Author michaelcover Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 54 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think you are projecting because you like her, and want to see signs that the interest is mutual. But what you describe is an immature girl who is into someone else, and hardly seems to like you at all. You need to let go of the idea of dating her. There is nothing here to indicate she likes you that way. She obviously pays close attention to me and flirts. But she also says stuff like "while I say the word ex if you date me theres really no such thing as a former boyfriend"
Author michaelcover Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 She is difficult to understand because she picks fights whenever people (me, her ex) try to get close to her but she also then acts like nothing happened and becomes extremely clingy if you stop paying attention to her.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 OP, with respect, I don't think you have much experience with women if you think this one could be a serious dating prospect. She's not.
Author michaelcover Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: OP, with respect, I don't think you have much experience with women if you think this one could be a serious dating prospect. She's not. I dated many women. She acts like my last gf. My last gf acted like this toward another guy while we were dating and when we broke up, she began dating the other guy.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 9 minutes ago, michaelcover said: She acts like my last gf. My last gf acted like this toward another guy while we were dating and when we broke up, she began dating the other guy. This is exactly my point. Your experience with healthy relationship is limited. Look at your last relationship. This chick is the same. You need more experience so you filter out the bad apples from the beginning. Women like them see guys like you as a toy, unfortunately. Not actual boyfriend material.
Author michaelcover Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is exactly my point. Your experience with healthy relationship is limited. Look at your last relationship. This chick is the same. You need more experience so you filter out the bad apples from the beginning. Women like them see guys like you as a toy, unfortunately. Not actual boyfriend material. I think its fair to say many women I dated were not healthy. I just dont think its fair to say this girl doesnt wanna date me at all. I think she wants something but it may not be healthy or not. My intuition is that she will escalate this to something that at least superficially resembles dating. The only questions are when and for how long. I have a feeling she doesnt quite get over men.
Author michaelcover Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 Do you think I am being brought up to the ex as a bargaining chip behind my back like "you have to change or I will start dating the guy you just met. If you change I will date you."?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 3 minutes ago, michaelcover said: Do you think I am being brought up to the ex as a bargaining chip behind my back like "you have to change or I will start dating the guy you just met. If you change I will date you."? I have no idea. But I know this won't develop into a real relationship with you. You need higher standards.
Author michaelcover Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: I have no idea. But I know this won't develop into a real relationship with you. You need higher standards. Where do you cross the line between a "real relationship" and just a relationship? The dynamics between this girl and her ex remind me of the interactions between me and my ex. I dont wanna date my ex anymore but since all over men after left her, she became clingy with me again and thinks we are still dating. My ex calls all my professional affiliates, tries to get a job at the company where I work, finds pretexts to call me, and i had to tell her to only communiate to me by text (no calling or visits despite her trying)
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 15 minutes ago, michaelcover said: Where do you cross the line between a "real relationship" and just a relationship? I don't. You are misunderstanding what I mean. You aren't going to have a relationship with this woman, full-stop. She doesn't see you that way.
stillafool Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 3 hours ago, michaelcover said: Where do you cross the line between a "real relationship" and just a relationship? The dynamics between this girl and her ex remind me of the interactions between me and my ex. I dont wanna date my ex anymore but since all over men after left her, she became clingy with me again and thinks we are still dating. My ex calls all my professional affiliates, tries to get a job at the company where I work, finds pretexts to call me, and i had to tell her to only communiate to me by text (no calling or visits despite her trying) Sorry but your ex sounds like a mess and this women reminds you of her? What do you see in this woman that makes you want her so much, your ex?
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 5 hours ago, michaelcover said: thinks we are still dating. Be honest and crystal clear with her. How does she not know you're whether you dating? Unless you are leading her on and this is a FWB thing in your mind but dating in her mind.
Author michaelcover Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 35 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Be honest and crystal clear with her. How does she not know you're whether you dating? Unless you are leading her on and this is a FWB thing in your mind but dating in her mind. There is no FWB with my ex. I dont even do FWB. I had short term and long term girlfriends. I dont take her calls. The only time I answer her is by text if she asks something unrelated to the relationship but I found even her texts are pretextual to get in contact with me. She sometimes sends 10 texts and Whatsapp and deletes them all and texts and says she is about to be arrested and asks me to call to help her or she says someone is about to kill her (probably made up). She calls my employees to get information on me, she tries to get jobs at companies that work with mine and she was even successful once (causing me to have to interfere and say I am not buying out the company until she is gone), etc. I would have considered reconciliation early on but not at this time. I have informed my staff that I am not interested in her anymore but shes manipulating my staff to convince me to date her again.
