Still hoping to find a FWB

[Girl_about_town]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ashley Madison is geared toward married people who obviously want discreet sex without messy relationships.

If you are avoiding relationships but would like discreet uncomplicated sex, a site for 'married but looking' may serve your needs.

Thanks for the tip Wiseman2. I actually did check that app out as well before Feeld but I realised I don't feel good about men who are married. They are free to do whatever they want but I'd feel bad for their wifes and families if I were with them. I am sticking with single guys.

Surprisingly, I did see a few single guys on there but they seemed like total womanisers preying on vulnerable married women 😆

Edited July 20, 2022 by Girl_about_town

[BaileyB]

2 minutes ago, Girl_about_town said:

I don't feel good about men who are married. They are free to do whatever they want but I'd feel bad for their wifes and families if I were with them. I am sticking with single guys.

Very wise. 

[Allupinnit]

I'm guessing a lot of the men on hookup sites are married.  

OP, you say you don't want a bunch of ONS but that's exactly what you're doing.  I think most of all you just need to be honest with yourself.  

Edited July 20, 2022 by Allupinnit

[BaileyB]

18 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

I'm guessing a lot of the men on hookup sites are married.  

OP, you say you don't want a bunch of ONS but that's exactly what you're doing.  I think most of all you just need to be honest with yourself.  

I agree. Your hope is to find those chosen men with whom the sex is good and there is a mutual understanding - without wracking up a huge number such that others would find you “promiscuous.” Yet, that’s exactly what will likely end up happening because most of the people looking for sex on these websites are also there with their own agenda - some of whom will have questionable integrity. Sincerely, I hope that you find what you are looking for and you don’t get hurt in the process - but unless you find that special man, this has the potential to get old fast. 

This whole thing speaks to me about your current life stage and your mental/emotional health - unavailable people tend to seek unavailable partners. Do what you must at this time in your life and take from it what you will. I can’t help but think that someday, when you are in a better place you will make a different (better) decision. 

Edited July 20, 2022 by BaileyB

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

OP, you say you don't want a bunch of ONS but that's exactly what you're doing.  I think most of all you just need to be honest with yourself.  

This is what I was thinking too.  

OP, you had a ONS with the first guy who ghosted. 

The second guy you most likely won't see again as Sept 1st is 1.5 months away, he probably won't even remember who you are by then, let alone contact you.  No doubt he's hooking up with others. 

So that will also be a ONS.

Was there a third guy?  I recall reading that, I could be mistaken. 

But if so, what's happening with him?  Any plans to hook up again?  Not just talk, talk is cheap, but an actual plan?

I'm not meaning to give you a hard time, in many ways, it sounds like you've got this together.

I do think however that your expectation that these hooks up turn into an ongoing FWB situation is unrealistic.

Guys on these hook up sites are there for one reason only - easy sex with no strings. 

A one and done, they're not there to make "friends" (as in friends with benefits).  Even if they say they are. 

Frankly I wouldn't trust anything men on these hook up sites tell you. 

You may have to experience this yourself, just be prepared. 

Hope for best, prepare for the worst as they say. 

Good luck. 

 

Edited July 20, 2022 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

9 hours ago, Girl_about_town said:

o be honest, I'm on the hookup site because someone recommended it as an app where people were more likely to be open and direct with what they want, as opposed to players and womanisers who are in the dating apps pretending they want a relationship. My experience with the dating app before wasn't good so that's why I gave this one a try. We'll see how things pan out.

But you aren't being open and direct with what you want on those hook up sites.  You're on there looking for a FWB when the sites are for sexual hook ups.  There are players, womanizers, married men looking for extra sex on the side; but not disclosing that fact to women because frankly they don't have to, it's a hook up site for sex.  On dating sites men would gladly accept a FWB who is not trying to rope them into a relationship most of the time.  You seem to contradict yourself throughout this thread.

[stillafool]

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Was there a third guy?  I recall reading that, I could be mistaken. 

Me too.  I remember the 1st guy and then the next day you had sex with the 2nd guy who you found boring.  You never told us about the 3rd guy who I guess is the one you were afraid would ghost you like the 1st one; but instead finally texted and you'll see in September?  Is that right?  I'm sorry to keep asking you about this but I still don't quite understand which guy you are referring to.

[stillafool]

9 hours ago, Girl_about_town said:

I am not looking for a real relationship but a FWB, which is a kind of relationship compared to just ONSs. 

Do you have experience with Feeld? Other sexual hookup sites?

So far my experience hasn't been bad but I will consider other apps if things don't work out in the future. But to be honest, from what I hear there are plenty of guys just looking for hookups on the dating apps, the guys I chatted with on Hinge were all like that.

