Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 When is a reasonable amount of time when dating to be getting introduced to family and friends? The family and friends were right there infront of me, and no introduction at all.
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 3 minutes ago, Annabanna said: The family and friends were right there infront of me, and no introduction at all. What was the setting where they were "right in front of you"? How long have you been dating? How old is he?
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 Been dating 3 months. Been on lots of dates, pubs, bars, meals, walks, cinema. He invited me out last minute to meet him at a bar he was at with friends, but he made no introductions. The friends had to ask who I was. The second time at his house. His daughter was in the next room. I had only popped in for a few mins as we had been for a walk, but I did expect him to call her through and be introduced. We talk about out kids all the time and have briefly spoken about letting them meet. But I cant remember if I instigated that. Thinking I should wk away... think I've answered my own question sometimes you need to see it written down.
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 5 minutes ago, Annabanna said: His daughter was in the next room. I did expect him to call her through and be introduced. Yes. 12 weeks dating is the observation time. Many single parents do not want to introduce their children to people early on. It seems you take this more seriously than he does and that's a good observation to make. 1
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 Just now, Wiseman2 said: Yes. 12 weeks dating is the observation time. Many single parents do not want to introduce their children to people early on. It seems you take this more seriously than he does and that's a good observation to make. I dont like to introduce my children too early on either. But I'm thinking 3 months is OK, and his daughter knew he was put with a "lady friend" and even walked passed the room I was in but no introduction. She's a young adult by the way. Not a child as such. Oh I dunno, I'm just bored with the pub, cinema, walking ect. I'm ready to share my life with someone. Not a few hours here and there.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 I think 3 months is too soon to be introduced to the kids, or to have them meet each other. You haven't been dating long enough to know if this is going somewhere serious, if you two are a match beyond the honeymoon stage, if you have what it takes to make it work longer-term. I would urge to wait until all of that is clearer, and then think about integrating each other into your kids' lives. It's not fair to meet them too soon, risk them forming an attachment only to disappear again in short order. That also goes for young adults. Give it more time to see if you two are even on the same footing first. As for meeting his friends, well, I think at 3 months he should have at least introduced you when you actually ran into them. It is odd to me that he didn't do so, but it says a lot. As @Wiseman2 says, you're taking this more seriously than he is. 2
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 26 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think 3 months is too soon to be introduced to the kids, or to have them meet each other. You haven't been dating long enough to know if this is going somewhere serious, if you two are a match beyond the honeymoon stage, if you have what it takes to make it work longer-term. I would urge to wait until all of that is clearer, and then think about integrating each other into your kids' lives. It's not fair to meet them too soon, risk them forming an attachment only to disappear again in short order. That also goes for young adults. Give it more time to see if you two are even on the same footing first. As for meeting his friends, well, I think at 3 months he should have at least introduced you when you actually ran into them. It is odd to me that he didn't do so, but it says a lot. As @Wiseman2 says, you're taking this more seriously than he is. Yes maybe. I mean I've not told anyone about him either, amd don't feel ready to introduce my kids. But I would like to one day. And he invited me into his house when his daughter was there. I just felt it was a bit rude not to introduce us. I haven't invited him into my house and won't do untill I'm sure this is going somewhere and feel comfortable inviting the kids. I'm happy to wait, as long as I know we are on the same page. I dont want another 3 months to go by with us still doing the same boring things. And I don't want to keep jumping into bed with him if that's all he wants. How do I approach the subject without coming across as needy? Should I have to? Shouldn't all this just be a natural process
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 28 minutes ago, Annabanna said: I've not told anyone about him either, and don't feel ready to introduce my kids. I haven't invited him into my house and won't do until I'm sure this is going somewhere and feel comfortable inviting the kids. He's a secret but you're upset he won't introduce you to friends/family? You're not on the same page if he is a secret, isn't welcome in your home and you hope he does even more about blending lives.
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 Only because he's keeping me a secret. Lol I have a strange feeling that he's only after one thing.
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: Does he know that he is a secret, too? No, honestly the conversation hasn't come up. But he deliberately took me into a place where he knew his friends would be. But didn't introduce me. He took me into his home where he knew his daughter would be. And didn't introduce me. I feel quite offended as I think its rude. If we had accidentally bumped into anyone I know. Friends, family, colleagues I would have introduced him as someone I've been dating. So I wouldn't say I'm deliberately keeping him a secret, ie I'm not going out of my way to hide him! Lol
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Annabanna said: But he deliberately took me into a place where he knew his friends would be. But didn't introduce me. I agree, this was rude of him. Did you ask him why he didn't?
