Things are effortless this way.

[Sgthaytham]

This isn't so much a question, rather an update on what's been going on. 

We've been dating for a little over a month now. 6-7 dates. Initiated 50-50, pretty much. 

Last time, she invited me to this trendy bar in town, then I took her to this traditional restaurant and then we went back to her place because she absolutely wanted to show me her new flat. 

Next day, we were chilling in bed talking and she asked me "Are you seeing anyone else?". 

I said that I wasn't and asked her what she meant. After a few minutes she told me "I would like you to be my boyfriend". So we're official now. 

She also mentioned that I don't text her too much - which is true, I'm not a big texter. So I plan on sending a short message this week just to let her know I'm thinking of her and I'm looking forward to see her this weekend. 

I work late shift this weekend and she said she would like to keep me company. 

We've also planned a dinner at my place next week too. 

I'm feeling good with her. A bit nervous, but that's pretty normal anyway. 

So that's how it's been going since the last time I posted. 

[Happy Lemming]

3 hours ago, Sgthaytham said:

After a few minutes she told me "I would like you to be my boyfriend". So we're official now. 
 

That's great!!  More good news on the Loveshack forum.

3 hours ago, Sgthaytham said:

She also mentioned that I don't text her too much - which is true, I'm not a big texter.

Years ago, I dated a woman that liked to receive texts.  I had one of those flip phones, so I had to T-9 text which took me forever, but I still managed to send her some mundane detail about my day at work.  "Just finished a big Bank Reconciliation, came out to the penny, YEA" or "I finished the monthly financial statements a day early, boss is happy" --  just some crap like that.  It made her happy, so it just became part of my routine. 

My advice -- just send something about your day -- maybe include a picture of something you saw in your travels.

[ExpatInItaly]

54 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

My advice -- just send something about your day -- maybe include a picture of something you saw in your travels.

I agree. 

It all sounds good OP, but she is hinting she would like to hear from you more. If it's not too much skin off your back, drop a her line a bit more frequently. She will enjoy it. 

[Sgthaytham]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I agree. 

It all sounds good OP, but she is hinting she would like to hear from you more. If it's not too much skin off your back, drop a her line a bit more frequently. She will enjoy it. 

From experience, when a woman says that, it doesn't mean you should text her every day... a lot of guys seem to think it means text her good morning and good night, or text daily or in general increase the texting... what she really means is "Surprise me, show me that you listened to me and care". A lot of guys get super worried when women say these sort of things - hell I used to. 

When I set the date at mine for dinner next week, she agreed, but she also said "I can always come keep you company on your late shift this Friday". So I'll send her a text tomorrow or Wednesday just to say something like "Had a great time at the restaurant last week. Have a great day at work. Thinking of you.".

 

[Sgthaytham]

3 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

That's great!!  More good news on the Loveshack forum.

Thanks! I've got to say, that this is the first time I've waited for the woman to ask for exclusivity. What a difference it makes. Just for her ask if I'm seeing anyone else (big sign), to teasing her about what she meant, to her giggling and saying "Oh god ok then!" 

Quote

Years ago, I dated a woman that liked to receive texts.  I had one of those flip phones, so I had to T-9 text which took me forever, but I still managed to send her some mundane detail about my day at work.  "Just finished a big Bank Reconciliation, came out to the penny, YEA" or "I finished the monthly financial statements a day early, boss is happy" --  just some crap like that.  It made her happy, so it just became part of my routine. 

My advice -- just send something about your day -- maybe include a picture of something you saw in your travels.

I like the idea of a picture of something that made me think of her. It just doesn't need to be everyday.

When a woman says "I'd like it if you texted more", she just wants you to show that 1) You listen to her, and 2) You care.   She just wants a surprise every once and a while, really.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

From experience, when a woman says that, it doesn't mean you should text her every day.

I'm a woman. 

If I said that to a man, it would mean I would like to see more initiative from him in reaching out. I didn't say it needed to be every day, but it's your cue that she'd like to hear from you more often than she is now. 

8 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

she also said "I can always come keep you company on your late shift this Friday". So I'll send her a text tomorrow or Wednesday just to say something like "Had a great time at the restaurant last week. Have a great day at work. Thinking of you.".

