LikkleMissConfused Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Hello Guess what I'm expecting. Its been a major shock for me. The emotions it has brought in me is shocking. I have decided to abort because I do not want to be a single mother etc etc and this isn't the way I see it happening forme. But I tell you something it makes me feel like ****. I have cryed so so hard! I feel dirty being Asian unmarried and up the duff. Feel ashamed and sick of myself. Basically it has hit my confidence big time and making me feel like complete and utter crap. I am reviewing everything and tired of unmeaningful relationships that I have been having. I really would like something more menaingful but not sure how to go about getting it. I'm confused lost all i want to do is sleep, hate work, myself and just want to hide away. Any advice please would be great!
sweetbrokensoul Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 HEY Miss confused, You sound very hurt and confused and scared. I am sorry you are going through this. Please weigh out all of your options before continuing to abort. There are different options for you. You sound young, so I will say to look at this as a lesson in life to do better for yourself. You are NOT dirty and let me ask you what does asian have to do with it? You need to talk to people, friends or family that can help you with this and perhaps a counselor about being depressed. Things aren't always as they should be....That's how you learn. Smile!
glittergurl Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 How old are you? I'm not pro or against abortion; I'm pretty much neutral, but I do know that this is one HARD thing to get over with. One of my friends did it when she was 16, and it wasn't like going to the dentist; this will stay in the back of your mind for the rest of your life. I do not want to influence your decision, but think about it carefully. As for the rest, your life story is a bit too vague. Not sure where to start or even how to give advise. What do you do? Do you live with your parents? Go to school? Any plans for your future? What kind of people do you hang out with? etc.
morrigan Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 I don't know if they have anything like Planned Parenthood in the UK, but look at their website at least--it gives good information on having an abortion, keeping your child or giving your child up for adoption. It's up to you to decide which is best for you at this point in your life. Does the child's father know what's going on? Is there trouble in a relationship with him? Do you have a good friend or family member that you can talk to about this privately? It would be a good thing to have someone who can be there for you and support you at this time, whatever you decide to do.
Author LikkleMissConfused Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 I'm 26 years old, live with parents and come from Indian background. What I mean by that is being pregnant and unmarried is unacceptable completely. Glittergurl: Yes I know its hard I'm going through it right now. I also know that this is changing me so much already. The father does know and has been really supportive. he has given me the option of keeping it but i don't want to. Not like this. I want to have children to be the fruit or our love. The only option is to marry him, which is something I really do not want and I think he is offering me support but not marraige which I made clear to him that its the whole package or nothing. Regardless I do not wish to marry in this way or have children like this. He has been good to me calling and texting me everyday the fact is that I am getting really down about it. Low about myself and not sure who I am anymore. This is the biggest decision I will make in my life but it is the right one for me, its the way i'm feeling about myself that i cannot stand. I'm hurting, angry with myself, I work and have a very good job but my boss is a bitch. Everything has just been turned upside down...I guess i'm writing on loveshack because its the only release I have other than to cry. I do have a good friend but I'm keeping away from people because i can't cope to be vunerable infront of people and possibly get hurt more. I'm ashamed of myself. I cannot tell my parents that will change everything forever. I hang out with nice people. I love going to the gym which is something I cannot do at the moment which is driving me crazy. I'm feeling so so low I just don't know what to do with myself. :-(
morrigan Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I can't blame you for being upset. I think we've all felt at some point that our lives weren't going the way we planned. It's even harder if a family has high expectations of their children or desires their children to conform to a certain lifestyle. If you truly feel you can't tell your parents about your pregnancy and your decision then don't. Many adult women--intelligent women, women with successful careers--have went through the same anguish over an unexpected pregnancy. Have you already made arrangements with a clinic? If not, you should do so as soon as possible. It's still a good idea to have someone you can trust (your bf or a friend) come with you for the consultation and the procedure, so you won't feel alone. A good friend who really cares about you won't be angry or ashamed at what has happened, they will be there for you. You made the intelligent decision not to marry your boyfriend due to what is going on right now. Take a look at what you're unhappy about in your life and go over what it is you really want. As far as your job, is there any way you could find a similar position with another company? When you can, get back to the gym and to being with your friends. Take care of yourself.
