ra_85 Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 I connected with a guy and we seem to be on the same wavelength with most things. We have been talking for about two months and have been on about 5 dates. During the course of our convesation I was telling him about a friend of mine who had a virtual date scheduled and that i wish i was more extroverted like her. He misunderstood what i had said and stated that its not too late for me to do virtual dates. So i jokingly asked is that a subtle hint for me to start dating other people? He replied with i don't think so. So i just was blunt and asked "i know we haven't had the exclusivity talk and all but that i wanted to focus on this connection for now and that if we aren't' on the same page now would be a good time to have a check in" I also explained that hadn't ment the "virtual dating" bit but that i wanted to be more extroverted in general. Later i had referred to him potentially meeting my mom To which he responded with ohh see that's progress sounds like I may one day meet her. And my snark came in and I said "Lool dont' get too excited especially when you are like yeaaa go have virtual dates. But sure if things progress, why not?". Which is when he sorta addressed it and said he is not seeing anyone else but doens't want to rush into lables. I agreed and told him i am not in a place to want to rush anything either but that i do want to ensure we are both on the same page about stuff to avoid any misunderstandings. I did also mention that i wasn't seeing anyone else but I would defienetly do anothercheck in if and when we decided to get fully physical (we haven't had sex yet) as i would not be down to sharing. I left it at I will trust you to be upfornt and have a conversation with me if something shifts with us. We continued to chat about other things during the night. So i guess i am curious to know, if after 5 dates or so if a girl wanted to do a check in if that will freak out a guy? Please advise, and once again sorry for the long post.
stillafool Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 I'd ease down on the check-ins if I were you. You've already done 1 and made yourself clear. Neither of you are looking for labels; but if you do another check in make it is before sex because you will either be a FWB or a girlfriend afterwards; so you can decide which one you want to be.
Author ra_85 Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 Thank you....i dont' plan on doing another check in anytime soon. Was curious if this check in should have waited or if i should have avoided it. But yes, I will have to do one before having sex as I do not want to get into another FWB or casual situationship....I have indicated to that to him already. 1
Alpacalia Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 Your relationship is getting ahead of itself, and you want to label it. If he had agree to put a label on it I'm sure you would have agreed, no? When you first connected with him, he was "just a man" and you were present, simple, and "there" in the moment. No striving, no trying, no need... no worries or fears. The relationship was as it was in its simplicity. It is dangerous to get caught up in your own "love story" as this kills potential intimacy. Lose the "love story". Drop it. Give up on it. Let it go. Don’t try to make the relationship get somewhere or become something. Be simple in your interactions as you were. If you are still in contact with him, which it sounds like you are, great. Keep it simple. It will be up to you to set and enforce your own boundaries. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 37 minutes ago, ra_85 said: he sorta addressed it and said he is not seeing anyone else but doens't want to rush into lables. I agreed and told him i am not in a place to want to rush anything either but that i do want to ensure we are both on the same page about stuff to avoid any misunderstandings. Although there's a lot of banter, the bottom line is he is on the same page as far as exclusivity. 1
Author ra_85 Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 Just now, Wiseman2 said: Although there's a lot of banter, the bottom line is he is on the same page as far as exclusivity. Yes, it seems like we are. Tbh i am not well versed in the dating scene and there are so many rules around modern dating that i tend to get in my head sometimes. I am good with where thing are now and going with the flow, but i also go into this process this time with the intention of getting into something long term so i also don't want to drag something out and then just find myself in a situationship that is going no where. So curious to know when an appropriate time to check in would be. I plan to leave it for now...but as an earler poster had mentioned maybe check in before sex.
ShyViolet Posted June 24, 2022 Posted June 24, 2022 For only having gone on 5 dates, I think the way you were talking to him about "where you stand" and all the talk of "check-ins" was super awkward and a great way to scare someone off. It was a little cringey reading through that conversation. When it's only been 5 dates, you need to just let things flow naturally and get to know the person. There should be no talk of exclusivity or meeting parents when it's been only 5 dates. Wayyy too much.
Author ra_85 Posted June 24, 2022 Author Posted June 24, 2022 11 hours ago, ShyViolet said: For only having gone on 5 dates, I think the way you were talking to him about "where you stand" and all the talk of "check-ins" was super awkward and a great way to scare someone off. It was a little cringey reading through that conversation. When it's only been 5 dates, you need to just let things flow naturally and get to know the person. There should be no talk of exclusivity or meeting parents when it's been only 5 dates. Wayyy too much. Fair....haven't really brought it up and been pretty breezy since. He has been talking regularly so I am assuming it's fine. But I will tone down in the "check ins". Tbh I haven't dated much and there seems to be all these rules of what to do and what not to do so it gets confusing. Felt natural enough to bring it up but will be cognizant moving forward. Thanks for the input!
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