When they ask for a raincheck?

[Logo]

When a woman asks for a raincheck for a date, anytime during the dating process, what exactly does it mean?

Could she be aloof maybe?

I'm confused because she didn't suggest an alternative day to meet. She said she wants to see me again the last time we met. So it's throwing me off. It's almost as though her feelings or her interest is an IV drip instead of gulps. I'm not expecting to get married tomorrow, but still, I feel like she's been blowing so much smoke up my ***, but then doesn't follow through to match her words.

 

Edited July 5, 2022 by Logo

[stillafool]

"Raincheck" is usually used when one rejects a date because of some reason.  It means let's try to do this again sometime.  So if you're still interested, ask her out again.

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, Logo said:

I feel like she's been blowing so much smoke up my ***, but then doesn't follow through to match her words

Leave the ball in her court. "OK, message me when you know you're available". Then pull back until she contacts you.

[glows]

57 minutes ago, Logo said:

When a woman asks for a raincheck for a date, anytime during the dating process, what exactly does it mean?

Could she be aloof maybe?

I'm confused because she didn't suggest an alternative day to meet. She said she wants to see me again the last time we met. So it's throwing me off. It's almost as though her feelings or her interest is an IV drip instead of gulps. I'm not expecting to get married tomorrow, but still, I feel like she's been blowing so much smoke up my ***, but then doesn't follow through to match her words.

 

What was the reason for the raincheck? 

If you are fed up with her, it will come across in your mannerisms and the way you are around her. 

What else has she done to give you the impression that she's blowing smoke up your ass? 

[ChatroomHero]

You should always give more weight to her actions and not her words.

Look at it like this; If you talked with a mechanic and they said they'd check out your car in the morning if they could but either way would call you in the afternoon to let you know where it was at, then didn't call, you'd be fairly put off. If you called the next day and they said, "Oh yeah, I got busy, I'll check it out and call you in about an hour or so", then 4 hours later they had not called, you'd be about done. If you called back and they said, "Yeah, you're a priority, I just got busy, I'll check it out and I promise to call you back in 20 minutes", you'd already know you are not a priority.

Their promise to call you back in 20 minutes would be pretty meaningless at that point because their actions matter. I wouldn't invest much of anything into her because she has already shown what you can expect and what you will get in return.

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, Logo said:

When a woman asks for a raincheck for a date, anytime during the dating process, what exactly does it mean?

Could she be aloof maybe?

I'm confused because she didn't suggest an alternative day to meet. She said she wants to see me again the last time we met. So it's throwing me off. It's almost as though her feelings or her interest is an IV drip instead of gulps. I'm not expecting to get married tomorrow, but still, I feel like she's been blowing so much smoke up my ***, but then doesn't follow through to match her words.

 

It depends on individual situation.

 

as others said it coukd be

 

(1) she likes you but maybe unsure of things or dating others besides you

(2) legit excuse to cancel a planned data because of something came up like work schedule change or she can’t find a sitter.

 

suggesting an alternate date to meet.  Unsure what she does for work. If she is a nurse dhe likeky has a chaotic schedule that involves doing different shifts.

 

in the USA it was a holiday on Monday. Many travel back to their home towns then. She might have found friends were 8n town this week so she wants to be with them.  It’s hard to say when if you do t know what the otherthings are happening yet.

[flaxcapacitor]

From my own experience I would do as @Wiseman2 suggests.

Her reason for cancelling may be genuine, or she may just not want to tell you she doesn't want to see you so she comes up with an excuse.

In my case we were due to meet for the first time after matching on a dating app. I turned up at the cafe and was stood outside when I got a text saying she had to pick her kid up from school because he was ill.

I suspected that maybe she changed her mind after seeing me in person, but it was a possibility she genuinely had to pick her kid up (this was just after the pandemic and schools were more cautious about letting kids with a slight sniffle stay in school). Either way I just texted back 'no-problem', I think I did the right thing.

Sometimes people don't want to tell you to your face that they've no interest in dating you. You can lament this momentarily but ultimately there's nothing to gain by questioning it or becoming bitter about it.

[Logo]

On 7/5/2022 at 2:06 PM, glows said:

What was the reason for the raincheck? 

