girlheart Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Yesterday morning the guy who I was in love with walked out on me and I am struggling to cope today... We have been together for the last 10 months and it has been heaven. I have known him for years as a friend of my brother's and he has been the best thing in my life this year. I have been through family tragedies and he stuck by me. He moved in with me unofficially, ended up staying there every night... maybe we moved too fast. But it was going so well. We really did have a good thing going. I trusted him implicitly, never witheld from him... and he returned that respect. The cracks started to show when I bacame more and more disillusioned with my job. I work 12 hours a day in TV and struggle to keep it together sometimes. The added pressure of lower budgets and bigger sets, along with the stress my brother was under regarding his best friend and his sister staying together, added to the deaths in the family this year, culminated into me having a near nervous breakdown. My only option was to look for another job. In no time I was offered an excellent post in another city, on the other side of the country, and discussed it with my boyfriend before I made any decisions. He didn't hesitate. It would be an adventure for the two of us. He committed himself to going, and I committed myself to the new job. He himself found another job which he could do down there and we bought a puppy and started planning. I bought some property down there which I am now committed to, and put my current place on the market. All was going so well. We were scheduled to move the beginning of the new year. Until just the other day... He withdrew from me completely, stating he had too many concerns about if we would make it in the future on our own in another city, and was considering whether he wanted to be with me or not... And then yesterday morning he woke up and cried, saying he loved me but didn't know what was wrong with him... and he left. We are taking a break, if such a thing exists. I love him still, and even though I know I will be fine if I move on my own to start the new job, I want him with me to share in the fun and excitement, and to start a life with me. Why is he struggling with this? And it seems to have affected our sex life too. He can't keep it up lately and says I put him under too much pressure. We have always managed to connect in the bedroom. But we haven't had that spark for the last few weeks. What should I do? I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to keep hoping for something that is never going to happen. And it's so weird for me how he went from hot to cold in the space of a few days. One minute he is discussing marriage, the next he is in his cave and pushing me away. Could this all be too much too soon? Maybe it's me. If he loved me he would be with me right? Home is where your love is, right?
Author girlheart Posted October 24, 2005 Author Posted October 24, 2005 No advice out there? Help please, I am going out of my head here!
lindya Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 One minute he is discussing marriage, the next he is in his cave and pushing me away. Could this all be too much too soon? Maybe it's me. If he loved me he would be with me right? Home is where your love is, right? Stay calm and steam on with your plans in respect of the new job and home. He needs to know you will make it with or without him. Preferably with - but you'll cope without. Don't say it, just keep your poise in this situation and let him see that you're keeping it. I know you're hurting, but breaking down and getting wobbly just isn't an option so don't do it. I'm not suggesting this is easy, but whatever people say about being 100% honest all the time, we do all have to put on such masks and tough it out now and again if we're to succeed at the different aspects of life. Staying positive about yourself and philosophical about any decisions he wants to make here is your best chance for making this relationship work....and if the relationship still doesn't work, that attitude will help you move on from it successfully and make an exciting new start. If he makes a final decision that he doesn't want to continue with the relationship, then you'll no doubt need to come back for support - but it sounds like at the moment he's jittery and uncertain. That makes it all the more vital that right now you stay strong, positive and demonstrate the ability to cope with or without him. Chin up, shoulders back and good luck;)
unintentional Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to keep hoping for something that is never going to happen. And it's so weird for me how he went from hot to cold in the space of a few days. One minute he is discussing marriage, the next he is in his cave and pushing me away. Could this all be too much too soon? Maybe it's me. If he loved me he would be with me right? Home is where your love is, right? I am very sorry you're going through this..I know how you're feeling.. And it seems that guys just never can be really sure about things.. My ex..(Im sorry to say he's my ex..) was just like that..he'd LOVE ME TO DEATH...BE MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME -but then the next day or even within minutes- he'd change into an isolated little boy that wanted nothing more than to be alone and scared. Love scared him. ..So he pushed me away...and in time...he wouldn't stop pushing me away... I dont think that moving fast is a REALLY BAD IDEA..i dont think that at all..each love moves at it's own pace.. ---Ahh..my main message that I'm trying to get to is that I know how you feel but YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. It's not you...he just seems to have his own issues to deal with, just like the rest of them.. no matter how much it hurts inside..we [ladies] cant really do much about it...we either can stay strong and find the happiness we all have inside ourselves...or we could wait around..but it's obvious which one sounds better... I chose to try and find my own happiness even though I know I would have LOVED to stay with my ex..but the fact that he was so unsure about me and what we had showed me that it is possible to find someone better. I, myself, deserve better than someone who can just let go and push me away with no hesitation.. I dont know how you feel about the whole thing or if you even know what you'd like to do..Im just telling my side of the story... Nothing probably makes sense in this, seeing as how im half asleep and saying my every thought and feeling randomly in sections. im so sorry your going through this though... I really am sorry, it'll all get better though... Time heals all.... Only you can follow your heart and do what you feel is right within you.. love.
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