LB2016 Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 I work as a server at a restaurant. There’s a man that comes in just about every weekend. Throughout the past few weeks, we’ve become friendly and he started to flirt with me. With each week, the flirting increased. He reallly seemed interested! There were many things he did and said to confirm this for me too. Well, this past weekend he came in with another woman! Apparently he’s been seeing this woman for 2-3 months (I found out from someone that knows him). It’s not a big deal AT ALL. Im not upset- just surprised and confused…lol. With that being said, even if he’s NOT exclusive with this woman, I think his flirting with me is telling of his character. The fact that he came in with her is just quite bold too. Would you feel the same? If this happened to you, what would you now think/feel about him?
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 8 minutes ago, LB2016 said: The fact that he came in with her is just quite bold too. It's ok to have a crush, however the flirting was just that. It's normal for couples to go to a restaurant together, so just act friendly and professional if t you are assigned to their table.
Alvi Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 I guess the guy is not very savvy to invite his lady love to a place where he is flirting with a waitress. I mean, he could've taken her to another place. Why make things awkward? I don't know. Some people like to flirt. Maybe he was being nice and friendly and you mistook it as flirting. Maybe he was practicing his social skills on you, you never know. It's not like he actually asked you out. The guy is a virtual stranger to you. He eats at your restaurants, flirts with a waitress (you) and goes back to his normal life probably never giving you another though. If you see him again, be polite but don't engage in any flirting. Obviously, if he asks you out at some point, say no. 1
Author LB2016 Posted July 13, 2022 Author Posted July 13, 2022 Thank you both for your responses! Yes, I def plan on just being friendly and professional. That’s how I was when I had to serve the both of them last weekend. Alvi- I’m curious as to why you said if he should ask me out in the future to say no. I think your answer will satisfy my reason for this post..lol. Just curious of your thoughts… 1
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 It's obvious he thinks of himself as a player. Probably hits on whatever crosses his path. I feel sorry for his lady friend. She probably has no clue. 2
Sgthaytham Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 Maybe that's just his character. Ever thought about that? 1
Sgthaytham Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 36 minutes ago, smackie9 said: It's obvious he thinks of himself as a player. Probably hits on whatever crosses his path. I feel sorry for his lady friend. She probably has no clue. That's a bit unfair. We don't know what was said between OP and this guy. For all we know, it could have been playful banter that OP misconstrued as flirting - this happens frequently.
Alvi Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 1 hour ago, LB2016 said: Thank you both for your responses! Yes, I def plan on just being friendly and professional. That’s how I was when I had to serve the both of them last weekend. Alvi- I’m curious as to why you said if he should ask me out in the future to say no. I think your answer will satisfy my reason for this post..lol. Just curious of your thoughts… Well, do you think he is a good relationship material? If, let's say, you are right and he was flirting with you all the time, do you still want to be with him? I don't know if you are seeking a long term necessarily, but if you do, this is kind of guys better to not get involved with. Even if he is just a flirty with all the females type of guy, this is a red flag. I was dating a guy who was flirting outrageously with the waitresses and clerks right in front of me. It was very embarrassing for me quite a few times but he didn't see a problem with that. Never again am I going to date someone like him. Do you really want to date a guy who has no problem bringing another woman to a place where you work if he flirts with you there? Which means, he has not a slightest respect neither for her nor for you. If was just flirting with you and honestly wanted nothing else do you still want him? I don't know, If it were me, whatever attraction I had towards this guy would disappear the moment I saw him with another woman. But it is possible you misunderstood him being friendly as flirting. Hard to say without knowing exactly what he was saying to you. But then again, maybe you are not wrong as women feel when men are trying to flirt with them. Maybe for him, it was just a harmless fun, but for you it was very serious. Was he actually same flirty with you when he was dining with that other woman? Or was he trying to make it seem like he barely knows you? Just follow you gut feeling on that one. But be very choosy about people that you want to have a relationship with. Nothing wrong about having high standards and seeing the red flags for what they are. That's all I am saying. 1
glows Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 How is this not a turn off? You're doing your job and someone takes the liberty to flirt with you in order to massage his ego. Really.. predictable, mundane. How would I feel? Like he's a customer and not a very respectable one.