Would you like her to come on Friday? If so, say so. Otehrwise she will think you don't want her to. Don't be so coy that you miss the boat, either. 

[Sgthaytham]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I'm a woman. 

I said out of experience. 

Quote

If I said that to a man, it would mean I would like to see more initiative from him in reaching out. I didn't say it needed to be every day, but it's your cue that she'd like to hear from you more often than she is now. 

Would you like her to come on Friday? If so, say so. Otehrwise she will think you don't want her to. Don't be so coy that you miss the boat, either. 

I appreciate the feedback. You probably also think texting in between dates should happen too, but I for one think it's unnecessary.

OK, if you really want to know, I said "I'd like that, how about you come over at 4pm.. bring a pack of cards" and she replied "There might be a massage or two in it for you ;)"

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Sgthaytham said:

I appreciate the feedback. You probably also think texting in between dates should happen too, but I for one think it's unnecessary.

Sure, because the men I have wound up in relationships with were the ones who were not afraid to show interest. I don't follow "shoulds" and never have.  If a man is into me, and I am into him, we are naturally going to be interested in keeping in touch. Simple. 

Playing hard-to-get ony works for so long. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by trying to play it too cool, is all I am saying. 

 

[Happy Lemming]

10 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

When a woman says "I'd like it if you texted more", she just wants you to show that 1) You listen to her, and 2) You care.   She just wants a surprise every once and a while, really.

 

The woman I was dating (back then) was specific about daily texting, so I just sent something/anything. 

I'd hate for you to damage this new relationship because you misinterpreted her (texting) needs.  I don't see the harm in sending a quick daily text about your day.  Not a "Good Morning" or "Good Night" text, but something that happened that day.

"Hey Sally, saw a beautiful red cardinal today pecking at the ground outside my window at work -- couldn't get my phone out fast enough to get a picture"  -  Something like that...

[Sgthaytham]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Sure, because the men I have wound up in relationships with were the ones who were not afraid to show interest. I don't follow "shoulds" and never have.  If a man is into me, and I am into him, we are naturally going to be interested in keeping in touch. Simple. 

Playing hard-to-get ony works for so long. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by trying to play it too cool, is all I am saying. 

 

All I'm saying is you do you. 

And come on, I'm not playing hard to get, it's just who I've become and who I am, and I'm glad I've found someone who seems to understand it. 

 

[Sgthaytham]

3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

The woman I was dating (back then) was specific about daily texting, so I just sent something/anything. 

I'd hate for you to damage this new relationship because you misinterpreted her (texting) needs.  I don't see the harm in sending a quick daily text about your day.  Not a "Good Morning" or "Good Night" text, but something that happened that day.

"Hey Sally, saw a beautiful red cardinal today pecking at the ground outside my window at work -- couldn't get my phone out fast enough to get a picture"  -  Something like that...

Because it isn't who I am. It also feels far more meaningful to me to send a surprise text, or a note in her car/bag that she'll find later, or even a phone call during the week... It's spontaneous, plus you'll be speaking about your week on your dates. It's gone from a date a week, to two, sometimes 3 dates a week now.

I can literally picture her reaction when I'll send the message, and it'll make me happy - very, very happy.

[glows]

This is really between the two of you. You’ll find out eventually if you’re compatible. It’s early days. Maybe you’re not as into her as she is into you…yet. She seems quite forward and you’re still seeming to crave spontaneity and the chase.

[ExpatInItaly]

Is this the same woman from your previous thread?

Because a few weeks ago, you seemed quite nervous and unsure about whether or not she was into you. If it's the same woman, it's okay to show interest too. Don't be scared to be yourself and be real. 

[Sgthaytham]

19 minutes ago, glows said:

This is really between the two of you. You’ll find out eventually if you’re compatible. It’s early days. Maybe you’re not as into her as she is into you…yet. She seems quite forward and you’re still seeming to crave spontaneity and the chase.

In all honestly, I'm falling hard for her. I'm just trying to hold onto my emotional self-control. As you said it's still early days. 

[Sgthaytham]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Is this the same woman from your previous thread?

Because a few weeks ago, you seemed quite nervous and unsure about whether or not she was into you. If it's the same woman, it's okay to show interest too. Don't be scared to be yourself and be real. 