If you are fed up with her, it will come across in your mannerisms and the way you are around her. 

What else has she done to give you the impression that she's blowing smoke up your ass? 

She went from texting casually, with heavy use of “we” in her texts, to wanting to plan the second date together. 
 

A couple of days after the second date I called her  to ask her out again for the following weekend seeing as she plans her weekends far in advance. She shared personal information about what she’s doing on each day on the weekend and said she’s pretty much available, told me she has plans on Saturday with friends, but that she can cancel them. 
 

We got off the phone they Sunday evening. The next day, Monday, I texted her to ask if this time or that time worked best. That’s when she changed her tune and told me she’s busy the “whole” day on one of those days. She left it a vague, whereas before she was sharing details. She gave me alternative days, but I was getting tickets for something and it had to be on that day the day she said she’s free just a night before over the phone. 
 

She said she’ll check and get back to me. Two days later she texted to say we can meet. 
 

We did, but she said she was beat and tired. Still, it was a nice date. She wasn’t as fun. She apologized for being tired. But she was a bit rude with one of her probing questions. Gave me gold digger vibes. 
 

Dropping her off she said she’ll see me soon. We kissed, she initiated that, but she ended it quickly.

Having spent long hours on dates 1 and 2, I felt that since date 3 was short, then we might as well meet for a 4th date that weekend. So, two days later I texted to ask if she wanted to meet the next day. It was the Fourth of July. She took her time, hours, and finally reached out to say she can’t, said she’d made plans and asked for a raincheck. 
 

 

[Logo]

5 minutes ago, flaxcapacitor said:

From my own experience I would do as @Wiseman2 suggests.

Her reason for cancelling may be genuine, or she may just not want to tell you she doesn't want to see you so she comes up with an excuse.

In my case we were due to meet for the first time after matching on a dating app. I turned up at the cafe and was stood outside when I got a text saying she had to pick her kid up from school because he was ill.

I suspected that maybe she changed her mind after seeing me in person, but it was a possibility she genuinely had to pick her kid up (this was just after the pandemic and schools were more cautious about letting kids with a slight sniffle stay in school). Either way I just texted back 'no-problem', I think I did the right thing.

Sometimes people don't want to tell you to your face that they've no interest in dating you. You can lament this momentarily but ultimately there's nothing to gain by questioning it or becoming bitter about it.

And she never got back to you. 
 

I understand. 

[glows]

1 hour ago, Logo said:

She went from texting casually, with heavy use of “we” in her texts, to wanting to plan the second date together. 
 

A couple of days after the second date I called her  to ask her out again for the following weekend seeing as she plans her weekends far in advance. She shared personal information about what she’s doing on each day on the weekend and said she’s pretty much available, told me she has plans on Saturday with friends, but that she can cancel them. 
 

We got off the phone they Sunday evening. The next day, Monday, I texted her to ask if this time or that time worked best. That’s when she changed her tune and told me she’s busy the “whole” day on one of those days. She left it a vague, whereas before she was sharing details. She gave me alternative days, but I was getting tickets for something and it had to be on that day the day she said she’s free just a night before over the phone. 
 

She said she’ll check and get back to me. Two days later she texted to say we can meet. 
 

We did, but she said she was beat and tired. Still, it was a nice date. She wasn’t as fun. She apologized for being tired. But she was a bit rude with one of her probing questions. Gave me gold digger vibes. 
 

Dropping her off she said she’ll see me soon. We kissed, she initiated that, but she ended it quickly.

Having spent long hours on dates 1 and 2, I felt that since date 3 was short, then we might as well meet for a 4th date that weekend. So, two days later I texted to ask if she wanted to meet the next day. It was the Fourth of July. She took her time, hours, and finally reached out to say she can’t, said she’d made plans and asked for a raincheck. 
 

 

The interest isn't mutual then or similar, on the same level. She may be curious about you but you're not her ideal match. It's ok to let her go. Someone who finds you intriguing and a person to get to know will automatically gravitate towards you and look forwards to spending time with you in a consistent way. 

If she's not offering any alternative days to meet and seems standoffish or like she's losing interest, it's because she is. 

