Sam2020 Posted June 15, 2022 Posted June 15, 2022 I belong to a large group that meets weekly for dinner, and I got to know Jim a bit over the course of a couple of months. We are in our late 50's, mature and stable. His close friends have said what a thoughtful and honest guy Jim is and he has demonstrated that whenever I see him. Well, he asked me to lunch a few months ago and I accepted. We had a very nice conversation and after about the third hour, Jim said something to the effect of "we'll be friends". It kind of caught me off guard because he had been very attentive to me for a few months at the group dinners. In speaking with one of my guy friends, he felt certain that it was because Jim thought I couldn't have sex. (I mentioned something in passing to Jim but was unable to explain fully so he may have go the wrong impression). I do realize he could have felt no "connection", but my guy friend insisted it's the sexual relations thing. Anyway, a couple of months later, he brought a "friend" who was visiting from another state to a couple of our weekly dinners. The second time we saw her, he was rubbing her back in what seemed to me an affectionate way. I couldn't figure out what that was all about since she lives clear across the other side of the country. Now she's been gone for a couple of months and in the meantime, Jim and I continued our friendliness at the dinners. At our last dinner, several of us were talking about authentic Italian restaurants, so one of the guys was throwing out names. Well now Jim has texted me a few days ago and invited me to dinner making mention of some of the places suggested by one of the other guys. Quite frankly, I had to think on it overnight because I'm confused as to why he's inviting me out again after all these months! So do I take this as him asking me as a friend? I don't want to read anything into this. But to be honest, I don't know if I want to be going out with another guy friend. I already have two male friends who I'm very good friends with and do things with so I really don't want yet another one. That said, I do hope to find a good man who will become my long-term so continue online dating. Thoughts?
glows Posted June 15, 2022 Posted June 15, 2022 It seems platonic. I don’t see why going to dinner is an issue if you like his company. One can never have too many foodie friends. There doesn’t seem to be anything special about him and you haven’t mentioned that he looks at you romantically, even though he has been attentive. Some people are just extraordinary listeners and great to chat with. Keep an open mind and remain respectful of his wishes to keep it platonic if he’s not interested in dating you. I’m sure you’ll get a better read on him over a short time the more you spend time around him. 1
NuevoYorko Posted June 15, 2022 Posted June 15, 2022 Where did the idea that you are unable to have sex come from? Is it true? I ask because if it is, it could be a deal breaker for some people. If it's not true, where would this be coming from, it seems like kind of an odd thing to be talked about amongst a seemingly casual group of friends. Very personal. 2
Author Sam2020 Posted June 15, 2022 Author Posted June 15, 2022 14 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Where did the idea that you are unable to have sex come from? Is it true? I ask because if it is, it could be a deal breaker for some people. If it's not true, where would this be coming from, it seems like kind of an odd thing to be talked about amongst a seemingly casual group of friends. Very personal. He mentioned it was an issue in his previous marriage and I said I understand because I had problems as well. We were interrupted and then went on to another subject. (I did remedy the issue several years ago, thank goodness!)
Author Sam2020 Posted June 15, 2022 Author Posted June 15, 2022 15 hours ago, glows said: It seems platonic. I don’t see why going to dinner is an issue if you like his company. One can never have too many foodie friends. There doesn’t seem to be anything special about him and you haven’t mentioned that he looks at you romantically, even though he has been attentive. Some people are just extraordinary listeners and great to chat with. Keep an open mind and remain respectful of his wishes to keep it platonic if he’s not interested in dating you. I’m sure you’ll get a better read on him over a short time the more you spend time around him. Yeah, it's just confusing since I've not been in this kind of situation before. Not sure if he's even someone I'd have as a serious partner plus another friend doesn't think he's my "type" anyway, lol.
