noona91 Posted June 20, 2022 Posted June 20, 2022 Early last year, I met a guy through a dating site and we ended up dating for about 5 months. Things were going great, went on numerous dates and talked daily through phone calls or texts. He did have childhood trauma and dealt with bouts of depression but I understood him because I to had suffered with depression as well. This didn't hinder our relationship but there would be instances where he would get overwhelmed and stressed to the point where he liked to push away but we always knew how to work it out. When it came to the 5 month mark, I was completely ghosted. I had reached out no more then maybe 3 times to see what was going on but I got no answer and he deleted his social media leaving me to question what had happened? He was a great guy, always treated me nicely and with respect. He was what I was looking for so when I got ghosted, I was crushed because real feelings were involved so it took me a while to shake out of my funk and move on which eventually, I did. I took time for myself, deactivated any dating accounts, focused on working harder with my childcare business and I was in a very positive mindset. Fast forward 8 months later and I received a text from him. I was taken off guard and a little pissed to be honest especially since his text started off with a greeting as if he was a long lost friend. I responded out of curtesy but I also wasn't happy to hear from him after a long time. In short, he realized I wouldn't want anything to do with him, apologized and gave me an explanation as to why he disappeared. In my opinion, his excuse to ghost me showed a level of immaturity. He blamed it on stress. He explained to me that at the time, he was stressed with his mother and sister moving back in with him, finding a new place to live for all of them and dealing with the ridiculous hours of work he would put in at his job. He continued to apologize and even went as far as saying that he thought about me everyday and missed me. Being the type of person that I am, I forgave him but I told him that I would have appreciated him breaking up with me and being upfront about things instead of ghosting me entirely. The conversation ended with him saying that he was doing much better now, that he knows he has issues to work on to better himself and bid good night. A month after that text, I checked my profile out on the same dating site we met and to my surprise he has been checking my profile out a handful of times and most recently, he checks it on a daily basis. This site lets me see who had visited my profile last and he always seems to be there even if I get new visitors now and then. I do not understand what he is trying to do because he doesn't reach out any other way and just sort of stalks my profile. Sometimes I want to reach out and other times I'm reminded of how he ghosted me for being stressed and it makes me believe that if things were to pick up between him and I, would he just run away every time he is stressed? That's not something I would want in a relationship. What is his motive when he knows I can see he is checking my profile? I had moved on from him but ever since that text conversation, my mind has been racing because he shows no other effort in wanting to get back together but then again I wasn't too happy when he did text me after 8 months. Can someone please tell me what this all means and what I should do?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2022 Posted June 20, 2022 15 minutes ago, noona91 said: had moved on from him but ever since that text conversation, my mind has been racing because he shows no other effort in wanting to get back together Even if he did, I would not give him the time of day. I don't care how stressed someone is; they can always take 2 mintues to communicate to the other person that now isn't the right time and it needs to end. This guy didn't do that. He behaved immaturely and disrespectfully, and showed you he doesn't really care about you. I would not waste my time wondering about a second chance. I would save it for a man who wouldn't treat you like that to begin with. 2
Wiseman2 Posted June 20, 2022 Posted June 20, 2022 Sorry this happened. He seems to flakey to date. Get a new fresh profile and pics on quality dating apps and delete your profile on the old one. Start talking to and meeting new available men. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Start fresh and put this behind you.
glows Posted June 20, 2022 Posted June 20, 2022 7 hours ago, noona91 said: Early last year, I met a guy through a dating site and we ended up dating for about 5 months. Things were going great, went on numerous dates and talked daily through phone calls or texts. He did have childhood trauma and dealt with bouts of depression but I understood him because I to had suffered with depression as well. This didn't hinder our relationship but there would be instances where he would get overwhelmed and stressed to the point where he liked to push away but we always knew how to work it out. When it came to the 5 month mark, I was completely ghosted. I had reached out no more then maybe 3 times to see what was going on but I got no answer and he deleted his social media leaving me to question what had happened? He was a great guy, always treated me nicely and with respect. He was what I was looking for so when I got ghosted, I was crushed because real feelings were involved so it took me a while to shake out of my funk and move on which eventually, I did. I took time for myself, deactivated any dating accounts, focused on working harder with my childcare business and I was in a very positive mindset. Fast forward 8 months later and I received a text from him. I was taken off guard and a little pissed to be honest especially since his text started off with a greeting as if he was a long lost friend. I responded out of curtesy but I also wasn't happy to hear from him after a long time. In short, he realized I wouldn't want anything to do with him, apologized and gave me an explanation as to why he disappeared. In my opinion, his excuse to ghost me showed a level of immaturity. He blamed it on stress. He explained to me that at the time, he was stressed with his mother and sister moving back in with him, finding a new place to live for all of them and dealing with the ridiculous hours of work he would put in at his job. He continued to apologize and even went as far as saying that he thought about me everyday and missed me. Being the type of person that I am, I forgave him but I told him that I would have appreciated him breaking up with me and being upfront about things instead of ghosting me entirely. The conversation ended with him saying that he was doing much better now, that he knows he has issues to work on to better himself and bid good night. A month after that text, I checked my profile out on the same dating site we met and to my surprise he has been checking my profile out a handful of times and most recently, he checks it on a daily basis. This site lets me see who had visited my profile last and he always seems to be there even if I get new visitors now and then. I do not understand what he is trying to do because he doesn't reach out any other way and just sort of stalks my profile. Sometimes I want to reach out and other times I'm reminded of how he ghosted me for being stressed and it makes me believe that if things were to pick up between him and I, would he just run away every time he is stressed? That's not something I would want in a relationship. What is his motive when he knows I can see he is checking my profile? I had moved on from him but ever since that text conversation, my mind has been racing because he shows no other effort in wanting to get back together but then again I wasn't too happy when he did text me after 8 months. Can someone please tell me what this all means and what I should do? He showed you he’s not ok to date. Regardless of what you think depression is or how it manifests I highly doubt this has anything to do with depression or his childhood trauma. He’s plain selfish and immature and hasn’t learned how to be considerate or respect another person’s feelings. Having seen this yourself and witnessed it, why leave that door open by not blocking that person? I’d explore the sympathies you may have and the excuses he made that play on your mind. Why do they continue to have any effect on you? No doubt you still care about him but avoid making this into something more than what it was. Let him go for good and block/delete him(move forwards). This man is no loss to you whatsoever.
