brooks468 Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 I dated a guy for 2 months and its left me feeling so deflated. We met at the gym and a week later he took me on a date and bought me flowers. We carried on seeing eachother like 2-3 times a week, i met half of his family after only a couple of weeks and he was eager to introduce me to the rest but i told him it was going too fast. He would constantly tell me he wanted to take me away for a weekend but i wasn't comfortable with how fast things were moving so we slowed down. More dates, more flowers. Eventually he told me he saw us being together if things carried on going well and sometimes during sex he would say "you're mine". I also told him i may have to move away soon if i find a new job but he told me he would be willing to do long distance after like 3 weeks of knowing each other??? One time he told me he felt like i was playing games because i wouldn't reply to some of his messages and he would get angry at me if i cancelled our plans even though i would reschedule. Anyway, i guess after two months i've fallen for him. We've had several arguments recently because he has gone away for a training course and it seemed like he was losing interest. He stopped texting me good morning even though i would see him active and he would tell me that being on his phone in the morning sets him up for negativity and a bad day which i understand but i'd still see him active all morning. I told him it wasn't working but then he agreed to give it another shot. A few days later we had another argument because he said he was open to other people, and i know its early days but i couldn't understand how someone would say they are head over heels for me and be that intense, and then be interested in meeting other girls. It hurt a lot because in my opinion its not really giving it another shot if hes open to meeting other girls. Basically, he has ended things with me because i pushed him away by being too needy and apparently expecting too much. I feel like i was just a huge rebound because i noticed he was still liking his ex gfs pics (i havent told him i saw this), sometimes she would call him when we were together and initially he would speak about her every time we met up. I feel as though as soon as things got serious and arguments happened he realised he still had healing to do from his past relationship and i was just there to distract him from pain as his ex has a new boyfriend and is living in their old house together. He told me that we were only seeing each other and it's normal to want to see who else is out there, which i fully understand but i also feel like i've been extremely lead on because why did he need to act so intense. Anyway, i just needed to rant. I dont have many friends that i can talk to and i'm just super disheartened and deflated because it sucks how fast people can switch up on you after basically acting like they were in love with you. Dating sucks Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 (edited) Are you wanting to keep seeing him? It’s such a blessing he made a departure. This was going nowhere and full of nonsense on his part. Still partially involved with an ex-gf, coming on too strong early on, hot/cold, wanting to see others after the fact, gaslighting you saying you’re needy, and so on and so forth. He’s not good news. Rant away. Edited June 19, 2022 by glows 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brooks468 Posted June 19, 2022 Author Share Posted June 19, 2022 6 minutes ago, glows said: Are you wanting to keep seeing him? It’s such a blessing he made a departure. This was going nowhere and full of nonsense on his part. Still partially involved with an ex-gf, coming on too strong early on, hot/cold, wanting to see others after the fact, gaslighting you saying you’re needy, and so on and so forth. He’s not good news. Rant away. I just wanted things to go back to how they were at the start. He just completely changed and said it was because i was doing things to put him off and he's realised he isn't ready for a relationship and has work to do on himself, which makes me feel like he was never fully healed. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 Ugh I don’t get the rebound thing either. I am either interested in somebody, or not. Men are different apparently, they like to distract themselves right after a breakup, with as much sex and fun as possible, probably even with multiple women if they can. I’m sorry this has happened to you. It just shows that actions speak louder than words, and it’s especially important to pay attention when somebody acts very much super lovey dovey and intense in the beginning. I don’t know why, but these relationships (those that start with so much intensity on one person’s part) rarely last. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 This guy came on way too strong too early, love-bombed you, and tried to move the relationship too fast in an unhealthy way, and then lost interest just as fast as it started. Lots of red flags here. You're better off without this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 1 minute ago, brooks468 said: I just wanted things to go back to how they were at the start. He just completely changed and said it was because i was doing things to put him off and he's realised he isn't ready for a relationship and has work to do on himself, which makes me feel like he was never fully healed. I agree. Set him free to heal (or do whatever he wants as long as it has nothing to do with you). You’re hurt understandably but give this more time and you’ll be feeling so thankful you didn’t spend more of your time on him and his mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 I would try to see what happened as you (rightly, IMO) wanted a little balance because it seemed like it was going too fast and then you got it which allowed you to realize your feelings for him or miss the attention at least. Idk, 3 weeks in, you guys didn't really know each other that well and what's happening now is as much of the total picture of him and your compatibility as the first 3 weeks were, you know? This is more of the WHOLE picture.I honestly don't think you should try to force a reconciliation. I think you should take the lessons that you learned from this and use in your next relationship, such as what you like and hope to find in your next relationship and what you didn't, as well as how you could change some things going forward that you don't have an opportunity to go back in time to change with him. IMO, this much back and forth only 2 months in doesn't usually work out...so you'd just be throwing "good money after bad", ie don't waste your precious investment of headspace, time and emotion. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 I think it was a rebound relationship and at first he was trying to rush feelings that weren't there to help him get over his ex. Later, after more communication with his ex he started back tracking on the things he was doing with you. When things cooled off he realized he moved too fast and wanted to end it. He definitely led you on OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 It sounds like this relationship just ran its short course. In my past, I've had quite a few relationships that were 1-3 months. The fun and the newness of the relationship was great, but then reality sets in. You stop seeing the person through rose colored glasses, little things start to bug you and before you know it... things go south. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 5 hours ago, brooks468 said: One time he told me he felt like i was playing games because i wouldn't reply to some of his messages and he would get angry at me if i cancelled our plans even though i would reschedule. i noticed he was still liking his ex gfs pics. Sorry this happened. So many red flags from coming on so fast and furious to being possessive angry and argumentative. You dodged a bullet. Way too much drama for dating 60 days. He may have been on/off with this ex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 Intensity is a normal/typical part of rebounding. People just do it and they usually don't consciously know they are doing it. What was happening with his ex should have been a pretty good indication of him rebounding and you should have ran. Your gut was telling you right at the beginning something just wasn't right. Next time if it's way too much too soon, ditch them. It's not healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 On 6/19/2022 at 8:33 AM, brooks468 said: Men do that because at the beginning we are very romantic and it's very emotional. But if our advances are slowed down or halted, it tends to kill the vibe. I'm not saying that to be mean or anything, but just telling you how men see things. It sounds like he fell hard but you told him it was going too fast. Although you were sleeping with him, so it was a bit of a mixed message. But then, when he slowed things down, you got upset. Is that correct that the origin of your arguments is he was not pursuing you with the same intensity? Isn't that what you said you wanted? He's probably totally confused and yeah now his romantic notions have been diminished because of the mismatched interest. I'm sure you've fallen for guys fast in the past? That's what he felt for you and it's okay if you didn't feel that for him. But are you sure you're really that into him? Because I've dated women that said they go really slow, but they start talking about marriage in a couple of dates haha It sounds like you have mismatched interest. I also think if you are spending time stalking his social media that already means you don't really trust him. And the trust is so fragile at the beginning because you don't have history with the person. In my experience, once the trust is gone, especially someone you barely know, I always feel like it's a matter of time until it's over. Not saying any of this to judge you, but trying to give you a guys perspective. If you want to salvage it, I think you will have to go with your original mindset that you are not in a relationship and just dating. Then let the chips fall where they may. I don't know if that's possible at this point, but it's something you'll have to decide. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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