nym6986 Posted July 11, 2022 Posted July 11, 2022 I’ve got a crush on a woman I work with (yes, I know the risks etc of this scenario). We’re friendly and over time I think things are escalating. So last week I IM’ed her and asked if she was busy and wanted to go to the nearby coffee shop. She sent back two frowning faces and said she just went to the coffee shop with the woman she shares an office with. She sent another message saying she was finishing one thing then she was free. Then asked, How are you doing? I responded to her with something funny about the thing I was working on, which was super boring, and she replied again, laughing at what I said — “HAHAH Omg whyyyy?” She added “you really need (name of coffee shop)!!” As I was deciding how to respond back, she added “I would go to [the on site cafe] with you.” Good sign right? Or maybe I’m dumb? But the volunteering that she was free to me implied she wanted to see me even though she already got coffee, then she added the suggestion of going another place when I hadn’t yet responded back or acknowledged her saying she was free seems like a good sign. Then after we grabbed coffee, I let her push the button in the elevator, and she pushed my floor and said she’d come visit. She came back to my desk and talked to me and my desk mate for like 45 mins. As she left I thanked her for coming, and she said next time you guys are coming to visit me I wouldn’t be hesitant reading signs in a non-work environment but that’s the only pause I get. Again, I know the risks regarding this situation so I’m just asking from a pure dating/flirting/behavioral perspective. Thanks for your guidance!
Happy Lemming Posted July 11, 2022 Posted July 11, 2022 Is there a bar/pub nearby that has a "Happy Hour"?? If so, ask her if she wants to go to "Happy Hour" after work. At that point, you can talk about various things and decide if you want to try to date her. I did meet and date someone in the same "Office Suites" building. We worked for different companies but were in the same building. She was fun and we dated for a while. It started out with just some light chit-chatting then I planned a date and asked her out. She counter-offered with a much better plan for a date; so we did her idea. 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 12, 2022 Posted July 12, 2022 You can try to go to happy hour or get something to eat after work one night. what is the employer policy? 1
Author nym6986 Posted July 12, 2022 Author Posted July 12, 2022 3 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: You can try to go to happy hour or get something to eat after work one night. what is the employer policy? Employee policy is very open—anyone at any level can date someone else. We’re both very junior people on the same level, and don’t work directly with each other nor sit on the same floor
basil67 Posted July 12, 2022 Posted July 12, 2022 (edited) I've had friendly coffees and drinks with coworkers who I didn't want to date, so I wouldn't take her acceptance as a green light. I think you'll have to start looking to see if she's actively flirting. Anyway, if the coffee goes well, ask her on an actual date, then you'll get a much better idea. Also, if you don't already know the answer, you may want to find out if she's got a boyfriend. Edit to add: if you start dating her and things go bad, or you've got feelings and she has none, will you be able to work together well? Edited July 12, 2022 by basil67 1
glows Posted July 12, 2022 Posted July 12, 2022 She seems friendly towards you but you won’t know how she feels unless you know her more or ask her out on a date. Dating in the workplace is a slippery slope. I’m not sure you’d want to open that can of worms. People do meet at work but I don’t recommend it if you take your career seriously. Romances inevitably end and employees develop reputations. Being junior staff others may close a blind eye to slacking off and chit chatting like this. Was it still during your break? Be mindful that others are watching.
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2022 Posted July 12, 2022 It's great you had a coffee break together and made a new friend at work. However she may be seeing someone or not interested in messy workplace romances, regardless of work policies, which is a wise choice on her part. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting interested available women.
Recommended Posts