Riterwithbadspelling21 Posted July 28, 2022 Posted July 28, 2022 My longtime BF REVERSE opens doors for me and it annoys me. Should it? To explain, If we approach a door, he stands back and waits for me to open it. Usually in public and usually annoyed and gesturing for me to go get the door. Naturally, because I was raised that if you are opening a door, you hold it for the person behind you, I hold it open for him. Then he gets put off and says “go! Why do you always try to hold the door for me?” So basically, he then walks in behind me after insisting I first open the door. He never opens the door for me. This doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t open doors for me. But is this strange? He DOES open doors for others. Women and men alike. So it’s not a germ or OCD thing.
Wiseman2 Posted July 28, 2022 Posted July 28, 2022 (edited) 56 minutes ago, Riterwithbadspelling21 said: If we approach a door, he stands back and waits for me to open it. Usually in public and usually annoyed and gesturing for me to go get the door. Just don't open it. You're not his personal butler or doorman. Does he act arrogant in other ways as if you're his servant? Edited July 28, 2022 by Wiseman2 1
Author Riterwithbadspelling21 Posted July 28, 2022 Author Posted July 28, 2022 I have stood back and looked at him before when he does this. He gets upset and eventually will open the door, but he will walk right in and would let the door close on me if I wasn’t behind him. He does do the same with carrying things as well. (I should note that we work together. In a way, he is my bosses boss. I do a lot of work in cinematography and work with a lot of equipment. He is In the business, but not in the same type of field and doesn’t work with technical equipment like I do. He’s more of the “show up and shake hands” kind of guy. But when we have work at the same location or even when we aren’t working, I am the one that Is expected to carry things. I don’t bring it up because I don’t want to seem like the sensitive female who needs to be courted (I work in a very male dominated field), but it seems odd.
glows Posted July 28, 2022 Posted July 28, 2022 This is difficult to say unless you've been observing the same things over and over in numerous other occasions where he doesn't quite treat you the way you want to be treated in a relationship. Is this a relationship you see going anywhere or is it something for now? In the first post, I read his gestures as him ushering you out before him, in a gentlemanly manner even if his door opening manners were missing. He doesn't want you to hold the door open for him so let it go. He can catch the edge on his way out and take care of himself. That's what he's telling you. In your more recent post above about him expecting you to carry items when you aren't working suggests he continues to see you as an employee outside of work. While working, you're expected to continue doing your job if that means carrying equipment or items. I can see why this seems confusing. How long have you been dating? 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 28, 2022 Posted July 28, 2022 3 hours ago, Riterwithbadspelling21 said: he is my bosses boss. How long have you been dating? If he treats you like a flunky, you're not really partners.
basil67 Posted July 28, 2022 Posted July 28, 2022 It sounds like your boyfriend wasn't taught to not let doors slam in the face of the people behind. Given that he doesn't understand your explanation, I'm not sure what more you can do. Does he get bent out of shape when strangers hold the door from hitting him? Perhaps that's the angle you can take? The bag thing drives me nuts. My husband rarely remembers to help me with bags....I have to ask. But nobody's perfect and the rest of him is great. It's a hill I'm not going to die on
stillafool Posted July 28, 2022 Posted July 28, 2022 6 hours ago, Riterwithbadspelling21 said: I don’t bring it up because I don’t want to seem like the sensitive female who needs to be courted (I work in a very male dominated field), but it seems odd. You need to address this with him the next time it happens. You are not his employee or his homeboy you are his gf. If he gets angry after you talk and you still decide to be bothered with him, go ahead and open and walk through doors; but don't ever hold one open for him again.