Author michaelcover Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 3 hours ago, stillafool said: Sorry but your ex sounds like a mess and this women reminds you of her? What do you see in this woman that makes you want her so much, your ex? I would say this girl is quite different from my ex, personality wise. This girl sort of puts an angry facade but once you talk to her, she is pretty down to earth and we connect well. It is weird. It is almost like she likes to fight people. I dont know how much of a relationship her and her ex have. She says a lot of strange things to me like she said doesnt trust men because she had a lot of trauma from men in her childhood. I want to point out one incident of what she did though: she once called her ex without telling me the first time when we were at the restaurant talking. He walked past us and left and I only knew it was her ex because she showed me a big poster of him. They do have similarities with my ex in the following ways: (1) the first time I was at my ex's house alone, my ex yelled at me she doesnt love me and loves her ex who moved to different country (like here the relationship could have been exaggerated; (2) my ex would pull stunts like leave our motel room during trips and say i didnt rent a good enough motel and rent an expensive one and get me to pay for it (this girl didnt do anything like this but it is foreseeable); (3) my ex would continously bring up other men and would even show dick pics creeps send her to make me want her more; (4) my ex once texted another guy and intentionally threw her phone in my lap while getting gas to get my reaction.
stillafool Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 45 minutes ago, michaelcover said: IThey do have similarities with my ex in the following ways: (1) the first time I was at my ex's house alone, my ex yelled at me she doesnt love me and loves her ex who moved to different country (like here the relationship could have been exaggerated; (2) my ex would pull stunts like leave our motel room during trips and say i didnt rent a good enough motel and rent an expensive one and get me to pay for it (this girl didnt do anything like this but it is foreseeable); (3) my ex would continously bring up other men and would even show dick pics creeps send her to make me want her more; (4) my ex once texted another guy and intentionally threw her phone in my lap while getting gas to get my reaction. Oh, so you like drama queens. I get it now. Well this one sounds like your type so go for it. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 3 hours ago, michaelcover said: The only time I answer her is by text if she asks something unrelated to the relationship Why does she think you're dating and what type of relationship-unrelated communication is there? Do you work in the same place? Why can't she just be blocked and deleted from all your social media and messaging apps?
flitzanu Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 are you interested in an open relationship? maybe you can take her and her boyfriend on a date and discuss options.
Author michaelcover Posted June 22, 2022 Author Posted June 22, 2022 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Why does she think you're dating and what type of relationship-unrelated communication is there? Do you work in the same place? Why can't she just be blocked and deleted from all your social media and messaging apps? We dont work in the same place cause I am self-employed. She asks for favors like "I am lost. Can I get directions to this place?" She has a firm belief that I really want her back and I am just too nervous to see her.
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2022 Posted June 22, 2022 Just now, michaelcover said: We dont work in the same place cause I am self-employed. She asks for favors like "I am lost. Can I get directions to this place?" Ok, why not be clear you're not interested and block and delete her so you can both move forward rather than dragging it out like this?
SumGuy Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 On 6/21/2022 at 8:17 AM, michaelcover said: so she wont chill out if i formally start dating her? NO! The games will only graduate to an Olympic level. With someone like this, besides the attention, she may not know what she wants. Or the game and drama itself is the point, there is no want beyond that.
SumGuy Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 (edited) On 6/22/2022 at 5:54 PM, michaelcover said: Where do you cross the line between a "real relationship" and just a relationship? The dynamics between this girl and her ex remind me of the interactions between me and my ex. I dont wanna date my ex anymore but since all over men after left her, she became clingy with me again and thinks we are still dating. My ex calls all my professional affiliates, tries to get a job at the company where I work, finds pretexts to call me, and i had to tell her to only communiate to me by text (no calling or visits despite her trying) Man your ex is over the line, no sense of boundaries, and people like this are dangerous...they are not above all sorts of stuff to ruin your life out of spite. [ ] Whatever excitement [she] offers short term is not worth it Edited June 23, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator group berating
SumGuy Posted June 23, 2022 Posted June 23, 2022 Won't quote any more because every time read another post just confirms to me you are dealing not with just simple dram queens, but some truly disordered women here. You're in way over your head. The stuff you see now is the tip of the iceberg, it's only limited by with they think they can get away with. So far you are getting the "they like you" crazy, as in you are still being painted white...think this is bad, it's a true nightmare if you end up getting painted black. You really, really, really should read up on this and think hard about how to exit. No contact is the only real way, but there is advice on how to do it as smoothly as can be done.
Trail Blazer Posted June 24, 2022 Posted June 24, 2022 On 6/22/2022 at 4:26 PM, ExpatInItaly said: I think you are projecting because you like her, and want to see signs that the interest is mutual. But what you describe is an immature girl who is into someone else, and hardly seems to like you at all. You need to let go of the idea of dating her. There is nothing here to indicate she likes you that way. Completely agreed. OP, I am guessing you're fairly young. I'm sure the girl is cute, and she's probably led you on a bit and you're trying to make sense of what she's doing. Perhaps her behavior doesn't align with how she has behaved previously to get you interested. In any case, understanding her games is superfluous. You understand that she is playing them, so her motivation for doing so is irrelevant. You need to walk. She's nothing to you, but she's showing you everything you need to know about her to make the correct decision about her. Stop wasting your own time. Don't feed the attention seeker. 1
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