Myabee Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 I could use some advice. I'm starting to see that a best friendship of over 23 years is no longer serving it's purpose. The complexity here is this best friend of mine happens to be related to H. This has nothing to do with dissolving a marriage, it has everything to do with the fact that I have realized she only seems to be in touch when she is going through stuff. When all is good, I'm shot a text of oh good news. She conveniently misplaces her phone when I text have anytime for a phone chat? She also seems to invite other friend's to visit but not me. I question if this was ever really a best friend. What is the best way to handle this? Thank you.
Alpacalia Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 (edited) It's not clear who "H" is or how it relates to this topic. Does "H" stand for husband? Could that be a factor? You say it's not. However, how can you be sure it isn't? She is not making herself as available as you would like and it seems on the surface one-sided. Seems like she is attempting to distance herself from you. Edited July 10, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
Author Myabee Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: It's not clear who "H" is or how it relates to this topic. Does "H" stand for husband? Could that be a factor? You say it's not. However, how can you be sure it isn't? She is not making herself as available as you would like and it seems on the surface one-sided. Seems like she is attempting to distance herself from you. Hi. Yes H stands for husband and very srsly that has nothing to do with it at all. She supports me in my choice to go forward and divorce. She has always been shallow to an extent. I can never really share who I am fully. Now that things are so good for her l, she seems less in contact. Biggest issue... she and her husband my youngest son's god parent's. I want to dissolve the friendship but am having trouble finding the best way to do that??
Alpacalia Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 (edited) 19 minutes ago, Myabee said: Hi. Yes H stands for husband and very srsly that has nothing to do with it at all. She supports me in my choice to go forward and divorce. She has always been shallow to an extent. I can never really share who I am fully. Now that things are so good for her l, she seems less in contact. Biggest issue... she and her husband my youngest son's god parent's. I want to dissolve the friendship but am having trouble finding the best way to do that?? It's unfortunate to hear that. There has been a long friendship between you. She is supportive of you and your decision regarding your divorce. How that makes her shallow, I'm not sure, but I suppose that there may be other things about her you find shallow as well. It sounds like you have decided not to engage in a conversation about it since it doesn't seem worth your time and effort? Tell her you no longer wish to be friends then let the friendship fade out if that is what you want or dissolve it by letting it go. What are your thoughts on how this will affect your son? Edited July 10, 2022 by Alpacalia
Author Myabee Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: It's unfortunate to hear that. There has been a long friendship between you. She is supportive of you and your decision regarding your divorce. How that makes her shallow, I'm not sure, but I suppose that there may be other things about her you find shallow as well. It sounds like you have decided not to engage in a conversation about it since it doesn't seem worth your time and effort? Tell her you no longer wish to be friends then let the friendship fade out if that is what you want or dissolve it by letting it go. What are your thoughts on how this will affect your son? Thanks. Yes she is shallow in the sense that Aside from her understanding what H is like and supporting that, she seems to not be happy for me when I do have happy news. Very short and frank. I look for deeper connections as that's how I roll. That's the hard part my son. With a big graduation year ahead I will have to include her in announcement's and such. My son has never been real close to her or her spouse anyway. So, I don't think he will be to leary if I back away and leave it as casual family. Another hard part... she is moving to my area after many years of city life. So instead of being 3 hours away it will now be 30 minutes. Tough one. Ya know? Edited July 10, 2022 by Myabee
glows Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 2 hours ago, Myabee said: I could use some advice. I'm starting to see that a best friendship of over 23 years is no longer serving it's purpose. The complexity here is this best friend of mine happens to be related to H. This has nothing to do with dissolving a marriage, it has everything to do with the fact that I have realized she only seems to be in touch when she is going through stuff. When all is good, I'm shot a text of oh good news. She conveniently misplaces her phone when I text have anytime for a phone chat? She also seems to invite other friend's to visit but not me. I question if this was ever really a best friend. What is the best way to handle this? Thank you. There is nothing to handle because there is no friendship. I’d let it rest and manage your frustration in other ways. Do not take it out on her or overthink the situation. Stay busy with other things going on in your life and rely on others. This is a non-issue. 2
ShyViolet Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 Stop overthinking the situation, there's nothing you really need to do here. Just stop trying to keep the friendship alive, because it's dead. Stop trying to reach out to her. Just don't text her anymore. Let her be demoted to an acquaintance in your life. She's no longer a close friend, and that's ok. Focus on making new friends. 2
Alpacalia Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Myabee said: Thanks. Yes she is shallow in the sense that Aside from her understanding what H is like and supporting that, she seems to not be happy for me when I do have happy news. Very short and frank. I look for deeper connections as that's how I roll. That's the hard part my son. With a big graduation year ahead I will have to include her in announcement's and such. My son has never been real close to her or her spouse anyway. So, I don't think he will be to leary if I back away and leave it as casual family. Another hard part... she is moving to my area after many years of city life. So instead of being 3 hours away it will now be 30 minutes. Tough one. Ya know? Happy to help. Do not consider the friendship anything more than a casual acquaintance at this point. This seems to be how she views your friendship as far as her approach is concerned. Eventually it will fade out. Edited July 10, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
Author Myabee Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: Stop overthinking the situation, there's nothing you really need to do here. Just stop trying to keep the friendship alive, because it's dead. Stop trying to reach out to her. Just don't text her anymore. Let her be demoted to an acquaintance in your life. She's no longer a close friend, and that's ok. Focus on making new friends. She texts me. It's been daily for 20 plus years. I have recently been replying with onliners .. great ... excellent. I will not reply at all. I feel like she just used me through tough times. Sad.
Author Myabee Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 25 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Happy to help. Do not consider the friendship anything more than a casual acquaintance at this point. This seems to be how she views your friendship as far as her approach is concerned. Eventually it will fade out. Thank you so much! 1
Author Myabee Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 2 hours ago, glows said: There is nothing to handle because there is no friendship. I’d let it rest and manage your frustration in other ways. Do not take it out on her or overthink the situation. Stay busy with other things going on in your life and rely on others. This is a non-issue. Thank you Glows. I agree.
Lotsgoingon Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 Yeah, just stop replying ... If you feel confident, you can tell her your concern and that you feel she doesn't respond to you the way you respond to her. I don't your friend will respond well to a serious conversation. Friendships often do run their course. We grow and age and our needs and desires change. Old friendships might fit us like old clothes. 1
LeGenDary_Man Posted July 17, 2022 Posted July 17, 2022 On 7/10/2022 at 9:35 PM, Myabee said: She texts me. It's been daily for 20 plus years. I have recently been replying with onliners .. great ... excellent. I will not reply at all. I feel like she just used me through tough times. Sad. You were good to her, right? You helped her when she needed you, right? This makes you the better person. You should not feel guilty. If you feel that your friendship is not being adequately reciprocated then do not latch onto it. You now understand that she is not reliable. No need to text her yourself. But be nice to her when she text you. Keep your interaction minimum but positive. If she figure out that something is wrong then do not hesitate to give her your peace of mind. Better this then keeping your feelings bottled-up inside you. Talk to other people as well. You might be able to get in touch with a more responsive or better friend in time.
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