Ami1uwant Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 4 hours ago, LB2016 said: I work as a server at a restaurant. There’s a man that comes in just about every weekend. Throughout the past few weeks, we’ve become friendly and he started to flirt with me. With each week, the flirting increased. He reallly seemed interested! There were many things he did and said to confirm this for me too. Well, this past weekend he came in with another woman! Apparently he’s been seeing this woman for 2-3 months (I found out from someone that knows him). It’s not a big deal AT ALL. Im not upset- just surprised and confused…lol. With that being said, even if he’s NOT exclusive with this woman, I think his flirting with me is telling of his character. The fact that he came in with her is just quite bold too. Would you feel the same? If this happened to you, what would you now think/feel about him? its early…he keeps his options open.he might have interest in you.
flitzanu Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 what exactly did he do, specifically, to flirt with you? that's a hugely subjective thing to say 5
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 I have worked in the service industry...you learn to know the difference between simple flirting to being hit on type flirting. The OP is quite taken back by him showing up with his lady friend...so I imagine it wasn't light hearted flirting, but more like he was coming onto her. There's not mistake knowing the difference. 2
introverted1 Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 1 hour ago, flitzanu said: what exactly did he do, specifically, to flirt with you? that's a hugely subjective thing to say Could you have misconstrued friendly with flirty? In any case, not all flirting means "I want to date you" or "I want to have sex with you." Sometimes flirting is a playful exchange that is not intended to go further. Without more context it's hard to know if this guy was out of line or if you read too much into the exchanges. 2
poppyfields Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, flitzanu said: what exactly did he do, specifically, to flirt with you? that's a hugely subjective thing to say My thoughts as well. I mean I could understand your feelings had he asked for your phone number and/or asked you out. But like as @flitzanusaid, it's so subjective, he could just be very open and friendly that you mistook as flirting. Not suggesting you do this, but I know women who are so starved for attention that they will interpret a man saying "hi" as flirting, and they start crushing on him, fantasizing about him. Then when he doesn't follow through, they get mad at him! When all he did was say "hi"! lol Edited July 13, 2022 by poppyfields 1
glows Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: I have worked in the service industry...you learn to know the difference between simple flirting to being hit on type flirting. The OP is quite taken back by him showing up with his lady friend...so I imagine it wasn't light hearted flirting, but more like he was coming onto her. There's not mistake knowing the difference. Agree.
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 8 hours ago, LB2016 said: Well, this past weekend he came in with another woman! Apparently he’s been seeing this woman for 2-3 months (I found out from someone that knows him). If you never dated or hooked up, he is just a flirt. If you dated or hooked up and he brought a date to your workplace, that would make him a jerk. She is not "another woman" she's his GF.
Author LB2016 Posted July 13, 2022 Author Posted July 13, 2022 (edited) Thanks to everyone for the responses! I appreciate the feedback. To respond to some of the posts, I understand how flirting can be confused with friendliness. However, I’m not a fool nor do I latch on to everything to any man’s words or actions. I’m not starved for attention- trust me. Lol. As one of the others said, I’ve grown to recognize the difference especially working as a server. As for the flirting, here’s some of the things he’s done: -Always looking at me and lots of eye contact -Finds reasons to talk to me and ask questions (very inquisitive) -Many times, has stopped walking and pretended he was looking at something as I was walking towards him and then talked to me once I got to his area -remembers things I’ve said and will ask about it the following week -Banters with me -Asked about my job- how often I work and hours, etc. -Last weekend, he was with his friend. As the 3 of us were talking, he asked what I was doing that night. His friend kind of highjacked the convo, but he made it a point to bring it back around as ask me AGAIN what I was doing that night. I had plans with my friend and told him that, so I don’t know if anything would have come of it. All of these things have gone on over the past 6 weeks. It wasn’t a ONE day thing. This guy is pretty reserved and on the shy/quiet side. So I don’t see him as a player and in fact, his personality made me think more so that he was interested bc he’s not “friendly” like that with others. Someone asked if I was turned off and I am by it. I don’t think it’s cool to be dating someone (even if not exclusive yet) and be flirting with another woman. If I was the other woman, I’d be hurt. That is how I truly feel but I am one to doubt/question myself which is why I was looking for objective opinions! Lol. Perhaps it wasn’t flirting at all, but I don’t see it as that. There was a “vibe” I felt and his actions led me to think and feel something different. Edited July 13, 2022 by LB2016 2
