Sea of Valedictorians: What is Wrong with me? Is there anything I should change about myself?

[RoroHare]

For quite a while, I've been quite alone, without much friend or anything. I would eat at restaurants alone, I would watch movies alone.

Until six months ago, I met a new friend who seems to be a kindred spirit. We became really close in just a short span of time. He's actually becoming a sort of best friend to me. Being with him is just so natural to me.

Right off the bat, I already learned that he was a valedictorian in high school. He went to the best uni in the nation, and placed in the cpa boards.

When I texted many of my "friends" about going out to watch a movie at the cinema, it was only him who said "yes."

That's when I realized that, ZOMG, my closest friends right now are valedictorians or with honors.

In college, my closest friend was a 1st honorable mention. In law school, my closest friend was a valedictorian and my 2nd closest friend was a salutatorian.

My girlfriend now was also a valedictorian both in HS and in college. The girl I dated before her was a 1st honorable mention and was a placer in the boards too.

I'm trying to develop friendships with different kinds of people but it seems as though that I don't even have to try with someone who's had honors somehow. I naturally gravitate around them and they naturally gravitate around me. 

I don't keep tabs nor I don't care if you have honors or something... but it seems that I am friends only with someone who's academically gifted. Otherwise, friendship won't last at all. @_@

Is there anything wrong with me? Do I have to change something about myself? I try to be friends with alpha males but not much success. @_@.

[stillafool]

24 minutes ago, RoroHare said:

Is there anything wrong with me? Do I have to change something about myself? I try to be friends with alpha males but not much success. @_@.

No there is nothing wrong with you, you like highly intelligent friends.  So what?

Valedictorians can also be Alpha Males so one of your friends may be one.

 

[glows]

1 hour ago, RoroHare said:

For quite a while, I've been quite alone, without much friend or anything. I would eat at restaurants alone, I would watch movies alone.

Until six months ago, I met a new friend who seems to be a kindred spirit. We became really close in just a short span of time. He's actually becoming a sort of best friend to me. Being with him is just so natural to me.

Right off the bat, I already learned that he was a valedictorian in high school. He went to the best uni in the nation, and placed in the cpa boards.

When I texted many of my "friends" about going out to watch a movie at the cinema, it was only him who said "yes."

That's when I realized that, ZOMG, my closest friends right now are valedictorians or with honors.

In college, my closest friend was a 1st honorable mention. In law school, my closest friend was a valedictorian and my 2nd closest friend was a salutatorian.

My girlfriend now was also a valedictorian both in HS and in college. The girl I dated before her was a 1st honorable mention and was a placer in the boards too.

I'm trying to develop friendships with different kinds of people but it seems as though that I don't even have to try with someone who's had honors somehow. I naturally gravitate around them and they naturally gravitate around me. 

I don't keep tabs nor I don't care if you have honors or something... but it seems that I am friends only with someone who's academically gifted. Otherwise, friendship won't last at all. @_@

Is there anything wrong with me? Do I have to change something about myself? I try to be friends with alpha males but not much success. @_@.

Forget alpha whatever. Be yourself and genuine and feel comfortable with whatever you do. Valedictorian and honours are part of academia but there’s a very low bar set in some countries so achieving this isn’t a big deal. Have you started working yet or finished your articling? Go out and meet other people and make friends according to other hobbies and interests. 

There’s nothing wrong with you but you may be a bit one sided. See if there are other things that keep you motivated and driven.

[basil67]

What is the actual problem here?   Are you not happy with your group of smart friends?

[RoroHare]

I wonder if this is merely coincidental or if this will lead to more discoveries about myself.

My friend jokingly said that I'm probably weird so only weird people like himself "get" me. I laughed. We've only known each other for six months now but it feels as if we've known each other since birth!

[RoroHare]

Just now, glows said:

Have you started working yet or finished your articling? Go out and meet other people and make friends according to other hobbies and interests. 

 

I've met a lot of people already but only people with honors tend to remain in my life. The cool kids don't. @_@.

This brings me the realization that, maybe, I should not try anymore, but just be happy with my set of friends now...

[RoroHare]

Or be wary if another cool kid comes up in my life --- I should not expect anymore...

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, RoroHare said:

 I'm probably weird so only weird people like himself "get" me. I laughed. We've only known each other for six months now but it feels as if we've known each other since birth!

Is this a romantic interest? 

[RoroHare]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Is this a romantic interest? 

He's like my partner in crime! I don't think I'm in love with him (lol). I don't entertain that thought. We talk about women most of the time. LOL.

[basil67]

9 minutes ago, RoroHare said:

I've met a lot of people already but only people with honors tend to remain in my life. The cool kids don't. @_@.

Why is this a problem?  

[RoroHare]

^^Just a realization, which could lead me to more information about myself. I asked if there is anything wrong about me. There is none, I think.

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, RoroHare said:

I've met a lot of people already but only people with honors tend to remain in my life. The cool kids don't. @_@.

This brings me the realization that, maybe, I should not try anymore, but just be happy with my set of friends now...

