a bit (as I tend to do) about his tattoo decision, I thought, "what a minute." I won't walk away because of this incident. I will be mindful of it. There is one of the many things that I really appreciate about him because he is rarely rash with me. He seems to understand me, and he is supportive in other areas of my life as well. Honestly, it was only this one incident that freaked me out that stands out to me. We discussed how we felt about it briefly, and he totally understood where I was coming from.
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2022 Posted August 2, 2022 3 hours ago, Alpacalia said: it was only this one incident that freaked me out that stands out to me. It's important to remember that everyone has different backgrounds ages cultures and values so the best thing to do is whatever is right for you. For example. If a woman I was dating 4 mos did this, it would be an absolute deal breaker. Not because of asking permission, (that is irrelevant to me, I would not view this as some sort of copyright infringement) but because it shows poor judgement, is creepy and clingy to me, regardless of blood alcohol content. Everyone has different values. So there's no need to ask people what they think then disparage them when they offer their thoughts if different from yours. So he may have thought it was a wonderful surprise, but the most important thing to reflect on it why it bothers you. As you can see from the responses the reactions are quite varied. 1
Author Alpacalia Posted August 2, 2022 Author Posted August 2, 2022 58 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: For example. If a woman I was dating 4 mos did this, it would be an absolute deal breaker. Not because of asking permission, (that is irrelevant to me, I would not view this as some sort of copyright infringement) but because it shows poor judgement, is creepy and clingy to me, regardless of blood alcohol content. That's true. Some of the things I see that others are okay with blow my mind.
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2022 Posted August 2, 2022 6 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: .Some of the things I see that others are okay with blow my mind. Precisely. For me, personally, impulsively, presumptuousness and poor judgement are characteristics I would not want to deal with. One person's "aww how romantic" is another's "run for the hills", so it's really about what is acceptable to you. 1
poppyfields Posted August 2, 2022 Posted August 2, 2022 (edited) Honestly @Alpacalia, for me, it would depend on how I felt about him, but generally speaking my nature is such is that I typically would take such small gestures with a grain of salt. I would NOT attach any significance to it whatsoever. I would find it neither romantic nor kind nor any indication of anything, including "caring." Something like that done after a few beers (not drunk) is something he did for himself, NOT me. As I said, knowing myself and IF I were into him, I'd have a good laugh about it with him and then let it go, carry on As @Wiseman said, his body, his choice. HE is the one who has to live with it, not me. It's not my concern. Not sure why you believe it's yours. Not everything people do is about us. @Alpacaliayou state some of our responses blow you mind. Well, tbh, this thread, all this analyzing about what it means etc etc and attaching qualities to his character (needy, impulsive, thirsty, hasty) kinda blow my mind. And if something like this would be deal-breaker for you or anyone, then I would surmise you weren't all that into him in the first place. And maybe you're not, maybe you are, I don't know. I just know when people have anxieties and fears about commitment, they take the tiniest of incidences, and blow them up to proportions that don't equal the "crime" so to speak. They look for an out (unconsciously) and here, well you got it. You don't sound compatible to me, your natures appear to be completely different, but I wish you luck moving forward with him if that is what you choose to do. Edited August 2, 2022 by poppyfields 1
NuevoYorko Posted August 2, 2022 Posted August 2, 2022 I feel bad for the guy. From my perspective, I guess I might be like "hm. What were they thinking?" And then carry on with the relationship. If he turned out to be mainly a combo of the bad qualities attributed to him here because he got a tattoo on impulse (needy, presumptuous, rash, etc.) then I would break this off. But I wouldn't attribute those things to him because of the tattoo. But if you really like him, wouldn't you want to make judgements on his character based upon how he is conducting himself in important areas of his life as well as in his relationship with you? 2
Author Alpacalia Posted August 2, 2022 Author Posted August 2, 2022 24 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: But if you really like him, wouldn't you want to make judgements on his character based upon how he is conducting himself in important areas of his life as well as in his relationship with you? Yes. Very true. Thank you!
ItsTheDay Posted August 2, 2022 Posted August 2, 2022 (edited) On 7/29/2022 at 10:32 AM, Alpacalia said: I went to rub it off and it didn't move. In his words, he and his best friend went for drinks after the party and he had it tattooed. On 7/29/2022 at 11:33 AM, Alpacalia said: My first notice of the tattoo came a few days after the party. I don't know about this one. If he did get this tattoo after the party, and you tried to rub it off only a few days later after him getting it, it would of hurt him. Doesn't matter how big or small the tattoo is, especially on the ankle area where it's close to the bone he would of been in some sort of discomfort when you tried to rub it off. You would of also felt how raw that area felt. Within the first few days after getting a tattoo the care is very important, he would most likely have ointment on it. So if no ointment was on it, or at the very least some kind of lotion and you found it felt just like any other part of his skin, it's not new. Edited August 2, 2022 by ItsTheDay 1 1
Author Alpacalia Posted August 2, 2022 Author Posted August 2, 2022 I think it's a wrap. (with advice). Thank you everyone.
