Why bother with weekday dates?

[Logo]

I have yet to go on a date during the week and meet someone who ended up having serious intentions. If they’re relegating you to some Wednesday afternoon around 6 or 7, you’re not a priority. Spend less than an hour and call it a night. 

[basil67]

I don't think it's this simple.

If you're talking about first dates, the whole point of meeting for an hour after work is to assess if there is a connection worth pursuing. Imagine if you'd spent good money on that person taking them out to a restaurant on Saturday night and still found a lack of connection. That's a much bigger loss of time and money on your part.  

However, if you're talking about someone who you've been on a number of dates with and who won't make time on a weekend for you, then move on.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Logo said:

If they’re relegating you to some Wednesday afternoon around 6 or 7, you’re not a priority. Spend less than an hour and call it a night. 

Meeting for a brief coffee/drink after work is not unusual or inconvenient at all. In fact it's a good way for you not to overinvest or waste time. No one you have never met before is a "priority".

If you like them and there is a connection, you can always suggest a more traditional date on weekends. In fact, that is a better way to go about it. Meet briefly for the first meet and if you hit it off, ask for a second date.

[Logo]

I’ve gone on 3 dates that were on a weekday. And 3 dates that were on a weekend. The weekday dates were disinterested and in one case even disrespectful and rude, all despite them all showering me with compliments and big talk about how excited they are. 
 

To me, from my experience, it signals intent. Little hints and comments here and there as though they have slipped up and let the cat out of the bag before meeting rubbed me wrong afterword, in hindsight. 
 

Show of hands, who’s done online dating?

Edited July 9, 2022 by Logo

[Ami1uwant]

1 minute ago, Logo said:

I’ve gone on 3 dates that were on a weekday. And 3 dates that were on a weekend. The weekday dates were disinterested and in one case even disrespectful and rude, all despite them all showering me with compliments and big talk about how excited they are. 
 

To me, from my experience, it signals intent. Little hints and comments here and there as though they have slipped up and let the cat out of the bag before meeting rubbed me wrong afterword, in hindsight. 
 

Show of hands, who’s done online dating?

I’ve done online dating on and off between relationships for over 25 years.

 

you seem to to get it. Online dating is different than old fashioned dating where you knew who the person was and had talked to thrm before you had date 1.

 

with online youare repeating that short initial meet fir an hour or so to see how initial impressions go before you have a “real date”

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Logo said:

I’ve gone on 3 dates that were on a weekday. And 3 dates that were on a weekend.

Were these first meets? How long and much are you texting before suggesting meeting? What do you mean by "signaling intent"? Intent for what?

[Happy Lemming]

 

11 minutes ago, Logo said:

I’ve gone on 3 dates that were on a weekday. The weekday dates were disinterested and in one case even disrespectful and rude...

 

I can't speak to on-line dating, but when I did meet a woman (in real life) and I suggested a date, it was always on the weekend.  If she said "no" to the weekend date and counter offered with a Wednesday of Thursday, I made some excuse that those days wouldn't work for me.  I would try again for the next weekend and if I got the same response, I'd move on.

In my experience, if I'm offered a weekday date I know I am the "plan B" or "plan C" guy and she is hoping to be asked out by a different guy, so she keeps her weekend open.  A weekday date is either a "pity date" or the "Woman is bored and doesn't want to sit home on a Wednesday or Thursday" date, so she throws you a bone and goes out with you.  She has very little interest in you and no intention of starting a relationship with you.

My advice... try for a weekend date.  If she says "no", try for the next weekend.  If you get a second "no"... move on.  Don't waste your time, energy or money on someone that thinks of you as "plan B" or "plan C" guy.

 

[Alvi]

Actually, before joining this forum, it never even occurred to me that the weekend dates were  "It." I never connected the dots regarding the days that I was meeting the guys for the first time.

I would meet guys on all days. Sometimes on the weeknight, sometimes during the weekend. I never thought if I don't meet someone on a Saturday night, I might not be his first priority. These guys, whom I never met, are not my first priority. So why would I expect to be theirs?

I still think that once the rapport has been established, you should meet as soon as possible. Regardless of the day. A first meeting is to determine whether or not there is enough chemistry or interests to take this any further.

28 minutes ago, Logo said:

To me, from my experience, it signals intent. Little hints and comments here and there as though they have slipped up and let the cat out of the bag before meeting rubbed me wrong afterword, in hindsight. 

To be fair, there could be red flags regardless of whether you've met on the Wednesday or on a Saturday. Day/time/place doesn't matter that much if a person is interested in you (and vise versa). Let's say a guy could be looking for a hook up if he meets you on a Sunday. Or a  guy could be looking for a long term even if he meets you on a Tuesday evening.  

