sedgwick Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 So, last night I went on my first date in 15 years. I've been on Hinge for about a year, but nothing had ever come of it, until last night. I'm almost never attracted to anybody, but I saw a guy I actually thought was good-looking, and he seemed interesting. We matched on the app, talked for a few days, and decided to go out to dinner last night. I was attracted to him as soon as I met him, which really shocked me. We sat at the restaurant for three hours, talking and laughing the entire time. He's funny, sexy, and easy to talk to. At the end of the evening, he gave me a hug and said he was about to go out of town for a week, but added, "Let's keep in touch." When I got home, I texted him and said, "That was fun! Thanks for making me laugh and eating delicious food with me." He texted back, "Likewise!" So now I'm totally confused. I'm SO out of practice. Was that a gentle blowoff, or was he showing interest? I feel like he's way too hot for me, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. But I'd love to see him again!
Wiseman2 Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 43 minutes ago, sedgwick said: I texted him and said, "That was fun! Thanks for making me laugh and eating delicious food with me." He texted back, "Likewise!" It went well. Now step back and see if he makes date 2 happen. He wouldn't have asked you out or lingered for hours if he weren't interested, have confidence.
bene Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 This reply is quite anticlimactic. Going out of town immediately after the date can be an excuse but who knows. You made it clear that you enjoyed his company and there isn’t much more you can do right now. The ball is in his court to ask you out again. You just go on with your life. 1
Author sedgwick Posted July 21, 2022 Author Posted July 21, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, bene said: This reply is quite anticlimactic. Going out of town immediately after the date can be an excuse but who knows. Yeah, I'm thinking I probably won't hear from him again. Oh well! At least it was a fun evening for me, whether it was for him or not. Edited July 21, 2022 by sedgwick
glows Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 1 minute ago, sedgwick said: Yeah, I'm thinking I probably won't hear from him again. Oh well! Why do you say that? He may be a good looking smooth talker. There are plenty of those. If he doesn't ask you out again, there's no substance. I hear you though. It's nice to come across someone you can converse with and enjoy company.
Author sedgwick Posted July 21, 2022 Author Posted July 21, 2022 55 minutes ago, glows said: Why do you say that? Mostly because I can't really fathom anyone actually being attracted to me. I mean, it's been 15 years! If I were attractive, I feel like I would have been asked out in that time. It just seems very unlikely to me that a genuinely attractive man would be into me, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up at all!
glows Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 4 minutes ago, sedgwick said: Mostly because I can't really fathom anyone actually being attracted to me. I mean, it's been 15 years! If I were attractive, I feel like I would have been asked out in that time. It just seems very unlikely to me that a genuinely attractive man would be into me, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up at all! Oh I see. Don't worry. Let him do the work and ask you out. Do other things. Are there any other matches on Hinge?
poppyfields Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 2 hours ago, sedgwick said: I'm almost never attracted to anybody, but I saw a guy I actually thought was good-looking, and he seemed interesting. We matched on the app, talked for a few days, and decided to go out to dinner last night. Did you exchange photos before you met in person?
Author sedgwick Posted July 21, 2022 Author Posted July 21, 2022 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: Did you exchange photos before you met in person? We met on a dating site, so yes.
poppyfields Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 30 minutes ago, sedgwick said: We met on a dating site, so yes. So then why would you not think he finds you attractive? Do you look much different from your pics? He must have found something appealing about you, otherwise he would not have wanted to take you to dinner, which frankly is quite an elaborate first meet. Try to have more confidence, it will reflect in your energy/vibe, how you present. Men can sense that. Good luck!! 1
Alvi Posted July 22, 2022 Posted July 22, 2022 Are you talking to other men? If not, you absolutely should talk and meet others. Don't wait for him to contact you. If he does, great! If not, then not. Whatever happens, happens. You don't need to be super attracted to a guy to meet him. Going on many dates with different guys is going to push you out of your comfort zone and I think is going to be helpful in a long run for you. It is going to help you to understand what you are looking and not looking for and to redefine your boundaries along the other things. A lot of first meets don't mount up to anything. It is either a mutual lack of attraction or one of you don't like the other. It is normal and quite common. Have you tried other dating sites? Because I don't like Hinge at all. I've been on there for about two years and haven't had a single date from there. A lot of guys are only after sex on that particular site. The ones that are actually looking for something serious are like a needle in a haystack. Well, at least this is how my Hinge experience been so far. Heck, even POF is a lot better. Maybe try some quality dating sites. 3 hours ago, sedgwick said: Mostly because I can't really fathom anyone actually being attracted to me. I mean, it's been 15 years! If I were attractive, I feel like I would have been asked out in that time. It just seems very unlikely to me that a genuinely attractive man would be into me, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up at all! Go to a local Mall and do some people watching. You are actually going to find out that many below the average looking people actually have BFs and GFs. You are going to see that not only attractive women get married and have kids. No, in fact, you are going to see all sorts of women with their husbands and their kids. How did they find a person to marry and impregnate them? lol. While looks are important, it is not everything. And looks are subjective anyway. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted July 22, 2022 Posted July 22, 2022 He's not interested. If he were, he would have said, "I'd love to see you again." And he would have mentioned the trip and emphatically made it clear that though he might not be able to get together soon, he really wants to get together. If you're into someone and you are legitly going out of town, you will get specific about the time--I'll be out of town til X day. Also he would have texted/emailed/called you by now to say he wanted to see you again soon. 7
