LoveComplexity Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 So my ex ended our relationship like 2 months ago, we didn't talk I didn't contact her, 3 weeks after she wrote some stuff.. I acted cold... we didn't talk again, then again she contacted me at times, I never initiated contact, she even said how its easy for me to replace her and forget her (probably because I don't run all after her)... then again we didn't talk for 2 weeks, now she wrote that she is trying to forget me but she always keeps thinking about me and that she feels empty... I didnt reply again.. then she called me a few days later a few times... I finally answered.. Then we talked for a while, she was talking about how she goes out and tries to meet alot of ppl but can't stop thinking about me and how I know her better and understand her better than anyone and how all of this is cr*p... and how she regrets taking some decisions that led to the breakup etc... And that she misses me alot and it sucks... but when I steered things into trying to reconnect (not directly) she said she doesn't want too because she has so many stuff in her life and the circumstances are hard and that she doesn't want to start from 0 again and that she is also afraid what will happen or if it doesn't work out again... then we talked some more.. and after that we even started talking about intimate things and she even started saying how she watches videos sometimes (intimate) and thinks about me... and then talked some intimate things. So all of this is confusing... she is saying she misses me alot, she is breaking down, its hard, misses my connection and all... even talked intimate things etc... but then again she doesn't seem to be motivated or willing to actually do something to try to get back together or anything like that, so I don't know I guess im just confused.
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 7 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: So my ex ended our relationship like 2 months ago Unfortunately, neither of you are going to move forward dragging out the breakup like this. She wanted to "stay friends", so it may be time to make a clean break and delete and block her.
Author LoveComplexity Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately, neither of you are going to move forward dragging out the breakup like this. She wanted to "stay friends", so it may be time to make a clean break and delete and block her. Yeah but she is acting really odd wouldn't you agree? And yeah she did say she wanted to stay friends but after a few weeks she actually said she can never see herself as friends with me after all that and said its best to not even talk anymore at all in order to forget each other and completely have no contact (which im doing since im never initiating) but yet she kept initiatiating after that a few times still, and now said things like this which are in conflict and make no sense.
smackie9 Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 17 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: Yeah but she is acting really odd wouldn't you agree? And yeah she did say she wanted to stay friends but after a few weeks she actually said she can never see herself as friends with me after all that and said its best to not even talk anymore at all in order to forget each other and completely have no contact (which im doing since im never initiating) but yet she kept initiatiating after that a few times still, and now said things like this which are in conflict and make no sense. There is nothing odd about it...she's moving on, having a hard time letting go. Staying friends or staying in contact can help with healing. And that's all she is doing....kinda using contact as a pacifier. 1
Ami1uwant Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 59 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: Yeah but she is acting really odd wouldn't you agree? And yeah she did say she wanted to stay friends but after a few weeks she actually said she can never see herself as friends with me after all that and said its best to not even talk anymore at all in order to forget each other and completely have no contact (which im doing since im never initiating) but yet she kept initiatiating after that a few times still, and now said things like this which are in conflict and make no sense. It’s not weird. if youare attached to someone for so long and the break up wasn’t violent/bad you are going to have positive memories and comparisons to the ex. she is not ready to date.
Author LoveComplexity Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 (edited) But if she was the one who wanted to break up she should be fine, especially after more than 2 months, right? She shouldn't be so sad and broken down, and missing me so much, saying how I understand her better than anyone, initiating intimate conversations etc... why would she break up then? To me as a man it is unlogical. Edited June 22, 2022 by LoveComplexity
smackie9 Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 OK so she reaches out. What have you done to revitalize the prospect of seeing each other again? Are you just being cold and unresponsive? Sometime people breakup because the other party isn't stepping up like advancing the relationship to the next level.
vla1120 Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 12 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: Any more opinions? Maybe she's missing the "comfort" of being with you, being in a relationship, so she is second-guessing her decision. What are your thoughts on the situation? If she asked you to get back together, would you? I think that is what should drive your response. If you feel like you dodged a bullet and do not want to continue with her, then you remind her she's the one who broke it off and she needs to respect your boundaries and stop contacting you (or you can block her.) If you feel like it might be worth another try and/or you are also missing her, ask her what her intentions are for continued communication with you and then decide if another try is something you would consider. If you do decide you want to move forward without her, then you need to set those boundaries so that she does not continue to contact you and make her loneliness/problems your issue.