Author LikkleMissConfused Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 Thank you morrigan. Yes its best not to tell my parents and the father isn't my boyfriend. We had a thing and I was hoping it would go somewhere and then he dumped me whilst I was on holiday and after we slept with eachother for the first time. I was stupid because we got carried away and didn't use anything but then again I didn't think he had come???? Doesn't matter now. After that I went a bit crazy and slept with a few men because I was feeling rejected. I used condoms with the others but feel dirty because it could be the baby of one of three men. How horrible am i?? Its most likely to be the one I have told. He has been good to me and offered eveything but i don't want him. I don't know what I want. My best friend knows and she has been texting me but she is doing her masters and is really busy. She has also gone through this what I am going through and aborted a chld. So I feel maybe I am reminding her and franly can't face the hurt is she isn't there for me so I feel as though I am closing in. I have already seen the doctor and am going to the hospital Monday. I'm just feeling so low, alone and desperate. I don't want to be me!?!? Meaningless relationships meaningless me... I want to feel some real love from someone who genunely craes about me...Thats so hard in this world.
quankanne Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 LMC, I am sorry to hear of the despair you're feeling about this unwanted pregancy, and I wish I could do more than just offer a cyber hug ... I do want to encourage you to not shut out your best friend as you go through this. Yes, she might be dealing with college work right now, but she's your best friend for a reason: I guarantee that she will do whatever it takes to help you shoulder your problems because she loves you, and that's what friends do for each other. Mine got me through my mother's death – if it weren't for her, I honestly believe things would have been much, much worse than they were. I think your friend would give the same to you, again, because she loves you. Given what you've shared about her experiences with an unexpected pregnancy, she is probably the one person who can legitimately share your hurt, your despair, all of those feelings with you. And I think you probably need someone on your side pretty badly ... right now, you sound as if you feel like you're a piece of poop because of what's going on in your life, but you're not. Never forget that YOU are beloved, YOU are special, and even though it may feel like it, these actions can never fully define you. hugs, quank
Hot Coco Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 You sound EXACTLY like me when I was 29. The same happened to me. I hated myself. Without going into every detail, I had the abortion. Decided to turn my life around and make something good come of it. Be pickier about who you go out with. I finally met the right man for me at 33. I hope you don't have to wait that long but it was worth the wait. We had a son together and have been married a little over 10 years now. I've never been happier. Yes, I think about my decision with sadness but I know for me that was the only way. I would have had NO children that that way. You're young and have made a few mistakes but I made the same ones. No one knew and I turned myself around. People respect me now and more importantly I respect myself. This is just a bad time in your life. It doesn't have to define your whole life...just a bad chapter. You will be happy again soon. Just think about what you can change in your life to never put yourself in this situation again. It will be ok. Don't worry. And you're an adult. Your parents don't have to know everything about your life now. Good luck!
Author LikkleMissConfused Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 Thank you Hot Coco for your advice. Just what I needed to hear someone who has been through something and come out happy and the other side of the tunnel. I do wonder if I will meet anyone nice who will care and and love me as genuinely as I am able to...Lets hope so! This is definately a bad time in my life and hopefully a new fresh chapter will begin.
RecordProducer Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 I almost don't know of any woman who hasn't had an abortion in my environment. Unwanted pregnancy happens often and so many women find abortiin as the best possibility. I don't see the embryo as a person, because then I should see the spermatozoids as people too. But that's just me. I on the contrary feel that giving up a child for adoption is much more painful for the mother and sometimes for the child too, especially if something is wrong with the baby (congenital disease, disability, etc.). I don't see anything wrong with what you've done. In any case, if it hurts you, you should probably be on the pill when you have sex next time. By the way, what's "Asian" have to do with anything? Regarading the meaningless relationships... you should NEVER let other people's treatment define who you are. Going down to the bottom and acting stupidly is also a part of our development. When we do a few low things, we are sure that we'll never go there again. You've hurt only yourself. Forgive yourself! Don't feel guilty for living your life. As long as there are no permanent consequences from your "mistakes" all is good. Would you rather be a boring person with no spots on your soul?
Author LikkleMissConfused Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 Read the posts properly RecordProducer!
RecordProducer Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Read the posts properly RecordProducer! Huh??? :confused:
Zaira Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Do what you think is best for you and the unborn. It's soul will wait until you're ready for it to be on this earth.
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