Not entirely sure what to do, difficult situation!

[twatwa123]

GF and I have known each other for nearly two years, and the relationship has been going since Nov 2020. 

We have in the past (every several months it seems) had some silly arguments , or I say something "the wrong way" and upset her, we then talk about it and make up

She had ILY in December 2020, I still haven't said it ,because I don't think I do. 

I really like her and enjoy spending my time with her, but all the things I think are "wrong" with us, I can't shake them off the back of my mind. 

So all these little things added up, and we did a trial living together the other week, for 3 weeks, because after a spat I seriously considered if we should split up. The trial went ahead which went well. I liked spending my time with her etc but I still have these thoughts at the back of my mind. She says ILY, I haven't said it. She seems to want things to move forward much quicker than I do, but she has so far waited. She said to me on one occasion what if I never say ILY and she is waising time. What if I never say it, I am under pressure to say something I don't mean. I don't believe in love at first sight etc and it takes time to happen

 

HOWEVER, to complicate matters, her nan, who lives 100 miles away has been diagnosed with cancer, it's terminal. GF is moving back to her nans to live with her. She may have 6 months to live or 2 years or longer, no one knows. So now I feel I can't break off with her because of this terrible news, because 1. I'm her BF and need to be there for her 2. I'm not selfish, and breaking up with her now will almost destroy her, as her nan is close to her. 

BUT if I don't do it now, we have a long distance relationship that might go on for a long time...however, I could see how things to between us? But then if i still feel in the same way in 6 months and her nan is close to death, or has just died, that would be awful to break things off with her then.

I feel I need to be there for her, and want to be, even in a friend capacity. 

 

I don't feel like there is a wrong or right answer, but I really don't know what to do! I am not a selfish person! 

 

To also add, it's not her nans cancer diagnosis that is the main issue, it's all the other niggle stuff that is at the back of my mind, and the cancer diagnosis on top which means we're living 100 miles apart. 

To add further, the 100 mile distance is covered by a 3 hour train and then taxi journey....we will only be able to see each other for maybe 2 weekends a month. 

I have done ldr before and it didn't work 

Edited July 13, 2022 by twatwa123

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, twatwa123 said:

we did a trial living together the other week, for 3 weeks, because after a spat I seriously considered if we should split up. She seems to want things to move forward much quicker than I do, but she has so far waited. her nan, who lives 100 miles away has been diagnosed with cancer, it's terminal. GF is moving back to her nans to live with her.

Sorry this is happening. There is no "good" time or way to end things. It's best to set her free and not string her along during difficult times or try to pretend you want a LDR. Simply be kind, honest and diplomatic. Use a variation of "it's me not you".

[glows]

I understand you're trying to be sympathetic but by doing so you're also being unkind and selfish. You said you weren't selfish but I disagree. This appears to be more about you and your feelings and how you feel (not wanting to feel like a bad person). You appear to want to come from a good place but the situation spiraled out of control when you both began living together. You don't feel nearly the same way about he as she does for you and put the horse before the cart moving in together. It's backside upfront and bottom to the top. Completely topsy turvy. I can appreciate too also that you might have wanted to give it a shot and try to have deeper feelings evolve for her but it's way too rushed. 

She's rushing things along and not paying attention to your cues. Unfortunately she never should have moved in with you or taken up your suggestion to move in. She seems immature or desperate overall and I'm sorry about that. Let her go as she deserves someone who's in love with her and wants a future with her.

[flitzanu]

there's no laws on love and dating, though i'd wonder why you've dated for two years and don't even love her.  it's probably the smart thing to do to let her go find someone that does

[twatwa123]

Thank you for your answers everyone..

it was very upsetting for both of us but I ended our relationship. 

 

If it wasn't now, it'd probably have been later, and a long term relationship takes two to be on the same page 

[ExpatInItaly]

You made the right choice, OP. 

Your heart wasn't in it, and both of you knew it. There was no sense giving it more time, as you had already done so and it clearly hadn't worked. She will be okay, and now you are free to move on.