Happy Lemming Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 9 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: Any more opinions? Personally, I can't stand wishy-washy people, especially after only 2 months. She is trying to use you as one of her girlfriends to get over the relationship. I've dated a few women who wanted to be "friends" after the breakup, I don't need any more "friends". If she called for a "booty call" or some FWB arrangement and you are OK with that, then go for it. Otherwise, you don't need this trauma and drama in your life. My advice... shower up, get out there and go find a new woman to date. Let her calls go to voicemail & don't respond to her texts. I'm not one for blocking people, but if it becomes a nuisance... then block. 1
glows Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 (edited) 19 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: But if she was the one who wanted to break up she should be fine, especially after more than 2 months, right? She shouldn't be so sad and broken down, and missing me so much, saying how I understand her better than anyone, initiating intimate conversations etc... why would she break up then? To me as a man it is unlogical. No, not necessarily. You may think so theoretically but that's not the case at all where it comes to human emotion. People still feel sad when they break up with someone. It may not always be the case but it happens. What you're seeing is lack of restraint on her part and dragging you into her emotions and aftermath which is unfortunate and inconsiderate to you. What you can do is enforce better boundaries and tell her not to contact you again (ask for privacy). If you don't trust that she can keep her word, then block her. Edited June 23, 2022 by glows
Author LoveComplexity Posted June 23, 2022 Author Posted June 23, 2022 4 hours ago, vla1120 said: Maybe she's missing the "comfort" of being with you, being in a relationship, so she is second-guessing her decision. What are your thoughts on the situation? If she asked you to get back together, would you? I think that is what should drive your response. If you feel like you dodged a bullet and do not want to continue with her, then you remind her she's the one who broke it off and she needs to respect your boundaries and stop contacting you (or you can block her.) If you feel like it might be worth another try and/or you are also missing her, ask her what her intentions are for continued communication with you and then decide if another try is something you would consider. If you do decide you want to move forward without her, then you need to set those boundaries so that she does not continue to contact you and make her loneliness/problems your issue. Yeah idk, what bothers me is that she tells me all these things and yet she isn't motivated to actually put any effort into reconnecting again and trying again, so its confusing and not really very firm, so I don't think its worth doing much, she broke off she should be the one putting effort and initiating if she wanted to reconnect, not do it and tell me all these things how shes falling apart, how she can't stop thinking about me, misses me alot blabla.. but then after bringing it up on my part isn't really very motivated to start from zero again and so many things in her life atm and is afraid what would happen if we would try again and all this blabla... its very hot/cold or wishy washy like someone said..
glows Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 25 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: Yeah idk, what bothers me is that she tells me all these things and yet she isn't motivated to actually put any effort into reconnecting again and trying again, so its confusing and not really very firm, so I don't think its worth doing much, she broke off she should be the one putting effort and initiating if she wanted to reconnect, not do it and tell me all these things how shes falling apart, how she can't stop thinking about me, misses me alot blabla.. but then after bringing it up on my part isn't really very motivated to start from zero again and so many things in her life atm and is afraid what would happen if we would try again and all this blabla... its very hot/cold or wishy washy like someone said.. Oh gosh, there are so many people who are like this though. I see a lot of "shoulds" and what she ought to be. If you both were truly compatible a break up wouldn't have happened in the first place. It's so unfortunate that she's contacting you.