Edited July 8, 2022 by glows

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Logo said:

She apologized for being tired. But she was a bit rude with one of her probing questions. Gave me gold digger vibes. She took her time, hours, and finally reached out to say she can’t, said she’d made plans and asked for a raincheck. 

What line of questioning gave you "gold-digger vibes"?

Are you both still talking to an meeting others? That is part of it. She may have met someone she meshes with better, happens all the time. Leave this parked in neutral and if she gets back to you great, if not, just keep meeting other women.

[CLS63AMG]

I'd stop texting her and see if she reaches out.  You've done all the heavy lifting and sounds like shes just along for the ride when its extremely convenient

[flaxcapacitor]

5 hours ago, Logo said:

And she never got back to you. 
 

I understand. 

Yeah of course. Sometimes a raincheck really is a way of saying no thanks without saying no thanks. You can usually tell, and the way you tell is usually that she doesn't get back on touch to rearrange.

[Logo]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What line of questioning gave you "gold-digger vibes"?

Are you both still talking to an meeting others? That is part of it. She may have met someone she meshes with better, happens all the time. Leave this parked in neutral and if she gets back to you great, if not, just keep meeting other women.

I don’t know if she is talking to or meeting others. Is it acceptable to ask her that? I stopped planning dates after my second date with her, but after she started getting flakey a couple of days after, I started going on dates with others again. I have never stopped or paused like that after 2 dates. So I think she was love bombing me.  
 

We were exchanging some fun banter in person, when she used the opportunity to ask if I own or rent. I avoided an answer because it’s a rude question and because it didn’t fit the topic. But she doubled down, and asked “No seriously, do you own or rent?”  
 

I don’t know if she owns or rents and I never ask people I barely know questions like that. Although I’m 99% sure she rents. And on top it all, I was the one spending ALL the money on all 3 dates. She was supposed to drive on date 2 since she was the one inviting me on a pre-scheduled trip she had planned that day, but she put me on the spot and suggested I drive. It was a long drive. 

[Logo]

1 minute ago, flaxcapacitor said:

Yeah of course. Sometimes a raincheck really is a way of saying no thanks without saying no thanks. You can usually tell, and the way you tell is usually that she doesn't get back on touch to rearrange.

She has no backbone then. Other women had the backbone to say they don’t see us working out or that they don’t feel chemistry or some other excuse. She dressed her raincheck with all kinds of thanks and I wish I coulds and complaining about work. 

[flaxcapacitor]

5 minutes ago, Logo said:

She has no backbone then. Other women had the backbone to say they don’t see us working out or that they don’t feel chemistry or some other excuse. She dressed her raincheck with all kinds of thanks and I wish I coulds and complaining about work. 

Yeah but I don't care how she chooses to let me know. She really didn't dress it up, it was just a simple 'sorry I have to cancel because...' and 'there wasn't any chemistry isn't really any less vague'.

[Logo]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Leave this parked in neutral and if she gets back to you great, if not, just keep meeting other women.

I did, and found someone who matches my level of interest in actions, not just talk. We’re going on a second date soon. I’m excited. But between the less-than-enthusiastic kissing and coming across as fickle, I was curious why someone would love bomb so much. It came down like hail, hard and heavy with the it must be fate talk. 

[CLS63AMG]

If this one does send you a note, politely decline and let her know you met someone else.  Wish her all the best in finding "her person" lol

 

Mixed message zero effort flakes need a reality pill

Edited July 8, 2022 by CLS63AMG

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Logo said:

 But between the less-than-enthusiastic kissing and coming across as fickle, I was curious why someone would love bomb so much. It came down like hail, hard and heavy with the it must be fate talk. 

Because they get excited easily and cool off quickly 

[Logo]

37 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Because they get excited easily and cool off quickly 

It sounds like an impulsive person. Or just fickle with relationships? 

[basil67]

I wouldn't say she's fickle with relationships....this sounds like it's only at early dating stage.  

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Logo said:

It sounds like an impulsive person. Or just fickle with relationships? 

You don't know this person anywhere near well enough to be able to answer the question. 

Instead of wondering why, chalk this up to a mismatch and keep moving. 

[Logo]

22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You don't know this person anywhere near well enough to be able to answer the question. 

Instead of wondering why, chalk this up to a mismatch and keep moving. 

Magari