Stromae Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 I made a friend at work this year where I’d go out of my way to say hello etc, and even though I was interested in her I kept things light as I wanted to be professional and unwelcome workplace advances are obviously horrible. The most I’d do is buy her coffee in the morning As part of my career progression I got a new job in a different state. For whatever reason prior to me leaving my current job it seemed to be the motivation for us both to “shoot our shot”. I invited her to a group hangout where we spent time together and then things took off where we subsequently went on several dates. To my surprise she revealed she had liked me all year and was sad when she found out I was leaving. On our last day together before I left we hooked up, and when it was time to say goodbye we both seemed sad. I told her how much I liked her and her response was that she must have been really good at tricking me into it. We both seemed to leave things as “let me know if you’re in the area” and we would be there for each other My question now - As crazy as it sounds am I right to consider the possibility of a long distance relationship? Was this just a fling? We’ve texted daily since but nothing too much as I was moving. I can’t speak for her but at least for me I really started to like her a lot and felt if I was still in town things would progress further. She’s beautiful but for me this extends far beyond looks and it’s the entire package of who she is that I find so appealing and don’t wish to lose.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 How are far away are you moving? Since you are the one leaving, she likely is leaving up to you to initiate a talk about whether or not you will try to keep things going. Her response to that will tell you what you need to know.
Wiseman2 Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 3 hours ago, Stromae said: I got a new job in a different state. our last day together before I left we hooked up. We both seemed to leave things as “let me know if you’re in the area” and we would be there for each other Good luck on the new job/location. Focus on the new area including getting a nice place, getting to know the area and of course get a new profile and pics on quality dating apps to start dating local women after you settle in. Stay in touch with this lady if you wish, but one hookup and "call if you're in town" is not enough basis for any type of relationship, no less a distance relationship
Author Stromae Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: How are far away are you moving? Since you are the one leaving, she likely is leaving up to you to initiate a talk about whether or not you will try to keep things going. Her response to that will tell you what you need to know. It’s a few states away which is why I realize it’s crazy and Wiseman is wise. She plans to stay in her current position for at least a year more before moving May just be a case of a missed opportunity which is a shame because things seemed to be going really well once we finally spent time together As much as I understand the concept of things working out as the universe intends I also believe in going for what you want, just don’t know if it’s something I should bring up versus her possibly hinting at not wanting more by comments of “my door is open if you’re ever back in town” 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 1 hour ago, Stromae said: It’s a few states away which is why I realize it’s crazy and Wiseman is wise. She plans to stay in her current position for at least a year more before moving May just be a case of a missed opportunity which is a shame because things seemed to be going really well once we finally spent time together As much as I understand the concept of things working out as the universe intends I also believe in going for what you want, just don’t know if it’s something I should bring up versus her possibly hinting at not wanting more by comments of “my door is open if you’re ever back in town” It can work out if you have some ideas long term. 1-2 years isn’t a big deal if you feel you have real connection. in my past when I knew I was going to be moving I didn’t pursue things I could have. There was one woman I met. We had “it” but ne p er pursued it because we were at different points in life. 1
ShyViolet Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 I think you should just look back fondly on the connection you made with her, and perhaps keep in touch casually and check in once in a while, but don't start planning on a long-distance relationship. I really feel that long distance relationships are a ridiculous waste of energy unless there are concrete plans for one person to relocate within a reasonable amount of time. And this connection you had with her was nowhere near that stage. You will meet new people in your new area.