LeGenDary_Man Posted July 29, 2022 Posted July 29, 2022 (edited) 11 hours ago, Riterwithbadspelling21 said: My longtime BF REVERSE opens doors for me and it annoys me. Should it? To explain, If we approach a door, he stands back and waits for me to open it. Usually in public and usually annoyed and gesturing for me to go get the door. Naturally, because I was raised that if you are opening a door, you hold it for the person behind you, I hold it open for him. Then he gets put off and says “go! Why do you always try to hold the door for me?” So basically, he then walks in behind me after insisting I first open the door. He never opens the door for me. This doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t open doors for me. But is this strange? He DOES open doors for others. Women and men alike. So it’s not a germ or OCD thing. Your BF is like LADIES FIRST in your case. You do not have to hold the door for him when you go inside. Your BF finds this gesture embarrassing and unnecessary. My manners are similar for my woman. I encourage her to move in FIRST because I feel that it is my responsibility to close the gate (or door) when I am with her. I will open the door for her when I have its key (at home). I have opened the door for her in Public places at times but not each time. I do not expect from my woman to hold the door for me unless I am carrying stuff with both hands and cannot handle the door in this situation. Edited July 29, 2022 by LeGenDary_Man 1
Maldives Posted July 29, 2022 Posted July 29, 2022 21 hours ago, Riterwithbadspelling21 said: My longtime BF REVERSE opens doors for me and it annoys me. Should it? To explain, If we approach a door, he stands back and waits for me to open it. Usually in public and usually annoyed and gesturing for me to go get the door. Naturally, because I was raised that if you are opening a door, you hold it for the person behind you, I hold it open for him. Then he gets put off and says “go! Why do you always try to hold the door for me?” So basically, he then walks in behind me after insisting I first open the door. He never opens the door for me. This doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t open doors for me. But is this strange? He DOES open doors for others. Women and men alike. So it’s not a germ or OCD thing. Ye it's weird alright and shows a lack of respect towards you 1
Mrin Posted July 30, 2022 Posted July 30, 2022 (edited) Ok that's weird. Could he be just socially clueless? Have you discussed it with him directly? The reason I say that is I had a funny experience once. I can be pretty old fashioned at times and so when I am on a date and I always rise when a woman leaves or returns to the table and remain standing until she is seated. My date had to use the ladies room so I rose. She left. When she returned I also rose. She was confused by this and remained standing thinking that perhaps I picked up the check and it was time to go despite the table still having drinks on it. For a few awkward moments we were engaged in stand off. I finally recognized what was going on and gestured for her to sit. A lightbulb went off in her head and she realized what was going on. She laughed and said, "OMG is has been so long since a man has done that for me I didn't even realize!" We had a fun conversation about modern chivalry after that. So perhaps he just doesn't know. Or he's a douchebag... Edited July 30, 2022 by Mrin
Els Posted July 30, 2022 Posted July 30, 2022 He ASKS you to open the door?? That's... umm, yeah, a wee bit strange.
poppyfields Posted July 30, 2022 Posted July 30, 2022 (edited) On 7/28/2022 at 7:08 AM, Riterwithbadspelling21 said: If we approach a door, he stands back and waits for me to open it. Usually in public and usually annoyed and gesturing for me to go get the door. Very clearly, he feels he's the King and you're his servant. Does he require you to bow to his presence when he enters a room too? What's the rest of your relationship like? Is it a Dom/Sub situation? No judgment if it is, I'm just trying to get a clearer picture of your dynamic. Edited July 30, 2022 by poppyfields
mark clemson Posted July 30, 2022 Posted July 30, 2022 (edited) Sound like he may have some sort of weird belief about this and/or a good old fashioned mild neurosis. These are extremely common, although the fact that it's bothering you means it should be addressed. Maybe there's some non-problematic alternative behavior he can do to "replace" this. Edited July 30, 2022 by mark clemson
glows Posted July 30, 2022 Posted July 30, 2022 (edited) Have you told him how you feel yet since posting or creating the thread? He asked you why you hold the door open, tell him next time that what you wrote here and that that’s how you’re raised. You seem to have been together awhile. And be more open about the bags or helping you with things if you’re attending somewhere together. You both have some differences there but you’ll have to decide if it makes or breaks your relationship. If there are other instances where he doesn’t show he cares, you’ll have to figure out whether this is going anywhere or if you’d rather not put up with him or him not wanting to change or be more courteous. Edited July 30, 2022 by glows
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2022 Posted July 31, 2022 He's not a mind reader, you need to tell him it bothers you. If he's treating you like yer second class/a servant then there's bad in this relationship.
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2022 Posted July 31, 2022 It shows a lack of consideration and good manners to me. Is this consistent in other aspects for the relationship/his interactions with other people. Is her rude, selfish, inconsiderate in other ways?
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