Electrogrrl Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 it just kinda fizzles out??? I've had this online/long distance thing for a couple of months with an amazing, wonderful guy. We used to talk for hours (like seriously 4 + hour MSN conversations) daily but lately it's slowed down...okay, obviously I know that my guy can't stay up till 10 am every night/day online chatting with me; that's just silly (he lives in Paris which is a 6 hour time difference from NYC). But when we first started up with this online relationship, he was ridiculously romantic...like sending romantic quotes, short messages to let me know that although he was busy he was still thinking of me, etc. Now, we still talk nearly every day **usually for at least an hour** but no more romantic emails. I want to tell myself that this is basically like in person relationships, where you have the "honeymoon" stage the first couple of months and then it slows down cause you're so comfortable with one another, but this whole distance thing has me feeling insecure. So is this how it goes?? Guys and people who actually have experience with the whole LDR/internet relationship thing: help a confused girl out!! I don't want my own stupid thoughts/insecurities to drive me mad!
westernxer Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 It's not a real relationship until you actually meet. Words can't make up for lack of physical presence. He probably met someone closer. It happens...
Art_Critic Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 (like seriously 4 + hour MSN conversations) I agree with West .. and add that a 4 hr convo on MSN is equal to about 20-30 mins in real face to face..if you include typing time.. taking a pis* and eating..
Author Electrogrrl Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 It's not a real relationship until you actually meet. Words can't make up for lack of physical presence. He probably met someone closer. It happens... That sucks! Yes, that thought crossed my mind as well, but I threw it out the window as I really don't think it's about another girl. It probably sounds stupid to someone that doesn't think of online "relationships" as "real" but I'm gonna have to say (in spite of sounding cliche) that we have a pretty close bond/connection and I know he's not the type that's just looking for the next best thing...especially since our "relationship" has already progressed past the I really like you stage.. I sincerely am going to go with my gut feeling on this when I say I believe it is NOT another woman...I just don't get that from him...I kinda want to ask him about the whole situation, but I don't want him to think I'm some insecure freakshow!
BigB Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I think a few months into any relationship some of us guys start getting too comfortable. We know we've already "won the girl over" and as a result we stop trying as hard. If this was a real-life relationship that "win you over romance" stuff would've been replaced by now, you'd be spending time together, sleeping together, kissing, hugging, going on date's, etc. Do you plan on meeting this guy soon? The longer you wait the more it's gonna hurt if it doesn't work, and the more likely one of you is going to meet someone who lives closer. I don't mean to scare you, but I'm dating/sleeping with a girl who's got an internet boyfriend she's never met:o . He has no idea and thinks we're just friends. (he's pretty naive if you ask me, he knows I stay over at her house:rolleyes: ) You might think I'm a real a**h*** trying to steal her away from her internet relationship, but IMO it's not a real relationship. I'm all for meeting people on-line, however, I think that any kind of commitment before meeting is a recipe for problems, and I think you should always try to meet in real life ASAP.
AlmostMarried77 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 how long are your phone conversations? i met my wife online and our MSN chats were long... 3-4 hours weren't uncommon. Then we started phoning each other and again, 3-4 hours on the phone weren't uncommon. Then we met and 2 weeks together without any dry patches in convo seemed normal But it wasn't untill we actually phoned each other that feelings really developed. Infact, over the whole MSN phase we were both actively dating and talking to each other about dating other people. If all you have is msn then push it a stage further before thinking bad of it. MSN is a great way of geting to know someone but the lag in response removes the intamacy that more traditional means of communication bring.