Author LoveComplexity Posted June 23, 2022 Author Posted June 23, 2022 1 minute ago, glows said: Oh gosh, there are so many people who are like this though. I see a lot of "shoulds" and what she ought to be. If you both were truly compatible a break up wouldn't have happened in the first place. It's so unfortunate that she's contacting you. The breakup had alot to do with some distance because we had to be separated a few times and also some lack of communication which led to disappointment etc
glows Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: The breakup had alot to do with some distance because we had to be separated a few times and also some lack of communication which led to disappointment etc I remember your previous threads. She was pulling away and distant with you. As if the problem is fixed by a break up? Really? It brings to mind the phrase "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." I don't think applies to this case. You're likely still missing her and things seem confusing at the moment. When the dust settles you might want to consider whether someone who cares about you would have let go this easily or whether she's just missing you in the form of a void at the moment. Both of you didn't sound compatible. Edited June 23, 2022 by glows
Author LoveComplexity Posted June 23, 2022 Author Posted June 23, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, glows said: I remember your previous threads. She was pulling away and distant with you. As if the problem is fixed by a break up? Really? It brings to mind the phrase "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." I don't think applies to this case. You're likely still missing her and things seem confusing at the moment. When the dust settles you might want to consider whether someone who cares about you would have let go this easily or whether she's just missing you in the form of a void at the moment. Both of you didn't sound compatible. I know, the problem is fixed with communication, but she never wanted to communicate... only after the breakup now this last time we talked when she said all those things about missing me etc... has she told me some reasons why that happened, that she was disapointed by some things and expected some things that never happened... but she never communicated them, just let them build inside her.. and lost motivation for the relationship because of it. So she told me what she should have told me like 3 or 4 months ago only now Edited June 23, 2022 by LoveComplexity
glows Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 16 minutes ago, LoveComplexity said: I know, the problem is fixed with communication, but she never wanted to communicate... only after the breakup now this last time we talked when she said all those things about missing me etc... has she told me some reasons why that happened, that she was disapointed by some things and expected some things that never happened... but she never communicated them, just let them build inside her.. and lost motivation for the relationship because of it. So she told me what she should have told me like 3 or 4 months ago only now I'm sorry to hear that. It's not likely she'll stop contacting you until she finds someone else. I think she is just lonely at the moment.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 24, 2022 Posted June 24, 2022 10 hours ago, glows said: It's not likely she'll stop contacting you until she finds someone else. I think she is just lonely at the moment. That's my read on it, too. She's using your attention to make herself feel better during a dry period, but she'll probably fade again when she meets the next guy. You would be wise to cut this off.
Author LoveComplexity Posted June 24, 2022 Author Posted June 24, 2022 I think you are probably right, afterall she was the one who broke it off, so she should be the one actively putting effort and showing if she really wanted to connect again and try to recover something, but she just talks about how she is suffering how hard it is how she misses me how shes breaking down and yet has no real motivation to put effort to do something about it, so its probably something like you say. I don't know, some people say when someone keeps contacting you during no contact that you should use that chance to try to reconnect and try to build an emotional connection again, but idk, if I should try and do that at all or not, I could try to, but im not sure if its the right thing to do.
Happy Lemming Posted June 24, 2022 Posted June 24, 2022 7 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: ...some people say when someone keeps contacting you during no contact that you should use that chance to try to reconnect But she doesn't want to re-connect... I'm half thinking she is checking on you to make sure YOU haven't found someone else or tried to date someone else. Almost like its a game, that she find someone new; before you do. As for getting back together... 99% of the time it doesn't work, anyway. Usually the problems that broke you up in the first place, re-surface and the whole mess just starts over again. I can only think of one instance that was even somewhat successful. This woman contacted me 18 months after she dumped me and wanted to get back together, we did. But even that ended, as she had a family emergency and had to move away. My advice... its Friday. After work, shower up and go hit the town!! Have some fun!! If your ex does call or text -- ignore it, and continue on with your evening.
flitzanu Posted June 24, 2022 Posted June 24, 2022 10 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: I don't know, some people say when someone keeps contacting you during no contact that you should use that chance to try to reconnect and try to build an emotional connection again, but idk, if I should try and do that at all or not, I could try to, but im not sure if its the right thing to do. this isn't "no contact" because you keep communicating. if it was No Contact, you'd literally be having...no contact. it doesn't mean "i'm not contacting her she's the one calling me" it just means you're allowing and enabling her to behave like this. block her, stop answering, stop playing her games. she left, let her know what life is like without you since that's what she chose by dumping you.
Wiseman2 Posted June 24, 2022 Posted June 24, 2022 11 hours ago, LoveComplexity said: she was the one who broke it off, so she should be the one actively putting effort and showing if she really wanted to connect again and try to recover something, Don't do this to yourself. You're buzzing in the friendzone hoping she wants to reconcile. In the meantime you've become just a shoulder to cry on and someone to whine to. If she wanted to get back together, it would be crystal clear.
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