Username Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 There’s this guy I know through mutual friends. We’ve only spent time together on a few different occasions in group settings. But every time I’ve been around him, he’s nice and flirty and compliments me, and tries to get to know me. I feel that we have some type of a connection. Apparently he has mentioned several different times to our mutual friend that he thought I was cute but he never made any move. So all of a sudden I found out that he had lost his job and moved a little over 2 hours away to live with family. It really came out of nowhere and I was disappointed because I was enjoying getting to know him. A couple of months go by and I’m still thinking about him. I had been hoping he would reach out to me but he didn’t. I’m very shy so it was hard for me to do even this simple act, but I sent him a friend request on Facebook. He accepted it but nothing came of it. A few more months go by and his brother’s birthday is coming up, which I was invited to, who lives in my city. I found out this guy was coming and making the drive down, so I messaged him on Facebook that I was hoping to see him there. We had a brief chat catching up. At the birthday party when I saw him in person, I felt like in the beginning, he wasn’t making any effort to engage me. I made the effort and went over to him a couple of different times to talk. I should mention he was drinking…nothing bad or belligerent, but he was maybe tipsy. And as the day went on he did start making more of an effort to talk to me. He wanted to know how things have been…he told me I looked beautiful…and then right as it was time for him to leave (someone else was driving him back home), he very vaguely asked me if at “ sometime” he could take me out “on a date.” My first reaction was how the logistics of us meeting up was gonna work, he lives far away. But his response to that was how at some point he will be moving back to our city, living with family is only temporary. I’m not really sure what to make of this, my thoughts were: is he expecting me to wait around for him? But what I actually said to him was that yes, okay I would like to…and then he says to me: ok I will message you on messenger. And it has been 5 days and I have not heard a thing from him. Part of me can’t help but to beat myself up and blaming myself that maybe my reaction wasn’t more enthusiastic and it discouraged him. But tbh it kind of threw me off a bit how we have gone 5-6 months with extremely little contact (all initiated by me) and then he drops that on me. Im wondering if there’s anything I should do to follow up or just wait and see what happens?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 You accepted his date request, so I think your reaction was fine. He just doesn't sound overly interested at this time. A nebulous plan for a date sometime in the future is not really a plan at all. I don't think he is expecting you to wait around, nor should you. Go about your business and let him reach out this time. If he doesn't, you will know he's just not feeling it the same way. 1 1
Acacia98 Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 54 minutes ago, Username said: Part of me can’t help but to beat myself up and blaming myself that maybe my reaction wasn’t more enthusiastic and it discouraged him. Why on earth would you do that? His reaction to your various efforts has been almost cold, and that doesn't seem to have caused you to beat himself up. Honestly, I'm not even sure why you have persisted. This guy genuinely doesn't seem interested in you. 1
Alpacalia Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Username said: Part of me can’t help but to beat myself up and blaming myself that maybe my reaction wasn’t more enthusiastic and it discouraged him. But tbh it kind of threw me off a bit how we have gone 5-6 months with extremely little contact (all initiated by me) and then he drops that on me. Im wondering if there’s anything I should do to follow up or just wait and see what happens? No. You've pursued him enough. Do nothing. Edited July 14, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 2 hours ago, Username said: we have gone 5-6 months with extremely little contact all initiated by me. It's ok to have a crush. However he seems to like you in more of a friends kind of way. No need to contact him. He knows your contact info. Why not get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local interested men? 1
Versacehottie Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 7 hours ago, Username said: I’m not really sure what to make of this, my thoughts were: is he expecting me to wait around for him? i think he's probably like a lot of guys: flying by the seat of his pants. He doesn't necessarily have "what he wants with you" planned out or even decided. Just might know he feels attracted to you when he DOES see you. Also if he had to move due to job loss or whatever, he probably has been dealing with bigger priorities TBH...dating not first thing on his mind. 7 hours ago, Username said: m wondering if there’s anything I should do to follow up or just wait and see what happens? I think you should let him follow up. A lot of what happens as far as you two dating will be dependent on the amount of effort/desire he has to really do it, so see if he's able to do that. As far as you not acting as enthusiastically as you would have liked, you can always do that when he contacts, each time. Let him take the lead. Sounds like you've been doing a lot of that work and it might have come off as pressure to him. 1 1
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