Wiseman2 Posted July 17, 2022 Posted July 17, 2022 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: you have not given him the green light sexually He declined her hotel invitation. Therefore I think you need to step back and let him come to you in his own way. On 7/8/2022 at 1:33 PM, partycity said: I also suggested the hotel thing. 2
poppyfields Posted July 17, 2022 Posted July 17, 2022 (edited) OK you suggested the hotel thing. What did you say exactly? It still all sounds very formal to me. What signals have you given him physically while in his presence that indicate you desire him sexually? I don't mean throwing yourself at him like like a slooze, but small gestures, like cuddling up close, the way you look at him, the way you smile at him, taking his hand, all very subtle but send him the clear message you desire him. Other than simply suggesting a hotel. Ugh, no wonder he declined. You can wait for him if you like, it’s pretty much what you've been doing and he's growing distant. Again just my take, good luck. Edited July 17, 2022 by poppyfields
Alpacalia Posted July 17, 2022 Posted July 17, 2022 Don't chase this man anymore. Sex leading to a long-term relationship has no relevance if the long-term relationship isn't a good one. Dial it back. Taking your time gives you the chance to think and evaluate things more deeply. It also helps you diffuse some of your feelings towards him. 2
poppyfields Posted July 17, 2022 Posted July 17, 2022 (edited) At this point, despite my previous posts, I agree with others, dial it back or end it, this is done, I'm sorry. If after eight dates, there is still so much uncertainty and ambiguity for both of you it seems, and now he's growing distant, there's no coming back from that. That's how precarious and fragile these early stages are. Use this as a learning experience and explore within your own need to be emotionally (and physically) distant which you've admitted. Remember, interested men do need sex to feel connected, women don't. For women we feel connected first, then sex. Men are the opposite which I learned from my five brothers, reading books, watching videos, and my own boyfriends. They are not all sex-craved ogres some women have painted them to be. In time, for some men, no sex results in loss of interest for this reason. I have observed this on many occasions again from my brothers and men I associate with in the real world. EDIT: I do think men are often misunderstood in this regard, unfortunately. Edited July 17, 2022 by poppyfields
stillafool Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: He declined her hotel invitation. Therefore I think you need to step back and let him come to you in his own way. ^^^This^. Have you already had sex with him? If not, he should have jumped at the chance to go to a hotel (at your expense) with you and planned dinner before hand. Even if you have already had sex a man would jump at that offer. Edited July 18, 2022 by stillafool
Author partycity Posted July 18, 2022 Author Posted July 18, 2022 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: ^^^This^. Have you already had sex with him? If not, he should have jumped at the chance to go to a hotel (at your expense) with you and planned dinner before hand. Even if you have already had sex a man would jump at that offer. No we haven’t had sex that’s the funny part. That’s why I suggested the hotel.
stillafool Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 11 minutes ago, partycity said: No we haven’t had sex that’s the funny part. That’s why I suggested the hotel. Has he made a sexual advance towards you? Has he kissed you? Usually the man suggests the hotel and pays for it. This is strange that you haven't had sex and he didn't jump at the hotel invite. What was his response to that invite?
poppyfields Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 (edited) I'd love to hear HIS side of the story. Why he didn't feel comfortable escalating sexually. Why, when you told him you think of him often, he responded he was surprised. Admittedly OP you said you were emotionally closed. It's important to look at your own behavior and how a man may be interpreting it. Not just expect men to behave in a certain way because they're men and that's how men are "supposed" to act. Just my take. Good luck and hope it works out the way you hope. Edited July 18, 2022 by poppyfields 3
Author partycity Posted July 18, 2022 Author Posted July 18, 2022 Guys he finally opened up and said he’s afraid to trust. That he cannot let anyone in or know how to. He feels he isn’t ready . Idk what to do bc he wants to keep seeing me but idk.
basil67 Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 @partycity I'm glad he told you what's going on. Given that he can't trust, isn't wanting sex and generally isn't ready, what exactly will "keep seeing you" look like? Doesn't sound at all like he can offer anything worth sticking around for.
