EndOfSmallSanctuary Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 I'm 26, and the girl I'm dating is 19. We're both university students, and I also work full time (night shifts). We both have somewhat full weekly schedules, at least during semester, so I could understand us not seeing each other that frequently. We've been dating for two and a half months and been on three dates, roughly every 25 days or so. I'm very eager to see her more often, and I often try to organise new dates. I thought it'd be easier now that we've both finished university for the semester, but she still says it's difficult to arrange a day and time (even though I'm the one that works full time and she doesn't). We talked about the frequency of dates a while back, and I mentioned how it seemed like a big gap having almost a month between each date, but she didn't seem bothered by it at all, and expressed surprise when I said maybe we should try to make it more frequent. She thought even every two weeks was unusually frequent, which I didn't believe was at all. We sometimes talk for hours together each day on Snapchat, especially on the weekends, in what would basically be the equvilent of a date in terms of the time spent, I suppose. Maybe for her that's satisfactory? But for me it isn't really a substitite for seeing her in person. I've never dated before, and nor has she, so I don't have any personal experience for this specific issue. For people with more dating experience, what would you consider to be the "normal" frequency of dates, factoring in both of us being university students and it being relatively early days (if you could consider two and a half months early days?)
Philosopher Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 1 hour ago, EndOfSmallSanctuary said: I'm 26, and the girl I'm dating is 19. We're both university students, and I also work full time (night shifts). We both have somewhat full weekly schedules, at least during semester, so I could understand us not seeing each other that frequently. We've been dating for two and a half months and been on three dates, roughly every 25 days or so. I'm very eager to see her more often, and I often try to organise new dates. I thought it'd be easier now that we've both finished university for the semester, but she still says it's difficult to arrange a day and time (even though I'm the one that works full time and she doesn't). We talked about the frequency of dates a while back, and I mentioned how it seemed like a big gap having almost a month between each date, but she didn't seem bothered by it at all, and expressed surprise when I said maybe we should try to make it more frequent. She thought even every two weeks was unusually frequent, which I didn't believe was at all. We sometimes talk for hours together each day on Snapchat, especially on the weekends, in what would basically be the equvilent of a date in terms of the time spent, I suppose. Maybe for her that's satisfactory? But for me it isn't really a substitite for seeing her in person. I've never dated before, and nor has she, so I don't have any personal experience for this specific issue. For people with more dating experience, what would you consider to be the "normal" frequency of dates, factoring in both of us being university students and it being relatively early days (if you could consider two and a half months early days?) Unless you live more than an hour away from each other, in my opinion you should be seeing each other at a minimum weekly, pretty much right from the start of dating. Therefore to me she sounds like she is not that interested, if she was interested, she would have made time to see you more frequently. The fact she did not seem bothered when you raised the issue definitely is not a great sign.
Wiseman2 Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 1 hour ago, EndOfSmallSanctuary said: I'm 26, and the girl I'm dating is 19. . We've been dating for two and a half months and been on three dates, We sometimes talk for hours together each day on Snapchat, especially on the weekends Cut back on the messaging so you don't end up in the textbuddy/friendzone. If she wants to talk to you, ask her to see you in person. Are you exclusive? Is she talking to/meeting/dating others?
Author EndOfSmallSanctuary Posted June 19, 2022 Author Posted June 19, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Cut back on the messaging so you don't end up in the textbuddy/friendzone. If she wants to talk to you, ask her to see you in person. Are you exclusive? Is she talking to/meeting/dating others? Yeah I've made an attempt recently to talk less on Snapchat; most of our convos are started by her. I'm exclusive, and I'm almost certain she is as well. She's ultra shy and nervous, never had any dating experience before she met me, and she's said several times that this is why things seem to be taking a while between us. She comes from a very conservative background (Muslim, Sri Lankan) and she's said that her family does not approve of her dating anyone. I think this might partially be why it's difficult for her to agree to meet up.
Wiseman2 Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 1 minute ago, EndOfSmallSanctuary said: She comes from a very conservative background (Muslim, Sri Lankan) and she's said that her family does not approve of her dating anyone. That explains a lot. She may not be able to date outsiders and may be scheduled for an arranged marriage. So it's possible she sees you as a friend/textbuddy. It's only been 3 dates and about 75 days of talking. It may be best to cut your losses and date more available women. 1
glows Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 2 hours ago, EndOfSmallSanctuary said: I'm 26, and the girl I'm dating is 19. We're both university students, and I also work full time (night shifts). We both have somewhat full weekly schedules, at least during semester, so I could understand us not seeing each other that frequently. We've been dating for two and a half months and been on three dates, roughly every 25 days or so. I'm very eager to see her more often, and I often try to organise new dates. I thought it'd be easier now that we've both finished university for the semester, but she still says it's difficult to arrange a day and time (even though I'm the one that works full time and she doesn't). We talked about the frequency of dates a while back, and I mentioned how it seemed like a big gap having almost a month between each date, but she didn't seem bothered by it at all, and expressed surprise when I said maybe we should try to make it more frequent. She thought even every two weeks was unusually frequent, which I didn't believe was at all. We sometimes talk for hours together each day on Snapchat, especially on the weekends, in what would basically be the equvilent of a date in terms of the time spent, I suppose. Maybe for her that's satisfactory? But for me it isn't really a substitite for seeing her in person. I've never dated before, and nor has she, so I don't have any personal experience for this specific issue. For people with more dating experience, what would you consider to be the "normal" frequency of dates, factoring in both of us being university students and it being relatively early days (if you could consider two and a half months early days?) By most standards, a month inbetween each date is too long for most people. What matters is it’s not fulfilling or enough for you. If she comes from an ultra conservative background, you know what you’re getting yourself into. Don’t pressure her into anything more. Cut your losses and date someone else. You both have to be respectful of one another and admit when it’s not working.
ShyViolet Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 This is not "a girl you are dating". This is a girl you have been on 3 dates with. If she is not interested in seeing you more often, not putting in any effort, difficult to make plans with, then it's time to stop wasting your time with this. Most people would have walked away by now. If she comes from such a conservative culture that she can't see you with any normal frequency, then it sounds like she is just not ready to date. She is more interested in having a snapchat buddy than an actual relationship. Is that what you want? And to answer your question, the "normal" frequency of seeing each other when dating varies, but it's anywhere from once a week to several times per week.
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