Is it too early to call a girl hun on text before asking her out?

[HopelessNick]

I've been facetiming this girl for a few months now and we get on really well and have plenty of laughs, so decided to ask her out, but pulled out because of what happened.
I tried planting the seed by calling her hun.
I texted her "How's your project going hun?" (first time I called her hun, I normally call her by her name)
She responded "Hun?" "It's still going"
I said "Oh, that's good. I won trivia tonight by the way"
She said "Woo!" "But hun?"
I said "I didn't mean anything by it lol, but I won a $50 voucher"
She said "That's cool".
Safe to say she's not interested or was I just too forward?

[ExpatInItaly]

If you have never taken her out, yes, I would say "hun" is a bit much. For some people it's fine and just a casual term of endearment, but it's best to err on the side of caution when you are not dating someone and not use pet names. 

As far as her being interested - why have you been talking so long without meeting? You won't know if she's interested if you don't try to take it past being FaceTime buddies. 

[Wiseman2]

48 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

I've been facetiming this girl for a few months now 
She responded "Hun?" 

Have you met in person? If not, why not? Save the pet names for people you are dating in person for a while.

[HopelessNick]

She's probably thinking "Ew. Why did he call me hun? Yuck" I think

How do I recover from that and ask her out?

[glows]

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

I've been facetiming this girl for a few months now and we get on really well and have plenty of laughs, so decided to ask her out, but pulled out because of what happened.
I tried planting the seed by calling her hun.
I texted her "How's your project going hun?" (first time I called her hun, I normally call her by her name)
She responded "Hun?" "It's still going"
I said "Oh, that's good. I won trivia tonight by the way"
She said "Woo!" "But hun?"
I said "I didn't mean anything by it lol, but I won a $50 voucher"
She said "That's cool".
Safe to say she's not interested or was I just too forward?

Please don’t test people this way. It’s often going to lead to misunderstandings and cause more confusion. Why haven’t you asked her out earlier? Just do it and don’t keep looking for guarantees. You’re afraid of rejection and it’s already caused months long delay and this name issue. 

[AndyCapp99]

This would make my skin crawl. 
 

Pet names when you haven’t even met is more than weird. “Hun” in particular is a really gross pet name.

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

I've always used "Sunshine" as a pet name for everyone I dated.  Less confusing, non offensive and I never slipped up by calling the woman (I was dating) the wrong name.

If some woman started to question why I called her "Sunshine"... I'd just break into song "You are my Sunshine" by Johnny Cash.  I memorized the entire song and could sing it just like Johnny Cash.  Worked every time!!

To this day, I still use "Sunshine" as a pet name -- First thing I say to my girlfriend every morning as she rolls out of bed with that "I hate mornings" look on her face -- "Good Morning, Sunshine --- you want some breakfast??"

My advice -- switch from "Hun" to "Sunshine"

[HopelessNick]

Did I ruin whatever I had with her?

[Happy Lemming]

6 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

Did I ruin whatever I had with her?

Time will tell... give her a few days to forget about it.  Don't bring the subject up again, and don't ever use "Hun".

Have some canned topics to talk about when you are conversing with a woman.  Scour the local news for some feel good stories -- kittens rescued from a storm drain - that kind of stuff.  You'll be less likely to fall into old habits and use "Hun" again.

Amusing stories help, as well -- I had this really funny camping story I would tell if the conversation fell flat which would often lead to the woman telling some funny story that happened to her. 

[glows]

38 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

Did I ruin whatever I had with her?

You're self-sabotaging thinking like this. Ask her out and see where it takes you. Testing people and speculating on your testing efforts is futile and will cause others to draw away from you over time. It's not clear why she continues to talk to a guy or facetime with someone who won't ask her out on a date. Were either of you self-isolating for health reasons or is there some other reason why you haven't met yet?

[ExpatInItaly]

55 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

Did I ruin whatever I had with her?

We can't tell you, Nick. 

We're not even sure what exactly you have. How did you meet, and how often do you talk to her? Why had you not already asked her out? 

[flitzanu]

2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I've always used "Sunshine" as a pet name for everyone I dated.  Less confusing, non offensive and I never slipped up by calling the woman (I was dating) the wrong name.

If some woman started to question why I called her "Sunshine"... I'd just break into song "You are my Sunshine" by Johnny Cash.  I memorized the entire song and could sing it just like Johnny Cash.  Worked every time!!

To this day, I still use "Sunshine" as a pet name -- First thing I say to my girlfriend every morning as she rolls out of bed with that "I hate mornings" look on her face -- "Good Morning, Sunshine --- you want some breakfast??"

My advice -- switch from "Hun" to "Sunshine"

thanks, sunshine!  i am totally using this idea.  

also agree, if you want to try for pet names or cute names, go for something less direct, but still personal or fun.  find a unique positive feature, or behavior.  always wear ponytails?  HEY PONYTAILS HOW'S WEDNESDAY?  