poppyfields Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 (edited) 10 minutes ago, basil67 said: Doesn't sound at all like he can offer anything worth sticking around for. My guess is this is precisely the outcome he's hoping for. Her ending things without him being the "bad guy" and dumping her. Sounds like a bunch of BS. He lost interest, plain and simple Just next him OP, there's nothing good or positive here. I'm sorry it didn't work out. Edited July 18, 2022 by poppyfields 3
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 1 hour ago, partycity said: Idk what to do bc he wants to keep seeing me but idk. I wouldnt' bother. You're not going to get a relationship out of this man. 1
Author partycity Posted July 18, 2022 Author Posted July 18, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, poppyfields said: I'd love to hear HIS side of the story. Why he didn't feel comfortable escalating sexually. Why, when you told him you think of him often, he responded he was surprised. Admittedly OP you said you were emotionally closed. It's important to look at your own behavior and how a man may be interpreting it. Not just expect men to behave in a certain way because they're men and that's how men are "supposed" to act. Just my take. Good luck and hope it works out the way you hope. What you said is 100% true . We’ve been on 8 dates and I guess he wanted me sexually but we always stopped making out after each date. I tried so hard to show him I desire him. Tell him he’s sexy. Handsome. Kiss him with surprise kisses when we watched a movie in the theatre. But I can tell he wants to get intimate . i think I should, without any expectations. We had a long talk and opened up to each other. I asked him if there is anything I can do , for you to trust me. He told me nothing now , but “we have a better understanding of each other “. then we proceeded to talk about how sexy each other is, started sexting. We said goodnight and he told me he will talk to me soon. Edited July 18, 2022 by partycity
Wiseman2 Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 2 hours ago, partycity said: . He feels he isn’t ready . Ok. This is him politely asking you to back off. There's plenty of men you could date, even if you still live at home, who you don't have to chase or throw yourself at. 1
Alpacalia Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 (edited) This has nothing to do with the fact that you wouldn't get sexual with him. In fact, you did. You sexted. Then you suggested a hotel to which he declined. It's clear that this guy is carrying some serious emotional baggage based on what he's told you. If that is even true. Edited July 18, 2022 by Alpacalia 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 25 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: This has nothing to do with the fact that you wouldn't get sexual with him. I agree. You gave pelnty of indications you wanted to get close sexually, OP. He knows you wanted him. He's just not looking to date you in any formal or official capacity. Forget this guy, and stop sexting him. It won't turn this around, and it will make you feel like crap when he continues to go off the radar. 1
stillafool Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 8 hours ago, partycity said: Guys he finally opened up and said he’s afraid to trust. That he cannot let anyone in or know how to. He feels he isn’t ready . Idk what to do bc he wants to keep seeing me but idk. Oh Gawd, you didn't text him again and ask him that, did you? Anyway "afraid to trust" sounds like an excuse.
Author partycity Posted July 18, 2022 Author Posted July 18, 2022 1 hour ago, S2B said: Was this a phone call or by text? Text.
Author partycity Posted July 18, 2022 Author Posted July 18, 2022 34 minutes ago, S2B said: It’s concerning he doesn’t call you when you have these in depth conversations. text - it’s just not good enough. this guy doesn’t make effort for you. Date someone else. He used to call a lot but these days he’s been busy. I’m just gonna Give him space I really feel like he has good intentions . I don’t see why he would make all this effort and tell me he likes me just for sex.
Author partycity Posted July 18, 2022 Author Posted July 18, 2022 1 hour ago, partycity said: He used to call a lot but these days he’s been busy. I’m just gonna Give him space I really feel like he has good intentions . I don’t see why he would make all this effort and tell me he likes me just for sex. If a lot of time goes by I’m just gonna move on
Author partycity Posted July 18, 2022 Author Posted July 18, 2022 He even told me he’s so busy but he was willing to see me during his week, that’s how much he values me. I guess he just wants to get his life together, I don’t know. I’m tired of meeting men who need to get their life in order.
Author partycity Posted July 18, 2022 Author Posted July 18, 2022 Just now, partycity said: He even told me he’s so busy but he was willing to see me during his week, that’s how much he values me. I guess he just wants to get his life together, I don’t know. I’m tired of meeting men who need to get their life in order. Should I just back off and let him initiate ?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 11 minutes ago, partycity said: He even told me he’s so busy but he was willing to see me during his week, that’s how much he values me. I guess he just wants to get his life together, I don’t know. I’m tired of meeting men who need to get their life in order. No, he flat-out told you he can't commit and can't trust. That has nothing to do with getting his life in order. That's just a way to keep you warm until he moves on.
Wiseman2 Posted July 18, 2022 Posted July 18, 2022 22 minutes ago, partycity said: I’m tired of meeting men who need to get their life in order. This is a great observation. Steer clear of men who are "busy", "confused", "stressed", "damaged", "wounded" or any other variation of not available. It's unclear why he is still pussyfooting around, but you don't have to stick around until he finds himself or whatever the excuses are.. 1
Author partycity Posted July 20, 2022 Author Posted July 20, 2022 Update: today he sent me a good morning text. And told me to have a good day .
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