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 No, this is what I need help with. I mean why did he do that? And how do I broach the subject without coming across as needy?
Calmandfocused Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 Agree with the general consensus that you are running before you can walk. Im interested why you are such a rush with bagging this man into full blown integrated relationship? What’s your agenda? And what would be in it for him? There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship as your ultimate goal, however you realistically have to go through the steps/ process to get there. Like anything else in life! Irrespective of how old his daughter is, she does not need to be getting involved in her fathers love life at this early stage. It probably grosses her out that her father is dating. Her father should be respectful of keeping his family life separate to you for now. Unfortunately when parents date, there are many more considerations to factor into the equation including the feelings of the children, and ensuring they are not affected by any poor dating decisions.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 20 minutes ago, Annabanna said: I mean why did he do that? And how do I broach the subject without coming across as needy? It is not needy to ask why he neglected to introduce you. It is basic courtesy that one does so. 2
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 32 minutes ago, Annabanna said: he deliberately took me into a place where he knew his friends would be. But didn't introduce me. When you are both ready to blend lives a little more, why not bring up the topic of introductions, friends, family, etc.? Is this the same man?:
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: When you are both ready to blend lives a little more, why not bring up the topic of introductions, friends, family, etc.? Is this the same man?: Yes
Ami1uwant Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 3 hours ago, Annabanna said: Been dating 3 months. Been on lots of dates, pubs, bars, meals, walks, cinema. He invited me out last minute to meet him at a bar he was at with friends, but he made no introductions. The friends had to ask who I was. The second time at his house. His daughter was in the next room. I had only popped in for a few mins as we had been for a walk, but I did expect him to call her through and be introduced. We talk about out kids all the time and have briefly spoken about letting them meet. But I cant remember if I instigated that. Thinking I should wk away... think I've answered my own question sometimes you need to see it written down. Kids are different. Especially if theyare young. Some suggest 6 months before introducing kids to who you are dating if they are young. Everyone’s family is different. Some, because of past experiences, might wait to introduce peop,le to parents or close relatives until 6 months in. another factor is how close geographically they are and how often they see each other matters too. 3-4 months is a reasonable amount of time before introductions to most friends/ family. 1
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said: Agree with the general consensus that you are running before you can walk. Im interested why you are such a rush with bagging this man into full blown integrated relationship? What’s your agenda? And what would be in it for him? There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship as your ultimate goal, however you realistically have to go through the steps/ process to get there. Like anything else in life! Irrespective of how old his daughter is, she does not need to be getting involved in her fathers love life at this early stage. It probably grosses her out that her father is dating. Her father should be respectful of keeping his family life separate to you for now. Unfortunately when parents date, there are many more considerations to factor into the equation including the feelings of the children, and ensuring they are not affected by any poor dating decisions. Oh maybe I'm reading into it too much then. I'm not in a rush at all!! I just don't want to be taken for a fool that's all. Feels like he's got no intentions of taking things further than drinks and sex. First instincs are normaly right I'd say. We have spent alot of time together by the way. Like 3 dates a week some weeks. For 3 months, surly by now if he was wanting to take things further there would be a little more interest in my life. I'm just fed up of sitting in a pub all the time
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 8 minutes ago, Annabanna said: Feels like he's got no intentions of taking things further than drinks and sex.I'm just fed up of sitting in a pub all the time If you feel it's just that, perhaps stop doing it this way.
glows Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 Have you suggested other date ideas and ending it early (before ending up in each others’ bedrooms)? Change. You seem to walk on eggshells around him. Do you usually do this? Don’t like something? Suggest something else.
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 We don't always end up bed, thats only happened 3 times, but I know he would like very date to end that way. It's not always practical due to kids being home. I will give it more time and see what happens
FMW Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 Suggest different things to do together and see if he's interested/willing to spend time together in different ways.
ShyViolet Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 When he didn't introduce you to his friends, even though you were all in the same place, that was just rude on his part. Maybe he is lacking in social skills. However, with kids and family it's totally different. I don't think he did anything wrong in not calling his daughter into the other room to introduce you to her. It is a bit early in the relationship to be expecting that.
Author Annabanna Posted July 10, 2022 Author Posted July 10, 2022 Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions. I see now that it's quite normal to not be involving the kids yet. The friends thing was rude. But maybe he got shy, embarrassed I will let it slide and see what happens Thank you
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