lifestyle1 Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I was the OW 5 years ago and we both left our marriages for each other and moved in right away. We have been 2gether 4 years with my 3 kids. Believe me when you begin a relationship out of an affair it is chock full of drama and trauma. I don't reccommend it. He was angry, in denial and verbally abusive. He never divorced wifey (signed the papers but never mailed). He picked a fight with me, and threatened to leave. I called his bluff. He left- which prompted me to look closer and I discovered he began a relationship with another woman 3 months ago. It had not progressed to a sexual affair (i asked them both) and sought out his credit card and debit card statements to verify (no hotels) and she still lived with soon to be x. Get this, his neice set them up- thank you very much. I am so hurt to see that he was telephoning this woman up to 7 times a day. I shouldnt be surprised, since he did it to his wife. I walked out on my marriage and my life for this guy- and he had the nerve to begin a relationship with another married woman (she hadnt moved out yet) AGAIN. I am beating myself up. I am sad, angry, hurt and have barely eatedn in 10 days. he says he is miserable. Says he loved me, but doesnt know if he still loves me because he is so hurt. We were both ecperimenting on the internet with adult swingers and had participated together, I answered and signed on a few times without him and he said I cheated fist. clearly we both have boundary issues. but just the same i am so hurt
stevestunts Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 hey there, soory about your luck. i have a rule never date or get involved with someone who is involved themselves cus if they leave them for you, they'll leave you for someone else.
whichwayisup Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Sadly for you this is why affairs that end marriages then turn into long term relationships rarely work out. How can someone be married - cheat - then end the marriages - then hook up together with NO time inbetween to allow the grieving of the previous marriages/relationships? It started off as such high drama, intense feelings and alot of sex. Seems then life sets in and it's not what it was ... I'm sorry for your pain. We were both ecperimenting on the internet with adult swingers and had participated together, I answered and signed on a few times without him and he said I cheated fist. Probably wasn't a good idea to do the internet swingers thing... I'm not judging you but why not just enjoy eachother instead of keeping the drama and rollercoaster ride going?
allaboutchoices Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I am very sorry for your situation. On the other hand I must say that I really appreciate you sharing your story with us. It just reassured me that I am doing the right thing, and it will probably help others who are going through this as well. Sorry you have to go through more drama in your life
pippen_2k Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Maybe im being a lil harsh here but I have little to no sympathy for you both. You both have an affair whilst married, probably hurt 2 genuine people and now this backfires...... Life has wayz of getting back at you. I hope 4 your kids sake everything turns out ok tho Silly move giving up on a relationship to move in with a cheater.. This was always gonna happen. I hope you learn from this.
Author lifestyle1 Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 I never thought I would be a cheater, never even occurred to me. never looked at all. Then it happened. Beleive me, I do have enough guilt for the pain I caused my family. I also did mistrust him, because I was not his firts affair. How stupid, I thought this was love and passion, and real. I sought therapy alone and with the cheater as an insurance policy to make sure I/we were doing the right thing. I took the chance on love. Did I fail miserably? yes, Because I wanted to beleive. Will I do it again? not in a million years. I actually called his wife and we met for coffee and I apologized in person for the pain I caused her and her children. This still did not releive my shame/pain/guilt. A big part of my pain is that I feel like I had this coming. I picked a loser karma All I wanted was someone to love me, and his intensity and passion were indeed seductive. I do deserve to be happy. - and he went to great lengths to be with me. He left a 17yr marriage for me- I wanted to go the distance AND MAKE IT WORK. i DONT WANT SYMPATHY. i WANT RELIEF FROM MY AGONY. And I want others, who are even considering a MM- to stop dead in their tracks.
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