its_me_123 Posted June 25, 2022 Posted June 25, 2022 Hi there, I will be going on a first date with a girl soon that I am excited about and really looking forward to getting to know her more. However, there is part of me that is feeling really down about it and I'm not sure why. I think it could be that I will be disappointed if she doesn't like me. Is this normal to feel like this? I know it's just a first date, but from our chats before, I am quite fond of her so hoping we really get on well. Any advice would be great! Thanks!
Weezy1973 Posted June 25, 2022 Posted June 25, 2022 1 hour ago, its_me_123 said: Is this normal to feel like this? I know it's just a first date, but from our chats before, I am quite fond of her so hoping we really get on well. Have you been trying online dating for a long time? I’d say this feeling is normal for people who are new to online dating, or don’t quite “get it”. Having feelings for someone before you’ve even met us typical of people new to online dating. Of course you can’t control your feelings, however detaching from the outcome is a skill you should look to acquiring. This woman is a stranger; who knows what she’s attracted to and likes or what she doesn’t. And maybe in person you’ll not find her as compelling as you do now. Just go and try to enjoy the date without thinking about the what ifs. 1
Author its_me_123 Posted June 25, 2022 Author Posted June 25, 2022 Thanks for the replies. Yes I am new and this is the first online date I will have been on. What is the "get-it" part you are referring to? I've tried to tell myself that the chances are it probably won't work out, but that seems to make me want it to work even more I guess I will just have to see how it goes.
Wiseman2 Posted June 25, 2022 Posted June 25, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, its_me_123 said: part of me that is feeling really down about it and I'm not sure why. I think it could be that I will be disappointed if she doesn't like me. Is this normal to feel like this? I know it's just a first date, but from our chats before, I am quite fond of her so hoping we really get on well. Excellent. When is the date and what are the plans? Meeting people in person is much better than endless chitchat with someone you never met. Hopefully this will work out and you can block that women who is in another country, you may be overinvested in that. Keep in mind, many first meets fizzle so don't take it personally. Keep talking to and meeting women until something clicks. Edited June 25, 2022 by Wiseman2
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2022 Posted June 25, 2022 Change your thought process and wonder if YOU are going to like this girl.
ShyViolet Posted June 25, 2022 Posted June 25, 2022 I think what you are feeling is a mixture of low confidence and fear that she won't be into you. The key to dating is that you need to go into it with no expectations. You can't build these big expectations up in your head, and set yourself up to be devastated if it doesn't work out. That's just not smart. MOST dates never lead to a relationship. You are just meeting people to see if you're compatible. You need to fully understand that you have nothing to lose here. It might lead nowhere, she might not be into you, or you might not be into her. That is just how dating works. You usually have to meet a lot of people before you find someone who you really click with. And if the two of you DO have great chemistry and it goes somewhere, then that's a bonus.
Ami1uwant Posted June 25, 2022 Posted June 25, 2022 3 hours ago, its_me_123 said: Thanks for the replies. Yes I am new and this is the first online date I will have been on. What is the "get-it" part you are referring to? I've tried to tell myself that the chances are it probably won't work out, but that seems to make me want it to work even more I guess I will just have to see how it goes. Get it eans u derstand the process. If you ever had a blind date befire woukd be similar. if you have something like anxiety or something else could mean you are very uncertain in what’s going to happen
Author its_me_123 Posted June 25, 2022 Author Posted June 25, 2022 21 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: if you have something like anxiety or something else could mean you are very uncertain in what’s going to happen Yep I have been diagnosed with anxiety, but only mild anxiety I know I will freeze and not know what to say so will explain that to her before we meet
Ami1uwant Posted June 25, 2022 Posted June 25, 2022 32 minutes ago, its_me_123 said: Yep I have been diagnosed with anxiety, but only mild anxiety I know I will freeze and not know what to say so will explain that to her before we meet Don’t do that. you are giving reasons for them to next you
Weezy1973 Posted June 26, 2022 Posted June 26, 2022 7 hours ago, its_me_123 said: What is the "get-it" part you are referring to? It’s really about not getting emotionally invested early on. Just enjoy the dates for what they are. Just a date. Even if you’re really attracted to a woman, doesn’t mean you’re going to be compatible. So enjoy the date, and then all you want to ask yourself is if you want to see her again. If you do great, ask her out. If she says yes great. If not, no big deal, it wasn’t a match. 2
ccas93 Posted June 26, 2022 Posted June 26, 2022 try to also think of it in terms of "is she good enough for you". on the date you should be evaluating compatibility and suitability as well, no matter how good she looks in her pics. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 26, 2022 Posted June 26, 2022 10 hours ago, its_me_123 said: I know I will freeze and not know what to say so will explain that to her before we meet Just make nice plans that are fun. Don't tell her you're "anxious and going to freeze". A little bit of nerves is pretty normal for a first meeting, but you're already feeling dread from the anxiety. Just show up relax and get the anxiety under better control if it's this paralyzing. 1
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