Wiseman2 Posted December 1, 2022 Posted December 1, 2022 23 hours ago, Scotty Riggs said: I still think about her constantly and have depression. I think it’s best I continue no contact unless she reaches out. Why not see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health? This way you could get, not only accurate information about HPV, but also discuss the depression and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. It's time to focus on your own wellbeing rather than avoid taking care of yourself by focusing on all her problems.
Author Scotty Riggs Posted December 1, 2022 Author Posted December 1, 2022 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's time to focus on your own wellbeing rather than avoid taking care of yourself by focusing on all her problems. I agree. And I am in the process of doing what you suggested, on both counts. Thank you. 2 1
glows Posted December 1, 2022 Posted December 1, 2022 Just move forwards with confidence in yourself. Take care of you going forward and steer clear of someone with this many issues. It’s good you’re deciding to see a doctor and find more support for yourself. 2
Author Scotty Riggs Posted December 9, 2022 Author Posted December 9, 2022 (edited) I had a run-in with my ex last night at a small bar. I was sketching patrons as she walked in. I felt nervous and and she looked like she wanted to avoid me. At one point she was alone, so after a patron paid me for a sketch I made of them just feet away from her, I approached my ex and offered her an unopened beer someone left me. She politely refused, but the wall of awkwardness quickly came down and we were sharing childhood stories and laughing like old times. We spent over an hour together. She was impressed with my recent activities, asked to have some of my beer, had me cover her while she peed outside (the band was blocking the ladies' room) and I even convinced her to dance with me a bit (we were sober). I hugged her as we left to our cars and she wished me a safe drive. She had no idea, of course, that only a day prior I was grieving to a counselor about her. It felt good hanging out with her but also reinforced how much I miss her. The temptation to text her reared its head, and the foolish hope lingers that she'll text me, but logically, I think the best thing to do is be thankful for that fun evening together, let go and keep moving on. Edited December 9, 2022 by Scotty Riggs 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2022 Posted December 9, 2022 Yes, keep moving on. You are quickly going to regress if you try to be her buddy when you happen to see her. Next time just say hello and keep going. You are going to get hurt all over again if you attempt to engage her like this and are left with nothing but a cold memory. 1
Author Scotty Riggs Posted December 9, 2022 Author Posted December 9, 2022 10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Yes, keep moving on. You are quickly going to regress if you try to be her buddy when you happen to see her. Next time just say hello and keep going. You are going to get hurt all over again if you attempt to engage her like this and are left with nothing but a cold memory. Thank you. It's difficult to know exactly where her mind is--avoiding me but then happily embracing my company once confronted. As my counselor said, even though we have some form of affection for one another, she likely realizes her pathology prevents her from giving me what I really want--a loving partnership--and therefore she struggles with how to engage with me. No reason to stress and engage something I can't control. I was very nervous when she entered the bar but decided it was a psychological challenge to face and overcome. While laughing with her, part of me thought I might be able to transition into accepting things as they are and having a "friendship" approach. But I also knew the "high" of our interaction would wear off by the next day. I'm not crushed, but just feel neutral today, and somewhat longing.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 11, 2022 Posted December 11, 2022 Based on your last interaction it seems to me that she just enjoys the attention. Your actions clearly demonstrated that you still have feelings for her and gave her an ego boost. You should also consider if your feelings towards her are only this strong because she was always emotionally unavailable. From the start, you were in the chase mode and it doesn't seem to me like you were ever really that close, or had any substance to your relationship (if you can even call it that). 1
Author Scotty Riggs Posted December 12, 2022 Author Posted December 12, 2022 (edited) On 12/11/2022 at 12:51 AM, Eternal Sunshine said: Based on your last interaction it seems to me that she just enjoys the attention. Your actions clearly demonstrated that you still have feelings for her and gave her an ego boost. You could be right. I started feeling awful about it two days after, wondering if I looked confident or like a chump. I genuinely think we had fun together and she was intrigued by our conversation and what kinds of fun things I've been up to (probably more interesting than hers), but it all had such messy underpinnings, as if her attitude was "Okay, sure, this is fun and entertaining." She still creeps on my social media and very likely still deals with depression/trauma, but we're obviously not aligned to be together for whatever reason(s). On 12/11/2022 at 12:51 AM, Eternal Sunshine said: You should also consider if your feelings towards her are only this strong because she was always emotionally unavailable. From the start, you were in the chase mode and it doesn't seem to me like you were ever really that close, or had any substance to your relationship (if you can even call it that). Depends how you define "substance." We spent a lot of time together, and she opened up a lot about her history of mental health and shame. She told her parents and friends about me (I met her best friend and her dad a few times). But it was a "situationship." Edited December 12, 2022 by Scotty Riggs
BreakOnThrough Posted December 21, 2022 Posted December 21, 2022 You sound like a very smart and empathetic person with low self-esteem , which makes you a prime candidate to fall for someone who isn't emotionally available and is willing to use those qualities to be abusive and manipulative towards you. Gain some confidence and this person will no longer be a thought, you being nervous when you see her is the warning you aren't paying attention to, she's bad news for you, completely. 1
Author Scotty Riggs Posted December 24, 2022 Author Posted December 24, 2022 (edited) On 12/21/2022 at 1:18 PM, BreakOnThrough said: You sound like a very smart and empathetic person with low self-esteem , which makes you a prime candidate to fall for someone who isn't emotionally available and is willing to use those qualities to be abusive and manipulative towards you. Gain some confidence and this person will no longer be a thought, you being nervous when you see her is the warning you aren't paying attention to, she's bad news for you, completely. There's definitely truth to that. Ironically, she suffers from low self esteem and abusive relationships. I was also just told that last month she mysteriously left town for a few days without telling anyone where. They think she went out of state to see her abusive ex. What a sad trauma bond. Like a gambling addiction. I'm genuinely sorry for her and her family, but I realize I need to put my energy elsewhere. As far as being nervous, we have a very fresh history, so I don't think that's a strange response. When I broke the ice, we had fun, because I think we have some genuine compatibility. But I definitely felt crappy afterward. I've been building confidence with recent activities like life modeling and dance classes. I also approached a beautiful woman whom I recognized from a dating app, where weeks prior I got no response from her. In person, however, she seemed intrigued and receptive. If I see her again, I might offer my number. At the end of the day, though, I almost never progress beyond dead-end online dates, usually because I'm not attracted to most women in person. Many women find me handsome and funny, so it's very frustrating to not be compatible with anyone. All I can do is keep moving forward and try to reflect and grow. Edited December 24, 2022 by Scotty Riggs
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