brittanyjean259 Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 i thought i had found my love, when i was 14- now im almost 18 ...we broke up 3 months ago...and the pain is crucial... i was just wondering....is your first love...your one and only? and do you fall in love a cuple of times in your life?.... inbetween each love did you all have to go through a healing process.... how many heart breaks( for love) can one have in a life time?
Mz. Pixie Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 That's your first love- and in my experience NOTHING hurts like that. I can still remember how bad it hurt when I lost my first love. Hang in there though, it will get better. I've been in love four times in my life and I'm 37. They were all different in ways. You can have as many heartbreaks as you have relationships or then again, you may find one and be happy. Things besides love affairs can break your heart- loss of friendships- deaths in the family etc. Try to look on the positive. Try to find someone who is in worse shape than you are- trust me- you won't have to look long- and focus on how lucky you are to be in your shoes instead of theirs.
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 4 times.. But I have only said I love you to 3 women..
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 i was just wondering....is your first love...your one and only? and do you fall in love a cuple of times in your life?.... Each love is different. Some more passionate, some more emotional. The end result, feels the same more or less.. inbetween each love did you all have to go through a healing process.... Ofcourse. You have to close your heart to that person who you loved. It's not good to still feel inlove with someone and be with someone else. how many heart breaks( for love) can one have in a life time? As many as it happens. For me it's 2.
SilentPrayer Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 I fell inlove ONCE...when I was 18. A virgin...young...just out of a girls private school and I started dating a guy from college..and from my home town. He was a wet dream and I loved him and still love him. 18..true love..still love em~
Author brittanyjean259 Posted October 24, 2005 Author Posted October 24, 2005 well thanks for the replys! couldent you be infatuation for 3 years..to where you thought you were in love... i know true love takes a mature stable person.. your right many are worse off...but its still hard..
basscatcher Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 3 times. The last one was the biggest heartbreak and the shortest relationship. 1st time I was a junior in High School. I ached for him for 11 years. ( I even got married while still in love with him.) 2nd time was my exh. was with him for 11 1/2 years. He put me through so much hell that I while I still cohabitated with him I fell out of love with him and moved on 2 months after I walked out. 3rd time was my last serious bf. He was a dream to me come true but he lied to me and seriously hurt me deeply. I am still healing from him but what he did to me helped me to prepare to move forward. It took me two months to be able to lift my head from the ground. I couldn't even look at other men and recognize them for 3 months. When I started to recognize men again and I was able to genuinely say "wow, he's cute." I knew I was ready to date again to get my feet back on the pavement. Its been 9 months since that day and I have since started another relationship (with several failed meetings of others inbetween). Each person is different in the amount of healing time that is required. It took my brother 7 years to get over his exgf from High School. He didn't even have sex or date. All he did was drink, get drunk, fall down, and work work work work.... I think it has a lot to do with our coping skills, how much we accept what as happened, whether or not we allow ourselves to go through all the stages of the grieving process. There are different kinds of love. I chose 3 that I would say I considered loving so much I would spend a lifetime commitment too. All the others were definetely experience and steps of learning.
alphamale Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 There are different kinds of love. Yes, there are PADA....there is one I call "pseudo-love". This is when you THINK you're in love but you're really not. But don't confuse it with lust.
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Yes, there are PADA....there is one I call "pseudo-love". This is when you THINK you're in love but you're really not. But don't confuse it with lust. Lust and love are very similar and can be confusing. Throw in the emotional attachment - Feels like love but that is when THINKING comes into play - and most of the time one can eventually figure out if it's love or lust.
quankanne Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 had several serious crushes on guys, been in love once and thought I'd die without him. But I didn't – instead, I met the man I eventually married, and am happily content here with him ... my theory of love is that each relationship you go through brings you closer to the love you're meant to have. The guy I was in love with in college, who I was stupidly in love with, I should say, is now like an old movie that happened to someone else, but I realize that I had to experience that heartache in order to move on to where I'm supposed to be. Looking at my husband's past, I can say the same – he'd been married before, first time to a high school sweetheart, and I think he was heartbroken when it didn't work out. But, he found his fishwife, Wife No. 2, and put up with some pretty horrible crap during their first marriage. However bad those two experiences ended out (first because it ended, second because it happened), they kind of prepared him for what we've got now. I don't think either of us could appreciate what we've got if it hadn't been for love gone bad in those previous relationships, even though we were convinced we were supposed to be with those others at that time!
basscatcher Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Yes, there are PADA....there is one I call "pseudo-love". This is when you THINK you're in love but you're really not. But don't confuse it with lust. I don't disagree. Thats why I only chose 3... These 3 I forgave and forgave until I realized they didn't love me as much as they loved themselves.. It was time to let go and move on.. All the other 30+ men I dated were infatuations, lust, etc etc..
seachange Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 my theory of love is that each relationship you go through brings you closer to the love you're meant to have. I really like this theory, but maybe that's because it's sort of wishful thinking on my part. Means the best is yet to come! I hope. I'd say I have been in real love twice (and I've also experienced Alpha's "pseudo-love" at least once). Though I was in love both times, the second one (my most recent relationship) was much deeper than the first one - like going from 2D to 3D. I'd never felt anything like it before. Sigh.
kitten chick Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Once, maybe twice. My first love was the greatest guy I've ever known.