I'm a married woman and do not go on dating or hook up sites.

 

Again you contradict yourself.  You are on a hookup sites having hookups while looking for FWBs.  I don't see the difference.

 

[Alpacalia]

14 hours ago, Girl_about_town said:

You are right that I don't want anyone to know that I am doing this. I think I would be judged harshly. That's why I turned to you guys for help, since I cannot talk to anyone else. And you've all been a great help!

I would have never done this in the past, but at this stage of my life I feel a strong need to explore. And actually,  am finding that the culture is changing quite quickly and it is far more common now for people to do this, so there are plenty of regular people on these apps.

No.

I was wondering if your husband knows you filed for divorce and are on hook-up sites looking for no strings attached sex.

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, Girl_about_town said:

 I realised I don't feel good about men who are married.

But you're not single either so what you're describing is an affair, meaning a regular sex connection without entanglements, a future or commitments.

No one is "preying on" anyone in consensual mutually desired no strings sex. 

 

 

[Girl_about_town]

On 7/20/2022 at 4:12 PM, Allupinnit said:

I'm guessing a lot of the men on hookup sites are married.  

OP, you say you don't want a bunch of ONS but that's exactly what you're doing.  I think most of all you just need to be honest with yourself.  

I think this is an unfair comment. I am honest with myself and on this forum. I never said I don't want any ONS, I am fine with a few of them, just not tons of them.

[Girl_about_town]

18 hours ago, stillafool said:

But you aren't being open and direct with what you want on those hook up sites.  You're on there looking for a FWB when the sites are for sexual hook ups.  There are players, womanizers, married men looking for extra sex on the side; but not disclosing that fact to women because frankly they don't have to, it's a hook up site for sex.  On dating sites men would gladly accept a FWB who is not trying to rope them into a relationship most of the time.  You seem to contradict yourself throughout this thread.

I don't understand why you claim I am not being open and direct on the apps. I list on my profile that I am looking for a FWB and talk about it with every man I have chatted with.

And Feeld is not just a hookup app, it's for people looking for FWB too. Many men list that on their profile, not all of them are once and done guys.

I have not contradicted myself at any point. 

[Girl_about_town]

18 hours ago, stillafool said:

Me too.  I remember the 1st guy and then the next day you had sex with the 2nd guy who you found boring.  You never told us about the 3rd guy who I guess is the one you were afraid would ghost you like the 1st one; but instead finally texted and you'll see in September?  Is that right?  I'm sorry to keep asking you about this but I still don't quite understand which guy you are referring to.

Of course I told you about all the guys, I know the thread has gotten long but if you re-read it you'll see it's all there.

Yes, the third guy is the one I was talking about when I started the thread.

[Girl_about_town]

17 hours ago, stillafool said:

I'm a married woman and do not go on dating or hook up sites.

 

Again you contradict yourself.  You are on a hookup sites having hookups while looking for FWBs.  I don't see the difference.

 

That was my point, if you don't have experience with dating and hook up/fwb sites, maybe you should reconsider your assumptions.

I think you have a misconception that Feeld is a anonymous hook up app for degenerates, akin to a sex club or something, but actually it is an app for open minded people looking for hook ups AND friends with benefits, and there are plenty of regular guys there who just don't want to date right now or are afraid of commitment.

[Girl_about_town]

15 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

No.

I was wondering if your husband knows you filed for divorce and are on hook-up sites looking for no strings attached sex.

I don't appreciate that you seem to be trying to put this in the worst light possible. I don't have to tell you any more details of my life than I have already revealed but again, for the sake of eliminating negative suspicions and judgments, my husband and I are done, obviously he knows we are getting a divorce. We are NOT together and just because the divorce is not finalised (it's a process and it will still take a couple of months) doesn't mean that I am not single. I don't have to tell him what I do with my time anymore.

[Girl_about_town]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

But you're not single either so what you're describing is an affair, meaning a regular sex connection without entanglements, a future or commitments.

No one is "preying on" anyone in consensual mutually desired no strings sex. 

 

 

I consider myself single, why shouldn't I? 

You are wrong about the definition of an affair. It is not just any casual relationship, it is one in which at least one of the people are in a committed relationship.

[Girl_about_town]

I am going away on holiday and I will leave the thread now.

I would like to ask that if anyone else is joining the thread after this and wants to make a comment, please take the time to read the entire thread so they don't end up making assumptions that are incorrect or unfair judgements.

Thank you again to those who have given me good advice, for being kind and for your concern.

I have learned a lot from this thread and I hope you trust me that I know what I am doing, even if my emotional state is not 100pc perfect at the moment.

Edited July 21, 2022 by Girl_about_town

[Lisa]

thread closed at OP's request