Try what?  Why do you feel like you need different friends?

[RoroHare]

^^I keep trying to be friends with the "wrong" people. It seems that I fit better with the academically accomplished, and maybe the nerdy/geeky.

[basil67]

Have you heard the saying "Birds of a feather flock together"?   If you're an academic nerdy type, it's quite normal to connect with others who are similar.

 

[stillafool]

10 hours ago, RoroHare said:

^^I keep trying to be friends with the "wrong" people. It seems that I fit better with the academically accomplished, and maybe the nerdy/geeky.

What type of people do you consider to be the "wrong" people and why would you want to be friends with them?

[RoroHare]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

What type of people do you consider to be the "wrong" people and why would you want to be friends with them?

cool kids and alpha males!

[RoroHare]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

Have you heard the saying "Birds of a feather flock together"?   If you're an academic nerdy type, it's quite normal to connect with others who are similar.

 

Your question is too difficult to answer.

Well, I didn't graduate with honors in HS because I was too busy reading stuff to enrich my knowledge, not necessarily academic stuff, but I joined 3 quiz bees of different subjects where I placed 2nd in all (the champions were all valedictorians of different schools).

While I love competitions, I don't like studying. I tend to do better on big examinations. As a result, I ranked 7th in the entrance exam of a state university, and I made it to the best law school in the nation after one try. I graduated with latin honors in college and was on dean's list in law school. I got a high rating of 80+ in cpa boards.

All in all, I did well, but not really as accomplished as my valedictorian friends (and gf). However, I tend to fit well into their demographics, which I find uncanny. I tried so hard to fit into cool, rich kids and alpha male demographics. I fit better into the alpha males group than with the cool rich kids group though but either group is a dud.

So maybe, this is an eye-opener to me. I should just be around smart kids from now on.

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, RoroHare said:

cool kids and alpha males!

Why?  How old are you?

Edited June 29, 2022 by stillafool

[vla1120]

On 6/28/2022 at 4:05 AM, RoroHare said:

I've met a lot of people already but only people with honors tend to remain in my life. The cool kids don't. @_@.

Haven't you seen "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion?" The cool kids end up in failed marriages with unfulfilling jobs. Stick with the brainiacs. LOL

[flitzanu]

On 6/28/2022 at 3:05 AM, RoroHare said:

I've met a lot of people already but only people with honors tend to remain in my life. The cool kids don't. @_@.

This brings me the realization that, maybe, I should not try anymore, but just be happy with my set of friends now...

why can't valedictorians be cool kids?

[LeGenDary_Man]

On 6/29/2022 at 8:02 PM, RoroHare said:

Your question is too difficult to answer.

Well, I didn't graduate with honors in HS because I was too busy reading stuff to enrich my knowledge, not necessarily academic stuff, but I joined 3 quiz bees of different subjects where I placed 2nd in all (the champions were all valedictorians of different schools).

While I love competitions, I don't like studying. I tend to do better on big examinations. As a result, I ranked 7th in the entrance exam of a state university, and I made it to the best law school in the nation after one try. I graduated with latin honors in college and was on dean's list in law school. I got a high rating of 80+ in cpa boards.

All in all, I did well, but not really as accomplished as my valedictorian friends (and gf). However, I tend to fit well into their demographics, which I find uncanny. I tried so hard to fit into cool, rich kids and alpha male demographics. I fit better into the alpha males group than with the cool rich kids group though but either group is a dud.

So maybe, this is an eye-opener to me. I should just be around smart kids from now on.

You are into 'human social tropes' and classification of people on these lines; this led you to try hard to FIT into demographics that didn't suit you.

On a personal level:

ALPHA = Those who are able to CREATE and/or LEAD in social situations and/or work environments.

BETA = Those who can provide but are followers in large part.

The less highlighted type is:

RATIONAL = Those who are better aware of their respective strengths and weaknesses, and decide to LEAD in social situations which they can control, and FOLLOW in social situations which are not under their control.

In reality:

People tend to get along with those who have shared interests and/or with those they can relate to on some level, and form groupings accordingly.

----

You should NOT obsess over 'human social tropes' for a change. People can be more complex than any 'human social trope' they seem to fit in. People can learn from their experiences, and some have the mental fortitude to change over time.

You should NOT try hard to FIT into a demographic which does not suit you. It is not possible for a person to shine in every demographic/community/grouping - there is no need to.

You should strive to be RATIONAL in person if you want to expand your social circle and become a part of as many communities as possible. But be patient, observant, and learn to balance your activities.

Geeks can become ALPHA over time with self-development and how they are able to apply their knowledge to their advantage in life. You will notice this capacity in yourself when you will be older and wiser.

The bottom line is this: Just be yourself and create friendships with people who respond well to you in cyberspace and real life. Try to minimize tension and drama in your life in general. You will feel much better this way.

[ASG]

On 7/13/2022 at 7:16 PM, flitzanu said:

why can't valedictorians be cool kids?

This was my question as well...

In my experience, the best students were also the cool kids at my schools. Some were aces at both sports AND academics, so they were ultra cool.