Worried he might cheat.

[Lifegoeson12]

I’ve been seeing this guy for a while now, we are officially a couple now, he’s very genuine and I feel like I know where I stand with him. He’s told me he’s head over heels about me, calls me beautiful, will come and collect me at the airport at 2 am when I get back from travelling with work even though he wakes at 6am for his job. 
 

it really is all going well. He’s going on a solo trip for a week away, he did ask me to join but I couldn’t because of work commitments. My last two partners cheated on me while they were away and I’m petrified he will do it too. 
 

He has never given me a reason not to trust him but I’m also aware of how things can happen and that scares me. 
 

he might say little things like I’m meeting a friend or friends but doesn’t really use names but I think that’s just me being paranoid and over analysing it all. But for some reason I’m really worried he’ll cheat. 
 

Every time my gut feeling gave me a sense one of my exes was up to no good it was always right and now I’m worried. 
 

Should I just see how things go and place trust in him or should I trust my gut feelings? 
 

He really does seem to be into me and in love with me but something in me is saying he’ll cheat. 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

My last two partners cheated on me while they were away and I’m petrified he will do it too. 

It seems like you have insight to what is driving this fear. Don't punish yourself, him or sabotage what appears to be a good thing for what past people have done. That was them and then. This is him and now. Don't let the past drive the future.

Edited June 27, 2022 by Wiseman2

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

Every time my gut feeling gave me a sense one of my exes was up to no good it was always right and now I’m worried. 

Where is this "gut feeling" coming from?  Is it coming from your anxiety, insecurity and your distrust of men in general?  You may subconsciously be attracting these types which triggers your anxiety and worry which is also something to consider.

18 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

He has never given me a reason not to trust him but I’m also aware of how things can happen and that scares me. 

If a man is inclined to cheat, he does not need to take a trip in order to do so.  You say he has never given you a reason to not trust him, so stick with that and try to not cause drama (even if that drama is within your own mind) where none exists.

Bottom line is, it's literally impossible for any of us to predict what he will do.  YOU simply have to have faith and TRUST in your connection, in your relationship, in HIM, and allow things to play out naturally and organically, the way the Universe intended.

There is a Universal law that states your anxieties and fears of what MIGHT happen have the potential of manifesting into what WILL happen.

Trust your boyfriend and if you can't, consider getting professional help to determine why including your inability to let go of the past and live in the present.

 

Edited June 27, 2022 by poppyfields

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

I’ve been seeing this guy for a while now, we are officially a couple now, he’s very genuine and I feel like I know where I stand with him. He’s told me he’s head over heels about me, calls me beautiful, will come and collect me at the airport at 2 am when I get back from travelling with work even though he wakes at 6am for his job. 
 

it really is all going well. He’s going on a solo trip for a week away, he did ask me to join but I couldn’t because of work commitments. My last two partners cheated on me while they were away and I’m petrified he will do it too. 
 

He has never given me a reason not to trust him but I’m also aware of how things can happen and that scares me. 
 

he might say little things like I’m meeting a friend or friends but doesn’t really use names but I think that’s just me being paranoid and over analysing it all. But for some reason I’m really worried he’ll cheat. 
 

Every time my gut feeling gave me a sense one of my exes was up to no good it was always right and now I’m worried. 
 

Should I just see how things go and place trust in him or should I trust my gut feelings? 
 

He really does seem to be into me and in love with me but something in me is saying he’ll cheat. 

 

Cheating is the result of other problems in a relationship.  Cheating without problems rarely occurs.  Like getting struck by lightning level.

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

Should I just see how things go and place trust in him

Yes. If he has given you no reason not to trust him, then you should trust the man. He shouldn’t have to pay for the sins of your past boyfriends.

Have you told him what has happened in the past? Maybe a conversation along the lines of - “I’ve been hurt in this way before… I trust you but I would just ask, if ever you think this relationship isn’t working or you meet someone and you are tempted to cheat, please just be honest with me and end the relationship.” Set the boundary. An honest and sincere man will respect that and he won’t want to cause you more pain. 

[CLS63AMG]

Men cheat when they aren't being taken care of in the bedroom properly.  Women that get cheated on by every guy tend to not be very sexual, from my experience.  This isn't a dig at you OP, just my experience and friends of mine as well. 

[poppyfields]

A man might have a terrific relationship or marriage, be happy with his sex life at home and even love his girlfriend or wife very much.

Truth is some men cheat because they lack moral integrity and have very poor character and unable to control their sexual urges to have sex with a variety of women. 

I heard it straight from the horse's mouth when I was in a social meet up group a few years ago, and I still hear it from some men today.  Women are capable of same.

