max3732 Posted June 30, 2022 Posted June 30, 2022 Went out with 2 different women I met online and am thinking about how/if I should follow up with them. 1st one we got something to eat and went for a walk in a park and then sat down and talked for a bit. Thing went well enough. Just kind of a basic get to know you and we also talked about mutual acquaintances and places since we both grew up in the same area. At the end of the date I hugged her. After I got back I invited her out again. She said she was traveling until mid June and would message me when she was back. The dating app show location so I saw she went where she said and got back but I haven't heard from her. So I was thinking if I don't hear from her by next week to message her with something we talked about on the date and ask how her trip went or something like that. If she's not interested she can let me know or just unmatch me rather than have this conversation open on the dating app. Anything wrong with that? 2nd one we had talked about a hobby I'm good at (let's say basketball as an example since I don't want to say the exact one) and she said she's been trying to get better at it and after discussing that and other usual things I invited her to lunch. She instead suggested basketball. We played and while we were playing we were talking, but she seemed really interested in getting tips from me. Afterwards I went for and got a kiss and suggested getting together again and she said "sure I'd be happy to play basketball again" and that's what we did. On the 2nd date we did something similar and when I invited her to something else she said she likes me but doesn't see the chemistry for a relationship, but has a bunch of friends that might be right for me. Also that she has lots of girl friends. She also said she'd love to play basketball again and we've texted a few times since then. At some point should I ask about her friends? She also said she'd like for me to bring a friend and she'd bring one too to play. I don't know how to continue with her or ask about meeting someone for dating without sounding like I'm being pushy or using her.
CLS63AMG Posted June 30, 2022 Posted June 30, 2022 (edited) Neither one is interested, you dont follow up with girls that aren't interested. Edited June 30, 2022 by CLS63AMG 2
glows Posted June 30, 2022 Posted June 30, 2022 You can message the first one and follow up with a lunch and see whether she is free. People aren't necessarily thinking about a guy they met once after trip out of town. That would be the last thing I'm thinking about in terms of getting back into other things I need to be doing. Be proactive and check in with her. The second one is a no go. She is not interested at all and has made that clear that she doesn't feel there's any chemistry. To push things romantically is disrespectful and being quite rude. If you don't want to hang with her again, don't speak to her again either. Meet others.
Author max3732 Posted June 30, 2022 Author Posted June 30, 2022 40 minutes ago, glows said: You can message the first one and follow up with a lunch and see whether she is free. People aren't necessarily thinking about a guy they met once after trip out of town. That would be the last thing I'm thinking about in terms of getting back into other things I need to be doing. Be proactive and check in with her. The second one is a no go. She is not interested at all and has made that clear that she doesn't feel there's any chemistry. To push things romantically is disrespectful and being quite rude. If you don't want to hang with her again, don't speak to her again either. Meet others. With the 2nd one I wouldn't want to push things romantically. Just try to figure out how to meet these friends she's talking about and maybe also have a female friend.
glows Posted June 30, 2022 Posted June 30, 2022 1 minute ago, max3732 said: With the 2nd one I wouldn't want to push things romantically. Just try to figure out how to meet these friends she's talking about and maybe also have a female friend. I don't recommend it. It comes across as a bit pathetic (not personally to you, the idea of doing this) and that you want to get to know her friends to date them. Be classy and let her go. Date other women. It was inappropriate for her to pawn you off to her friends. People do this sometimes when they just don't know what else to say and it's a soft rejection. You're not actually supposed to take them up on that offer.
Wiseman2 Posted June 30, 2022 Posted June 30, 2022 1 hour ago, max3732 said: She said she was traveling until mid June and would message me when she was back. 2nd one doesn't see the chemistry for a relationship, but has a bunch of friends that might be right for me. Ok forget # 2. Text #1 and suggest something for this week/weekend. Which one did you like better?
Author max3732 Posted June 30, 2022 Author Posted June 30, 2022 1 hour ago, glows said: I don't recommend it. It comes across as a bit pathetic (not personally to you, the idea of doing this) and that you want to get to know her friends to date them. Be classy and let her go. Date other women. It was inappropriate for her to pawn you off to her friends. People do this sometimes when they just don't know what else to say and it's a soft rejection. You're not actually supposed to take them up on that offer. She just seemed to be really into this sport and even asked if she could bring a friend before the 2nd date. I can drop it though. 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok forget # 2. Text #1 and suggest something for this week/weekend. Which one did you like better? Wasn't terribly crazy about either one. With #2 I was talking about something I'm passionate about and doing something fun so I think I enjoyed the actual date more. With #1 we were talking about people I don't really care about and more typical 1st date conversation. So I was a bit lukewarm on her. After the date though I was thinking there is a lot I don't know about her so I'd like to get a chance to for us to get to know each other better if she'd be up to it. What kind of message would you send her?
basil67 Posted June 30, 2022 Posted June 30, 2022 If you were lukewarm about date #1, then she likely felt the same way about you. Thing is, the phrase "I'll call you" is a blow off. They aren't actually going to call. It's quite different to "let's catch up when I get back" which gives you permission to call her.