Johnjohnson2017 Posted July 22, 2022 Posted July 22, 2022 7 hours ago, sedgwick said: So, last night I went on my first date in 15 years. I've been on Hinge for about a year, but nothing had ever come of it, until last night. I'm almost never attracted to anybody, but I saw a guy I actually thought was good-looking, and he seemed interesting. We matched on the app, talked for a few days, and decided to go out to dinner last night. I was attracted to him as soon as I met him, which really shocked me. We sat at the restaurant for three hours, talking and laughing the entire time. He's funny, sexy, and easy to talk to. At the end of the evening, he gave me a hug and said he was about to go out of town for a week, but added, "Let's keep in touch." When I got home, I texted him and said, "That was fun! Thanks for making me laugh and eating delicious food with me." He texted back, "Likewise!" So now I'm totally confused. I'm SO out of practice. Was that a gentle blowoff, or was he showing interest? I feel like he's way too hot for me, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. But I'd love to see him again! "Let's keep in touch" is not an enthusiastic way to end a date. If he's hot, and on hinge, you can bet he gets a lot of dates. He can be pretty picky. You might be above average looking, but if he thinks he is hot enough to get the best looking women, he would be lukewarm about you. Don't contact him anymore. Wait for him to contact you. He seemed to have had a good time with you. You just have to wait to see if he wants to go out with you on a second date.
Author sedgwick Posted July 22, 2022 Author Posted July 22, 2022 56 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: He's not interested. Thank you for setting me straight before I got my hopes up too much. I appreciate it.
basil67 Posted July 22, 2022 Posted July 22, 2022 I don't want @Lotsgoingon to be right, but I think they are. Perhaps you will hear from him again, but I would certainly manage my expectations. 1
divegrl Posted July 22, 2022 Posted July 22, 2022 Would really encourage you to get off of dating sites and try to meet people in real life. Wishing you the best!
Alpacalia Posted July 22, 2022 Posted July 22, 2022 (edited) It has been 15 years since you last dated? Give yourself a break. You can't expect to start strongly with confidence right away or your first date in 15 years to end in total success. The most absurd thing I have ever heard. This is a great opportunity to get your feet wet again, meet new people, and enjoy an evening out. Edited July 22, 2022 by Alpacalia
Author sedgwick Posted July 22, 2022 Author Posted July 22, 2022 So...he just texted me to say good morning. He actually meant it about keeping in touch! 4
Lotsgoingon Posted July 22, 2022 Posted July 22, 2022 Don't use this experience to completely reset dating. Keep going. You'll get better at reading people's interest over time. Online dating is fine.
poppyfields Posted July 22, 2022 Posted July 22, 2022 (edited) 30 minutes ago, sedgwick said: So...he just texted me to say good morning. He actually meant it about keeping in touch! Excellent! I never doubted it actually. But then again, unless it's blatant disinterest or disrespect (which this was NOT), I always try to see the positive. There are no "rules" stating a man "should" say this or "should" say that or "should" ask you out immediately after a date or within a specific time frame, or else he's not interested. Toss "shoulds" in the garbage, everyone has their own style and own way. I'm glad he got in touch! Relax, enjoy and keep us posted. And try and stay positive! Edited July 22, 2022 by poppyfields
glows Posted July 22, 2022 Posted July 22, 2022 3 hours ago, sedgwick said: So...he just texted me to say good morning. He actually meant it about keeping in touch! That's good to hear! Let us know how it goes.
Author sedgwick Posted July 24, 2022 Author Posted July 24, 2022 Just an update, a few days later -- we've been texting, and he's pretty great. We're definitely into each other! 2
jdesey Posted July 24, 2022 Posted July 24, 2022 Honestly us guys have a hard time reading between the lines. Just come out and tell him in a text that you like him, you find him attractive and sexy and want to spend time with him. I promise you that will go along way 2
Author sedgwick Posted July 24, 2022 Author Posted July 24, 2022 13 hours ago, jdesey said: Just come out and tell him in a text that you like him, you find him attractive and sexy and want to spend time with him. I promise you that will go along way I want to tell him those things, but I'm worried it's too soon! But get this -- I'm a writer, and last night he sent me a picture of my book and said he picked up some reading for the plane. There's some heavy stuff in that book, and he said, "Don't worry; I won't ghost you for whatever's in there." He still hasn't asked me out again, though. I'm hoping he will when he gets back. I swear if he does, I'm going to kiss him the minute I see him.
BreakOnThrough Posted July 25, 2022 Posted July 25, 2022 He's subtly building up the tension with you, he knows what he's doing, trust me, and it will result in some intense interaction in the future. Enjoy the ride, maybe literally haha. 1
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