Christine_1249 Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 (18F)I've been with my bf(17M) for almost 4 months. We haven't seen each other since the summer break began (2 weeks). All this week he has been bussy with an English exam he is taking on today. I understood that he needs time to focus and I have myself things to do, but he keeps sending me photos of how he's hanging out at different places with his friends and I'm pissed. When I ask him what can we do on a date he just says he doesnt know. And I just stopped believing that. I told him before the summerbreak that I would like to go to the forest, to have a picnic or something. We agreed to go this sunday. But after he send me those photos, I see he can do better and I want better. Now I think our date on Sunday is too low effort after a long time of not seeing each other. If I go on the date I will just act aggressive and I will reject his every move on me. And I don't want that. How do I handle these emotions? I dont want to mess things up because I know how cynical I can be. How can I get more effort without nagging?
basil67 Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 (edited) A nicely done picnic is not low effort. If the two of you put in the time and effort to shop for a charcuterie, you've got a delicious feast in a romantic setting. About what he's doing now with his friends, the fact that he's doing fun things doesn't equate to him having actually planned the things. His mates could well have planned them and he's going along with them. The big thing about relationships is that nobody is perfect. My husband of 30 years is a terrific guy, but he's not a planner. But he's wonderful in so many other ways that I overlook the lack of planning. And I bet that you're not 100% the perfect girlfriend either and he overlooks stuff. No offense - as I said, nobody is perfect. 'That said, perhaps he's a rotten boyfriend in many ways and this is the proverbial straw. If that's the case, then dump him. Edited June 18, 2022 by basil67 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 4 hours ago, Christine_1249 said: How can I get more effort without nagging? It's possible he's too immature for you. It's only been 4 months and already you're upset at his immature behavior and that he's busy studying. Step back and reflect if a guy that's more mature and attentive would be a better match.
Alpacalia Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 I would imagine him to sound like your average 17-year-old who wants to let off some steam after a long day of studying. Is there a better time when you're feeling better to arrange the date? Do something fun with your gal pals instead. 2
glows Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 6 hours ago, Christine_1249 said: (18F)I've been with my bf(17M) for almost 4 months. We haven't seen each other since the summer break began (2 weeks). All this week he has been bussy with an English exam he is taking on today. I understood that he needs time to focus and I have myself things to do, but he keeps sending me photos of how he's hanging out at different places with his friends and I'm pissed. When I ask him what can we do on a date he just says he doesnt know. And I just stopped believing that. I told him before the summerbreak that I would like to go to the forest, to have a picnic or something. We agreed to go this sunday. But after he send me those photos, I see he can do better and I want better. Now I think our date on Sunday is too low effort after a long time of not seeing each other. If I go on the date I will just act aggressive and I will reject his every move on me. And I don't want that. How do I handle these emotions? I dont want to mess things up because I know how cynical I can be. How can I get more effort without nagging? It’s more of a build up of frustration. What is it you’d rather do with him? The issue is you feel neglected and he doesn’t take enough initiative. Don’t take it out on him. Suggest what you’d really like to do and think about whether dating him is working in the long run. You’ve been together four months only so this is early days.
ShyViolet Posted June 18, 2022 Posted June 18, 2022 You shouldn't need to nag him in order to get him to spend time with you. If you find yourself having to nag just to get him to put in effort into the relationship, then this guy isn't interested in you and it's time to let him go. At ages 17 and 18, two weeks is a very long time not to see each other. If he truly wanted to see you, virtually nothing would stop him from doing so. He might just not be that interested in you anymore. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 8 hours ago, ShyViolet said: If you find yourself having to nag just to get him to put in effort into the relationship, then this guy isn't interested in you and it's time to let him go. This. If he can find time to hang out with his buddies, he can find a little time for you. He's not doing that. My guess is he is losing interest and doesn't quite know how to tell you that yet.
stillafool Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 (edited) 14 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: This. If he can find time to hang out with his buddies, he can find a little time for you. He's not doing that. My guess is he is losing interest and doesn't quite know how to tell you that yet. I second this and Shy Violet's opinion. He's losing interest. At 17 his gf should be his first priority. However if you're in the habit of acting aggressive and rejecting his every move that gets old quick at his age and he's probably looking at other girls who are nicer to him. Edited June 19, 2022 by stillafool
smackie9 Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 (edited) What I see is a guy that only has like an hour to eat and hang out with friends and he's probably not going to see them much after exams are done because people end up picking up a full time job/ go on a family vacation. Let him have his time with them. When exams are over you will have plenty of time to see him. I agree you should be chillin with the girlies, maybe sunning yourself in a cute bikini down at the beach, checkin out the scenery if you know what I mean. Edited June 19, 2022 by smackie9
BaileyB Posted June 19, 2022 Posted June 19, 2022 On 6/18/2022 at 12:50 AM, Christine_1249 said: How can I get more effort without nagging? Plan something you would like to do for your next date. He may appreciate the fact that you are putting in the effort and reciprocate in kind. 1
TheFinalWord Posted June 20, 2022 Posted June 20, 2022 On 6/19/2022 at 3:05 PM, BaileyB said: Plan something you would like to do for your next date. He may appreciate the fact that you are putting in the effort and reciprocate in kind. Thats a good idea! No offense OP, but you sound like kind of high maintenance. It's been two weeks, not two years and a picnic isn't good enough. I'll be honest, if a guy REALLY wants to see you, he will. Not that he doesn't want to, but he probably knows it's a full time job to do something with you so it's kind of like a chore to him and not fun. If you lighten up a bit and even plan a date. Wow, he'd probably bend over backwards to see you more. 1
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