dnd_girl Posted July 24, 2022 Posted July 24, 2022 On 7/18/2022 at 11:45 AM, Otter2569 said: Just received a text. She was appalled at my "feel better" comment. Also that I didn't even call to check on her, I am selfish... Seems she really was sick so I may have miss judged this situation. I trust my instincts and I followed them. The whole 'being appalled' at your text saying you hope she feels better, then being annoyed that you didn't follow up reeks of manipulation. I mean, literally, what is wrong with telling someone who feels unwell that you hope they feel better? With the back and forth, and creating drama and arguments, this is only likely to escalate in my experience. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted July 24, 2022 Author Posted July 24, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, i_have_questions said: The whole 'being appalled' at your text saying you hope she feels better, then being annoyed that you didn't follow up reeks of manipulation. I mean, literally, what is wrong with telling someone who feels unwell that you hope they feel better? With the back and forth, and creating drama and arguments, this is only likely to escalate in my experience. Truth be told there was no sincerity in my text. We also communicate frequently throughout the day. I intentionally stopped texting. She perceived this as being selfish and me being interested in her for only one thing. I was supposed to spend the weekend at her place. The first and only weekend we would have ever spent together and just before she left for vacation. After having 'too much to do' Friday and "feeling sick' Saturday I was pretty bummed out and triggered by the ups and downs of the last few weeks. Edited July 24, 2022 by Otter2569
dnd_girl Posted July 24, 2022 Posted July 24, 2022 3 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: Truth be told there was no sincerity in my text. I was supposed to spend the weekend at her place. The first and only weekend we would have ever spent together and just before she left for vacation. After having 'too much to do' Friday and "feeling sick' Saturday I was pretty bummed out and triggered by the ups and downs of the last few weeks. Honestly, it sounds really exhausting being involved in this relationship, I can totally understand why you would feel so bummed out
Author Otter2569 Posted July 25, 2022 Author Posted July 25, 2022 Thanks. I am guessing she has some commitment issue with this pull / push thing that was going on.
Author Otter2569 Posted August 1, 2022 Author Posted August 1, 2022 Would appreciate advise on handling this situation; I was dating an older woman (a widow) for 6 months and developed a very deep emotional connection. It was pretty amazing until 5 weeks ago when she began this push pull stuff. She would push me away saying that she wanted more and i would come charging back trying to show that I was capable of giving her what she was looking for. We would break things off and get back together almost weekly. By the 4th time I was done, and we ended the relationship. She continued to email every few days. Her messages always talked of breakup but end with a flowery hook and a glimmer of hope to keep me hanging on. I did stop replying but just received another message "I miss you! Can we talk". I have not replied in 2 days. There are times when I think this is the best way to handle this and times when I am confused.
Acacia98 Posted August 1, 2022 Posted August 1, 2022 You're doing the right thing. Now all you need to do is block her so that you stop having to receive these ridiculous messages. They're the reason why you're confused. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted August 1, 2022 Author Posted August 1, 2022 10 hours ago, Acacia98 said: You're doing the right thing. Now all you need to do is block her so that you stop having to receive these ridiculous messages. They're the reason why you're confused. At this point I know that replying is about the worst thing I could do and honestly, I hope it causes her some discomfort. 1
Happy Lemming Posted August 1, 2022 Posted August 1, 2022 At the end of the day, you broke up. You said "Good bye" and made it clear things were over. No, don't respond to the "I miss you, Can we talk??" request. After 4 mini-breakups and her wishy-washy "I want more/No I don't" behavior you owe her nothing. You didn't ghost her, you broke up with her properly, she knows why and there is nothing more to talk about. If you contact her, it will be more of the same push/pull nonsense. I'm sorry she lost her husband, but you are not a yo-yo to be toyed with. Perhaps she isn't really ready to date or is still (possibly) grieving the loss of her husband, either way not your fault and not your problem. 2
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