basil67 Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 Some of what you describe is a bit flirty and some is just a friendly person. But working on the assumption that he really was flirting, it's entirely possible that he enjoys simply enjoys flirting and he wasn't planning on escalating. It may not have occurred to him that you thought it could be leading to something. 1
Alpacalia Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 Whatever he is doing, whether he is flirting or not, it does not matter. Regardless of whether he was or not, he hasn't invited you out and, of course, he already has a girlfriend, so this whole issue is moot anyhow. 2
poppyfields Posted July 13, 2022 Posted July 13, 2022 1 hour ago, LB2016 said: As for the flirting, here’s some of the things he’s done: -Always looking at me and lots of eye contact -Finds reasons to talk to me and ask questions (very inquisitive) -Many times, has stopped walking and pretended he was looking at something as I was walking towards him and then talked to me once I got to his area -remembers things I’ve said and will ask about it the following week -Banters with me -Asked about my job- how often I work and hours, etc. -Last weekend, he was with his friend. As the 3 of us were talking, he asked what I was doing that night. His friend kind of highjacked the convo, but he made it a point to bring it back around as ask me AGAIN what I was doing that night. I had plans with my friend and told him that, so I don’t know if anything would have come of it. Honestly, I have learned to take all this sort of talking and bantering, etc. with a HUGE grain of salt. Unless a man is asking me out, that's ALL it is - talk. It means nothing in the grand scheme. Have fun with it! That's what HE is doing most likely. As @basil67said, I highly doubt he thought you were taking it so seriously. I don't see that he did anything wrong and I don't see why his girlfriend would be hurt. Relationships are not prisons, we are allowed to talk, banter and look at people of the opposite sex when in one, even a serious one. It wasn't even flirting imo. Flirting would entail some sort of romantic or sexual innuendo, a "wink," something. There was none of that here from what you've posted. It sounded fun actually! A way to pass the time in an otherwise hurried and mundane existence 95% of the time. Again, had he been hitting on you, asked for your number, suggested you get together, that is a totally different thing. In any event, agree with @Alpacaliahe has a girlfriend, it's all moot. Sounds like you were disappointed more than anything, and I'm sorry about that. 1
Author LB2016 Posted July 14, 2022 Author Posted July 14, 2022 Valid points. Thank you for the input! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 I agree with @poppyfields. He doesn't sound overly flirty, or at least, not in these sense that he may have been trying to push things forward in getting to know you. I see how it could be misinterpreted, to be fair. But I don't think he was actively trying to lead you on. Anyway, now you know. On to the next.
Acacia98 Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 13 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: its early…he keeps his options open.he might have interest in you. If he does, it sounds a bit daft of him to bring someone he's dating there. Unless of course, making OP jealous is part of his game or he just wants something casual.
Maldives Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 18 hours ago, LB2016 said: I work as a server at a restaurant. There’s a man that comes in just about every weekend. Throughout the past few weeks, we’ve become friendly and he started to flirt with me. With each week, the flirting increased. He reallly seemed interested! There were many things he did and said to confirm this for me too. Well, this past weekend he came in with another woman! Apparently he’s been seeing this woman for 2-3 months (I found out from someone that knows him). It’s not a big deal AT ALL. Im not upset- just surprised and confused…lol. With that being said, even if he’s NOT exclusive with this woman, I think his flirting with me is telling of his character. The fact that he came in with her is just quite bold too. Would you feel the same? If this happened to you, what would you now think/feel about him? Maybe what you thought of as flirting to him was just being playful and jolly?
Ami1uwant Posted July 14, 2022 Posted July 14, 2022 5 hours ago, Acacia98 said: If he does, it sounds a bit daft of him to bring someone he's dating there. Unless of course, making OP jealous is part of his game or he just wants something casual. He might have not chose this place but she did.
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