glows Posted June 15, 2022 Posted June 15, 2022 (edited) Ok. Leave the sex talk out of things for now and, respectfully, I think your friend is being silly and filling your mind up with insecurity. If a man is interested anyway, he'll want to find out what you think straight from you, not dilly dally with hearsay and speculation about who you are/what you're like. If he's smart he may even see you're worth more than simply what you do in bed or what he thinks you do in bed. I'd go to dinner with him and you yourself find out what type of man he is over time. He may not be dateable or worth your time in that sense (romantically) but he may be an acquaintance you can share a few laughs with now and then. Don't take his invites too seriously right now. I wouldn't. Edited June 15, 2022 by glows
LeoEnki Posted June 15, 2022 Posted June 15, 2022 17 hours ago, Sam2020 said: We had a very nice conversation and after about the third hour, Jim said something to the effect of "we'll be friends". It kind of caught me off guard because he had been very attentive to me for a few months at the group dinners. In speaking with one of my guy friends, he felt certain that it was because Jim thought I couldn't have sex. (I mentioned something in passing to Jim but was unable to explain fully so he may have go the wrong impression). I do realize he could have felt no "connection", but my guy friend insisted it's the sexual relations thing. Anyway, a couple of months later, he brought a "friend" who was visiting from another state to a couple of our weekly dinners. The second time we saw her, he was rubbing her back in what seemed to me an affectionate way. I couldn't figure out what that was all about since she lives clear across the other side of the country. Now she's been gone for a couple of months and in the meantime, Jim and I continued our friendliness at the dinners. At our last dinner, several of us were talking about authentic Italian restaurants, so one of the guys was throwing out names. Well now Jim has texted me a few days ago and invited me to dinner making mention of some of the places suggested by one of the other guys. Quite frankly, I had to think on it overnight because I'm confused as to why he's inviting me out again after all these months! So do I take this as him asking me as a friend? Guy here. Hes your friend, he has told you that. Seems like he likes female company in some sort of platonic way. He asked you out in the first instance to see if anything was possible / finding any attraction there when hes said he just wants to be friends. Its in your court now. Dont go if you dont want to go. Unless you want more? (Which you havent told him?)
LeoEnki Posted June 15, 2022 Posted June 15, 2022 15 hours ago, glows said: It seems platonic. I don’t see why going to dinner is an issue if you like his company. One can never have too many foodie friends. There doesn’t seem to be anything special about him and you haven’t mentioned that he looks at you romantically, even though he has been attentive. Some people are just extraordinary listeners and great to chat with. Yeap. Most men are straight to the point as well. I mean, at that age, late 50s you would expect that type of setting anyway.
stillafool Posted June 15, 2022 Posted June 15, 2022 Given how many months it's been since your last dinner with him I think he's looking at it as a friend's dinner since that is what the group is about. I agree that if he's good company and likes good food too why not go along. You see how he acts when he has a romantic interest in a woman by the way he was handsey with the woman he brought to one of those dinners. 19 hours ago, Sam2020 said: I couldn't figure out what that was all about since she lives clear across the other side of the country. Why would you find this odd? Lots of people date long distance. She was just there visiting him I guess.
Ami1uwant Posted June 16, 2022 Posted June 16, 2022 21 hours ago, Sam2020 said: I belong to a large group that meets weekly for dinner, and I got to know Jim a bit over the course of a couple of months. We are in our late 50's, mature and stable. His close friends have said what a thoughtful and honest guy Jim is and he has demonstrated that whenever I see him. Well, he asked me to lunch a few months ago and I accepted. We had a very nice conversation and after about the third hour, Jim said something to the effect of "we'll be friends". It kind of caught me off guard because he had been very attentive to me for a few months at the group dinners. In speaking with one of my guy friends, he felt certain that it was because Jim thought I couldn't have sex. (I mentioned something in passing to Jim but was unable to explain fully so he may have go the wrong impression). I do realize he could have felt no "connection", but my guy friend insisted it's the sexual relations thing. Anyway, a couple of months later, he brought a "friend" who was visiting from another state to a couple of our weekly dinners. The second time we saw her, he was rubbing her back in what seemed to me an affectionate way. I couldn't figure out what that was all about since she lives clear across the other side of the country. Now she's been gone for a couple of months and in the meantime, Jim and I continued our friendliness at the dinners. At our last dinner, several of us were talking about authentic Italian restaurants, so one of the guys was throwing out names. Well now Jim has texted me a few days ago and invited me to dinner making mention of some of the places suggested by one of the other guys. Quite frankly, I had to think on it overnight because I'm confused as to why he's inviting me out again after all these months! So do I take this as him asking me as a friend? I don't want to read anything into this. But to be honest, I don't know if I want to be going out with another guy friend. I already have two male friends who I'm very good friends with and do things with so I really don't want yet another one. That said, I do hope to find a good man who will become my long-term so continue online dating. Thoughts? Right now assume it’s friends. There is nothing wrong with just being friends.
Author Sam2020 Posted June 16, 2022 Author Posted June 16, 2022 4 hours ago, LeoEnki said: Yeap. Most men are straight to the point as well. I mean, at that age, late 50s you would expect that type of setting anyway. Exactly! I was thinking it was probably more like a friendly dinner since I do find men are pretty straight forward. Like a typical woman I was over thinking, lol!
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