Isn't everyone nervous when you first started dating?

Who says I'm not showing interest?

[Happy Lemming]

27 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

Because it isn't who I am.

 

Yes you can stand on principle and be who you are, but this woman is sleeping with you.  I think a daily text is a small price to pay for on-going sex.

For me... when I was dating that other woman, the sex was good, I liked her, her daily text request wasn't that intrusive and it cost me nothing to send her some line or two (about my day).  In the end... she was happy and my stupid texts fulfilled her needs, in turn she fulfilled my needs.

It kind of reminds of a quote I heard many years ago...

“You can be right or you can be happy.” - Gerald G. Jampolsky

 

[glows]

48 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

In all honestly, I'm falling hard for her. I'm just trying to hold onto my emotional self-control. As you said it's still early days. 

I had an image of you holding onto your hat! Sgt coming through. 

Well, see how it goes. 

[Sgthaytham]

15 minutes ago, glows said:

I had an image of you holding onto your hat! Sgt coming through. 

Well, see how it goes. 

That's precisely what I want to do. Things are looking great now, no need to jump the gun and look too far into the future. 

[Sgthaytham]

Well there you go. I sent her a little "Thinking of you, have a great day. Looking forward to seeing you Saturday" text. 

Her response: "Omg that was so nice of you, that really made me happy. I'm thinking of you too and I can't wait to see you!"

There you go. No need for daily texts. She just wanted a surprise to show that I care, which I do. 

[NuevoYorko]

I'm relieved to see a post that doesn't feature "texting all day."  That said, I believe that if people are in a committed relationship, it's appropriate to have daily contact.  Just not ALL day.   

[Sgthaytham]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

I'm relieved to see a post that doesn't feature "texting all day."  That said, I believe that if people are in a committed relationship, it's appropriate to have daily contact.  Just not ALL day.   

Doesn't it become predictable and boring after a while?

Isnt it just that much better if you get a surprise text from your partner every once in a while? Isn't it more meaningful?

[glows]

6 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

Doesn't it become predictable and boring after a while?

Isnt it just that much better if you get a surprise text from your partner every once in a while? Isn't it more meaningful?

Try not to make decisions for her. If she likes daily texts then she likes daily texts. It's not for someone else to decide whether it's predictable or boring as that is her taste. When you love someone or those feelings evolve you naturally move in tune together and are in sync. Disagreements ensue when there are incompatibilities or failed expectations so don't worry about this. You both will either move in sync or fall out. Give it more time.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Sgthaytham said:

Isnt it just that much better if you get a surprise text from your partner every once in a while? Isn't it more meaningful?

Not necessarily. 

In the early days, it might be fine for some folks. But if you continue dating, I would wager that most of us ladies would start to feel more frustrated than delighted if we only got a surprise message every once in a while. It's difficult to grow closer to someone that way. 

See how it unfolds with this specific woman, and as @glows said, don't decide for her that daily texting is boring. She may have been responded enthusiastically today partly in hopes that you start doing this more frequently. 

 

[Sgthaytham]

54 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Not necessarily. 

In the early days, it might be fine for some folks. But if you continue dating, I would wager that most of us ladies would start to feel more frustrated than delighted if we only got a surprise message every once in a while. It's difficult to grow closer to someone that way. 

See how it unfolds with this specific woman, and as @glows said, don't decide for her that daily texting is boring. She may have been responded enthusiastically today partly in hopes that you start doing this more frequently. 

 

When you're in love and in a relationship, you get to see each other more and more. There's no need for texting if you're seeing each other 2, 3, even 4 times a week. It becomes completely unnecessary.

I'm going to have to say it again, I'm not here to argue with anyone. It's my input, that's all, and I appreciate yours and everyone else's for that matter. 

"Its the little things that count"

[Gaeta]

On 7/11/2022 at 3:39 PM, Sgthaytham said:

I said out of experience. 

I appreciate the feedback. You probably also think texting in between dates should happen too, but I for one think it's unnecessary.

Doesn't matter what you think, what matters is how she wants to be courted and the efforts you will deploy to court her as she wishes to be courted. She wants more of you, how will you provide that?