I don't think you should be placing any significance on the days of the week. Maybe screen guys out a bit more before actually meeting them in person. Also, keep in mind that some people work during the weekend and might be free on some weeknights.

17 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

 

I can't speak to on-line dating, but when I did meet a woman (in real life) and I suggested a date, it was always on the weekend.  If she said "no" to the weekend date and counter offered with a Wednesday of Thursday, I made some excuse that those days wouldn't work for me.  I would try again for the next weekend and if I got the same response, I'd move on.

In my experience, if I'm offered a weekday date I know I am the "plan B" or "plan C" guy and she is hoping to be asked out by a different guy, so she keeps her weekend open.  A weekday date is either a "pity date" or the "Woman is bored and doesn't want to sit home on a Wednesday or Thursday" date, so she throws you a bone and goes out with you.  She has very little interest in you and no intention of starting a relationship with you.

My advice... try for a weekend date.  If she says "no", try for the next weekend.  If you get a second "no"... move on.  Don't waste your time, energy or money on someone that thinks of you as "plan B" or "plan C" guy.

 

This is a very interesting point of view. Sort of like an eye opener for me.  It never actually occurred to me that a guy might feel that I am using him as a pity date if I say no to the weekend date.  Actually, that might explain a thing or two. Sometimes I am busy on a weekend so I say to a guy "let's meet on a Tuesday or a Wednesday instead." And some of them either get upset or fade away (or ghost me).  I certainly don't mean for them to feel like they are not important or that I am not that interested in them. All I meant was that I was busy over the weekend but still wanted to meet them. 

Live and learn!

[Happy Lemming]

5 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Also, keep in mind that some people work during the weekend and might be free on some weeknights.

I did date one woman that worked every other weekend.  It was mandatory for her job, but she still managed to see me on the weekends.  I was important to her, so she would forego some sleep, so she could date me. 

And for me, I do remember occasionally having to work the weekends for this one job I had.  When I got off work, I'd take a shower... slug down a pot of coffee and take my girlfriend out for a nice date.

"Where there is a will... there's a way" - George Herbert

11 minutes ago, Alvi said:

It never actually occurred to me that a guy might feel that I am using him as a pity date if I say no to the weekend date.  Actually, that might explain a thing or two. Sometimes I am busy on a weekend so I say to a guy "let's meet on a Tuesday or a Wednesday instead." And some of them either get upset or fade away (or ghost me).

Yes... I would say I'm the average guy and I would "fade away" under those circumstances. 

[BrinnM]

I wouldn’t even have time during the week. Week is for work and more work, and business travel. 

[smackie9]

I worked weekend evenings and nights because I worked at a club. Didn't matter what day of the week or time, a lot of the dates were flops....it's just dating. It is what it is.

[Alvi]

On 7/9/2022 at 8:10 AM, Happy Lemming said:

I can't speak to on-line dating, but when I did meet a woman (in real life) and I suggested a date, it was always on the weekend.  If she said "no" to the weekend date and counter offered with a Wednesday of Thursday, I made some excuse that those days wouldn't work for me.  I would try again for the next weekend and if I got the same response, I'd move on.

In my experience, if I'm offered a weekday date I know I am the "plan B" or "plan C" guy and she is hoping to be asked out by a different guy, so she keeps her weekend open.  A weekday date is either a "pity date" or the "Woman is bored and doesn't want to sit home on a Wednesday or Thursday" date, so she throws you a bone and goes out with you.  She has very little interest in you and no intention of starting a relationship with you.

My advice... try for a weekend date.  If she says "no", try for the next weekend.  If you get a second "no"... move on.  Don't waste your time, energy or money on someone that thinks of you as "plan B" or "plan C" guy.

Ok, so now I know that there is an unwritten rule that if a guys is serious about you, he is going to ask you out on a weekend. But how about a Sunday morning? I've been asked few times to meet on Sunday morning for either a cup of coffee or for a brunch. What do you think about that? Good? Bad?

[Gaeta]

It doesn't matter when the first date is AND it's not because we're single that all of our Saturdays are free. A lot of single people (like me) fill their weenkends with outings with family and friends. I met my ex-bf on a Tuesday night after work. We were both coming from work, it was poring rain, we had about 1 hour for a coffee because I had to rush home for personal responsabilities. After that Tuesday date he called and invited me to a movie for the up coming Saturday. We were together 5 years. 

Don't impose on yourself imaginary obstacles. 

[Els]

You're... aware that not everyone works 9-5 M-F, right....?

Like, based on that requirement you are basically excluding EVERY hospital and emergency worker, the vast majority of hospitality workers, every flight and tourism worker, etc. I mean, whatever floats your boat, but I can't imagine why anyone would limit their options like that.