poppyfields Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) @Stromaeyour story reminds me of a great song by Glen Campbell from WAY back. Gentle On My Mind It's knowing that your door is always open And your path is free to walkThat makes me tend to leave my sleeping bag Rolled up and stashed behind your couch And it's knowing I'm not shackled By forgotten words and bonds And the ink stains that are dried upon some line That keeps you in the backroads By the rivers of my memory That keeps you ever gentle on my mind ---- Sometimes the more obstacles to overcome, the more appealing and intriguing a situation becomes. Had you NOT been moving away, you might not feel nearly as intense as you do now. Follow Wiseman's advice and cherish the memory. Edited July 9, 2022 by poppyfields
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2022 Posted July 10, 2022 You are just going to have to put it out there and see if she is willing to try. That's all you can do. 1
Author Stromae Posted July 21, 2022 Author Posted July 21, 2022 Well just as a brief update she plans to visit my city next month, and also recently let me know some of her friends will likely be there too. Just taking it slowly and seeing how or if things progress but its something. She mentioned telling her friends about me in general which I’ll take as a good sign. No doubt if things do come together and I meet her friends on her visit she’ll be asking them their thoughts on me. Haven’t defined things one way or another yet at all, or even asked how we see things going from here but it seems like both of us are being somewhat cautiously optimistic.Weird spot to be in but we shall see. 2
introverted1 Posted July 21, 2022 Posted July 21, 2022 How far is the distance? Would monthly weekends be possible? I'm in the camp that you miss all the shots you don't take, so why not go for it if you're both interested in pursuing a relationship and she's free to move in a year. 1
Author Stromae Posted August 18, 2022 Author Posted August 18, 2022 (edited) I do think monthly weekends would in theory be possible. With that said she finally came to visit and it was somewhat interesting. I asked her what her intention was for the visit and she said she just wanted to spend time together. She said she wouldn't move states for someone (not that I asked - she just mentioned) and hasn't done well with long distance in the past. The night before she left we hooked up, afterward she asked me if I had ever cried after sex. I said no and she said she hadn't either.. only for me to look at her and see she was crying. She asked me why I was such a good person and said of anyone she's been with I was by far the most caring and thoughtful. I asked why she was crying and she said it was a lot of emotions she didn't know how to handle or process. Earlier in the day when I had gently brought up the topic about seeing each other again she said we would play it by ear. So now I'm in a scenario where I'm still unclear how to proceed. She essentially said and hinted at not wanting to do long distance, which leaves me wondering if my feelings for her are stronger than how she feels about me. Though I'm not sure why she would be crying, and at the end of the day she was the one who actually made the effort to come see me. When she initially asked about coming I was quite surprised. The past week spent time with her, her friends (who seemingly knew we were dating), said she'd told some of her coworkers (who I had previously met when we worked together) about me. Puzzling. Edited August 18, 2022 by Stromae
alphamale Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 (edited) LDR is out of the question. She “hooked up” w/you only because she knew you were leaving permanently and wouldn’t be back. Girls love this situation immensely. I have experienced it few times…move on and enjoy memories Edited August 18, 2022 by alphamale 2
glows Posted August 18, 2022 Posted August 18, 2022 21 minutes ago, Stromae said: I do think monthly weekends would in theory be possible. With that said she finally came to visit and it was somewhat interesting. I asked her what her intention was for the visit and she said she just wanted to spend time together. She said she wouldn't move states for someone (not that I asked - she just mentioned) and hasn't done well with long distance in the past. The night before she left we hooked up, afterward she asked me if I had ever cried after sex. I said no and she said she hadn't either.. only for me to look at her and see she was crying. She asked me why I was such a good person and said of anyone she's been with I was by far the most caring and thoughtful. I asked why she was crying and she said it was a lot of emotions she didn't know how to handle or process. Earlier in the day when I had gently brought up the topic about seeing each other again she said we would play it by ear. So now I'm in a scenario where I'm still unclear how to proceed. She essentially said and hinted at not wanting to do long distance, which leaves me wondering if my feelings for her are stronger than how she feels about me. Though I'm not sure why she would be crying, and at the end of the day she was the one who actually made the effort to come see me. When she initially asked about coming I was quite surprised. The past week spent time with her, her friends (who seemingly knew we were dating), said she'd told some of her coworkers (who I had previously met when we worked together) about me. Puzzling. My interpretation of this is that despite her difficulty with long distance and that she doesn't think she would move for someone, she's conflicted. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have stronger feelings for her. Is this something you're worried about? Isn't it enough that you're enjoying the company of a wonderful woman? Her being emotional and crying is speaking volumes about how conflicted she feels and how strongly she feels about you and not because you're just a good roll in the hay. According to her she thinks you're "a good person". Sometimes people speak outloud, say what they wish they had more conviction about but really don't. It's not very puzzling.. She's saying she wouldn't move states for someone and that she hasn't done well. The ball is in your court if you are going to move to where she is or not when the time comes but right now all that talk is way too early. You've only just started dating so see where it goes. As she says also, "play it by ear". 1
Author Stromae Posted August 18, 2022 Author Posted August 18, 2022 59 minutes ago, alphamale said: LDR is out of the question. She “hooked up” w/you only because she knew you were leaving permanently and wouldn’t be back. Girls love this situation immensely. I have experienced it few times…move on and enjoy memories You aren't wrong and there's no point in forcing things The only thing I find questionable is that its not like we hooked up prior to me leaving - and that was it - as I initially thought might happen. She then followed that by flying to see me a month later for about a week. In the interim has texted almost daily, and one night when out with friends got intoxicated and told her friends to text me and let me know she was ok. So in a sense its somewhat of a conflicting message, though as Glow states she may just be conflicted herself with what she ultimately wants. The situation may just warrant more time, "playing it by ear" without getting too invested if I can help it.
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