Ami1uwant Posted July 1, 2022 Posted July 1, 2022 7 hours ago, max3732 said: Went out with 2 different women I met online and am thinking about how/if I should follow up with them. 1st one we got something to eat and went for a walk in a park and then sat down and talked for a bit. Thing went well enough. Just kind of a basic get to know you and we also talked about mutual acquaintances and places since we both grew up in the same area. At the end of the date I hugged her. After I got back I invited her out again. She said she was traveling until mid June and would message me when she was back. The dating app show location so I saw she went where she said and got back but I haven't heard from her. So I was thinking if I don't hear from her by next week to message her with something we talked about on the date and ask how her trip went or something like that. If she's not interested she can let me know or just unmatch me rather than have this conversation open on the dating app. Anything wrong with that? 2nd one we had talked about a hobby I'm good at (let's say basketball as an example since I don't want to say the exact one) and she said she's been trying to get better at it and after discussing that and other usual things I invited her to lunch. She instead suggested basketball. We played and while we were playing we were talking, but she seemed really interested in getting tips from me. Afterwards I went for and got a kiss and suggested getting together again and she said "sure I'd be happy to play basketball again" and that's what we did. On the 2nd date we did something similar and when I invited her to something else she said she likes me but doesn't see the chemistry for a relationship, but has a bunch of friends that might be right for me. Also that she has lots of girl friends. She also said she'd love to play basketball again and we've texted a few times since then. At some point should I ask about her friends? She also said she'd like for me to bring a friend and she'd bring one too to play. I don't know how to continue with her or ask about meeting someone for dating without sounding like I'm being pushy or using her. Just my thoughts… on #1…. This is very common. You don’t start dating someone if they are going to go on vacation/ business travel fir 2 weeks. You haven’t really dated enough to be a priority in her mind. When she come back and catches up on things you become a back burner/ totally forgot about. Send a text is harmless here. If you had to many common friends it is possible she’s not interested in that or she reference checked you out. on #2… it’s ok to be just friends. There is nothing wrong with that. Use it as a network opportunity buyout don’t rush it otpr push it. Just let it happen. Stilll have dates and meet people. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 1, 2022 Posted July 1, 2022 7 hours ago, max3732 said: She just seemed to be really into this sport and even asked if she could bring a friend before the 2nd date. This was your clue right here that wasn't interested romantically. Interested women don't ask to bring their friends on dates, but at least now she has been honest with you. Don't bother getting her to play matchmaker. 10 hours ago, max3732 said: She said she was traveling until mid June and would message me when she was back. The dating app show location so I saw she went where she said and got back but I haven't heard from her. And this, eh, she's not into it either. You would have heard from her by now. I don't see the point in reaching out to her, honestly.
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2022 Posted July 1, 2022 Nope, you are wasting your time with both. Just carry on with your search on your own.
glows Posted July 1, 2022 Posted July 1, 2022 15 hours ago, max3732 said: She just seemed to be really into this sport and even asked if she could bring a friend before the 2nd date. I can drop it though. Wasn't terribly crazy about either one. With #2 I was talking about something I'm passionate about and doing something fun so I think I enjoyed the actual date more. With #1 we were talking about people I don't really care about and more typical 1st date conversation. So I was a bit lukewarm on her. After the date though I was thinking there is a lot I don't know about her so I'd like to get a chance to for us to get to know each other better if she'd be up to it. What kind of message would you send her? Ask her how her trip went and if she's not sick, ill, tired, fatigued, some other problem going on, then ask her out on a date. I can understand if someone says they will follow up and they don't if they remained in the country/city. If she was traveling, that changes things and she may be looking for you to take the lead as well. She may even be sick after traveling and forgot to message you. If she doesn't respond or says no or she met someone else, you'll have your answer. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted July 1, 2022 Posted July 1, 2022 Neither one is interested in romance with you. Which is fine. So move on ... Only spend time with #2 playing "basketball" if you really enjoy that on its own--without any chance of romance. 1
Meghan L Posted July 12, 2022 Posted July 12, 2022 With the first one that seems like a good approach, just be careful to not come across as pushy. How was the trip, or similar light-hearted conversation. With the second one, you can certainly be friends. Whether that actually happens & how well it goes time will tell. Meanwhile meet some of her friends in a not-pushy manner & see if there is any potential there. Good luck! 1
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