Author Alpacalia Posted August 7, 2022 Author Posted August 7, 2022 (edited) I closed the thread but wanted to thank everyone again for the advice and post a quick update. In order to have some time together with the man I have been dating for the past few months, I invited him along with me for the last two days of my vacation during my trip. He flew out, and we had an amazing time. I mostly expressed my feelings word-for-word in what I posted here since we last had a chat about it and I opened up the discussion to learn how he felt about the whole thing. Well, he said he totally gets where I am coming from and he'd think the same. Then, he said he thought I was a bit funny about it too. His amusement stemmed from the fact that I reacted quite jitterily at first. Further, I have since learned that it is, in fact, a henna tattoo. It can last for up to 3-4 weeks, depending on where it is located. So, I think we left it at if either of us is so taken with the other that we are eager to make our connection more permanent, we will look into other avenues in the future if and when we reach that point. Thanks everyone! Edited August 7, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator merged thread/removed link 1
Happy Lemming Posted August 7, 2022 Posted August 7, 2022 24 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Further, I have since learned that it is, in fact, a henna tattoo. It can last for up to 3-4 weeks, depending on where it is located. That is what I thought it was... a temporary henna tattoo.
Author Alpacalia Posted August 8, 2022 Author Posted August 8, 2022 5 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: That is what I thought it was... a temporary henna tattoo. Yes, you were right! Because of the redness and crustiness of the skin, I initially thought it was permanent. I feel silly about the whole thing frankly. I communicated to him that if it had been permanent, I would not expect him to ask permission before permanently tattooing my initials on his body (assuming that is something he chooses to do). That I would really appreciate him at least asking for my opinion, even if he disagrees with it. In any case, we had a very pleasant conversation together. Both of us seem to feel pretty satisfied with it. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2022 Posted August 8, 2022 (edited) On 7/29/2022 at 10:47 AM, Alpacalia said: He said it was brand new. Why didn't he mention it was temporary at the time you first asked him about it a while ago? Hopefully you have overcome this communication hurdle and it's smoother sailing now. It's great you're learning about each other. Edited August 8, 2022 by Wiseman2
giotto Posted August 8, 2022 Posted August 8, 2022 I would be flattered. Ok, he got it when he was drunk(ish), but it shows that he really cares about you. 1
Author Alpacalia Posted August 8, 2022 Author Posted August 8, 2022 3 hours ago, giotto said: I would be flattered. Ok, he got it when he was drunk(ish), but it shows that he really cares about you. Thanks. Certainly, he does seem like a keeper. He spent a couple days with me on my vacation, and the hotel tried to overcharge me after I checked out. I disputed this and he told the hotel staff to pack up and buzz off (nicely). Although I am capable of speaking up for myself (and I did), I greatly appreciate him stepping in when necessary and taking care of things. 1
poppyfields Posted August 8, 2022 Posted August 8, 2022 14 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Because of the redness and crustiness of the skin, I initially thought it was permanent. There is no crustiness and redness with henna tattoos though. There is no pain and no healing time. From savedtattoo.com. >>Creating a henna tattoo is completely pain-free. Because the henna plant powder paste is placed onto the skin, there is no pain involved, which is great if a person fears the pain and discomfort of the regular tattoo. With henna tattoos, there is also no healing process. The dye simply dries on the skin leaving a dyed skin pattern that fades away after a few days.<< No matter, just confusing tis all. I'm glad you worked it out, enjoy. 2
basil67 Posted August 8, 2022 Posted August 8, 2022 (edited) @poppyfields is right. I had elaborate henna done on my hands at an Indian wedding event. After 10 minutes drying time, it felt like my normal healthy skin...and had faded in less than a week. Edited August 8, 2022 by basil67
stillafool Posted August 8, 2022 Posted August 8, 2022 Yeah my sister in law an I got henna tattoo ankle bracelets and we were fine. Maybe your guy was allergic to the henna.
poppyfields Posted August 8, 2022 Posted August 8, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: If it's still there, it's not henna.... OP said she noticed a week later. My understanding is henna tattoos last only a few days. Whatever, letting it go, a person could go crazy trying to decipher some of this stuff. All the best @Alpacaliahope it all works out the way you hope. Edited August 8, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Author Alpacalia Posted August 9, 2022 Author Posted August 9, 2022 Thanks. Henna longevity depends on location and one can have a reaction and irritation from it. 2
NuevoYorko Posted August 9, 2022 Posted August 9, 2022 On 8/8/2022 at 11:23 AM, poppyfields said: There is no crustiness and redness with henna tattoos though. There are many people who have reactions to henna tattoos though. https://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/picture-of-henna-tattoo-reactions 1 1
ShyViolet Posted August 9, 2022 Posted August 9, 2022 22 hours ago, basil67 said: If it's still there, it's not henna.... Well it would be pretty dumb of him to lie and say it's a temporary tattoo if it's in fact permanent, wouldn't it? She will soon find out for sure one way or the other, based on if the thing fades away or not. 1
basil67 Posted August 9, 2022 Posted August 9, 2022 What colour is the tattoo? If it's dark orange....fading to light orange, then he's probably being honest. If it's black, then he's dumb to lie about it.
NuevoYorko Posted August 9, 2022 Posted August 9, 2022 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: What colour is the tattoo? If it's dark orange....fading to light orange, then he's probably being honest. If it's black, then he's dumb to lie about it. There are whole businesses doing specifically BLACK henna tattoos. They are longer lasting and look like real ink. It is the additive that makes them black which causes the (fairly common) skin reaction shown in the WebMD link I posted above. 1
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