tonyp56 Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Hello, I am a 28 year old male. My question has to do with the fact that every since I was in kindergarten (I was only 5 years old) I have wanted to be with a female (at that age it was all about companionship, I was way too young to know about sex). Anyways, why? Why have I longed for a relationship every since I was that old. Pretty much every since I saw a girl that wasn't in my family I wanted to have a relationship with them. I still think about that first girl I had a crush on, it lasted for more than two years, and then throughout grade school there was 5 or 6 other girls that I had a crush on. High school there was 5 or 6 others. Of course, throughout grade school I never had a "girlfriend". Then in high school it was pretty much the same, I had two girlfriends, one that lasted 6 weeks, and the other lasted 11 years (married her 7 years ago, now she has left me for someone else). Anyways, I started thinking about this since my wife left me, why have I longed for a relationship with a female for so long. I have to say, I was happy with my wife, I would have stayed with her forever, and I never cheated on her, though a few times in the beginning I had to really think about staying with her. I go back to why, and I am wondering if anyone else started longing for a relationship with the opposite sex (and I guess for some the same sex) this early? Any ideas why I was like this at such an early age? I mean, I was attracted to that girl when I was in kindergarten, it wasn't sexual (I don't think) I didn't know what that was when I was 5, but it was a attraction. I wanted nothing else but to be with her, but at the time I didn't know what that meant. But looking back I know that I was crushing hard for her. Why? I mean even then I thought I was strange, I didn’t think any other kid in my class was like me. I felt different with girls than I did with boys, boys were friends, girls were a love interest, even back then. Why? Any thoughts, anyone else like this, anything?
Outcast Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Just go to an elementary school or talk to young kids. Almost everybody in the first grade has a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'. I had a mad crush on a TV star when I was 5. The urge to pair bond is one of the built-in features of human beings. It existed long before we had the capability to understand language or to come up with the concept of being 'in love'.
basscatcher Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 I've been boy crazy since the day I was born. My mom said my first day of kindergarden I came home and already had a crush on a boy in my class. I personally was neglected by my father since my conception. He was also verbally abusive to me telling me I was a "no good for nothing, son of a bitch and I was never going to amount to anything." He worked in the taconite mines in Northern Minnesota so he wasnt home much while I was growing up and then he left my mom when I was in 5th gd. I'm think that has a lot to do with my craving to be in a relationship with a man. I want that love from a male figure. I didn't start dating till I was 15 almost 16. I went through 6 boyfriends (yes, overlapped them-3 at a time) in 2 years. I have since had 4 serious relationships since graduating from High School and I've also had several hours of counceling to understand my neediness but that doesnt change my feelings or desires it only helped me understand why I have this magnetic pull towards the male sex..Companionship.. Maybe you too were neglected by a female figure or you didn't get the affection you needed while growing up??
Author tonyp56 Posted October 24, 2005 Author Posted October 24, 2005 Just go to an elementary school or talk to young kids. Almost everybody in the first grade has a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'. I had a mad crush on a TV star when I was 5. The urge to pair bond is one of the built-in features of human beings. It existed long before we had the capability to understand language or to come up with the concept of being 'in love'. Really? I can remember during this same time others in my class were like "I hate girls (boys if they were a girl), gross, etc." Perhaps, I just felt out of place, and didn't see or perhaps know what others felt I don't know. I don't know, I just feel like I am on this quest for something that I'll never have (of course for 11 years I thought I did, but now I am back at square 1). I simply want a member of the opposite sex to love and to share with in life. And the situation that I am in right now has made me start thinking about "why was I so love sick that young in the first place?" It gets me, I know people that have never married, had kids, etc. and they are in their 50's and 60's. I have asked people like this in the past; "don't you want to be married?" and they are like, "no, why would I." But I seem to have been destine to want to be with a woman from the get go, and I really don't know why. In other words, I have always felt incomplete without a woman by my side, and now, I am not sure if I will ever have that again. I'll say it again, I don't know (I really don't anymore).
Author tonyp56 Posted October 24, 2005 Author Posted October 24, 2005 Maybe you too were neglected by a female figure or you didn't get the affection you needed while growing up?? Nope, my mom was one (besides female siblings) that did show affection. My dad--I don't mind telling everyone--was an alcoholic, and as such he too was verbally abusive, telling me things like your father told you. My parents also had 7 children and I was the youngest, my closes sibling is a sister that is 3 years older than me, my oldest sister is 21 years older than me. There were 5 children that are the older; the youngest of that group is 13 years older than I. Anyways, I can remember how this made me feel like an outcast early on, and could have caused this. However, perhaps, it was my dad that caused me to want to seek affection else where. Because of the verbal abuse I received from him, perhaps that drove me to want love from someone else. I know that when I was young, one thing I can remember my dad always talked about how skinny I was, and then I gained weight and of course was to fat. This feeling of never being good enough caused me to withdraw, "I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of me!" To this day I am this way--which is good in some ways--but in others not so good--no self esteem. Anyways, other things that my dad did, and being teased from day one (first day at kindergarten I was picked on by an older boy and had my pants shucked in front of everybody--a real confidence builder...not) at kindergarten. Maybe I seek female companionship because I felt empty, and I needed someone else to fill the hole that was there within me. Thanks though, I am glad I am not the only one that was like this that early.
Outcast Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Really? I can remember during this same time others in my class were like "I hate girls (boys if they were a girl), gross, etc." Perhaps, I just felt out of place, and didn't see or perhaps know what others felt I don't know. Oh sure, everybody SAID that, but if they were your friend they might confess secretly that they had a crush on X or Y. Little girls fall in love with rock stars. Do you think all of Britney Spears' fans are in their twenties? Maybe you too were neglected by a female figure or you didn't get the affection you needed while growing up?? That's not why little boys have crushes. We're supposed to find mates - that's our first biological jobs as animals on this planet. Now, if he had a long list of girlfriends/lovers he might have been trying to make up for a lack of attention or poor ego but that's not the case with this guy. He just had crushes like everybody else did.
EyeOfTheTiger999 Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I personally was neglected by my father since my conception. He was also verbally abusive to me telling me I was a "no good for nothing, son of a bitch and I was never going to amount to anything." He worked in the taconite mines in Northern Minnesota so he wasnt home much while I was growing up and then he left my mom when I was in 5th gd. Have you seen the movie 'North Country' that came out last week?
basscatcher Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Have you seen the movie 'North Country' that came out last week? not yet but I will. My dad and step mother were right in the middle of all that in a different mine!! I was just a little shyt while all this was happening.
EyeOfTheTiger999 Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 pretty good film. it doesnt say a whole lot of good about men in that part of the country. she didnt get a lot of attention from her dad either and had similar issues women who dont get attentino from their dads often become promiscuous, WHAT HAPPENS TO BOYS WHO GROW UP IN THE SAME CONDITIONS?
Deshanga Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I may be wierd, but I am still not boy crazy. never was and probably never will be. I am a very suspicious person. I think it depends on your personality, and the people you grow up around. I used to go to private school and now I go to a private school. I like it better, but it still seems that everyone wants to date each other. Everyone's different. Just make sure you don't date someone just because you're lonely. It probably wouldn't hurt beto be a bit less choosey, but it sound slike you could afford to be a bit more choosey. Don't settle for just any girl.
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