[Happy Lemming]

13 hours ago, Alvi said:

 But how about a Sunday morning? I've been asked few times to meet on Sunday morning for either a cup of coffee or for a brunch. What do you think about that? Good? Bad?

My opinion... Bad.  Coffee is not a date -- its something I put in my thermos.  Brunch is to nurse my hangover -- again not a real date.

In my experience, I try to plan a nice Saturday night date -- (Date, Time, Place & Activity).  Not just dinner at a restaurant -- some type of activity near where we are going to eat.  I want my date to have fun, so after the date -- when she is reflecting on her evening, she says to herself "I had a really good time, that was fun -- if 'lemming' asks me out again, I'll definitely say 'yes'".  So that was always my goal.  I want to be the guy that is fun and interesting, so the woman will say "yes" to the next date.

[Happy Lemming]

4 hours ago, Elswyth said:

You're... aware that not everyone works 9-5 M-F, right....?

I am aware of that.  I did date one woman that worked every other weekend.  Even on the weekends she worked, I still planned something "low key", so she could make it into work the next morning.

4 hours ago, Elswyth said:

Like, based on that requirement you are basically excluding EVERY hospital and emergency worker, the vast majority of hospitality workers, every flight and tourism worker, etc. I mean, whatever floats your boat, but I can't imagine why anyone would limit their options like that.

No Problem... let someone else date those women.  I had no problem finding women to date.

Yes... I did go out with a "Flight Attendant" (Southwest Airlines) a couple of times (I think it was 2007 or 2008).  We only went out 2-3 times, her schedule was never predictable.  It made date planning impossible, so I threw in the towel and started dating someone else. 

[Els]

21 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I am aware of that. 

Wait... are you Logo?

Quote

Yes... I did go out with a "Flight Attendant" (Southwest Airlines) a couple of times (I think it was 2007 or 2008).  We only went out 2-3 times, her schedule was never predictable.  It made date planning impossible, so I threw in the towel and started dating someone else. 

The premise of the OP (Logo) is that he assumes a woman suggesting a weekday date necessarily indicates that they are shagging some other dude on the weekend. He does not mention issues with date planning.

Edited July 15, 2022 by Elswyth

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Elswyth said:

Wait... are you Logo?

 

My bad... I thought you were responding to my post above.

 

[Valor]

I see nothing wrong with weekday dates and I suggest them all the time.

 

I wfh now so my schedule is A LOT more flexible and I've gone on a few dates where that's the case too. It's chill I guess. Also just meeting someone, I feel, it's fair not to expect to be a priority. If i have a fun weekend with friends I'm not gonna cancel that for someone I don't even know.

[Versacehottie]

Too arbitrary of a conclusion, IMO. The two things aren't necessarily correlated. 

[Meghan L]

To me it's less about the day of the week & more about the date itself.  
   
A weeknight date isn't inherently bad.  If you have an early workday tomorrow then you don't want to  be out too late & you probably shouldn't get pickled, but those are good rules in the early stages, regardless of what day it is.
  
As things move along & you find chemistry you'll want to make more time for each other, of course.

[Acacia98]

On 7/14/2022 at 2:00 PM, Elswyth said:

You're... aware that not everyone works 9-5 M-F, right....?

Like, based on that requirement you are basically excluding EVERY hospital and emergency worker, the vast majority of hospitality workers, every flight and tourism worker, etc. I mean, whatever floats your boat, but I can't imagine why anyone would limit their options like that.

I was going to say that, then I thought that maybe OP was referring specifically to folks who worked regular schedules (i.e. that's the preferred dating pool). So I decided not to bother.

But you are right. I'm one of those folks who works a different schedule. Sometimes a weekday date is most ideal for me. And I also think of religious folks who worship on Saturdays (or Sundays), and I can't help thinking that weekends might work differently for them too. Anyway, perhaps that's all part of the compatibility puzzle.

[Gaeta]

On 7/9/2022 at 3:20 AM, Logo said:

I have yet to go on a date during the week and meet someone who ended up having serious intentions. If they’re relegating you to some Wednesday afternoon around 6 or 7, you’re not a priority. Spend less than an hour and call it a night. 

Are we talking a first meeting? 

If yes, then of course you're not a priority, you're still a stranger on the internet.

On my end, nothing ever came out of a meal for first date. I've noticed men offering dinner for first meeting often are insecure about something and feel they have to compensate by being overly chevaleresque over a woman they've never met before.

Dating is not what it used to be 20 years ago, l'm discovering it's not even what it was 5 years ago. You have to get with the program, the program won't change for you.

Edited July 15, 2022 by Gaeta

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Are we talking a first meeting? 

Agree. A dinner date on a weekend for a first meet is unwise. That can always happen later on if things click.