ShyViolet Posted June 20, 2022 Posted June 20, 2022 What he did shows that he is a person of very weak character. Ghosting someone who you've been dating for 5 months is extremely immature and cruel. It doesn't matter what he's "trying" to do now.... you shouldn't waste another minute of your time on this guy. He's already shown you what kind of person he is.... he's not someone you can trust.
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2022 Posted June 20, 2022 (edited) It means stop reading too much into this and just block him from your profile. Anytime a guy starts acting wrong, don't "work" through things, kick him to the curb. All you were doing with this guy was enabling the behavior, not fixing it...you can't fix bad behavior. That's why it kept happening. Edited June 20, 2022 by smackie9 2
stillafool Posted June 20, 2022 Posted June 20, 2022 After dating for 5 months and a man blocks me, he'd never get another chance. He should have been blocked from ever reaching you again and then you wouldn't have this problem of still wondering about him. He's weak.
Acacia98 Posted June 21, 2022 Posted June 21, 2022 On 6/20/2022 at 9:32 AM, noona91 said: Fast forward 8 months later and I received a text from him. I was taken off guard and a little pissed to be honest especially since his text started off with a greeting as if he was a long lost friend. I responded out of curtesy but I also wasn't happy to hear from him after a long time. In short, he realized I wouldn't want anything to do with him, apologized and gave me an explanation as to why he disappeared. In my opinion, his excuse to ghost me showed a level of immaturity. He blamed it on stress. He explained to me that at the time, he was stressed with his mother and sister moving back in with him, finding a new place to live for all of them and dealing with the ridiculous hours of work he would put in at his job. He continued to apologize and even went as far as saying that he thought about me everyday and missed me. Being the type of person that I am, I forgave him but I told him that I would have appreciated him breaking up with me and being upfront about things instead of ghosting me entirely. The conversation ended with him saying that he was doing much better now, that he knows he has issues to work on to better himself and bid good night. A month after that text, I checked my profile out on the same dating site we met and to my surprise he has been checking my profile out a handful of times and most recently, he checks it on a daily basis. This site lets me see who had visited my profile last and he always seems to be there even if I get new visitors now and then. I do not understand what he is trying to do because he doesn't reach out any other way and just sort of stalks my profile. Sometimes I want to reach out and other times I'm reminded of how he ghosted me for being stressed and it makes me believe that if things were to pick up between him and I, would he just run away every time he is stressed? That's not something I would want in a relationship. What is his motive when he knows I can see he is checking my profile? I had moved on from him but ever since that text conversation, my mind has been racing because he shows no other effort in wanting to get back together but then again I wasn't too happy when he did text me after 8 months. Can someone please tell me what this all means and what I should do? Perhaps he's checking your dating account to see if there's any sign of activity (e.g. changed pictures, changed description) because if there is, it probably means you're actively looking to date somebody else. It's the sort of thing that insecure folks who dump for seemingly no reason do. The good news is he's never going to ask you out again. And if he does, rest assured he will repeat the dump-and-disappear performance or something much worse. Unfortunately, his popping out of the woodwork to apologize and his repeated activity around your account are keeping you in limbo. But that doesn't have to be the case. You have the ability to take control of the situation again. All you have to do is block him on that site and anywhere else. 1
Acacia98 Posted June 21, 2022 Posted June 21, 2022 I've just noticed you said that he's bound to be aware that you notice his repeated views of your profile. If indeed he is aware; then he is being manipulative. He is deliberately trying to impact how you feel and what you do. Perhaps he enjoys toying with you. Perhaps he wants to push you into initiating reconciliation. And if he succeeds at the latter, you will be the "weaker" person in the relationship because you will essentially have begged him to return after being discarded by him. It won't be anything like the relatively great relationship you remember from before. And he will ultimately discard you again. Long story short, he isn't being considerate towards you. He genuinely does not care about you. And to reiterate what somebody else said. Yes, he may have depression. But not everything he does is a function of that depression. He may have depression and ALSO be a callous jerk. Just like somebody else may have depression and be considerate. Don't fall into the trap of trying to make things easy for him and accommodate him in the name of being sympathetic. Someone else on these forums made that mistake and ended up in an intense emotional entanglement with a guy who threatened to kill himself if she didn't do as she pleased. I can't remember who the author was. But it quickly escalated and he ended up threatening to harm her.
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