Saorla Posted July 25, 2022 Posted July 25, 2022 So I´ve been talking to this guy I´m supposed to meet this week and there have some things that jumped out to me as reg flags/fake vulnerability. Sometimes guys fake this whole narrative of being vulnerable and claim things that should be shown not told, f ex this guy has said several times that he´s an empath, that he feels so deeply, he shared some deeply personal things and in general says stuff that are almost too good to be true. He doesn´t look like a player in his pictures (not particularly very handsome, but cute enough) but I´m thinking that a real "empath" or someone who "feels deeply" doesn´t need to declare it over and over again. He writes really long messages about how stable and happy he is at this point of his life which makes me thing he´s anything but. Do you think my intuition is right on this one? Or could it be that he´s genuine? Maybe he´s not outright fake, but something about making these kind of declarations about yourself scream to me as mental instability and/or projecting an image.
Wiseman2 Posted July 25, 2022 Posted July 25, 2022 2 hours ago, Saorla said: He writes really long messages about how stable and happy he is at this point of his life which makes me thing he´s anything but. Agree. Trust your instincts. He seems neurotic. 1
BaileyB Posted July 25, 2022 Posted July 25, 2022 2 hours ago, Saorla said: something about making these kind of declarations about yourself scream to me as mental instability and/or projecting an image. That would be my assumption as well. 1
introverted1 Posted July 25, 2022 Posted July 25, 2022 Way too much energy invested into a guy you are talking to on a dating site and haven't met. If you have doubts strong enough to post about them on an anonymous forum, that's a sign to move on to the next guy. 3
ShyViolet Posted July 25, 2022 Posted July 25, 2022 If something seems off, it probably is. You should definitely trust your gut on this one. The way he is talking would turn me off also. I doubt I would be interested in this guy.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 25, 2022 Posted July 25, 2022 9 hours ago, Saorla said: Maybe he´s not outright fake, but something about making these kind of declarations about yourself scream to me as mental instability and/or projecting an image. I think he's trying to convince himself that he is stable and happy and an empath. He figures if he repeats it enough times, it will be true. I personally steer clear of people who trumpet themselves too much, especially when I don't even know them. 3
glows Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 13 hours ago, Saorla said: So I´ve been talking to this guy I´m supposed to meet this week and there have some things that jumped out to me as reg flags/fake vulnerability. Sometimes guys fake this whole narrative of being vulnerable and claim things that should be shown not told, f ex this guy has said several times that he´s an empath, that he feels so deeply, he shared some deeply personal things and in general says stuff that are almost too good to be true. He doesn´t look like a player in his pictures (not particularly very handsome, but cute enough) but I´m thinking that a real "empath" or someone who "feels deeply" doesn´t need to declare it over and over again. He writes really long messages about how stable and happy he is at this point of his life which makes me thing he´s anything but. Do you think my intuition is right on this one? Or could it be that he´s genuine? Maybe he´s not outright fake, but something about making these kind of declarations about yourself scream to me as mental instability and/or projecting an image. Trust your instincts. Someone feeling good about themselves wouldn’t need to say any of this. 1
balletomane Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 I would steer clear of anyone describing themselves as "an empath", because there is no such thing. Empathy is a quality all humans can cultivate, not a magic superpower. In my experience the people who proclaim themselves to be "empaths" are just emotionally overbearing and needy and they see these things as signs of what unique special souls they are. 2
Wiseman2 Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 22 hours ago, Saorla said: .He writes really long messages about how stable and happy he is Copy/paste journaling-like messaging is quite creepy. At best it's a monologue.
Author Saorla Posted July 26, 2022 Author Posted July 26, 2022 (edited) 17 hours ago, introverted1 said: Way too much energy invested into a guy you are talking to on a dating site and haven't met. If you have doubts strong enough to post about them on an anonymous forum, that's a sign to move on to the next guy. Doesn´t have to be about this specific guy. It´s somewhat of a tendency with me lately, maybe because I give off boho vibes. Had several guys making such declarations about their character. I wonder if they pick it up and try to fake something that would be attractive to me. Luckily, it hasn´t worked yet. My initial reaction is always "oh, yay" but then...why would an empath need to tell that he is one. I would feel it along the way lol Edited July 26, 2022 by Saorla
Author Saorla Posted July 26, 2022 Author Posted July 26, 2022 13 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think he's trying to convince himself that he is stable and happy and an empath. He figures if he repeats it enough times, it will be true. I personally steer clear of people who trumpet themselves too much, especially when I don't even know them. I think so too. If someone is this deep, empathetic, happy person they´re confident that others will pick it up 1
bene Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 Mentioning it once is one thing, repeatedly stressing it is another. It’s like saying repeatedly that you don’t have a drinking problem - makes you wonder… 1
Alpacalia Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 (edited) It's akin to someone saying that they are a "nice person" or "they're different from most people." Sure you are. Edited July 26, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
glows Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, Saorla said: Had several guys making such declarations about their character. I’d pay more attention to actions and what that person is doing with their life. Do they enrich the lives of others? What do they do in their free time? Is it completely self-absorbed? You’ll see more of a person’s character in what they do (or don’t do). You’ll also learn about someone in their interactions and relationships with others. Observe actions. Self-descriptions aren’t usually necessary like this whether it’s about being an “empath” or not. It’s showing rather than telling that means more. I’d want to see more what this person is capable of, not simply hear about it. Edited July 26, 2022 by glows
mark clemson Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 (edited) Yes, agreeing with most above - in a case like this if your gut is telling you something's off with this person it probably is. Edited July 26, 2022 by mark clemson
smackie9 Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 When someone goes at length to explain themselves, it's usually lies/covering up something. Run for the hills.
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