[Happy Lemming]

6 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

thanks, sunshine!  i am totally using this idea. 

Learn (most) of the lyrics to the song, as well (or at least the refrain) -- it's a panty dropper!!

 

[Alpacalia]

Go easy on the pet names in the beginning.

It can be an instant turn-off.

[Johnjohnson2017]

Don't call women hun if you're not married to them. To me it's demeaning, belittling, like saying you're better than her. As a man, I get called hun sometimes, but usually by someone much older than me (like a motherly figure).

[babybrowns]

Speaking as a woman, pet names early on are extremely off putting. I wish that all men did what you do and came on here to seek advice and insight on this! 
Not only are pet names generic but they suggest that you are objectifying her, seeing her as just a babe/hun and not much more. Try using her name and see what a difference it makes in her interest level and succeeding in getting a little closer to her. She will feel like you want to get to know her and that she’s not just another of your ‘huns’.

Edited June 29, 2022 by babybrowns

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

How do I recover from that and ask her out?

[Name], would you like to go for a drink/coffee this weekend? When are you free?

[smackie9]

Modern women find it disrespectful, ei; sweet heart, sweetie, hun, honey, love, girl, dear, baby, just to name a few. Not appropriate when addressing any woman that isn't in a relationship with you. 

 

[mark clemson]

7 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

Did I ruin whatever I had with her?

I think the issue is you don't really have anything with her (yet). Possibly a friendship - but this particular friendship feels a lot more like orbiting. Is "ruining" a friendship that big of a deal?

So, there isn't much to ruin. It's possible for a friend to become a romantic partner, but it's not overly common, particularly if the female is only marginally interested.

It's easier said than done, but reading the other person and "striking while the iron is hot" is kind of important in getting a successful response from a romantic partner. Once you're a friend, and not a romantic partner, it can take a LOT longer for the other person to "come around to you". IMO it's only a good approach if you're willing to consider other options while "waiting," particularly since things might never pan out, resulting in wasted months and sometimes years. Generally being an orbiter is not a good place to be.

There is a cashier who calls me "hon" and a few other pet names occasionally. She also attempts to sympathize with any minor problems in my life that she becomes aware of, and once said "we just have these few moments together" while I was checking out. These "plays"/attempts at flirtation do not increase the chances of me giving her any actual romantic attention, which is essentially zero. While I don't mind making light conversation, I simply have no interest in her "that way".

[GloriaDaisy]

I find it a bit much for a guy to use pet names very soon. my ex started calling me babe after out first date, even saving me in his phone as babe. I thought it was a turn off. As far as you using the word hun, i dont think its deserving of you being written off by someone. Id just try to be aware of not using it until youre acting dating someone for a while. Id just be honest and ask her out anyway. what do you have to loose?

[HopelessNick]

Update: I pretended I was and now we're talking and bantering like we always have. Back on track.

[HopelessNick]

17 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

Update: I pretended I was and now we're talking and bantering like we always have. Back on track.

Pretended I was drunk 

[glows]

15 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Modern women find it disrespectful, ei; sweet heart, sweetie, hun, honey, love, girl, dear, baby, just to name a few. Not appropriate when addressing any woman that isn't in a relationship with you. 

 

Agree. And the song insert made me laugh. How apt. 

When will you ask her out, OP? 

[HopelessNick]

39 minutes ago, glows said:

When will you ask her out, OP? 

I know she loves reality tv. We were going to go to watch Australia's Got Talent auditions but she pulled out last second cause she was busy with work last second and we couldn't agree on a different date. I just told her tickets for the semifinals would come out soon and she told me to call her when I had more info. I'm not sure if it counts as a date, but this will be the first time we'll hang out 1 on 1. During our calls, she has told me a couple of times that she's a slow burner (just got brought up in conversation) so I feel like this is taking it slow. 

[mark clemson]

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

Update: I pretended I was [drunk] and now we're talking and bantering like we always have. Back on track.

39 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

 she has told me a couple of times that she's a slow burner (just got brought up in conversation)

Hmm. Actually, given your whole situation this all sounds pretty positive. It sounds like  A) you've been "forgiven" for calling her hun  B) she is not overly creeped out by the idea of you "harboring feelings" for her ala the whole "in wine, truth" concept, and  C) she is ok with a romantic relationship developing slowly. Some women are like this.

So it seems like you MAY have found a person for whom your "approach" works and/or at least have "permission" to proceed with whatever this may end up being or not being. Overall it sounds like you could reasonably keep doing what your doing in her case and have some hope of it panning out into a relationship. It still may not, but it seems the possibility remains there.

I still wouldn't pin all my hopes on this (or even take it too seriously) if it was me. I would be seeking other prospects while "working on" her (if I hadn't decided it was a waste of time by now and moved on in search of greener pastures). But you are you and if this works out for you, great!

Edited June 30, 2022 by mark clemson