noclobber Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 it just kinda fizzles out??? I've had this online/long distance thing for a couple of months with an amazing, wonderful guy. We used to talk for hours (like seriously 4 + hour MSN conversations) daily but lately it's slowed down...okay, obviously I know that my guy can't stay up till 10 am every night/day online chatting with me; that's just silly (he lives in Paris which is a 6 hour time difference from NYC). But when we first started up with this online relationship, he was ridiculously romantic...like sending romantic quotes, short messages to let me know that although he was busy he was still thinking of me, etc. Now, we still talk nearly every day **usually for at least an hour** but no more romantic emails. I want to tell myself that this is basically like in person relationships, where you have the "honeymoon" stage the first couple of months and then it slows down cause you're so comfortable with one another, but this whole distance thing has me feeling insecure. So is this how it goes?? Guys and people who actually have experience with the whole LDR/internet relationship thing: help a confused girl out!! I don't want my own stupid thoughts/insecurities to drive me mad! ... b'cos the thrill of the chase is over! Go Figure... ha ha ha
glittergurl Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 I met my husband online, and although we used to talk for HOURS on msn messenger in the beginning, I definitely think that the phone conversations made the difference. We talked every night for at least 3 hours on the phone. OMG, that was so sweet. We met about 3 months later, and our conversations were still the same Except there was the sexy/physical part **sighh** good times! And now we're married!!! **sighhhhhhhhhhhhh** So anyway, to answer your question: no, there was never a time when we talked "less" than before. We're definitely much closer than in the beginning and share a whole lot more private things, but in terms of communication time/quality; it's always been the same. I think your e-fella could have met someone in real life ... That's what scared me when I met my husband online; and that's why I couldn't wait to meet him in person so things would be a little more concrete and he wouldn't get a chance to run off with another piece of a$$.
melissa6705 Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 I think a few months into any relationship some of us guys start getting too comfortable. We know we've already "won the girl over" and as a result we stop trying as hard. If this was a real-life relationship that "win you over romance" stuff would've been replaced by now, you'd be spending time together, sleeping together, kissing, hugging, going on date's, etc. Do you plan on meeting this guy soon? The longer you wait the more it's gonna hurt if it doesn't work, and the more likely one of you is going to meet someone who lives closer. I don't mean to scare you, but I'm dating/sleeping with a girl who's got an internet boyfriend she's never met:o . He has no idea and thinks we're just friends. (he's pretty naive if you ask me, he knows I stay over at her house:rolleyes: ) You might think I'm a real a**h*** trying to steal her away from her internet relationship, but IMO it's not a real relationship. I'm all for meeting people on-line, however, I think that any kind of commitment before meeting is a recipe for problems, and I think you should always try to meet in real life ASAP. You couldn't of said it better.
kgal Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 I know how you feel. Same thing happened with me... they just get distracted I guess. It does suck!
Outcast Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 "real" but I'm gonna have to say (in spite of sounding cliche) that we have a pretty close bond/connection and I know he's not the type that's just looking for the next best thing...especially since our "relationship" has already progressed past the I really like you stage.. You really can't be sure of anything in online relationships. You heard a couple of happy endings, but there are just as many unhappy endings when the two people meet and realize they aren't really well suited after all.
Author Electrogrrl Posted October 27, 2005 Author Posted October 27, 2005 You really can't be sure of anything in online relationships. You heard a couple of happy endings, but there are just as many unhappy endings when the two people meet and realize they aren't really well suited after all. I agree with what a lot of you said, about how you can't really know what's going on in online relationships. However, that being said a lot of the time many people don't even know what's really going on in "real life/face to face" relationships as well. People can lie to your face just as easily (I know well enough as I've been on the receiving and giving end of it). But I had a realization that this guy can't be Casanova forever, and while he's still incredibly sweet and romantic (just not as often), I know it's unrealistic of me to expect that of him 24/7--which is what I had begun to do. I've had many epiphanies about myself and how I handle relationships while getting to know this guy. I've discovered how I tend to let my insecurities get the best of me and how easily my imagination blows situations outta proportion. I've also learned that usually, when it comes to a man, the best explanation for things is the most simple one. As far as the whole disappointment thing goes if we meet and discover there's no real life chemistry or whatever; we've both discussed this and agreed that we're both so happy to have met each other that we would be okay with just being friends. I don't know. It's weird. I try and go with my gut instincts about things and for some reason I just can not feel bad about this guy (my last relationship I would literally get nauseated at the thought of him--if that's not a sign to break up, I don't know what is!) I guess we shall see. I hope to be making a trip to Paris sometime in December, schedule permitting and all:D
TUDOR Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 "Men, why so romantic in the beginning then....." For the same reasons women give men blow jobs until they get a ring and then stop!