quankanne Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 is that a squid-girl kissing a sea monster in your avatar??! quite funny (it) was much deeper than the first one exactly! like there's a deeper sense of awareness, or maybe something fuller because you've had that prior experience in engaging your heart. I never, ever thought I'd get over the first guy I dated and gave myself to, but when I went to college, met guys there, and found Mr. I Think He's The One, I'm So In Love With Him, I thought that the first relationship just paled in comparison. It was an incredible experience, having those feelings for college-boy, so when that relationship ended, I wanted to just curl up and die because I didn't think I could ever love someone that way again. but that was before Richard, the guy I ended up marrying. I liked him because I thought he was a decent guy, and realized that I even cared for him because of this, but no way in hell did I ever think I was in love with the guy!!! I think I was expecting "love" to be along the lines of what I felt for my ex-boyfriend or the guy I was so madly in love with, that I didn't realize what was quietly happening to me. That here was someone who became like a breath of fresh air in my heart because there were no demanding emotions, just something simple and sweet and there, you know? Like he was just naturally a part of my life, and always had been. and that's why I believe that every love relationship you experience leads you to the one you're meant to have for good.
seachange Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 I thought they were wrestling. But now that you say it, they do look kind of like they're kissing! Hm, there's a metaphor there somewhere... Also, I like how she's (I think it's a she) looking the whale in the eye, like, "Now what, big boy?"
quankanne Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I like how she's (I think it's a she) looking the whale in the eye, like, "Now what, big boy?" lol .... whole lotta phallic symbolism going on ... back to the topic: is pseudo-love akin to trying your damndest to make a romantic relationship work, because you like your partner, but you know it's not love?
Author brittanyjean259 Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 all of that seems to make perfect sence, maybe the more pain your in...the more love you will have when you do find that someone...and maybe that certain some one is in just as much pain as you are in right now... its just hard to think of any one else as that" some one"...but it happens and being single isnt that bad... seeing cuples is hard... i do think of so much people who are worse off...and its hard because something worse could have happend to me... like a death...and i just dont think i could ever deal with that and im still very young you never know what could happen... being single aka having a broken heart...you have your good days and your bad...but those good days i hold on to and lucky to have... thanks
quankanne Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 those good days i hold on to and lucky to have... I think this is what the secret of life is: to focus on what is good and positive even as you experience hurt and pain, because that hurt simply cannot last forever. A pessimist would say that good cannot last forever, but I think good times far outweigh the bad in a person's life, even when it seems to the contrary. its just hard to think of any one else as that" some one"...but it happens and being single isnt that bad... lol ... can you imagine what a basket case I was grieving over my lost "true love" (the college guy), that I couldn't even see my forever man standing before me? I think it happens when you least expect it, life's funny that way! I pretty much stayed single between dating the two ... in retrospect, being alone was valuable because it's then that a person learns just what they're made of, they recognize their strengths and can bring them to the table the next time they enter a relationship. Sorta like regrouping, you know?
Author brittanyjean259 Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 Yeah your right. and since you have proof that you can love again...i will think of it that way... i could never see my self" rebounding"..or even having a relationship right after a 3 year one...thats just CRAZy...why would i want to get in to the cycle of one after another? i do think about it....but i think in my case id be doing it out of desperation/ or to compete with the ex.. and ijust couldent do that...it will be better for me to wait for some one / than it will be true.. how long did it take for you to get over your ex? i meen its so much pain ...makes you feel like you wont ever be happy...or ever love again because right now your just focused on the pain ///( for me that is)..... thanks:)
whereismylifegoing Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 so is everybody saying that your first love is one that will never work? i don't think so. i know some people who dated there first love and are married to this day.
Author brittanyjean259 Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 No they are not saying that...yeah your first loves can work there is a possibility... were talking about people's first loves who " break up" " or rebound"...
Zaira Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Honestly - never. 4 times I have thought I was in love and 4 times I was wrong. Sometimes I think I don't even know what love is, but I am sure I will one day
littlekitty Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 my theory of love is that each relationship you go through brings you closer to the love you're meant to have. Totally my belief too! It's like a path you have to follow, lessons you have to learn... until eventually you're looking for the rights things, in the right places, from the right person! I found my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!!
quankanne Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 some people get lucky, and their first love happens to be the one they end up with for the rest of their lives, but more often than not, people grow and change but the relationship is not equipped to handle those changes. Just thinking of my own immediate family, I can hold up both my sisters as examples – they married right out of high school, but divorced about a dozen years later, basically because they started wanting different things and the marriage could not handle the change ... getting into relationships with someone new after leaving a serious one: that's a toughie because on the one hand, you don't want to impede on the previous relationship or lessen it by dating again so quickly, but on the other, it's like falling off a bike. Eventually, you're going to want to climb back on and start riding again. Sometimes, though, people try TOO hard to succeed and end up in a relationship that's not right for them, but refuse to get out of it for fear of being alone. how long did it take for you to get over your ex? honest and truly? This is going to sound so bad *groan* ... We've been married 13 years, and "exclusively" dating about two years before that, though we've known each other since 1988. The same year Mr. Right left for greener pastures .... I knew that I loved my husband, that even though he sometimes makes me mad enough to want to pinch his fool head off! But, it was only recently (past 2-3 years) that I honest-to-God realized that I was happy and content to be here with him, that Roy (college guy) was so wrong for me and that I could never have received as much from a relationship with him as I have with my husband. Those lingering feelings you described, about not ever feeling happy because that person you thought you wanted wasn't in your life anymore, flat-out stopped because there was a realization that I was romanticizing College Boy, and those thoughts couldn't hold a candle to what I had in "real time" with my husband. Scary to think it took me that long, but I've never been a quick learner!!! :D
Recommended Posts