With respect to men, they are able to compartmentalize sex in a way women cannot and if they possess poor character and lack integrity, they will think nothing of having sex with women while in a relationship or married.

For women who cheat, I think it's more of an emotional thing but I have read and heard about situations where a woman was happily married or in a RL, but still cheated.

To the OP, as I said earlier, you will simply have to judge for yourself what type of man your boyfriend is, if he possesses a strong character and moral integrity and have faith and TRUST in your connection, in your relationship AND in him.

 

 

 

Edited June 28, 2022 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

You said you've been seeing him a while, how long is a while? 

If he cheats then he cheats. You'll cross that bridge when you get there. You survived last boyfriends cheating and you'll survive this one if it gets there.  Now what you're doing is internally living a drama that does not exist and may never exist. Remind yourself to live in the moment....not in a fictive tomorrow.

[glows]

On 6/27/2022 at 12:32 PM, Lifegoeson12 said:

I’ve been seeing this guy for a while now, we are officially a couple now, he’s very genuine and I feel like I know where I stand with him. He’s told me he’s head over heels about me, calls me beautiful, will come and collect me at the airport at 2 am when I get back from travelling with work even though he wakes at 6am for his job. 
 

it really is all going well. He’s going on a solo trip for a week away, he did ask me to join but I couldn’t because of work commitments. My last two partners cheated on me while they were away and I’m petrified he will do it too. 
 

He has never given me a reason not to trust him but I’m also aware of how things can happen and that scares me. 
 

he might say little things like I’m meeting a friend or friends but doesn’t really use names but I think that’s just me being paranoid and over analysing it all. But for some reason I’m really worried he’ll cheat. 
 

Every time my gut feeling gave me a sense one of my exes was up to no good it was always right and now I’m worried. 
 

Should I just see how things go and place trust in him or should I trust my gut feelings? 
 

He really does seem to be into me and in love with me but something in me is saying he’ll cheat. 

It sounds more like you may be replaying your past or haven’t gotten over the past betrayals of your partners cheating. You distrust yourself most of all as you don’t know if you picked the same kind of person who isn’t trustworthy or faithful. That may be likely if you haven’t spent the time or put in the work discovering what draws you to certain types of individuals. 

Unfortunately without conviction or your own trust in your instincts about the character of a person you may self-sabotage something good too with these worries and push him away. Have you sought help for this or worked on this anxiety/trigger? 

Having said all this, why doesn’t he use names of the people he’s meeting? How new is this relationship? Are you both dating exclusively? Did you discuss exclusively dating? It sounds relatively casual and light. If it’s progressing far too quickly and seems unusual then hit the brakes and get to know one another at a pace that’s better for you. Instead of depending on him or having him do you favours take care of yourself and get a taxi for instance and maintain some of your independence. You seem very attached to him and that may not be healthy if given a very short time frame.

[ShyViolet]

If he has never given you a reason not to trust him, then you need to clearly recognize that this is a problem with YOU and not with him.  You are worrying about things that haven't happened, and that you have been given no reason to believe will actually happen.  You are letting your anxiety and irrational fears rule you and possibly sabotage this relationship.  Work on your own issues and your own anxiety.  Just because you've been cheated on in past relationships, that doesn't make it right to project that onto your current relationship.

[Bantosm]

On 6/28/2022 at 6:07 PM, CLS63AMG said:

Men cheat when they aren't being taken care of in the bedroom properly.  Women that get cheated on by every guy tend to not be very sexual, from my experience.  This isn't a dig at you OP, just my experience and friends of mine as well. 

You're making excuses for cheating and there is none. 

[NuevoYorko]

On 6/28/2022 at 3:07 PM, CLS63AMG said:

Men cheat when they aren't being taken care of in the bedroom properly.  Women that get cheated on by every guy tend to not be very sexual, from my experience.  This isn't a dig at you OP, just my experience and friends of mine as well. 

That is nonsense.   A person who is cheating because he is not "taken care of in the bedroom properly" is a weak dishonest individual who needs to either address this problem in his relationship or move on to one that is sexually fulfilling for him.  

Don't assign  the poor character of a man to the shortcomings of his partner.  

That said, the OP might be attracting / attracted to sketchy men and creating opportunities for unpleasant self - fulfilled prophesies.  I hope this is not the case. 

Edited July 2, 2022 by NuevoYorko

[smackie9]

OP I'm sure with your past experiences you probably saw warning signs in their behaviour or comments....but this guy, he seems pretty honest so far does he not? I suspect you are into it for 6 to 8 months maybe?...that's hardly a long time, not long enough to give such details about mentioning names of every friend, etc. He invited you, that says something does it not? You cannot stop or predict cheating. If it happens it happens, and you end the relationship. If this keeps eating you alive that just says you are not ready for a relationship.