lindya Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 I hope to be making a trip to Paris sometime in December, schedule permitting and all:D I was about to say.... Electro, LDRs are really difficult. I was in one for ages when my ex was moved away through work. If I could turn the clock back, I really would have just ended the relationship when he moved - and that was someone I'd spent a lot of time with in the flesh. This is someone you haven't even met. You need to meet up with him asap before you invest even more of your emotions into it. What if there's no physical chemistry? I don't really see how you could gauge that from emails.
kisa Posted November 8, 2005 Posted November 8, 2005 I know exactly what you mean. im a 20 year old male in a long distance relationship with my fiance and i can say that it is exactly like that in our neck of the woods. It kinda has me feeling bad and sad so ive been trying to keep up the initial pace. i think that you are right it is just how it happens in the first of all relationships. I wouldnt worry if i were you insecurity can come between and start to cause rifts and that hurts. Just think of the future and reassure yourself that he will always be there for you.
Panhandler Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 Ahhhh online relationships, hehehe these things suck, bad because there's already so many variables against you especially if you are from two different countries. Most relationships happen from convenience and physical sensuality, online relationships start from convenience of talking online, and fantasy. But of course the way it turns out is that the real world chemistry is hard to start unless the persons on each end are desperate for a mate, and having so much trouble in their local scene. So it's a bad start, I had made a friend online in like 2001. I just started to talk to her, and I wanted to help her, and she was from my hometown so I liked the idea of eventually going there and seeing her some time. Cause I always felt a bit out of place going back home and not knowing what to do. It was fun at first to talk to her, but she really didn't share much of her personality. She would just say that was how she was, that she didn't know what to say to me. Then I started to talk to her real life friend online and they were both trying to turn me on, cause we were all bored. I was living alone in a new area, and there wasn't much going on I was interested in, I had more bills to pay than cares of making more with a girl. So her friend and her I later found out were having sex, and that they both were sluts and when I met the one in person on a visit to my hometown, she was pretty cute. But the girl I had been talking to originally for so many years was ashamed of herself, and embarassed, and she was on drugs by this time and didn't even wanna talk to me, she was scared too. Cause if I was disappointed I spent all these years of my life telling personal things to this stranger I only assumed was attractive and nice. So it was really an akward thing, and at one point I just blew her off totally and told her I didn't like her. She had no valueable things to say, and she wasn't my type etc. So after years I just realized, man I hate this girl, why would I even care if she dropped dead, I'm far from desperate, she was low on the food chain in my list of who I'd like. Cause she mentally was the equivilent of a dog, when I'd talk to her, and when she'd open up to me, I was sort of disgusted with her lifestyle. Now I seen her friend not too long ago, and she looked sick, I swear they both have AIDS or something. She was anaerexic like skinny, and she looked like she was on some heavy drugs. The girls had started to use and abuse oxycotin's and I wonder now how old she even was and if she lied to me or if she was a guy I sometimes though. hehehe it was so weird...heheh but she said she loved me a lot of times before when she was real high, and she seemed to enjoy me telling her about my interesting and unusual life and ideas. But what a disaster that was, it was like putting money into a big dream house and having it all burn down. You have such high hopes, and then reality takes that right away, because people are different in real life. Girls all act like they are the best online and they hide behind this anonymous computer screen and you would see right thru their bs in real life. So online relationships suck, and I try not to make too many online friends as any replacement or comparison for real life ones. I seriously wonder what became of that girl though. I know where she lives, know her address by heart, cause she was a close person for me to confide in, yet an absolute stranger I knew very little about. It was really weird, but it seemed when I moved back to my hometown that she was having a mental stress attack that she wasn't good enuff for me, and was scared to ever meet me. Then I told her off, and she said fine and went off looking for someone in her life. hehehe I wonder if she'd ever come crawling back to me, or she's too embarassed, she never said she was super great looking, thin a slut, a recreational drug user, bisexual, sort of dim in the head, and average looks, is what my long term impression of her was. I always wonder did I ever see her, or what became of her. I know she lived her up till last summer maybe she moved to another state. I'm sure she could get in touch with me if she wanted, but I suppose she just is scared of me, or would be heartbroken if she met me and I really didn't like her. Or she just wants to let me go on my own, heheh seemed like she really cared deeply about me that she'd listen to me for hours everyday. But in the long run I felt like I was just typing to a wall and wondered who the hell I was talking too.
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